3 1/2 And the Pickiest Eater in the World....

Have you tried finding a condiment(dressing, ketchup, etc. etc) she might like to dip her food in. My 3 1/2 year old isnt terribly picky but I did have trouble getting her to eat meats, until I discovered she loves Ranch dressing. Now she will eat anything and lots of it if I give her a little Ranch dressing to dip it in.

Hi i am mother of two little girls three and two. My oldest child is also quite picky, but I have found that if sometimes I offer something to her younger sister that she has previously refused most of the time she will eat it if her sister will. I would recommend trying to introduce her to new foods while she is playing with friends most children want to be like one another. Good luck!

My son is also very small and I know how that can contribute to some eating issues because, as a parent, you just want your skinny bones child to eat! But I read a book called Child of Mine and thought it was excellent. The author's basic premise is that the parent's job is to offer healthy meals and snacks at regular times and the child's job is to decide how much and what of the meal to eat. So if you want your daughter to eat dinner with you, your job is to offer her the food, and her job is to decide if she wants to eat it or not. No struggling, no fighting about it. She recommends always have something onthe table like buttered bread that the child can choose, too. It sounds like you guys might be in a pattern where your daughter knows you will give her hot dogs and chicken fingers, so you should really talk to her about the new plan first, if you decide to make a change. Talk with her about family meal time and you only make one dinner, etc. So that when the time comes, even if she is upset, she knows she's not being disciplined for something. Our policy is that my son needs to at least come and sit down at the table and check it out and then he can decide if he's eating or not.
Good luck!

E.,
As a Pedi RN and as a mom of 4 I can tell you I agree with your doc 100%. My oldest didn't eat dinner from 18 months to 5 years old. With the rare exception of the nights the whole family had hot dogs or pizza.
Food battles will go on and on and on. Kids know they can get attention from mom and dad by not eating. ("Come on sweety, just one little bite for mommy, pretty please???") I have known kids who will take that bite and squirrel it away in the sides of their mouth for HOURS.
Your job is to provide her with good healthy food. It is her job to eat it. I promise you no child had ever suffered from malnutrition who has been offered a balanced diet!
I highly recommed the book "Guide to Your Child's Nutrition" available at www.aap.org. Navigate into the bookstore area and then click on "nutrition". It covers food battles, serving portions, snack suggestions.... all from birth through teens.

All the Best,

I know it's hard, but you have got to remember that you know what's best for her -- she doesn't! We have had the same struggles in our house. Our daughter (10th percentile all the way around since birth) would certainly prefer peanut butter and jelly 3 times a day with goldfish snacks between meals for the rest of her life.
But here's the deal -- she won't starve herself. Really. You may wonder how she survives some days, but just offer her plenty of water if it makes you feel better.
We got "tough" on eating sometime between her 2nd and 3rd birthday. Well, not really "tough" but gave up the battle and let her decide if she was going to eat or not. Almost as soon as we let it go, she picked up the fork and started eating.

First, just to make us all feel better, and knowing the PB & J would still be part of our lives (hey, I like it too!), we switched to all natural or organic peanut butter (Skippy makes a yummy one -- still has sugar in it, but just peanuts and salt otherwise, and sugar is tons better than the high fructose corn syrup in the others), and organic or all fruit jelly/jam/preserves.
We also started buying all natural and trans-fat free chicken nuggets, and you can even find organic hot dogs! This way, we could have our "cheating" foods and not really be cheating! Also, I try to stock healthy snacks, so we don't even have the option of junk. Walmart now carries bags of organic apples -- the peel is softer so the kids will chomp into it peel and all and love it. Cascadian Farm makes yummy "harvest berry" granola bars that both kids (ages 2 and almost 4) love. Yes, we have the occasional box of poptarts or colorful sugary cereal, but those are reserved for "Fun Friday" (they eat what they want and run amok all day -- we don't clean, only play, play play!). Interestingly enough, they've started choosing high-fiber Kashi cereals (particularly Mighty Bites) on Fun Friday morning over the pink and purple stuff (not that this always happens, but enough to amaze me!)

Secondly, poor eaters are often heavy drinkers. This was sooo true with my daughter. We realized she wasn't eating her meals because she'd sit down at the table and suck down 8 ounces of milk before we ever got started, then, like dummies, we'd fill it back up and she'd down it again. She got all the calories she needed in the glass! (This isn't the case with my son, but he's got a much larger appetite than she ever had.) We started literally measuring out her milk, and limiting juice to one 4 oz serving a day, just to see what would happen. Sure there were some protests and fall-in-the-floor fits over "I WAN'T MORE MILK!!" (to which we'd respond: "If you don't want to eat, you may go to your room...") but she got over it after a couple days and the kid finally started eating some food!

Third, my kids get what we're eating for dinner. Sure, if we're having casserole, I might pull the ingredients out separately before lumping it onto a casserole, but they still get the same thing. There is always at least one thing at the table that they like. If they eat only that one thing and nothing else, that's fine. We don't make it an issue. If they eat NOTHING, that's fine too. They can go to bed hungry. I always tell them "That's fine, maybe there will be something at our next meal that's more appealing to you." If I think hunger will interfere with sleep (which it doesn't ever, but I have my weak moments and give in) I let them have a glass of milk before brushing their teeth. It takes the edge off, but they're sure ravenous by morning, and I make certain to prepare a big breakfast for them!
Get this -- EVERY time they miss a meal (sometimes they can really hold out and skip 2!), when they're hungry, they'll eat ANYTHING at the next meal if I put it in front of them. This happened just this week. My 3 yr old turned her nose up at lunch. She still got the afternoon snack, but I was mindful not to let her make a meal of it. By dinner time, she was pretty hungry and happily ate a huge helping of green beans and chicken without a morsel left on her plate. Same thing happened at lunch one day. She was too busy playing to eat breakfast, and was asking for a second helping of steamed broccoli at lunch.

Now that she's almost 4, she's growing out of the "food battle" stage. It's likely because she's gaining control over other areas of her life (dressing, getting her own toys out, other areas of independence....) so she isn't as compelled to fight for control at the dinner table. With younger kids, whether or not something goes into their mouth is one of the few things they have ultimate control over. They've got you there and they know it! (it's the same as with potty training -- YOU can't do anything about it).

Anyway, I hope all this helps.

I agree with the doctor to a certain extent. I have 3 children ranging in ages from 1 to 11 and they all have their likes and dislikes. We don't let them eat just whatever they want, but on the other hand we don't make them eat foods they don't like. If it's something they don't seem to like (broccoli, for example), they will sometimes eat it with cheese sauce (or gravy, butter, etc.) on it.
My advice would be just do the best you can, getting her to try new, healthy foods in different ways. If she's hungry enough, she'll taste something new!

my suggestion is to feed her what she wants. if she wants to eat chicken nuggets and hot dogs every night, what is wrong with that as long as she is eating? those are pretty easy to prepare, so fix supper for you and your husband and heat her up a hot dog. keep offering her good stuff on the side, too. canned fruit, pudding cups, jello, gold fish, etc. i think eventually, when she gets tired of hot dogs, she will find a new "favorite". but then you may be fixing mac and cheese every night. dont worry too much as long as she is eating. i went through the same thing with my son. he would take 2 bites off his plate and be done with it. i worried so much he didnt eat enough. then i figured, he must be getting enough of something, because he poops every day. hope this helps.

We are having the same problem and tried making our little boy eat what we are eating. He starved himself for 5 nights. I even tried bribing him with a toy to try pizza. Our doctor told us as long as he was eating healthy (i.e. 15 oz of milk a day, peanut butter, cheese, bread) not to worry about it. He told us that we were going to push him into not ever trying anything. I am not sure if I agree with my doctor, but I have 3 children (one is 6 mos.) and I am trying to pick my battles. I hope that you get some good advice and lock forward to reading them.

Good luck,

K.

I agree with what the Doctor said... if she gets hungry enough, she'll eat it. lol

Having said that... I have an extremely picky husband, and refuse to let my son become the same way. He's only 18 months old right now, so my situation is a little easier. I just keep offering him things. He actually ate broccoli the other day! (after it was rejected 50 times!). He's still a picky little guy... doesn't always eat his veggies... but I do still put them on his plate. Like the broccoli, he'll give it a shot eventually.

Hi E.!

I can totally relate. I have a 3 1/2 year old who, if I allowed her, would only eat chicken nuggets and french fries. I have learned from personal experience that they WILL eat what you prepare if they dont have any other choice. If that doesnt work, try bribing. Sometimes I use getting ice cream or a piece of candy as a reward if she eats good. It works for me. I honestly dont believe it is cruel because there is a bigger picture here. First of all, you are shaping her eating habits for the rest of her life. Secondly, she needs the nutrients from vegies and fruit. Be strong and realize that in the long run, it will be worth it to get her out of this.

It sounds like you must be at our house :-> I go through the same thing almost every night with my 3 year old daughter. She just turned 3. She's been a picky eater for quite some time though. I'm not sure I have any answers for you, but LOTS of sympathy because I know it's difficult. I look forward to other responses.
I do feel my daughter does this for control and to get a reaction out of me.
When this first started happening, probably over 1 1/2 years ago, I would get frustrated because I wanted my daughter to eat since she's already very small. I know she figured out this was a way to push my buttons early on. So after I realized that, I try to make it seem that it really doesn't bother me. But she is very in sync with me so she probably still knows she's pushing a button. And we have still continued to say 'let's eat our food'. We've also said - 'if you finish your meal you'll get (another healthy item she really likes-usually yogurt). What's worse is her twin brother has also picked up on this b/c of the attention my daughter gets and he'll sit there and not eat either. So it's a downhill battle from there. Although one time he didn't eat a bite - and he did this again last week - of course he woke up the next morning starving. So last week when he woke up really hungry I reminded him that his tummy is hurting b/c he didn't eat his food at dinner like we had asked him to do. He seemed to get the message.
We are evidently still doing something that is giving the kids satisfaction by them not eating. My guess is b/c we're constantly telling them 'let's eat our food' and it's still a form of attention - positive attention if fact! I'm so tired of going through this all the time. Another note - at restaurants they don't do this type of thing for the most part. So I think it's a reminder to them when we're all at home and at the table and they know we won't be leaving like if we were at a restaurant so they'll sit there for 45 minutes and eat maybe 1 bite every 10 minutes and sometimes they won't even try the food. So it's definitley not that they didn't like the food.
So I remember reading about taking a more 'hands off' approach to potty training because it is a thing a toddler eventually tries to control-just like eating. I think someone wrote about it here - to show the toddler all the things related to using the potty and then let them take the intiative and don't ask the constantly about it. So from now on I'm going to put the food in front of my kids and not say a word about it. I also remember someone saying not to even make a big deal about the child using the potty b/c they see that if you're praising them then that's what you expect them to do and if they decide to control it they're going to do the opposite of what you expect. We have been praising whenever they eat and making a big deal out of it b/c it's been such a problem. But we're not even going to give positive praise anymore for them eating. At this point I think it's counter productive. I'll put the food down and give them probably 30-35 minutes to eat and then meal time is over.
I'm interested to hear from others.
A.

Hi E.,

We have the same problem at our house. My son's favorite food groups are chicken nuggets and candy. That's why I was so excited to discover gummy treats that taste like candy but actually contain 17 fruits, vegetables and grains. You can check out www.GoodHealthMadeSimple.com for more information. Also look at www.AskDrSears.com for some great tips and tricks.

Good luck!

M.

Hello there, I too have a very picky eater. (6 yrs) We dicovered that he had SPD or SID (Sensory Processing (Intagration) Disorder). Considering that many children who have SPD are extreamly picky eaters you may want to look into SDP as a possible explanation. Sorry that this is so short.... I'm getting my kids off to school. If you have any questions please do not hesitate to email or call. (T.) ###-###-####

E.,
Please see a feeding therapist. It is important to start now while she is young. My son is going through the same thing. It can really become a huge problem . You can call Megan Spohn at Integrative Pediatric Therapy ###-###-####. She and another speech path work with kids who have feeding issues. I believe you can call Childrens House of Baylor too. Your insurance may cover it too. I cannot stress to you enough to really start NOW... E., these kids can have sensory issues to food and a lot of them WILL NOT eat even if they are hungry. Do not listen to that from people. This is different than just a picky eater. People do not understand that unless they have had a child like this.
L.

E. - I have you beat. My 6ur old daughter JUST started eating chicken nuggets a month ago. My former sister-in-law tried to coerce my husband and I into the "starve'em and they will conform to your taste" as well. My pediatrician showed me studies that taught doctors that theory 20 years ago. Since then there have been studies indicating that this is wrong medically. You as the parent need to do what's right for everyone in your family. My daughter loves yogurt, peanut butter (it's great on whole wheat waffles, whole wheat toast, crackers,) cheese, watermelon. We don't let food become an issue and my daughter is thriving and absolutely healthy. Good luck - contact me any time for ideas if you want.

My pedi said the same thing as your's and I agree. Don't give them a special meal every time and let them choose if they want to eat or not. If they decide they don't want to, leave them be. Give them a vitamin to fill in the holes. I may make my son a variation of what we are having if I know it's really not going to work (for example I may make something spicy and so I'll use the same ingredients without the spice for him) otherwise we have the same meals. To keep him interested I do make things he likes too on occassion for the whole family. She may be old enough to choose the menu for the whole family one night a week while you/spouse choose the rest of the week. It is disappointing and frustrating to watch them not eat, but little kids do know when they are full and they do know that if they eat they won't be hungry. I try really hard not to bribe my son - b/c it means there is bargaining power at stake for both of us and sets an expectaion that he can get what he wants that way - but if you offer her a little bit of new and a little bit of old stuff together it may not be as intimidating. If she only eats the old stuff, fine you tried. I remember reading that a lot of eating disorders (like over eating) come from early childhood and making meal time a win or lose situation (I love you if you eat - I am disappointed in you if you don't). The only message about food/meal times, I think, should be - We are nourishing our bodies to keep them healthy. Offer healthy options (establishing what is acceptable for your lifestyle/family) at the appropriate times (meals, snacks) and they will work it out from there. Keep a food journal of fluids and foods and you may see she eats more than you think and a better variety...if anything it may give you an idea where to begin. Good luck, you're doing a great job :)

My son is 4 and was the same way. I started to give him the gummy bear vitamins to make up for the lack of nutrients, and for some reason his appetite picked up and he began to eat all day long. Good things too - applesauce, bananas, oatmeal. Now I don't have to depend on grilled cheese sandwiches, french fries and cheetos.

Hope this helps.

I am supprised to here your doctor say that, but he is right. It sounds mean but it is a sure cure and it really won't take here that long to get used to it. If there is something that she genuinly does not like then don't make her eat it (for me it was scrambled eggs I could gag at the smell of them)but not wanting to try something new does not constitute not liking it. Eventually you will you will find this behavior spilling into other things if you don't stop it now.

She will grow out of it-I did. Stock up on what she likes to eat and give it to her. All I wanted was hot dogs and mac and cheese when I was little. Continue to offer her new stuff, but do not force her to eat it-or it will become a control issue. Encourage her to take a bite maybe, but do not make a big deal about it. That is what eating disorders are spawned from-control!

Maybe try putting whipping cream, or building body powder in her milk for extra calories; give her a multi-vitamin.

I can't emphasize enough not to make it a battle, or it will become a control issue!