Advice Needed on Changing Daycare Situations When the Provider Is a Friend

I would highly recommend keeping your children where they are. They are well-adjusted to the situation, you know her well, they are safe. Children need the stability of as few caregivers as possible. Switching caregivers often leads to attachment disorders in children. It isn't just about the money (I am sure you know this and would agree.). Yes, it would be great for them to be in their own home, but they are already established where they are.

If you do decide to change to a stranger in your home, then the transition will be difficult. I think you should be honest with your friend, but gentle. I think most people would understand. Tell her that the new price increase is understandable. She wants more money for her time. You totally get that. However, for that same price, you found that you can have an in-home Nanny. You think the benefits would be better for the children, or whatever your personal reasons are. Tell her you love her, etc. Be sincere. I also would give her as much notice as possible. I'm sure they are relying on the income she receives from you to make ends meet. She will need to either adjust her budget or find someone else to watch. The more time she has the better she will be able to cope and not have a personal hardship. Perhaps she is upping the price so that you will find someone else, but she just doesn't know how to tell you. LOL You never know!

As a provider who has worked with close friends in the past. I would suggest that you talk to her right now. Let her know your thoughts and what you are considering. Tell her exactly what you have just told us and let her know what she means to you and your kids and that this is a tough decision for you. Giving her your thoughts now, before you decide to leave, will give her the chance to rethink raising her rates or time to look for other kids. I would strongly suggest that you look into all your other options before you give notice though. Good care is hard to find and it might be worth the extra to keep them where they are at if you cannot find someone else that you trust.

4-8 weeks notice is not necessary at all. Telling her what you are considering is a considerate thing to do that shows you value her friendship, but after you have talked to her, if you decide to leave 2 weeks notice is all the is required or expected.

If you do decide to change maybe you can work it out to have her as a back up provider.

Hopefully, she will be understanding and realize that this is not a personal decision, but the truth is that she may not. If you have talked things over with her and gave her a chance to decide what she can offer to meet your new needs, there is nothing else you can do. She will just have to accept your decision or not, because staying for the sake of her feelings when you feel that you have a better option will only make things harder later on.

Good Luck

Find out if she would be willing to come into your home to do this. Since you say the boys love her and they are the only ones she watches. Then if she says no, she won't feel offended when you seek someone that can do that. I would also ask if she can stay on as a backup in case your other provdier would get sick or something. I would not call the gift a parting gift. She will continue to be your friend and be a part of your kids lives. But a thank youi gift would be nice. Maybe you could help the boys make cards with their pictures on them.

Be honest with your friend. Perhaps say to her, "I understand you need to increase your rates. We've been very happy with you as our child care provider. Mornings can be very hectic, with packing up the kids, loading the car and dropping them off etc... We've been thinking about the convenience of having a childcare provider or nanny in our home."

We were surprised that the cost for a nanny at our house are very close in price to your rates. We are planning to find a nanny for the summer. We hope we will find someone we like as much as you.

Or, maybe she would come to your house.

Updated

Be honest with your friend. Perhaps say to her, "I understand you need to increase your rates. We've been very happy with you as our child care provider. Mornings can be very hectic, with packing up the kids, loading the car and dropping them off etc... We've been thinking about the convenience of having a childcare provider or nanny in our home."

We were surprised that the cost for a nanny at our house are very close in price to your rates. We are planning to find a nanny for the summer. We hope we will find someone we like as much as you.

Or, maybe she would come to your house.

JH

If your family is financially capable of paying a sitter who will come to your home, and you find one that fits in, is dependable and most importantly takes good care of your children, it would make life easier for all concerned, except your current sitter.

Your decision to consider an in home sitter is based upon your current sitter raising her rates. I wouldn’t count on her not taking it personally and there may be a break of the relationship.

Please give your sitter at least two weeks’ notice or more, so she can start looking for other families who need child care. If possible an appropriate gesture would be a bonus of a week’s pay. That may be the best way of showing your gratitude and maintaining the friendship.

Blessings……

If she is raiser her rates, then you are completely justified in your decision and she should understand that she is changing the agreement and therefore you have every right to do the same. I would give he 2 weeks notice from the date she intends on raiser her rates. Respectfully as a friend, I would tell her earlier that you are thinking about a Nanny.
But FYI, good childcare with someone you love and trust and that your children also love- and is flexible is very hard to find. I've had a terrible time with in-home Nannys. Being that it is just a few days a week, you may not be able to find someone as professional as you would like; I don't know how easy it would be to find someone to come to your home that could be a flexible as you need them to be.
Money is always a favorite gift- it is not inappropriate being you pay her for her service, you could also do a gift card to a favorite place of hers. A card and some framed artwork by your children would be a nice gesture.

This is touchy! I think that you do get her a gift, give her 30 days notice and be sure to reiterate how important she is. After all that, you can let her know that you have always explored a Nanny option due to the kids getting to be at home, nannys tend to do more than just watch the kids, they can take them places, run a load of laundry, work with you to plan meals and snacks, etc. I am sure you friend will be fine, you just need to be sure that once you make the transition you still make an effort to hang out with her.

Good luck!

first off, how nice of you to be this considerate and concerned for her feelings.
i don't think i'd say anything before you have made a final decision (and it sounds as if you are close) but then i'd let her know right away, and give her 4-8 weeks notice OR just ask her if she would be willing to continue while you interview and decide on a nanny. emphasize how much you appreciate her, how much she means to you and your kids, be sincere but don't gush. remember that you are only terminating a business relationship, which is a reasonable thing to do, you're not doing anything 'wrong.'
a parting gift would be lovely. it could be a simple as some nice flowers, or as fancy as a trip to a local day spa.
i hope it goes well and that you are able to make a smooth transition and preserve the friendship. if she's a reasonable sort, there is no reason this should not be the case.
khairete
S.

I wonder if she agonized about raising her rates as much as you are about what you need to do as a consequence of her action? I hope she did, because you sound like a very loyal friend who wants to do right by her even though what she did put you in this situation.

I would keep that in mind, but not as justification to be abrupt with her or in any way unkind. Only as a way to remind yourself that you have every right to choose the best child-care situation for your family; as much right as she has to raise her rates, without either of you taking it personally.

I agree with those who have said to be up front with her as soon as you have decided which way you will go with this. And then don't apologize like you have done anything to hurt or offend her, simply tell her what you have told us about how much you have appreciated the care she has provided for your children during their lives. Show her through your behavior that there is no doubt that your friendship will remain the same.

The person who joked about the fact that she may be secretly hoping that you will find someone else may not be so far off the mark. If she doesn't need the money and seems to need a break, it may be that she doesn't want to leave you hanging by saying that she'd rather not be a caregiver for children. But you're the only one at this point who can know enough to assess that for yourself.

I hope all goes well for you, as I'm sure she must love your kids, and you speak so well of her, it would be a shame to have bad feelings there after all this time.

I hate these types of situations where you don't want to offend anyone or hurt them financially. Why is she raising the price? Is she in some type of fiancial strain. It would seem that she would have much cost overhead since she is not paying emplyees or anything like a daycare center. Where you friends before she started caring for your kids?
I feel that If you want a diffrent experience or environment for your kids you have every right to make a change. Just let her know your reasons and that you feel that it would be more convenient for your family if someone could come to your home instead. It really would save you time.
Also, I would give her at least 1 month or 3 weeks notice so at least she can start making other arrangements if she needs to supplement her income.
When we find someone who we trust and know that our children are safe with we usualy stick with that person no matter what. It's just easier than finding someone else with the same qualities. In the end being confident that your children are safe is priceless.
Best of luck

I would tell her if you can't afford her. Since she has been there for you for a long time, maybe she will reconsider, or take on another child if she needs to make more money. I wouldn't want to ruin a friendship over money. The kids should be the biggest priority no matter what you decide.Realize this is probably her only source of income, and will affect her dramatically

Yes, I do think you get more value from an in-home nanny; that's why it is the most expensive child care option. But as a working mom who has had nannies for the last ten years, do be aware that it isn't as easy as you think to find and keep a good nanny. I would think your biggest obstacle will be finding someone who, like your friend, is very flexible in working with you. Nannies like a set schedule, they don't like to be shifted around a lot. Also factor in paid vacation and year-end bonuses, food in your house, and gas in your car (assuming she'll drive your kids to activities). [Exception to this is if you can have a full-time nanny from an au pair service, b/c you really are at liberty to set their 45 hours/week, so if you need full time, its a great option.] Once your older one is four or five, she'll need someone who can drive them around, and a nanny will likely be the best situation. If you really are part-time, w/ a schedule that changes a lot, I'd seriously consider sticking with your friend until your youngest is a bit older.

Have you talked to her about this? I have taken care of kids in my home for several years, primarily my nieces but also a few others for friends, and I understand that it can put a strain on a friendship because it's mixing business and friendship (plus throw in the kid factor and it's a very sensitive issue). Does she have her own kids? Have you discussed it with her? If her rates are comparable to a good nanny (notice I said a good nanny) she is probably charging too much (IMO). I think that no matter what she is probably going to get upset, any type of "rejection" hurts feelings even if it's not for "personal" reasons - that doesn't mean that your friendship will have to be lost (it really depends on her personality and how important that income is). If you explain kindly to her that you are not unhappy with the care she has provided but have found that for the same price you can get a lot more convenience she may be more flexible about her rates.

I will caution you that finding a nanny is not as easy as it sounds. When I had my third child I stopped watching my nieces and the first nanny they hired was amazing, but then she moved. The next nanny they hired has not been a good fit and it's caused a lot of stress - some nannies see their jobs like a nanny 911 situation, even when the kids don't need it. Now they are searching again for their third nanny in a year. They love the convenience of the nanny but finding a good fit isn't always easy.

A parting gift would be very much appreciated I'm sure - something from you and the kids - like a personalized mug with their pictures and a "Thanks" as well as a small gift card or something for her.

Good luck!