My uncle was a general practitioner, and had many child patients as well as adult ones. He would examine them thoroughly, but when it came to vaccinations and such things, he would leave the examining room and his nurse would do the dirty work. Then he would come back in and say, "Oh, did that nasty old nurse give you a shot?" The children weren't really fooled by that teasing - they loved doctor and nurse both.
It isn't unusual for a child this age to be attached to one or the other parent. With my youngest granddaughter, it was her mama. Mama was the main attraction and the pole star of her universe. Daddy was, well, just Daddy. That wore off, however, over several months. And her daddy, my son, was very patient (more patient than I would have expected). He just hung in there - and eventually he became more than acceptable. They have a great relationship now that she's two and a half.
You certainly feel rejected, but you aren't. Your son can't do without you and he loves you very much. But right now Daddy is the Main Attraction, and you're the Side Show. That won't be the case forever. It's your turn to hang in there and be patient.
Approach your son's and your husband's interactions with each other with as good a sense of humor as you can muster. You wouldn't want your boy to have a dad who didn't want to bother with him - or not have a dad at all - would you? Plenty of women have those concerns instead.
Remember that you and your husband are on the same side. Sometimes you need to adjust, and sometimes he does. You definitely need to tell him that you have an "ignoring plan" for the tantrums, and that you sometimes feel put down by his humor (I'm assuming that's what it is); however, your general attitude needs to be, "Enjoy yourselves, boys; you're not really threatening ME." This sort of attitude is crucial for raising boys; mamas need to be strong and positive.
Your husband's current teasing isn't going to fracture the family, if it's just teasing. I don't like being teased, either - not at all! But sometimes tears won't work on it. Could you add something to that game, perhaps? When he says, "You're a bad mother," maybe you can say, with a smile, "Well, you're going to be a wonderful grandfather, because you're practicing child-spoiling right now! Let's be on the same team, please!" When my children were growing up I was literally known as "Mean Old Mom" - spelled M.O.M. Humor disarms teasing better than tears or angry words do.
(Something else to think about: I think I know what you mean when you say your son is the center of your universe. But that shouldn't actually be the case. Children grow up stronger and more secure when they realize that they're not the center of the universe - when they know that their dad and mom love each other *even more* than they do their children.)
