1Yr Old Throwing Tantrums

My son use to do that....He has been getting better he still slaps himself when he gets mad...I just have to ignore him because otherwise he thinks it's a way to get attention...He doesn't care if it's good attention or bad...also try this site they might have other ideas for you.... http://www.a-mommys-world.com/chat.php

I don't have that problem (yet, anyway, since mine are 12 months old now), but I've read many places that you should not say "no", although the ouch is probably fine because it evokes a passionate response from you, which is what the baby is going for. According to the books/articles I've read, they tend to do it for attention (as I'm sure you've also thought). When my kids scream really loud to get attention, I don't look or respond to them, but I pick up two plastic toys and hit them together to make a loud sound and say "wow, what a neat sound" and try to get them interested in that. It works most of the time, but as I said my two are 12 months old. Hope that helps.

I would pick him up and put him in his bed!
M.

Get him a helmet....No, I'm just kidding.

Wow! Sounds like you have your hands full.

I agree with the response about trying to calmly tell him to show you what he wants. It takes some time but eventually works. Sometimes however there is no stopping the tantrum!

Sometimes when my kids get like that it's because they are hungry or tired. They don't exactly hurt themselves but your son may just be a dramatic person.

I'll try giving my kids a snack and suddenly things are right as rain.

If that doesn't work or if the snack just gets tossed on the floor during said tantrum I'll stick them in their bed/crib sometimes on the couch and walk away. They do get up and I will simply place them back where they were. It will be hard to see your son cry or him himself but as long as he isn't causing any bruises or scratches he should be fine. Eventually he will calm down and stop throwing his tantrum.

I would also check to see if he is getting his two year molars in. At around 20 months my now two year old suddenly became very fussy. I couldn't figure it out. Neither snacks nor a nap did the trick. Then I realized her two year molars were coming in. A little rub of orajel or tylenol to ease the pain and she was fine!

If you are more concerned with his behavior talk to his doc again. While ignoring him seems like the best solution to someone who doesn't know your son you know him best. If his current doc says the same thing and you are still concerned go for another opinion. After all...mom knows best right?

I hope things work out for both you and your son!

Good Luck.

When my kids first threw tantrums, I would leave the room. Any attention you give him is "attention" to him. He doesn't care if it's good or bad. As long as he's getting a response from you, he thinks his tantrums are working. If that doesn't seem to be working, taking in consideration that you try it for 3 days or so before deciding this, then I would pick him up and put him in his room. Tell him that he is welcome to come back out when he is done. Then shut the door and go into another room. Sending a child to his room is a great way for them to learn that certain behaviors are unacceptable. At first, you have to pick them up and place them there, but after they realize that you're serious about them going, they'll go on their own.

First and foremost, I'm so very sorry that you and your husband lost your son.
Your 14 month old is most likely sensing the pain and anguish you are quit naturally going through. Your doctor is right, try the best you can to ignore it. The more you give him attention for his temper tantrums, the more he is going to have.
If you are not already doing so, have you thought of going to counseling to deal with your sons death?

Try putting him in his crib until it's over. At least he can't do much damage to him self there and he will learn that when he acts out, he gets sent to be alone.
Good Luck!

Wow does that bring back memories! My youngest brother, now age 34, used to do the same thing...if even just to pass the time! There was nothing we could do to prevent him from doing this. We tried everything, including my mom doing the usual spanking. He would walk around looking like his head was used as a ball in a pinball machine. I feel for you hon, but don't know how to help on this one. Just know that you are not the only one going through this. It happens to a lot of people. Good luck!

Hello,

Have you had his hearing tested. I speak from experience. My almost 10 year old did the same thing and we found out that his hearing was damaged due to ear infections. It is worth a try. Good Luck!

A.,

First, I want to tell you how sorry I am for your recent loss of your son. I believe these things happen for a reason. It is extremely difficult to really believe that when you are mourning and wondering why it happened to your son and to your family. It is simply devastating. I hope you are comforted knowing that you will meet with him again and you will have it all explained to you and it will all make sense. Be grateful that you experienced him for the entire 50 minutes. Try to turn that negative to a positive. But for now, I am sure it is one day at a time. Again, I am sorry for your family's loss.

Onto your child going through the tantrum PHASE. It is most important that you all realize that EVERYTHING, good and bad, that your child goes though, is merely a phase. Only one guarantee, the phases will come and they WILL go. Sometimes it is hard to believe that they WILL go, but they really will!! As soon as you get used to it, "POOF"- it has passed...and onto another shocking issue to deal with. Do not let yourself (and your husband and family/friends)devote too much emotion and frustration into these 'phases'. Stay focused on the important things, THE BIG PICTURE of what is going on in your lives.

When a child pulls the temper tantrum card, they are looking for reaction. Any reaction. Attention, good or bad. So if you do not give any reaction, the behavior will come to an end. I am sure your little one will get banged up in the process. You'd think that would be enough to stop the silly tantrums... hahahha. Nope, unfortunately not so. If they get really seriously hurt, then comfort them for only a short amount of time and talk about why it is ridiculous. Otherwise, initially, you can BRIEFLY and NONCHALANTLY say something like, "I don't like to get hurt like that, why do you do that to yourself?" and act confused for a very short amount of time. Let them know that they should be embarrassed. If he has a cousin or someone he adores (my 6 year old has always adored her older cousin who is now 15, but when they were younger, I told her that her cousin would think that she was a LITTLE BABY or that she wouldn't do that...something to make my daughter not want to be looked at in a negative manner to the older idol type).

Another thing to do is have him go straight to his room and tell him that he is not allowed to hurt YOUR BABY (as if it is another hurting him, how you might treat them). Tell him that one minute AFTER he is done crying, you will come to get him. Then that is when I take the opportunity to discuss why they were in time out (in a way your child understands), and THEN, you can reconnect again with him with hugs and kisses and lots of love.

When the tantrums continue, and they probably will, and perhaps you might be reading a book, simply glance over for only a moment, WITHOUT any change of your facial expression, then go back to what you were doing before hand. NO WORDS, NOTHING. You can walk away and continue doing whatever you were doing before. This will show him that he is not getting the attention that he is looking for, and his acts of desperation WILL NOT become the focus of your attention. You can tell him, you only give "good behavior attention", and "let's do something that GOOD little boys do- so you can have all of mommy's love and attention". Then begin ABCs or anything that easy to begin. The key here is to REDIRECT.

Redirecting is the most important and effective way in teaching right from wrong and to change unwanted behavior. Always remember that word...REDIRECTING. It is the most popular and acceptable method used in daycares, schools and other social settings involving children and behavior.

You will need to give him the amount of attention (within reason, of course) he is looking for, but at DESERVING TIMES. Positive reinforcement for picking up his toys when told. Or eating all of his veggies, or performing a summmer-sault, or singing ABCs, etc.....anything that you want to participate in and teach him.

Give him MORE of what he wants, ONLY when he is doing things worthy of the attention that he is seeking.

So UP the attention amounts, and IGNORE or downplay the things that you want to GO AWAY.

You only have about 17 more years to CONTINUE going through this...each time a little different than the time before...but still, all of them, pretty darn similar. It really can be amusing if you step back and look at each situation for what is really going on pshchologically. (I am constantly amused watching my 6 year old try to pull one over on me. She really is a smart one!)

OH, THE GAMES WE PLAY TO HELP SHAPE OUR LITTLE INDIVIDUAL. THEY ARE DESPERATELY LOOKING FOR GUIDANCE AND DIRECTION TO FORM THEIR LITTLE SELVES AND THEIR MINDS, THEIR OPINIONS AND ATTITUDE, HOW THEY TREAT OTHERS AND HOW THEY CARRY THEMSELVES. EVERYTHING ABOUT WHO THEY ARE AND WHO THEY ARE BECOMING. YOU AND OTHERS SURROUNDING HIM IS WHAT HE IS PAYING ATTENTION TO. :) DON'T FORGET TO CLOSELY MONITOR THE TELEVISION, RADIO, MOVIES AND OTHER MEDIA THAT THEY ARE ABSORBING LIKE A SPONGE.

Good luck with this little phase. I hope you will take comfort in knowing that LIFE- is a series of phases. It is VERY important HOW you react, and the steps in resolving the issue at hand. Each phase that has past determines the magnitude and direction of the next phase. That sounds SO pressuring....but I guess that is why it is said that 'parenting is the most important job there is!' A mother experiences the feeling of guilt no matter what. We, as mothers (or fathers), can only do the best we know how at the time. That is all that one can do.

So I conclude, that not only is the child learning and developing into the far-too-quickly, growing little being that we have brought into this world, but the parent is growing, learning and becoming wise as well, and maybe learning as much! :)

I am always available to give you support and/or input on anything that you might need advice or confirmation on. Hold onto my info if you would like. Most kids go though very similar phases at the same ages...so others can always relate! You are never alone!

Good luck to you, your husband and your "little head banger!" (hahaha) May the boo-boos be insignificant and last only a short amount of time.....(until the next phase comes along....ahhhh! To think that it could be much worse!!!) Don't worry.....you are all prepared now, and you are never alone in it!

Sincerely,

A. :)

Hi A.!

My daughter did this between maybe 15 and 20 months or so. I did ask the doc and got the same response and he truely wasn't doing it hard enough for her to really hurt herself. I did do some reading on it.

At this age, babies can know what they want but not be able to communicate their thoughts, wants, needs etc effectively. So, in this case they are acting out simply out of frusteration. When my daughter started to hit her head, we would in a calm, not even stern, voice try to help her to communicate with us. Try to use words like "show mommy" "do you need help" It took a while, but in our case I think it helped...and it did pass!

Good luck!
A.

My son did the same thing when he was one. I tried telling him "no, that will hurt". When that did not work, I would place my hand between his head and the wall so he would have a little cushion. If he banged his head on the floor I would carry him over to the carpet so it would not hurt as much. Finally, I decided as long as he wasn't hurting himself I would ignore it and eventually he just grew out of that phase. I am sorry I wish I had some better advice for you, but I wanted you to know that your not alone.

WOW that really sounds familiar. My 14 month old has been doing that also. We took her to the md because it was so out of character for her. She was hitting and screaming. My sister in law advised me to get a time out area set up for her. We found a chair at a garage sell that was her height and we use it. The doctor advised to never let her sit for more then a min. and to talk to her after she calms down. I was really skeptical and it was hard at first but it works now. A few times of her getting off the chair we had to take her to her room and to her crib.We also have worked with her on giving hugs when she has done wrong, after her time out.