Working Part Time - - Guilt

J. - me too. When my first son was born I took a 6 month paid maternity leave. The catch to that one was that I had to go back full time for 12 months or pay back the maternity pay plus the cost of my benefits for my leave time! I did, and felt guilty about everything I missed and the travel my job required and my mom being the one to take my sick baby to the doctor when I couldn't get there from the office. When he was 18 months old, I quit and took a part-time job - three days per week. I love it, but still have guilt. I'm not a great SAHM - I still juggle to accomodate work, have a dirty house and get too much take out food. I also feel like I'm not the best employee - my family comes first. My husband has the benefits now so if we have to sacrafice a job, it is mine. I could be much better at my job if I worked full time. So I am a guilty employee now. There are days that I feel like I do everything part-time but I guess that is life when we were a lot of hats!

I value the time off I have to volunteer at my older son's school, take my baby to mommy and me art classes and swim lessons, and even have the occasional nap with both of them after school. Because I work, both of them will have the opportunity to take part in after school activities, vacation and go to college. Because I work, I may not have to live with one of them when I am ready to retire! It is the best we can do for now and most of the time I am happy.

C.

Funny as I can't imagine feeling guilty for working part time. It seems so ideal. You're still earning some money and getting out and keeping your skills updated but you're also home a lot with your kids. Perfect! If it's your office culture making you feel guilty, I assume it's all men (likely with SAHM wives) or women without kids or mothers who WISH they could somehow go part time. Yours is one situation that I don't think calls for guilt. Feel lucky!

Are you crazy, girl?!

You are like the Poster Child for "How Women Really CAN Have it All"!!

Dunno what branch of law you practice, but MY attorney, a family law attorney is in practice for herself. It's just her and her para, she picks and chooses her cases, her case load. She has three school aged children, has a part time nanny, and is in complete control of her career/family balance. Would this be an option for you?

On the other hand, my stepdaughter is a corporate attorney in her mid 30s, she is feeling the need to start a family (she IS married), but she works around the clock, including an exhausting 'social life' that IS required to be successful in her situation. Sigh.

So for NOW, keep your foot in the door, right? Cuz that 18 years goes REALLY REALLY fast, and your career will still be there for you when you get there!

:)

Well, what do YOU think? That's probably most important here, right?

I worked FT for almost 20 years and switched to PT because I hated being able to feed, bathe & put my kid to bed every day. I couldn't quite put a price on that. PT works for me & my family. (Huge income impact from FT to 2 days per week but it's worth it in my opinion.)

We make sure we can afford it. We don't play the debt/credit game.

Maybe you'd find a better climate fit at a different office?

If I feel guilt, it's mine, I own it, I certainly wouldn't be "made to feel guilty" buy co-workers!

Good luck.

No other success can compensate for failure in the home - David O. McKay

Is it valid to invest time, love, energy and money on another human being? Yes. Is it valid to actually want to parent the child you gave birth to? Yes. Is it valid to prioritize your family over work? Yes. Is it valid to have priorities that differ from other people? Yes.

Sounds like you need to find an office with a culture that is more in line with what you value. If your current co-workers want to sacrifice everything else in life for their job, that's their perogative, but they do not get to dictate your values for you. There are plenty of other people working who feel as you do. They will appreciate the work you do contribute in the office, and honor the work you do at home.

Be confident in your choices and don't allow others to make you feel guilty.

What is sounds like is you need a more family oriented legal firm.

I would ignore them. Do the best job you can in the time given and then go home and enjoy your child. It IS valid to spend time with your child. I'm a WAHM and only work very PT. I miss the check but not the stress.

You have to decide what you'll miss more next month, next year, 5 years down the road. To say that you were able to have breakfast with your son each morning, to say that you were able to take him to the zoo on a Wed. at 1p just because, or that you could only afford one Starbucks frappe a week because of the budge, or that I could've gotten a new shiny car if I'd worked full time.

The magic is in the moments, and the moments are what you make of the time you have. So as long as working part-time allows you the moments you want to make you feel connected to both your son and the adult world, AND your bills are getting paid, then who cares what the lawyer 3 doors down pulling 70 hours thinks.

I worked 20 hours a week for the first four years of my child's life. It was a great, great balance so I would personally say that right now you've got the best of both worlds. You're spending more time w/ your child during the early years before they enter school and you're keeping your attorney skills honed. Hey, you worked hard to become an attorney right? And I'm sure it wasn't cheap, either! So don't feel guilty. If you're able to do it financially, it's a wonderful thing. And when your child goes to school full-time, you'll be able to go right back to full-time should you choose to do so. Enjoy your time right now!

Just keep in mind that when your time comes, you will have a lot of precious moments fleeting before your eyes that you would not have had had you continued working full time. That's really what it's all about. The others at your office will see fleeting moments of pleadings, calendars, etc., You, on the other hand, will be calm and relaxed reliving those precious moments with your baby!

Guilt is a worthless emotion, throw it away, get rid of it. I will gladly validate your decision to do whatever is right for you and your family -- whatever that is -- work full-time, work part-time, be full-time mom. It's YOUR DECISION SISTER. Own your decision, be proud of it and do what you have to do to make it work for your situation. Regardless of what decision you make sacrifices have to be made. The Women's Lib movement said we could have it all, but as most of us found out, we can't have it all at the same time. I personally think working part-time is a great compromise, you stay current in your career and still get to spend time with family. And from the part-time moms I knew, they worked harder than the full-time "slackers" :) I hope you're reassured.

I work parttime from home, but I get what you are saying. In her preschool class today they had a Mother's day Tea. Each of the kids said something in the card about their Mom's. One of the things my daughter wrote was that I like playing with her and work.

THe main thing I ALWAYS felt guitly about is that she wants to play and I have to work... but when she tells me how much she loves gymnastics or gymboree, then I feel that it is good I work becuase she can do these things.

I spent a lot of time flip flopping on the guilt, but decided that working part time was a good balance. FOr the most part we have adjusted, and yeah I miss by daily latte's, or the extra books I would buy for myself... but being with her is priceless.

As far as the office culture, they will adjust and a lot of them are probably jealous. It is a tough adjust for them if they are not used to it. It actually took over a year before my boss at the time finally agreed it was working.

I think me and you are very similar work wise. I work 32 hours a week (which squeeks me in at FT for my company) But half the time is afternoon into evening so I am at home all morning. Simply put you do what is best for your family. Which might change over time and that is ok. I do not judge how others do it. But I do wonder how they do. I couldn't do it on either extreme. I couldnt stay home FT and I couldnt 9-5 the whole time. I like my strange balance and it works for me. Everyone needs to walk in the others' shoes to really know. So until they have (successfully) worked through the day and run a household without a babysitter, nanny, or chef consider them ignorant or uneducated in life. ;0)