12 Month Old Boy Having Temper Tantrums???

I think this is just very normal...kids test limits. You have to gently scold him, especially for his own safety. I have also found with both my mischievous sons that taking them away from the behavior works very well at early ages.
I wrestle with my 13 month old all day about the diapers and have talked to many other parents who do also. Its a faze, I promise. Separation anxiety is typical at this age, try not to let him think there is anything to be concerned about when a parent leaves the room.
I'm just trying to make a go of it like the rest of the parenting world, and I keep telling myself that this too shall pass. It does, but brings a whole new challenge when it does.!!

As a mother of 2, I think that most behavior like what you described comes with a lack of dialogue. The more I am willing to talk, explain and listen the less this happens. Children like to know what is going on.

Also if your gut instinct says to comfort, then DO.

For some people, not just children, being ignored makes things worse not better.

I also try to choose positive phrases rather than NO all the time. Find ways to say yes. Ex. Yes, you can run after daddy as soon as we get your nakey butt covered.

The terrible two's technically start at 15 mos. So you are pretty close.

I think its very confusing to a child to be comforted by the same person who just scolded him, even if that scolding didnt amount to more than a simple no. Force yourself to wait until he calms down before you jump in with the hugs and kisses. Otherwise you are teaching him, and they can be pretty smart by one, that having fits and temper tantrums gets him attention. I am not saying you cant comfort him, he just needs to be done screaming or whatever he is going to do. Dont worry about the breath holding, he cant really hurt himself. If you need to, relocate him to a safe place where he can scream and do whatever he needs to. He's entitled to his emotions but not to control yours.

Good luck! If it gets worse, I would ask the pediatrician and contact some sort of behavioral therapist. Otherwise, I suspect he's just testing his own power. If it doesnt get him anything good he will stop.

Because of his age you will have to be more creative in your discipline. Try to use alternatives to "no" such as off limits, redirect when possible, ignore behaviors that aren't dangerous, keep the house baby proof so he doesn't get in to things, pick your battles, and praise when he is good. As for the diaper change find "fun" toys to play with during diaper changing time such as flashlights or keys (things he doesn't normally get to play with). It isn't your fault and some kids start the terrible two "stuff" earlier than others. Tantrums are normal and a part of having a toddler!! Good luck and it will end at some point.

You aren't doing anything wrong! At one they often get frustrated because they can't articulate what they want/don' want. Every child manifests this in a different way.

At one he is still to young for time outs. Just say no firmly and try to redirect what he is doing. This won't always work. Also, their emotions scare them at this age, so make sure that he understands that it is ok. And hug him a lot.

Good Luck

You aren't doing anything "wrong" but there are a few great books that should help. From 0-3 children are pretty focused on whatever they want when they want it. Before 2, the word No should really be reserved for absolute health and safety issues. If he is wiggling on diaper changer (my little one does this plenty), think about moving it to the floor so that it isn't as perilous and you can do it more flexibly. The tantrum is a sign of build up of stress. Definitely comfort him and try to avoid the No word where possible. He doesn't have enough brain power yet to be manipulating or naughty or any of those other adult things that children are often incorrectly labeled with. Smart Love by Martha Heineman Pieper and William Pieper, Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Cohen, any of the Dr. Sears books are all great. Also Musikgarten in Oak Park does a great parenting class called "EndZone" that is very helpful. I would try to see what is stressing your little guy out and then try to minimize or eliminate it. Is he getting enough sleep (2 naps a day?) 14 hrs per day? Is the house fully baby proofed so you don't have to keep saying no? Is he sensitive to sudden transitions? The best way to deal with this is to chill, let as much as possible go, love him more when he is stressed and having a tantrum, avoid time outs (they only make things worse in the long run and they cause isolation of child from parent - imagine you were very upset about something and your partner told you to go sit by yourself until you were better??) Good luck - parenting is so much fun with a new thing every day right?

You aren't doing anything wrong. My 10.5 month old has a FIT when we try to change his diaper. It's so simple to us, "change the diaper and then you can play". But, they want to do what THEY want to do. It's so normal.

Both of my boys (10.5 month old and 3 y/o) have bad tempers (a gift from me). For the 10 month old, I try to soothe him. He's still a baby and I feel he needs help to calm down. In the case you mentioned about the diaper, I change it as fast as possible and then let him go do what he wanted. If he gets really upset (like he was this morning when he couldn't have his brothers "potty-pop" - sucker), I pick him up and hold him. I try to judge my reaction by real tears or just screaming. If there are real tears, I soothe. If not, I redirect - as a general rule.

As another poster mentioned, we use a TON of positive reinforcement. It's really helped with our 3 year old and he has started to praise his brother when he does something, too. Also, instead of, "No", we say "No Thank you". It sounds silly at first, but it seems to soften the NO.

Again, you aren't doing anything wrong. You just have a very determined little guy on your hands.

My son who is now 2 started the same thing when he was about a year old. When I would tell him he can't do something he would get mad and start crying and hold his breath the key to that when your child does that pick him/her up and kinda bounce him and blow in his face, if that doesn't work throw some water on his face as well.

As far as the tantrums goes, no matter what I did he would get mad. So I started to just talk to him and let him know Mommy needs to change your diaper b/c I don't want you to get a rash. It took a while but he eventually caught on. My son also would get mad if daddy left the room or went somewhere, I would just pick him up put on his favorite show and sit on the couch with him and told him dadda will be back soon, just sit here with mommy and we'll watch spongebob or whatever you have on. Then when dad comes back I would tell see daddy came back and he's not going anywhere.

Basically he's going to do that for a while my son did it for about 6 months and you just got to ride it out. Your not doing anything wrong its just a 1 year old being a 1 year old, I thought I was as well. My son is now 2 and is ok with daddy leaving or being disciplined (he gets 2 minutes time-out when he does something wrong)

Best Wishes hope this helps

Yes, 12 month old kids can definitely throw temper tantrums! Especially is they have a bad temper to begin with. My 6 year old has his father's temper and it can get out of control. First and foremost, don't let him push your buttons. They are learning their boundaries and will push and push to see how far they can go. It's up to you to decide how far he can go. Don't loose your temper, keep your cool, speak to him firmly but softly and stand your ground. Give him something to distract himself with while you change his diaper. If you can, change it while he's standing. If they're on the go, they don't want to stop and maybe simply changing his diaper while he's standing will diffuse the situation. If he's holding his breath because he's having temper tantrum blow in his face quick and hard. Or like the other mom said, throw a little water in his face. None of this will hurt him and it'll stop him from holding his breath. I can't even imagine how scary it must have been for you when he passed out. A parent needs tons and tons of patients when it comes to their children and to always remind them how much you love them. When my kids have misbehaved I always tell him "I love you very much, but I don't necessarily like you actions right now." One more thing, there a book that I purchased a long time ago called "1-2-3 Magic". It shows you how you need to detach yourself from the situation, don't show emotion when dealing with misbehaved children. Take a look at this book, maybe it'll help you out. Good luck!

When my daughter turned one i was not prepared for it. Everbody warns you about the terrible two's (which i'm finding out recently that 3 is the new 2). But when she turned 1 there was resisting and tantrums. I always warn new moms of this now because I didn't realize the testing of parents started so early. I actually started time outs at 1 and it always worked for me. Some think this is to young but it worked for us. Each child is different. Good luck!

Hi, K.. You are definitely not doing anything wrong!

My daughter has had breath holding spells, the first one occurred when she was 8 or 9 mos. old, so in my experience it is not just toddlers. In fact, now that she is 3.5, I'm knocking on wood to hope she is finally growing out of them. I did the same as you, researching on the Internet, and what alarmed me was the discussion about not providing undue attention so as to encourage this behavior. Didn't make a lot of sense to me, seeing as the passing out aspect was definitely involuntary, but I guess I bought into the idea of not coddling or being too afraid of upsetting her lest she have a spell. I think this is the concern you are referring to, so I'll try to tell you about our experience and hope it helps you. We did discuss this with her pediatrician who also seemed to prescribe that we shouldn't make too big a deal about it so as not to encourage too much "attention." Of course you want to avoid these episodes as much as possible, but it is an awfully fine line to figure out how to handle.

In my experience, her breath holding spells were always preceded by either a physical or emotional "event" (i.e. falling down, bumping her head on something or someone, or a frustration like taking a toy away or not getting her way about something). These spells seemed to be much more likely to occur when she was fighting a cold or especially overtired, because they didn't occur every time she fell down or had something taken away.

After a while, you could kind of tell when she started crying, and then took in a really giant breath that a spell was likely imminent. The big thing is to make sure you are nearby, so that they don't fall & smash their head when they pass out. When we saw one "coming on," we'd try to pick her up, call her name to distract her & blow in her face to try to startle her into taking a regular breath. Rarely did it avert a spell, but it made us feel like we were doing something. It is definitely scary when it happens, but oddly enough, once you see them turn blue and then come back to normal a few times, coupled with the advice of the pediatrician, I got to be comfortable enough with it happening so that I wasn't so paranoid as to never want her to get upset.

I think the major challenge is how to minimize situations that upset them so much as to result in a breath holding spell without hovering over them and letting them always get their way. That is the fine line I referred to, and I think you have to figure out what works for you.

Sometimes it would happen over the least little thing that I wouldn't expect it (like changing a diaper), and other times something major (like falling down the stairs) would just be a regular old crying 1-yr old. But once I got comfortable that she is prone to these spells, I can't really control them & that she will be fine, even if she passes out, it was a little easier to go ahead and let her scream. I think talking to her pediatrician really helped give me comfort that the spells were not going to be harmful to her, so if they happen it is not the end of the world.

Best wishes - I know how scary it is. I even had to change daycare providers over this issue right around her 1st birthday. Crazy as it sounds, my advice is to redirect when possible, but go ahead and let him scream if he gets upset, just standby in case he holds his breath.

Hope that helps somewhat.

I agree that you should view this as part of his development and not as some crazy bad behavior. My son hated hated hated being diapered and really, who can blame him? I viewed it as the beginning of the process of using the potty. If they like being diapered why use the potty? See how that works? OF course he is way too young to be pitty trained yet, but it's the beginning of his independence. Distraction and gently educating your child is the answer not punishments and discipline. Yes have something to hand him to do while you are diapering him and yes talk sing and laugh with him while doing it.

K.,
What works fairly well in our family is telling the kids what they can do like "thank you for holding still while I change your diaper" "that is just for looking" "gentle touching" "we stay on the sidewalk" " we hold hands in the parking lot" these have worked well for us. Praising for doing the right thing goes a long way. Good Luck!

My little boy did this too - it is totally normal. He is two now and I can reason with him... ie "we can read your book after I change your diaper" but at 12 months that didn't seem to work for us.

We started keeping special/interesting items around for diaper changes. I think half of my kitchen utensils, little boxes and jewelery ended up in his changing table. I would tell him he could only play with it while I was changing his diaper and I would talk to him the entire time I was changing his diaper about the object to keep him focused on what he was holding.

Good luck,
H.

Good responses here, just wanted to add maybe tell him what you're going to do next so he knows what to expect. At this age (and through childhood, they like to know what's going to happen and what the routine is.)

For example, in two minutes we're going to lie down and change your diaper. Then we'll get up to play. In one minute we're going to change your diaper, then we'll get up to play. We're going to change your diaper now, and when we're done, we'll get up to play.

I've found this works with getting the bedtime routine started, interrupting play for mealtime, etc.

We also try to avoid "no." It eliminates a ton of outbursts. "Mommy, juice?" "We'll have juice tomorrow. We're having milk now."

Good luck.

I don't think he is necessarily trying to be naughty, but he definitely is still learning his boundaries in this world and the cause and effect principle. A few pointers to get through this time....

1) I started teaching my son sign language at this age because he mostly frustrated trying to communicate. Worked wonders and the sign he used the most was "help" - he was alwasy so frustrated when he couldn't do stuff by himself.

2) Avoid saying "no". Sooner than later, he will become desensitized (sp?) to the word. Save no for the dire situations, such as he is running toward the street or a hot burner, and if you say it stern enough he should stop in his tracks. And he might cry if you say it like that, and that's fine, because he almost got in real danger. For other things, say "hot" or "owie" or "mommy's" or "not in your mouth" "don't touch" etc. Not only will this expand his vocabulary, but he will learn to stop immediately when NO is shouted at him.

3) Give him a toy when you try to change his pants. I'm surprised its taken this long to run away! My daughter started trying to get away as soon as she could scoot. No toddler that is moving about is going to stop if they aren't drop dead tired. So give him something to keep him busy while on his back, or try to change him while he's standing up.

4) When my daughter tries to escape its a game, she's giggling all the while. From my experience I've learned children respond much better when something is fun. Make it a game, keep the mood light, and he won't feel the need to make an angry protest.

5) regarding him holding his breath and passing out, looks like he has quite a temper. I suggest the book "Raising your spirited child" to learn on ways to diffuse situations. I always thought that my son had to learn to listen to me "just because he should" and after trying everything (even spanking) I've learned that he will never not protest me and I need to find other ways to prevent his behavior than punishment.

GOOD LUCK!

Well, the behavior you're experiencing is perfectly normal. I've worked with toddlers for 6 years and I have a 3-year-old of my own. He was a wonderful baby as well, and while he's still laid back, when he gets upset...Watch Out!

My suggestion would be to think of creative ways to not let your son's frustration escalate to the point of a temper tantrum. If he doesn't want to lay down for a diaper, say okay, let's have a Tickle Fight, then get a diaper change! Or give him a two-minute warning before you change him. I think with intelligent babies, especially babies that are becoming toddlers and learning to manipulate and be in control, you've really gotta think ahead of them, and have fun with it!

Good luck!
C.

Yes a one year old can have tantrums! He sounds very smart and advanced for his age. I have 4 kids, 3 are boys. 2 their Pediatrician diagnosed as healthy brats! They are my brats and I love them anyway!
Someone suggested to me back then to calmly distract them from whatever he is having the tantrum about. Another suggestion is to carry him to the sink and let him wash his face and hands to calm down, talking softly telling him to calm down. Another suggestion... when the tantrum was fast and furious was to take an 1/8 cup of water and throw it in his face. Water is naturally calming and causes them to catch their breath. It will not hurt them, or drown them, and noone will call DCFS. Either way consistent calming distraction is what I tried and it worked for me. You are the Momma in control the less reaction, better the response. Best wishes.

Our son, who is now a little over 2, had the same breath holding spells!! I know how scary that can be. But, we found that if we laid him in a safe spot and stood by for safety he would come around and it soon stopped(spells lasted only a few months). As far as the tantrums, do not give comfort after you have told him no. Another thing you could try doing is walking away. If he follows find a spot to place him in and continue to put hime there until he is done and has calmed down. Worked for our son and after a couple of times putting him back in the spot without talkting to him he calmed down and was better. Gotta love supernanny! Good luck!

I am in your exact situation! My son started his tantrums around 11 1/2 months and they are more frequent now. He is 13 months. He does not like to be told no, but he is into EVERYTHING!! Hes does not like to have his diaper changed and he does not like when we leave the room.

Fortunately, Connor is easily distracted. We try to redirect his attention and that seems to work. His tantrums are very short lived so we usually just let him yell and then try to give him something else to do or in the case of changing his diaper I just tickle him a little and talk to him and he usually stops. I just try to take his attention away from what made him made. It doesn't help the frequency of the tantrums, but it does help make them short lived!

One of the questions my pediatrician asked at my children's 1 year check-ups was "is he/she throwing tantrums?" When I said yes she said "good...that's a sign they're developing properly." It is frustrating, especially when you are trying to get something done and they won't cooperate. It's usually them trying to figure out their boundaries and control the situation. They want attention, so ignoring most of it is actually the way to get it to stop long term (if they're not getting attention, it's not working).

I use distraction techniques to get things like diaper changing done. We'll starting singing a song before I start diaper changing to get them into that instead of the task at hand. Toys and tickling also seem to work.

I am also very careful not to use the word "no." It's so overused that it usually just results in a toddler who walks around saying "no" to you all of the time. We use redirection and words like "danger" for very serious things.

I also found that since they are frustrated not being able to express themselves yet, a bit of sign language helps. If they can tell you some of the major things they need they are not quite as difficult.

Good luck!