2 1/2 y.o Who Wants to Sleep in Big Girl Bed but Won't

G.,

If you have the room for it, put both the big girl bed and the crib in the room. That way she has the choice of where to sleep.

With both of my kids we tried the take out the crib and put the mattress on the floor, then add the box springs on the floor, then put it all into a bed frame. They both hated it.

My son is now 6 and sleeps just fine in his bed. My daughter is also 2 1/2 and has her nights where the ONLY way she'll fall asleep is when she's cuddling in a lap.

Try to keep the sleeping arrangement as low key as possible. Once or twice now my daughter has slept on the floor, blocking her door. She learned quick enough that the bed was more comfortable than the floor.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

I would keep the toddler bed out and let her sleep in the crib. Sometimes transitions for children take longer for them and she might just want that there to start to getting used to it. I left my son in his crib as long as I could and now he has been in a big boy bed for about six months. Don't rush them, let them be and I am sure she will soon take to it! Sometimes it is nice to see the next step, but knows that she feels in her comfort zone that he other bed is right there! Good luck!

Take the crib away or put the toddler bed away for a while. Its confusing for little ones to go back and forth. We bought a loft bed for our daughter last christmas. We gave our 2 year old her old twin bed. a few nights into it, she cried for her old bed back (not knowing that brother had it, hehehe). She did this a few nights, but we kept assuring her that we couldnt get it back because it went to another little kid that needed a big kid bed...she eventually got past it. I just takes time. I think that we somethimes forget that kids need transition time for new situations, I do at least...we just worked through it and now she totally loves her bed (she was almost 4 at the time this happened).

We did a slow transition with our son. First we put his crib mattress on the floor (still keeping the rest of the crib up around it) so he wouldn't have far to fall if he rolled out. Then we put his twin mattress on the floor, but kept 2 of the sides of the crib around it (headboard and back). Then we took all the crib parts away, still keeping the mattress on the floor, then finally put his twin mattress on the bed frame. It was very gradual, and he still had a lot of the feeling of protection that comes with the crib.

Our son's toddler bed had a little too much space for him at first. We let him choose whether or not he wanted to sleep in it or the crib. We would read his bedtime stories in the bed, and ask him where he wanted to sleep. We actually still do this, because sometimes he wants to fall asleep in our bed. Anyway he more and more frequently chose the bed, it took a couple of weeks. His bed had a bed rail, which really helped him not roll out of the bed, since we did find him squished up against it on many mornings.
Best wishes!

Lots of great suggestions, most especially the ideas regarding offering both options (keep both crib and bed up) and using a side rail.

For what it's worth, my own son is the same age and I have seen the same sort of indecision and vacillating with him as you have described with your daughter. While I believe in offering two positive choices whenever possible, I've discovered that sometimes HE doesn't know what he wants, and so he will go back and forth between choices, becoming even more unsure as he goes. I've since decided that, while it feels good for us to offer him choices, if I see that he's stuck, I make a decision quickly for him. There are days that his independence surges forth and he can step with confidence into his own choice, and there are other times that he really needs the security of relying on me to make a good decision for him. This may not be exactly what's happening in your house, but it's just another idea for the parenting toolbox, so to speak. You might even set the tone with something that acknowledges where she's at: "We're going to read your stories in your big girl bed, and then if you like, you may sleep in your crib" and see where it goes. She might chose not to sleep in the crib, or might change her mind later, but it's also okay to make the decision about where she's to sleep. That's what you've done in the past.

The other piece of it is that offering toddlers and preschooler such *big* decisions at the end of the day can be hard for them. They're usually tired, or if they try to avoid the separation of sleeping, this 'choice' can become a vehicle for continuing to engage with adults. And this is why you might choose to reevaluate how/if having a choice is helping your daughter rest well or just exacerbating the problem.

We are currently co-sleeping and offering our son a (very cushy) tent on the floor of our room. (His room is on a different floor and the step are steep, hence our decision to keep him safe and close with us.) Some nights he wants to sleep in the tent; other nights he starts his bedtime routine in the tent then proclaims he wants to "sleep on the bed" with us. After this point, no matter what happens or if he changes his mind again, he stays on the bed. The point being that we are not spending our evening going back and forth; instead,he knows that mama is in charge, making a good choice for him, and he sleeps just fine. All that to say, different circumstances, but I know where you're coming from!

She may not be ready yet, but she sounds like she is on the verge. My daughter made the transition when she was three and we put a bed rail on the side. It made her feel more contained and safe, just like in the crib. But she had the freedom to get in and out. She actually still called out for us and didnt choose to get out of bed herself until she was 4. Nice for us that we got no visitors but we had to get up a few times a night to relieve her cryout anxieties.

She also transitioned with a crib toy. She would push it in the middle of the night and it helped soothe her back to sleep.

Go with her needs and dont worry what age she is. She will get there. As we all say, they will be walking by the time they get to kindergarten. The same with everything else. Just one phase at a time.

Good luck

Maybe try the toddler bed for nap, and the crib for overnight?

is it time for mommy to make the decision? Sounds like she wants both. Sometimes the decision is just too much pressure for a little one. I suspect that the decision holds more importance for her than it would seem. If she moves out of the crib and into the toddler bed she is letting go of being a baby. Seems scary when you think about it. I doubt that she's conscious of that thought but it could be in her unconscious.

Leaving both beds in the room would seem to only postpone the decision. And there is the added complication of having only one mattress for both. If you choose to do that you can purchase a used one from a resale store.

When you say she gets upset no matter what you do my thinking is to make a decision, together if possible, and then stay with it. Explain ahead of time that this is the way it is going to be and then stick with it. Sympathize with her anxiety. I think that by putting the crib back up or putting the toddler bed back you are adding to her anxiety. She is in control and this adds to her anxiety about becoming a big girl and leaving babyhood. She's not old enough to have all the control in this decision if there has to be one or the other.

You could leave both beds set up with the mattress in the crib. Then let her decide when the crib goes away but as long as the crib is in the room that is where she is sleeping since she doesn't sleep in the toddler bed now. Switching mattresses back and forth doesn't make sense to me either.

You could make which bed to sleep in a game. If she wants to sleep in the toddler bed then she sleeps in the toddler bed for a set number of nights and then she can switch if she wants to. Talk and laugh about this is the first night for and then this is the second night for etc.

Somehow, where she sleeps needs to lighten up. It really doesn't matter where she sleeps, after all. And whatever the decision it needs to either be permanent and flexible with both being OK. Her crying indicates to me that for some reason the choice has become more emotional than she can handle.

if you have room, keep both beds in the room and let her choose. Once she starts sleeping in the toddler bed consistently, tell her that another baby needs your crib and ask her if she wants to give it to the new baby. It will probably work.

Read in Parents magazine a long time ago to leave both available if you have the room (I did not) and the transition is tough. Then again, I don't recall any suggestions if the toddler trys to crawl out of one and into the other either; that could be a problem in and of itself.