5 Year Old Boy Likes Girl Stuff

My youngest (6) is like that too. He loves to play with Girl stuff. He plays with boy stuff too, but if eh has to pick-for some reason he will go to the girl thing. He is very smart too though. He is open to all things and not just the cliche'. He is a flirt with the little girls and older women though. He rather be around them and Flirt. I know he is all boy. I would say dont worry about him. He could just be "real smart" and be real slick with the ladies!

You've gotten some good advice. There's a lot to be said for letting a kid just be what he is (or "letting his freak flag fly" as I heard it referred to on the cover of "Wondertime" magazine.)

If you can't get the other kids to stop being mean (and face it, even with the best of teachers, children can still sneak in a word edgewise, and they can be so cruel) - maybe you can allow him a private sanctuary at home. If he knows he can come home and dress however he wants and play with whatever he wants, then he may decide to wear more gender-neutral (or masculine) clothes at school. I think it ought to be his choice, though. If you see him dressing up a little frilly for school, maybe ask him if he thinks the other kids will pick on him. Let him decide if he wants to deal with the hassle that particular day.

Have you heard the song "William Wants a Doll?" It's on the (extremely 70s) record - now CD - of "Free To Be, You and Me." Maybe pick up a copy of that CD and it will give you some things to talk about.

Please define what girl stuff and boy stuff is? If you think about it for a moment, there isn't girl stuff or boy stuff; it's all just stuff. Here's what I mean. Females have dolls, Males have action figures. Its still a doll. The difference is in the coloration here. Girl dolls are brightly colored, boys action figures are dull. Females have perfumes. Males have cologne. It's a fragrance to be worn.

Boys stuff and girls stuff is a matter of perception influenced by society. I believe the real concern here is not who's stuff he's playing with but one that has remained unspoken. The one big concern as it's still considered taboo in our society. Is my son...? Fill in the blank.

Children are curious. They like playing with anything, girl stuff, boy stuff, dirt, sticks it doesn't matter. Children are innocent and have none of society's rules placed upon them. He's playing and through play exploring his world. This is nothing to worry about. Worry if he stops playing!

SORRY! I think that you should tell your son that those things are for girls to play with, not for boys. I tell my son that and he is perfectly fine with it. He is not missing out on anything and being in school is a tough world. If you don't change it now, he will continue to be picked on and alot worse things can develop like low self esteem. You have to toughen him up or he will be on a long hard road. School is cruel and kids are vicious. Encourage him to play with boy things. He can change clothes or accessories on GI JOE just as much as dolls. NEVER refer to his boy things as dolls. They are action figures. I even buy my son costumes to wear to dress in and run around the house. He can be Spiderman one minute and Batman the next. A good time to buy them is at the after halloween sale. Buy boy movies like Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles, etc. They are just as fun. My son takes Karate and he loves it. Along with self-discipline, they build their self esteem and it is good exercise. BELIEVE ME, my son was very sensitive at a young age and he loved all the things like Diego and Thomas the train. He has changed alot and I have to accept that he is growing into a boy. I was worried when he started Karate that he would cry when they start sparring (which they haven't done yet) and someone hit him, but as it stands, he is the toughest kid in the class and he can balance being tough in class and being a regular sweet friend in the classroom. I went on a field trip with him yesterday and I got to watch him interact with the other kids and the teacher in class and it was reassuring that he is doing well. If at all possible, try to sit in with the class or on the playground sometime and meet all the kids. It really means alot and may help him develop friends just through that. But DEFINITELY cut out dressing the dolls. As a parent, it is your responsiblity to teach him how to be a man. Just my opinion!

One other thing, may I also suggest looking into having his twin brother switched out of his class, or vise versa. At the school I work on, we split up twins, cousins and such, to foster a more social environment. If family members are in the same classroom, it takes away the social development aspect of school, which is a big part of Kindergarten and very important in a child's development. I'm an assistant Pre-k teacher, and in my class we have one half of a twin set. I would really recommend checking into that.

My little boy's best friend was a little girl who loved playing with pocketbooks, etc. So, I fixed him a "bag" that he could carry all of his cars and trucks around and he was content. He still loved exploring her bags to see all the neat stuff. But, he did outgrow it and maybe the peer pressure had something to do with it. He's 23 now and happily married. Besides being around his brother, maybe help arrange playdates with other little boys and he will decide what he's most interested in. And I think I would bring the teasing to the attention of the teacher and ask her for her help. Good luck!

Girls and Boys are not born liking one particular toy over another. Society teaches girls/boys what is "socially acceptable" behavior or roles for boys and girls. A little boy has no idea that "society" thinks he should play with a truck instead of a doll. He just knows he likes to play with both. I undertand your concern for him, but I would not worry about it if I were you. If he doesn't outgrow it, that is ok, too. Either way, you have a precious little boy.

A.,
Thank you for your open and honest letter. As a past preschool teacher, I can tell you that your child is acting on his inner needs. He enjoys "girl things" because his inner self is loving and nurturing. Look up studies about twins. You will find that many time one of the twins is more able to lean in the direction of the opposite sex. This is not to say that they are now going to be labeled gay but just that their inner self is more nurturing. If he were a single birth child you would have nothing to compare him to like you do with twins. If you are concerned, which you are or this letter would not be on this site, then observe for a while with open eyes.

Next, how much time does he spend with adult males? How is his male adult role model. Does that person have the lead role on the house or is he silenced by a strong willed female. Being interested in the role of children, I have read that many things contribute to our children taking on the role opposite of their gender. First, is their role models, absent or present, strong or weak? It is a well know fact that during times of war when male father or female mothers are absent from the home for long periods of time the number of children that exhibit other sexual roles than their gender increases.

Does he have a role model in the home that is male and a strong presence in his lfe? Speaking about my dear friends who chose the opposite role than their gender, they all say the same thing. I know why I am like this . . . I knew it at five, I was raised by my mother, grandmother and sisters, I had no other male to imprint or model myself after. Do you see him as your "sweet one" or your "daughter". If any of this sounds too real then confront this by changing unknowing behavior and finding a male role model for your boys. We are all products of our enviroment. IS it nature or nurture? I believe iti s a bit of both. I will say I had a wonderful student years ago and he was raised by his mother AND grandmother and they were very female females. I saw his father once in a year. He traveled. I knew he was very feminine even at that early age. We did not even have role gender toys in the classroom. It did not help that he was one of only two boys in the class. He is a happy gay man today. At five he said he knew. So if you are really asking, "Does my son sound somewhat gay then you are a wise woman and mother to be so astute to your child's inner feelings and stirrings. But he could be playing with the girl toys because he does not want to contront the boys and "fight" to get a boy toy! Confrontation to some is a NO at any and all cost. Only you know the extnt to which he is taking on a female role.

That said, my son had two sisters and they all played house together and it bothered my husband. I got him a MY BUDDY doll but he liked his teddy bear better and still has it today packed away with other treasures of this life. He is as male as they come and just wanted to play with someone and there were girls in the house. By the time he got older we put him in sports and then he had male friends to play with. He was a very carring male and never did like the bully males in his class or on his teams. He did not lean towards being a brute. But now everyone says "He is such a good father , so loving and really interested in parenting them. So just know that there are many different levels of maleness. They range from ego hungry bullies to carring men.

Check with the teacher and see if he begins heading towards the "MALE" toys but because he is less likely to demand a male toys and does not lke confrontation does he just go to the girl toys. That is a very plausible reason he finds himself at the girls toys. If he is very visual then go with that but lean him in a different area that will expand on that trait like painting or coloring or desidning cars(get him books about drawling of toys that he an take apart ad then put back together like the new CARS toys that you put together like LEGGOS, so he can feed his very creative side.

Creative and carring males tend to be quiet and less confrontational. You spoke about doll clothes, do you have "nice doll clothes" at your home for him to play with or is it just at school? What activities do you expose him too? I will also say that many boys with developed female sides go on to be attorneys and doctors because they are carring and compassionate. So watch and observe and read about twin studies that speak about gender roles and then check to see if you are offering him avenues for his creative and nurturing abilities that are not "doll" related. And don't let this consume you. Your children will pick up on your issue. They are God created and there perfect in their being.
Keep Mothering,
Ms C.

It sounds like the problem isn't that he is playing with girl stuff, but that he is getting picked on and has a hard time finding the right group to play with. I would speak to his teacher to make sure the picking on is stopped immediatly. I would then just continue to say positive things to him, never make him feel embarrased about what he chooses to play with.
He will find his place and his friends. The important thing is that he is confident, loved, and stays true to himself. Chances are he knows that he can play with boys if he wants to, he just chooses to be different, and that is a great trait in a child, especially with a twin where they will always be trying to distinguish themselves from their sibling.
It is really hard to see your child being picked on.If it continues I would question changing classrooms, I believe it's that important for a child's mental well being at that age. good luck to you, and always listen to your instincts.

Teasing in the classroom is really something the teacher should be able to handle and redirect. If she's acting effectively, the teasing should end very soon, the kids will stop seeing his behavior as "different," and it will become a non-issue. If you haven't already, talk with the teacher about what strategies she's using in the classroom to fix this (teasing being a precursor to bullying).

A.,

It looks like you have gotten lots of great responses. I wanted to share that I have a 6&1/2 yr old son and a 5 yr old daughter. My son use to love her toys and loved the colors pink and purple. Now that he is in 1ST grade he no longer thinks those things are cool. He is a "boy" and boys "don't like girl things". He will still play "house" some, but has really changed what he likes in the past yr.

Also, the idea of having your boys in separate classes might be a good idea too. That will help them not depend on each other quite so much.

Good luck,
A. H

YEs- my middle boys liked girl stuff- but only for a little while- you need to talk to tthe school if he is gettign picked on- it's bullying! try to engage him in sports witht he family or nieghbors...he may outgrow it sooner than you think-i

I don't think the problem is the stuff he plays with I think its the picking on . I would make sure the teacher knows about it and keeps an eye on it. He's going to have to learn to ignore the teasing cause it prob wont stop in K. Teach him to not let it bother him and tell him if they don't want to be his friend because of what he plays with then the won't be good friends anyway. Girls play with boy stuff all the time the problem is that society has put a taboo on boys playing with girl stuff.

If this is truly (getting picked on at school)troubling to your son, whatever you do, don't judge him. He could become famous fashion/interior designer one day! Nuture his creative talent at home so he does have a safe, nonjudgemental place to express himself. talk to him about his feelings and preferences, and tell him you only want him to be happy and be himself-- (how much do the other kids bother him in his perspective?). If he can play w more traditionally feminine things at home, he may chose to keep that at bay while at school. It is just so important that you accept him 100%. Mommy may not like what is happening, but he might rather play w toys that be friends w kids who make fun of him. Good luck.

clinical social worker and mom to be in 2009.

5 y/o boys play with girls toys as well as boy toys. I would not worry to much about what he plays with as long as he is doing no harm to himself or his brother.
Just hang in there mom..
He's just a normal kid.
Nana

It's so sad even all these years later after I've become an adult kids toys are so separate (boys stuff, girls stuff). I also think the problem is kids have no right to pick on him and the teacher should see to that. My boys had a moment that they played with so called girl stuff (barbies, dolls, etc) and of course other children told them how so wrong it was and they have discovered how they must get along in society of the other children at school. They now play with only boy stuff (hope later in life my boys will change a baby's diaper when they have their own). I never made an issue over it to help them I would suggest the boy stuff and they liked that stuff and at home if they (privately) play with some barbies we have around that's fine but hey GI Joe needed a wife to come home to and to wave good bye to so my boys still have those barbies and I say it's ok..I'd just make sure the teacher is listening in and making sure kids are not being mean it's part of child development so yes it is part of her job, maybe even she should make sure that the kids learn that boys also cook, clean and take care of children (meaning grown up boys) so that they realize everything we think is just for girls really isn't. That's how I handle it and will with my youngest going into kindergarten next year and that's how I did for my oldest.

Maybe you should try to tell him that those kinds of things are for girls and redirect him towards "boy" toys. I'm afraid if you don't, that he will be labeled and no one will have anything to do with him (girls or boys). That would be so destructive to his self esteem in these formative years. You didn't mention anything about a male figure in your lives. Sometimes boys need this in their lives; I know my son did. He was almost 10 when I remarried and it has made all the difference in the world with him. (Bless his heart, he was the only male in a household with three females.)
Good luck!