8 Year Old Girl with an Attitude

Updated on February 14, 2008
S.Z. asks from Saint Ann, MO
4 answers

I have an 8 year old daughter who is a very strong willed and creative young lady. She wants so badly to be grown up, acting like she has a cell phone, wearing make up and high heels (at home only), bossing her brothers around. She is a wonderful young lady, creative and smart, but challenges me every day. If you tell her it is raining, she will tell you the sun is shining! We have tried a variety of strategies but it feels like my husband and I are constantly arguing and punishing her for her attitude toward us. Any advice. She says she is just kidding, but knows she will be punished for talking back or arguing with us when we ask her to do something. HELP!

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G.N.

answers from St. Louis on

No advice on how to make it better, just to say kids learn by what they see and hear. Its sounds like she is mimicking you, being the mom you tell the kids what to do. I'm sure its just a phase and she will grow out of it eventually, some kids do things to get attention, wether it be bad or good. I would just ignore it and not feed into it see if that helps.

Just a suggestion.

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R.F.

answers from St. Louis on

Sounds like your previous response from Renee is right on. I won't worry about the acting older thing. All kids go through that phase. We always let our daughter play with makeup and "acting older" but also stress that it is pretend play. My daughter also used the term "just kidding" until I was ready to strangle her. We told her that was not a phrase we wanted to hear anymore. She is truly testing you and I wouldn't take on that battle. She thinks it's sunny and it's raining - that's her opinion which even at 8 she is allowed to have. Maybe take her somewhere just the two of you. I find driving in the car allows for some great conversations because she doesn't have to look you in the eye. You might find that she just wants some mom time. I also agree with Renee that the other children can tell her that won't allow her to talk to them like that. Our school teaches "I" care words. I be if you google that it will be a wealth of information.

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R.K.

answers from St. Louis on

If you are already punishing her for her attitude and she keeps doing it, she may be doing it for attention. I have 4 kids too and one daughter often seeks attention by acting badly. She too is very smart and creative - and bossy! What you could try is to ignore the stupid stuff that doesn't matter - like if you say it's raining and she says the sun is shining. Pay no attention. When you tell her to do something like 'clean your room' and she gives attitude, calmly say, 'with that attitude, you'll also have to clean the bathroom' and walk away. If she wants something from you, and she asks in a snotty tone of voice, or even if she's been unpleasant just before that, your answer is, 'I'm afraid the answer no. If you were being nicer, you might get what you want." Also, let the other kids know that they don't have to put up with the bossiness. They are allowed to tell her, 'don't talk to me like that" or "ask me nicely and I'll consider it." As for the back talking - she's probably trying to engage you in a confrontation (my daughter used to do this all the time - it's empowering to take on an adult and show how smart you are) you have to give it a pause as soon as she back talks and look her straight in the eye and say "I consider that back talking and it will not be tolorated. You want to try a different response?" Once she sees that her attitude gets her no extra attention and no results, it will be no fun.

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M.L.

answers from St. Louis on

God bless you both first. LOL I had three all 1 1/2 yrs apart. Yipe. First this is a phase all go through to see if they can move mountains. Stick to your guns. Explain that unacceptable behavoir has a penalty. Go according to her age dont ground for two weeks. I would take away the privies.Games, TV phone,ect.She may be trying to get attention with 4 sometimes thats their way. But teaching respect is what all kids need and sounds like your both on the right track. Playing grown up is okay I would not worry about that, But let her know that she is a big influence on her siblings and you know she wants to play a good role model for them. Your in my prayers Good luck.

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