Okay. I've written in a few times about my daughter. Her tantrums are out of control. She goes to MDO 2x a week, and according to the teacher, she is an angel. Most days at home, she is a good and happy little girl. I know all kids have tantrums, but her's happen more frequently than others, and last for a long time. When I know one is about to start, sometimes I can divert it and all is well. However, I find on those days when she refuses to take a nap (I cannot force her to sleep, but trust me, I try my hardest)are the times when her trantrums are out of control.
Here is what she does:
1. Screams, face gets red
2. Starts to hit/swat
3. Spits
4. Says mean things like "I don't like you daddy"
5. Runs away when tried to put into time out or her room.
6. Throws things
7. Slams doors
This is what her father and I do to try to calm the situation:
*After much try to divert the situation and distract her, sometimes it doens't work*
1. Put her in timeout, tell her what she's done wrong and tell her she must sit in this chair for 3 min (when she gets out, I pick her up and put her back and do this until she stays which takes usually 30min or so)
2. Giving her warnings
3. Spanking
4. Putting her in her room
5. Taking away toys
6. Rule chart-she gets an X for breaking a "House Rule"
7. Dose of a cold shower or cold water-only did that once and I didn't like doing it at the time either, but thought it would calm her down
8. Finally, we let her scream it out and she eventually calms down and acts like it never happened or falls asleep. When it's just me during the day and I'm w/her and she doesn this...I just walk alway and let her scream it out. She eventually clams down and we can talk about why she acted the way she did. However, when her dad is home, he wants to prove a point and ignorning her takes longer on his part.
My question is, is it normal for toddlers to have such violent tantrums?? This morning, she got upset because I left our playroom area where I was working-out, and she was playing and we were also playing together at some points. I told her I was hungry and going to make a snack, and she asked for a snack (she ate pancakes and an egg for breakfast and I did not eat at the time). I then asked her what she wanted me to make her & all of a sudden she got up and told me she didn't want me to leave & tried to block the stairs. I asked her to come help me, I told her I was coming right back up to continue to play w/her, but she wasn't having it. I finally told her I'd be back and she could help me if she wanted to. She ran after me, screaming, and trying to take away my bowl. She tossed a metal spatula/flipper that was on the counter. I spanked her and put her in time out. She got up a few times and I put her back each time. She sat on the floor next to the timeout chair. I turned around and put some food in my bowl. She came over to me and I took her upstairs to sit in her room for 3 min until I came and got her. She followed me down stairs, ran in front of me, picked up my bowl of food, and trew it across the kitchen. The bowl broke (it was plastic) and food went everywhere. I told her to clean it up and walked away.
I am at a loss here. She went to the doc yesterday and has pink eye in each eye...I don't think pink eye makes you act like how she is acting.
Her tantrums are out of control. Sometimes they happen 2x a day (lasting an hour or so) and sometimes none. She exhausts herself so much, that she eventually falls asleep like she is now.
I want to call my doctor but I guess I'm scared at what they will say. I do not want to ever medicate my child and neither does my hubby, however that might be the only solution.
Does anyone have any advice, or can relate to what we are going through?? It hurts me to see her act this way and it hurts me to be angry with her because when she is good, she is an angel and you want to be around her all the time.
You are on the right track. Try, try, try to not go with the spanking and then time out. Try to stay calm enough to just do the time out and keep doing until she stays and it may take 100 times. I spanked my kids some and now I am a grandma and see it differently. I have the 3.5 year old granddaughter this weekend and am seeing somewhat the same stuff. Not big tantrums but small and mosly arguements for most directions given. So now I want her not to argue but to follow directions and had to do the timeout thing to get the arguing to stop. It is working a bit better because she knows I will really put her in time out. Before she thought I might or might not!!!! So the be consistant mom has it soooo right. Restraining her mouth will just frustrate her. If she says bad things then time out again!! It may take an entire weekend of timeouts but it will be a good thing. Don't take over for each other either. If dad has the infraction happen to him then he does the time out, if it happens to you then you do the time out and never should the other party step in!!!! Good luck and keep it up. The battle must be fought now so that you do not have bigger problems at 14!
And thanks-it helps me know that what we are seeing this weekend really is normal at some stage but that it can be turned around!!! The Nanny program is just perfect to watch for this-even helps a n grandma!
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C.M.
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Some parenting books I like that may give you some more tools: "Who's in Charge?" by Bob Barnes. "Making Children Mind without Losing Yours" by Kevin Leman. You might want to go to a counselor who works with families. You haven't mentioned anything about your relationship with your husband or stressors that could be affecting her behavior. Also, schedules are very important. Make sure she is getting enough sleep. If she is not taking a nap she needs to be in bed by 7pm so that she gets at least 12 hours of sleep. My daughter is 4, only child, too. She has been fighting naps since 3, so I understand. Her behavior is definitely worse when tired. No, you can't make them sleep, but you can make them lie on their bed quietly. It may mean taking all the toys out of her room so there are no distractions and just giving a couple books to look at. I have had to sit in a chair in the corner of my daughter's room (reading a book or something boring) until she goes to sleep for her nap time. You don't engage in any conversation, and there has to be consequences. My daughter loves T.V. and computer time, so those are great bargaining tools in our household. I tell her "You need to take a nap (or whatever desired behavior), or there is no T.V. time". Usually, if I can get her to lay down around 2 pm, she will go to sleep and take a nap, then she stays up later. But is she does not nap , then she must go to bed by 7 pm (even though that is not convenient and my husband does not get time with her.) There have to be consequences to bad behavior, so make it something that will be effective. Sometimes time outs & spanking just don't work. (I've also used both of those). Also, reward good behavior with praise. I have learned alot from reading the books I mentioned, you can buy them both cheap on www.half.com or check out the library. Good luck!
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C.D.
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Be consistent, be consistent, be consistent!! Try not to feed into her tantrums by reasoning, talking to her too much, and trying different things while she is tantruming. Make sure she is safe and can't hurt herself or anyone else and then ignore her. Explain to her that you understand she is frustrated and upset but that there are other ways to express herself...with words. You will probably need to do this while she is calm. Also try and get her on a nap or at least "quiet time" routine. She doesn't have to take a nap everyday but she can play quietly in her room. Remember you are in charge and have probably taught her to have outrageous tantrums (unintentionally by giving her attention). Kids have tantrums because like us they get upset and angry, but it is up to us to teach them how to handle these feelings.
Check her diet and try to keep her off processed foods and refined sugars, you'd be surprised how much that can help. Also check on line because there are tools on how to teach kids to cool down. Set up a cool down area in your house and teach her the techniques. She is getting to the age where she shouldn't have hour long tantrums.
Hang in there and good luck!
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M.Z.
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restrain her! hold her mouth when she has an out burst, hold her very still until shes calm and she can use her words.
