We recently had a parent/teacher conference with our kindergartener's teacher. My 6-year-old has a best friend in her class. They do play with other kids, but they really veer towards each other. Her teacher has suggested that next year they might be separated and we could ask for this when we request a specific teacher. The best friend's mom would like my daughter and her daughter to be in the same class. I had a best friend growing up and she was in all of my same classes. So, my heart kind of aches for my child who I know will be devastated if her best friend is not in her class--at least temporarily devastated. Does anyone have an opinion on this? I didn't really get to ask the teacher why she thinks they should be separated and I will ask her soon, but she made it sound like the best friend will be okay if they are not together, as if my child is more independent and this might be a good thing for the best friend.
I asked the teacher for more info via email and am waiting for her response, but I've talked to some other moms recently and I can't believe how much drama there is in kindergarten. Is it just me, or is the drama starting earlier? One of the girls in her class told her mom that if she asked my daughter for a playdate, that her BF would be mad/upset? My gosh, really? I think splitting them up might not be a bad idea. I know that they will be friends any ways because we live close and play dates are easy. I'll have to see what her teacher says, too, but I think I know the answer now.
My daughter had a difficult time making new friends in first grade on the bigger playground. She did work through it and they all do. I do think it is good for them to learn to make other friends. They can still get together on weekends with best friends.
As a former first grade teacher I will tell you that it is not always the best idea for best friends to be together in the same class (although some are just fine)! Ask the teacher first and foremost why she feels that way. Some kids are too dependent on each other and can't function without the other close by. Some are too driven by competition and try to out do each other which is frustrating to them. Some children are "too close" and have a hard time socially being around other children which can be hard when one is absent from school, etc. I've dealt with all of these things and more and I know you should begin by getting info on why the teacher feels this way - she wouldn't just say it for no reason! You need to do whats best for your child and not feel pressured by the other mom (if you do) and they'll have recess and playdates together!
We had this happen. The suggestion was made by the K teacher so that my son would find a level on independence. Being in the class with his best friend, the two were constantly one-uping each other, and in a few cases putting each other down for not being on the same knowledge level or speed as the other. Being neighbors they were together 7 hours a day - on the bus, all through the day, etc.
We agreed to the seperation, and it WAS the best thing that could've happened.
They are now in 3rd grade, and are back in the same class. The same issues that the K teacher mentioned have reappeared.
M.
Well....my daughter is 6 and will be moving on to first grade as well. I haven't had any issues brought to my attention by her teacher. However, it seems to me that this isn't something that is up to the teacher. And if the teacher thinks this is something that would benefit your daughter's BF, then it sure isn't something she should be putting you up to. Chances are, these little girls will always have a BF in every class from this point forward. So, each year, are we supposed to always suggest that our daughters be separated from that particular BF the following year??? Now, if this relationship is directly effecting learning, then I do think it's up to the teacher to make sure they are separated during those peak learning times (for example...don't sit them next to eachother, etc).....but, I don't think it warrants making sure they are separated permanently in the years to come. That sounds very odd to me. I know my daughter has little best friends in her class and I'm of the opinion, if they're in the same class again next year that's great, but if not, then my little social butterfly will surely make new little best friends...........ya know? I really would just take it with a grain of salt and let it be. =0)
Unless there is a good reason to seperate them I would let fait play it's hand. Most schools try rotating the kids in and out of different groups so that they can learn to make different friends. But I'm unsure why the teacher is so concerned with these two not being together next year. I think you aren't being given the whole story and until you are it will be hard to make the right desition. Try to find out more and then go from there.
My daughter did not a have a best friend in Kinder, nor does she in 1st Grade- at this moment. I have seen the strain that can be placed when one of the bf's wants to venture with other friends and then one of them is not ok with it. This happened all through Kinder for one of the kids at our school and it was starting to change her personality. The other friend would cry and get emotional if the other friend wanted to play with other kids. One of the Mom's really wanted the two girls to be best friends, so that emotional want of the mom made it hard for the other mom, due to being friends with her. She was placing her own stuff on these Kinder girls. I would ask the teacher why she wants them separated? She may see another side to this as she is in the classroom atmosphere, and knows this age better than we do. Our school has a rule that no one can be excluded and everyone can play. It is enforced and it helps while they are so little. The BF concept is too huge for them to get at this young age. I can see the comfort for you mom's. The other mom did not like seeing her daughter go through the emotional stuff when the other little girl would cry, so she limited their play groups outside of school, and she invited other girls to come and play at their home to expose her daughter to other personalities.
Good luck with the teacher question.
Updated
I just read your response and my daughter is in First grade. Yes, this happens and it's so much earlier than I ever thought it would happen. Part of it is the influence if the child has an older sibling influence and we really have to monitor the TV shows that are watched. The kids can get their identity from it and what is said and acted on. First born children and only children tend to be younger, less mature. They don't have the day in day out learning behavior of sharing. It was hard for my only child at recess for awhile to learn that once she was playing at recess she had to let others play. I had to take deep breaths and let her learn some of it out there. It is a Life skill that is learned out there that we can't teach them, but guide them gently.
My daughter was with her best friend in K, 1, 2, and 3..... Then the school seperated them and I think I took it the hardest!! haha!! Both girls survived just fine on their own and made new friends, but it DEFINITELY hurt their friendship. They used to be like Siamese twins, but now they are hardly ever together. It's harder to make time for eachother when you don't see eachother every day. Unless the teacher can give you a reason that you find to be valid to seperate them, don't do it!!!
Are either girls suffering academically? If not then what is wrong with having your best friend in class? I say if the only reason the teacher wants the girls separated is because they talk to much then there really is no issue.
In our school we can't request teachers at all.
