3 Year Old Does Not Self Feed

Stop feeding her. She is three. The bottle should have been taken away at 12 months. A fork should have been introduced, etc.

They will eat what is in front of them if they get hungry enough.

Put a time limit on the meal too. I do this with my daughter.

Get rid of the bottle and tell her that you know she knows how to feed herself (even if it is with hands). Then praise her when she does, and say, "See, I KNEW you could do it." My son loves it when I am proud of him.

Wow I think you need to put your foot down and be the Mom. Sorry if this comes across as rude but she is 3 and should of been doing this from about the age of 15 months or so. Put whatever you put in her bottle in a sippy cup and get rid of the bottles, no exceptions.

She has you right where she wants you , you need to put your foot down otherwise this will be one of many things that she will try and manipulate you with. She won't "starve" herself. She may miss a few meals and be hungry but she won't let herself starve , do not give milk anymore (unless it is after she has eaten) , she is using that as a food and then not hungry when it comes to her meals , put down the meal that you want her to eat and leave it at that , as hard as it will be and yes you will feel VERY guilty , after a few days she will realise you mean business and will not budge she will start eating.

i would talk to her doctor pronto. also does she attend preschool? they would not feed her. maybe starting some days of preschool would be a good idea. i would check with the doc first but if she's healthy she's not going to starve herself. put the food out with a cup of milk and leave it for as long as it is safe to. when she finally sits down to eat you sit with her so she can see that she gets attention at a meal but a new big girl kind. she may go hours but she'll eat eventually unless she has a medical problem.

I am not going to ridicule you like some of the previous posters have for what you have been doing. I know that what you have been doing is with the best of intentions and you really care about the health of your daughter. With that being said ... the two things that you said that sound like red flags to me are "she is a fussy eater" and "it takes hours to get a meal down." I have a son with feeding issues. My doctor has warned me not to take the "he will eat when he is hungry, he wont starve himself" because of my son's sensory issues he can actually become malnourished from refusal to eat. You should talk to your ped about what is going on and try to get a referral to an occupational therapist or a feeding therapist. If you cannot get a referral though the ped, you can always call child and family connections and get your child evaluated for free. They will let you know if your child has any delays that require intervention. I also think that the previous poster who said that she may be wanting your full attention and this is her way to get it may be the cause also, if it isn't developmental. Good luck. A.

I suggest contacting your ped for a feeding specialist referral. Your daughter should have been feeding herself and off the bottle for a couple of years now and perhaps a specialist can determine the root of the issue (physiological, sensory etc.). Good luck.

Why does she "expect" you to feed her? What is her incentive to eat if she can have a bottle anytime she's hungry? You are just starting out on your child-rearing years, and you're in for a very long haul if you continue to let her make the rules. You're in charge (technically, anyway) so make decisions based on what's best for her, not what's easiest. If you're not sure about something, get some books on early child development.
They explain when she should be doing certain things, and how to go about making them happen.We don't "naturally know" how to raise kids, we all need advice and encouragement from family, peers, and experts.

I agree with Julia. Either check and see if there could me something medical going on here or put your foot down and take control!

Sorry to hear about your stress with feeding your child. I think you'll have to be gently firm and consistent with her. She's old enough to understand now. I would suggest not giving her any snacks that she likes or sweets until she eats regular meals. Does she know how to use a spoon and fork and is just not using it? If not, you'll have to train her first to use a fork and spoon. If she knows how, then I would put the fork or spoon with each meal. If she refuses to eat the meal before her, then let her come down and play. You can calmsly say, "If you want to eat, you can eat this. If you don't want to, then go play." Then, take the food away. Make her feel like she has a choice (when it's really your choice you want her to choose). Eventually, she will get hungry enough to eat anything. If she's hungry and wants a snack, don't give her the snack, put the meal you cooked in front of her again. After some time, she will get used to the fact that she has to eat what you give her.

I had to do this for my son as he too was a fussy eater starting at 16 months. Once your daughter is used to eating whatever you give her, you can start to allow her privileges later. Another thing I do now when my son has to eat vegetables or something he doesn't particularly enjoy is I'll put a cookie on a plate where he can see it near his meal plate. I tell my son, "If you finish your meal, and your plate is clean, you can eat that cookie." Of course if I give him a meal he enjoys already, there's no need for the "bribe." I have found though that cookie or reward increases the speed of his eating by a lot! If you're consistent, it may work for you, too. Hope this helps!

I think like you, the most important thing is getting the nutrition in.

When you look at an entire lifespan of 80+ years, 3 is on the very beginning. She is still a baby. Self feeding will come. She will not be 7 and wanting her friends to see mom feeding her. (how EMBARASSING! <g>)

Is she using the mom feeding time as her time to get some mom attention and nurturing? If so, can you give her a good focused 10-15 minutes before eating to nurture her and see if she will feed herself.

Can you give her finger food? Can you play a game - like "Do NOT eat this bite" and then turn away so she can trick you. Have fun and hunt for the missing bite. Gradually make it 2 bites or tell her eat one bite and then we'll play the game again. Then 3 bites and so on.

Throw the bottles out today! You can give her Pediasure in a cup. She should be drinking from sippy cups with the ability to drink from a regular cup. Tell her she's a big girl and you know she can do so many things by herself now -including eating! Put the food down and tell her you're not feeding her anymore because you know she can do it herself. If she still really persists, you should take her to your pediatrician. Have you ever brought this up with the doctor? 1 year olds self feed and drink, so it's high time to make some changes. Also -get a cute timer and set it for 30 minutes. Put it in front of her plate and tell her she has until it dings to finish her food. Don't be mean about it, but explain to her that it's not okay to take forever to eat a meal, that we eat in one sitting at the table without getting up and wandering, playing, etc. and that when she DOES get up -it means she's finished. Let her know if she doesn't finish by the time the buzzer dings, the food will be taken away. Make sure you follow through and DO NOT GIVE IN! Go ahead and give her warnings -it will take a few times for her to get the idea. Tell her and show her on the timer -you have 15 minutes left. You have 5 minutes left. You might be surprised at what a good eater she is if she has to miss a meal! 30 minutes is AMPLE time to eat a meal. What on earth is she going to do in a year or two when she goes to PreK or Kindergarten? Nip this in the bud now.

First, before you read my full answer/suggestion below I want to make sure you have taken her to a doctor and made sure there is no physical reason for this - perhaps tongue tied or low muscle tone or a severe allergy. If you have done this, my second suggestion is to contact the school district and have her tested, they will have people help you for free and give her schooling to get her up to level.

Third, take her off the bottle. I followed the picky eater plan (below) with my older daughter. But it wasn't until she was almost 4 that she got an appetite. She always fed herself, that was never an issue, but she had 5 bites and called it quits, saying she was done. When she was almost 4 she still was not sleeping through the night and in desperation I took all milk away as I had read a study that said the majority of preschool sleep problems were really hidden milk allergies.

She did start sleeping through the night, but more importantly, for the FIRST TIME EVER, one week shy of being four years old, my daughter asked for food and said she was hungry. This was after only 4 days of no milk, she was sleeping through the night finally (and it was anywhere from 2 to 20 times a night she was up prior to that) and her hunger mechanism kicked in. It was honestly a miracle when she ate 8 chicken nuggets in one sitting, normally she ate 1 1/2!!

here is my picky eater plan, since you asked the question I am hoping you are at the stage where you are willing to take a risk and change your ways. I have had multiple daycare kids come to me, yes at age 3 even, just like your child, and this works.

There is a great book by William G Wilkoff, MD called Coping with a Picky Eater that every parent or provider of kids should read and have a copy of. http://www.amazon.com/Coping-Picky-Eater-Perplexed-Parent...

This book has what I call the Picky Eater Plan. I have used this plan with kids that literally threw up at the sight of food and within 2 weeks they were eating normal amounts of everything and trying every food.

First you need to get everyone who deals with the child on board. If you are a provider it's ok to make this the rule at your house and not have the parents follow through but you wont' see as good results as what I described up above.

The plan is to limit the quantities of food you give the kid. When I first start with a child I give them literally ONE bite worth of each food I am serving. The book suggests that every time you feed the kids (breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner) you give all 4 food groups. So, for lunch today I would have given the child one tiny piece of strawberry, one spoonful of applesauce, 3 macaroni noodles with cheese on them, and 2 oz of milk. Only after they ate ALL of what was on their plate would you give them anything else. They can have the same amounts for seconds. If they only want more mac and cheese, they only get 3 noodles then they would have to have more of all the other foods in order to get more than that. If they don't eat, fine. If they don't finish, fine. Don't make a big deal out of it, just make them stay at the table until everyone else is done eating. They don't get more food until they are sat at the next meal and they only get what you serve. When I first do this with a child I don't serve sweets at all. So no animal crackers for snack but rather a carrot for snack. Or one of each of those. I don't make it easy for them to gorge on bad foods in other words. Now if they had a meal where they ate great then I might make the snack be a yummy one cause I know they filled up on good foods.

Even at snacks you have to limit quantities of the good stuff or else they will hold out for snack and just eat those snacky foods. I never give a picky eater the reward of a yummy snack unless they had that great lunch prior to it.

It really is that easy.

Take away the bottle. Giver her a sippy with pediasure which is more for toddlers then I'm assuming your giving her formula (you know bottle=formula thinking). Strap her to a seat and put food in front of her and just work on something else. It will probably take FOREVER, but she has to learn to eat by herself.

Self feeding huge red flag please get in contact with her pediatrician for other advise & resources she'll have to refer your daughter else where to get evaluated..
Maybe if you provided a little more info we can help better but as of right now from what I read a 3 yr is more than capable of feeding self with spoon & fork & being taught how to cut meat with a dull knife (of course with help)even my kids who don't like what they are served eat in less than 30 min.not hours.BYE BYE bottle she isn't a baby anymore she is a toddler if she were to go to preschool at age 3 they wouldn't allow it at all.
Offer her choices between applesauce or apple~banana or orange~grapes or strawberries give her what she likes does she not like textured foods,solid foods is it hard for her to chew & swallow if you answered yes to any of these please like I said notify her pediatrician.

No more bottle or formula (in any container) or pediasure. If she has those, she won't be hungry. Just keep offering foods. She won't starve. It's ok if she eats with her hands. Just cut things up and let her go at it. My little ones will eat dip with their fingers. She'll figure it out. When she's better at using her fingers you can introduce the fork and spoon.

Like Amanda T. below I have a child with real eating issues which I won't go into now. My son is 4.5 and generally refuses to eat or self feed. He will tell me that his arms don't work or that his arms can't reach the food. Real feeding issues, not just picky eating, are something to take seriously. My son has seen numerous professionals since he was 16 months old that we had to seek out ourselves bc my ped didn't think it was a big deal. Last year when the specialist mentioned putting him on a feeding tube my ped finally took it seriously. My point is, that if your ped is telling you that it is no big deal but your mama senses are telling you otherwise, follow your gut. Please feel free to reach out to me if you would like to discuss further. Beth

I can understand where you are coming from. I have two children that I have had concerns about eating with opposite problems...one couldn't get enough and would eat anything he could get his hands on and the other wouldn't eat for days. Both of my children have sensory issues. I would have her evaluated either by a doctor, the school district, or a speech/feeding therapist if you haven't already. That way you can rule out any underlying problem. They may also be able to offer you advise even if she is found to be without any medical problems. One thing I have learned is to try not to get in a control battle regarding food. It will only make the child fight harder. Make eating a positive time. Sit down with her. Talk. Enjoy yourselves. Just don't feed her. You can be encouraging if it helps. Praise her when she eats something. Make sure you don't scold her for not eating. Another thing that helps my son is to to always have food available. I use an ice cube tray. I put fresh fruit, veggies, cheese cubes, shredded chicken breast pieces...anything healthy I have on hand that day...and leave it on the coffee table or bottom shelf of the fridge depending on whether or not there is something on it that needs to be kept cold. He is welcome to snack out of it at any time during the day. Also, maybe try getting her to help prepare a meal with you. If she helps she may be more eager to eat what she made.

Sorry to be so blunt but you are enabling her! No more bottle. Take it away cold turkey, today! She is entirely too old and I agree with the response below that she should have been weaned at 12 months old. I really would talk to your ped. And I bet she/he already told you to get rid of the bottle. Kids WILL eat when they are hungry. Time to try some tough love.

sippy cups is your friend now, she's a little old for a bottle, and give her only so long to eat, she'll probably be starting school in a year or two (prek) they only give an hour or so to eat, make her practice, give her an hour to eat, then no more until next meal time. she'll start getting really hungry and WANT to eat when it's time, give her pedia sure in a cup, to ensure she's getting the nutrition she needs...but not filling her up either.

Other than this, is she developing "typically"? If so, then it sounds like you just need to take her off the bottle, feed her three meals and two to three snacks per day. At snack and meal times have the food prepared on a plate (rather than letting her have her choice from the fridge or pantry). Put plate of food in front of her along with a cup of milk and/or water and let her eat what she wants. Sit down and eat your own plate of the same foods. Don't really talk about the food or eating, just lead by example. If she whines or asks for something (you to feed her, different food choices, etc), just firmly and clearly tell her no. Kids are amazingly resilient and she'll learn to eat before she withers away. A hugely helpful book is "Feeding Your Child for Lifelong Health". Now, all that said, if she is not developing typically, then I'd ignore any online advice and speak to a specialist.

I have to agree, but maybe not so bluntly...
I promise if you go with the "I am not going to feed you" routine for a few days, she will get with the program. It might take hours a meal, but it wont last forever. You have to just commit to the task and be prepared to sit for a while while she learns to eat. If she skips a few meals its alright, she will get the hang of it and before you know it, it will be natural for her to eat one her own. Get rid of the bottles immediately!
Think of this like potty training (we all think I don't have time, it easier to just change a diaper), but we eventually have to make the time and commit to the challenge and before long we are rejoicing in being out of diapers!