Would Love Another Baby, Husband Does NOT???!!!

Hmmm... Why not pray about it ... leave it in God's hands to let what is meant to be come naturally...In this world we think we have to plan everything and if you are a stay at home mom .. you have enough to plan already and so does your husband. I have begun to think that there is nothing better than a housefull of children and a happy family... but if we think on things too much .. it just overwhelms us..

I'm going through this now. My "husband" won't give me a real reason on why he doesn't want one now, just that he's not ready. Everytime I try to sit down and talk about it he blows up. There is a reason I want a child now. I'm trying to get into carpentry and it will be impossible to do it while I'm pregnant. I can't even take the courses while pregnant. So I wanted to have a child before I start the courses. He said no, so not only is he putting the child on hold until whenever he feels like it, he is also putting my career on hold. I can't risk taking a year off of work because I'm pregnant. He wanted to wait until we moved to have another child, but with a mortgage and having to take a year off of a carpentry job that would be insane. Right now we live with his mother and I have a decent paying job. We are in a good place to have another child and then after I can go for my job. So I don't know why he is deciding against this. He said last year we can try this month. We planned it all out, come this month he changed his mind. He knows that I don't want to have a child past 30, so I have 5 years.

I'm waiting until he comes around.

I am in the same boat as you and i have come to the conclusion that if we were meant to have another child it would happen one- way or another- I think that it may happen for you when you least expect it. I know the feeling though it's almost like you may be missing out on something that you feel you want or deserve, I have a 4 year old daughter and a 2 year old son and i am a stay at home mom also, I think that i filled my life with my business because i had to get my mind occupied by something else, and i am hoping when he see's the money i make now that he may feel like i am contributing to the family and can handle another baby....
good luck to you --- god will give you what he thinks you can handle- so if it's meant to be it will be.

I think that if your husband is really opposed to the idea then maybe you should let it go. I have 4 children and I can tell you that it takes so much to maintain the household, keep up with the children and still be a wife to my husband. There are days when I feel absolutely stretched to my limits. Aside from that there is the financial aspect of adding more children to the equation. You're going to have to contend with the fact that you may have to move into a bigger home and maybe upgrade the family car to something that fits 3 car seats. I could possibly be that your husband really doesn't want to take on the financial burden that having another child will bring.

You are a stay at home mother but that could possibly have to change with the birth of a new baby. You may have to take a job outside of the home to help make ends meet. If that happens you'll have to look into adequate child care and the whole cost that comes along with that. There are so many variables that you possibly haven't looked at that your husband my have so I think that you should sit him down and ask him to clarify exactly why he is opposed to having another baby.

Just had same conversation with my fiancee. and after discussing the pros and cons, we have both decided that another child just isn't in the cards for us. At first I was very disappointed, but as we discussed both our views and ambitions for our current family, it became quite clear that having another child (i have a girl from a previous relationship and her "donor" hasn't seen her since she was 2 weeks old...she just turned 4 last week and he has a sone (11 yo) from his first marriage) wouldn't enable us to move in 2 years to Texas to be closer to his son, it would be a financial burden that would further delay the move, etc.

I think it is important for you and your husband to talk about it LONG and HARD and it will hurt, but once pass the pain, there will be clarity.

I agree that this has to be a decision that the both of you agree on, in the long run (whatever you guys decide) it will be for the best.

Hi, have you sat him down and asked what would make it hectic? I would ask, maybe there is a little strain on him somewhere that you are not aware of maybe just bad timing ask, if it's a possibly he may consider another child the future. I know my hubby often keeps our finances to himself and alot of work issues bottled up. I feel unless you sit down or write a letter to him to talk to you rather then shut you down you might get what you need to hear. You will never know why unless you ask. I would also say guys need a reasurrance of a retiremnet plan and the normal is they want to achieve a nest egg or adequete savings plan. If this is not the case maybe he works alot and feels he neglects the children and you that he already has. Like I said There could be a million and one ideas but you need to ask. peace lov and hope to you and yours.

You need to be in agreement to make it work. It seems your husband feels at maximum capacity. Why does he feel this way? Put yourself in his shoes and try to see where he is coming from.

I understand how you feel. We have two perfect kids. And I get the itch to have a third. My husband says NO WAY. He has valid points. Introducing a newborn puts a temporary hold on the family dynamics and our other children's daily activities. Its a financial burden. It would mean a new car that can hold 3 carseats. And I would love to go back to work after the kids are in school fulltime. And having another baby would reset the timer for another 5+ years.
Having another income would mean better lives for the kids I have. We would like to buy a house, and save for their college funds. His points all make sense.
And then I worry about the possibility the 3rd child may have medical issues. We were so lucky and so blessed that our two are perfect. Having another one is rolling the dice. That makes me nervous.
So, I respect my husbands opinions and his voice of reason. When I think with my brain instead of my heart, I agree with him.
My SIL just had a newborn, so I get to love that baby and get my 'fix' from her. :)
If you enjoy being around kids, have you considered mentoring? Or being a Big Sister to a less fortunate child??
Or perhaps since you are a SAHM, have you thought of doing some babysitting or child care in your home during the day? Do you know of any friends that are expecting that would be interested in good home care??
I know its not the same as having your own baby. But its a compromise.
Dr. Phil says in a marriage all big decisions require 2 yeses or 1 no. It makes sense. Try to listen to your husband's reasons. Put a pin in it for a few months and revisit the idea with him later on. Maybe he'll have a change of heart.
Best of Luck to You!!!!

Pushing your husband into having another child is not a good idea. Speaking from experience (and as I'm sure you know), having kids (especially while they're babies) is incredibly stressful and puts quite a strain on relationships. The parents are the foundation of the family. My suggestion would be to wait until he's ready, even if that day never comes. Just my 2 cents . . .

Hi M.,

I understand your want for another child, but perhaps your husband is right. Our earth is over populated and in my humble opinion, you have every right to replace yourself. If you have two beautiful and wonderful children, I say, stop while your ahead.

Are you willing to adopt? Maybe if you want another child so terribly, you have what it takes to adopt a toddler or older child. These children are here already and not wanted by their parents. How awful is that.

I was told that I would never have children. 10 years later, I was pregnant. I immediately told my husband that he needed a vasectomy. I am unbelievably happy that i had my daughter safe and healthy, yet I still know that there are children in the world who need me and you. They need us because we both have that innate sense of motherhood that will benefit them and ourselves and our children. We will feel fulfilled by mothering another child, the child will be overjoyed to be loved and our children will see the magic that we all offer the world by opening our hearts and homes.

Just something to think about. Maybe your husband would take to that idea better.

Our toddler will be with us in a little over one year.
good luck.
P.