7 Yr Old Daughter Who Always Says No or Throws a Fit

The only thing I'd add is to remember that a lot of this is just to get your attention. My 6 yr old has thrown fits her entire life - and I have never given in. But one of those strong willed children books finally convinced me to completely ignore her behavior. I had to tell her we would not leave for school until she could walk down the street without screaming about the shoes she had to wear and that I would just call the school to let them know she'd be late. I hate being late and she knows it. Once I was willing to give up my fight and just walk away, she had no one to fight. The screams stopped and we left for school. I continue with the same treatment now. I tell her I will not fight her and when she is ready to do whatever, we can continue with our day. After she has calmed down, I remnind her that I am always willing to talk to her and give her attention if she just asks - and then I try very hard to do just that when she does ask. It sounds simple, but the biggest fight was with myself! Although I never gave in with the toy, shoes, etc she wanted, I gave in to her with the attention she wanted. Good luck!

I noticed a profound difference in my oldest daughter's attitude after she started kindergarten last year. She was negative, whiney, and always trying her hand at back talking. I soon realized that she was picking up all these vibes at school. Well I'm not the type of parent that tolerates such behavior. If she started, then I gently, but firmly told her that I wouldn't tolerate her being ugly. I would send her to her room immediately no arguements. After a week or so she realized that mommy wasn't going to have it and when I looked at her a certain way she would straighten out.

I talked to her about having a positive attitude. I talked to her about being pleasant and nice to be around. We talked about showing our frustration in an appropriate way....and I really tried to set the example for her.

I noticed that as summer started my sweet little girl started to return. And it wasn't long before we were getting along very well again. She doesn't whine much now. She is very pleasant most of the time.

I decided to homeschool this year and I didn't see that angry, smart-mouth girl return.

You absolutely have to put your foot down. Model the behavior that you want from her and then immediately send her to her room if she starts. Always speak to her calmly with love, but be firm.

I think so many kids today get all kinds of mixed messages from their school friends and they get so much from television. Television is full of negative, smart-mouthed kids. Every thing seems to encourage ugly behavior and sends messages to kids that they are supposed to be depressed or angry.

Good luck with this...my own mother had a terrible time with me with that kind of behavior. I was awful. Looking back now she would have had more success if she had turned off the t.v. I was watching and put her foot down when I treated her badly.

Everyone knows that you have to command respect...in the work place and so forth. We earn it from our peers on on hand and have to stand up for ourselves at times too. She won't respect you if you don't immediately and decisively nip it in the bud when it starts.

My almost six year old can be the same way. She is a strong willed child and I would recommend reading books about strong-willed children. The book by James Dobson helped me, especially when I read about children that were much more defiant than she is. Be firm, but fair and demand that she treat you with respect or instate consequences.

I also give my daughter the power to affect her own outcomes, we have a reward chart and a list of chores with time limits, if she meets her requirements she is rewarded, if she doesn't she loses privileges (TV, certain toys, timeouts, grounding, etc). The list removes the conflict because she is only fighting with herself, it doesn't stop all battles, but it does diminish many.

Just a thought, as my 11yr old blows up about little things. Is anything going on at school? Problems with a teacher, social issues with friends, difficulty with a subject ( reading, math etc.)?

Wow this is my morning, every morning! My 7 year old is the same way! We always discuss respect and I try to have these discussions while she is calm, so I am not adding fuel to the fire, but I get so frustrated with the fits!!! I feel like she is 7, she should not do it, especially b/c my 4 year old rarely throws fits!!!
I would love to see suggestions other moms make.

Welcome to the world of 7 year old girls. Our 8 year old started acting like a snot around 7. Sometimes she was so sweet other times she was such a brat! We have done several different things---each one worked for a time---some we stopped because the behavior improved some just faded away. We have tried the chore/behavior chart. It sorta worked but we never really stuck with it nor could we find anything very motivational. One thing that worked pretty well was having a small cup that we put 10 or 15 m&m's or Skittles in. Everytime she lipped off or was rude she lost a candy to Mommy's cup or we just tossed it. At the end of the day she got to eat whatever was left. Before doing this we set down and gave the rules---no back talking, no sighs, etc. We now have her do lines if she is bratty---she has to write "I will be nice to Mommy" 15 times. We also require acknowledgement when we are speaking to our kids.
The other thing I try to do is acknowledge how hard it is being 7. We also have learned not to push our older daughter to talk--she needs to think things through before talking about it and pushing her just makes it worse....good luck Mom!