Woman Health Issue-Please Advise- I Need Your Advise for a Friend!

She needs to tell him so he can gets tested, and if he is negative, so they can learn how to keep him that way. With medication she can control out breaks and help keep him safe. There is a good chance he may have already been exposed, or that he was the one to expose her, so she really needs to tell him ASAP. He loves her, if this is a deal breaker for him, than he was never the one, but I have a feeling that, although he may be angry at first, he will be ok in the end. The better question is, when where they both tested last? If they have been together 3 years when and where did this infection come from?

Ok so I just looked it up. For everyone else out there it is herpes down there, not on the mouth.

She needs to tell him, they've been together 3 yrs so he could have it too. Maybe she got it from him and he never told her? You never know. She can't just ignore him, it's not going to go away. Hopefully they can get through it. Whether she is with him or someone else she is going to have to face it and deal with it. Good luck.

She needs to tell him....

Not sure what the difference is in HSV1 (if there is that) or the one you mentioned.

He may have it and not know.

He may have it and know but not be telling her (maybe that is where she got it). It may have been dormant in either one of them.

If he loves her and wants to be with her and she didn't get it by cheating or anything, then she has nothing to fear.

I had a friend who had a similiar situation (not HSV2) and was afraid to tell a guy she was dating. She was honest and told him and he was okay with it - this was before they were intimate.

Since they are getting married, I assume they are/have been intimate. He needs to be tested and they both need to find out what they can do to cure this (is there a cure) or just treat it to make it manageable.

My sister got it from her husband. He knew he had it and didn't tell her and she didn't find out until she was 8 months pregnant (it is potentially life-threatening if contracted by the baby during birth). I don't know how they're still married.

Your friend and her fiance may both have it, and if so, may or may not be able to trace the origin or time frame it was contracted in. In other words, who got it first and passed it on. And if they love each other enough, it may be a moot point. They both need to deal with it and have him tested and they need to do it ASAP if the wedding is just over a month away. Hopefully their love for each other will prevail.

I agree with all the other responses. She does not need to put this off....tell him now. The longer you wait the more damage to the relationship.

Do not go into a marriage with secrets, it will come back at you.

She needs to be honest with him and if he is truly a wonderful man, they will be able to work through this. This happen to me right before I got married (12yrs ago). We had been together for twp years and I got regular check ups but nothing ever showed up. Not sure of your situation but my husband was a virgin when we got married and we did not have sex before marriage so I knew he didn't give it to me. Naturally I started asking questions and the Dr. explained that I could have had it up to 7 years with little to no symptoms???? My husband knew he was not marrying a virgin and knew I had unprotected sex at some point because I had a child....So my solution was to schedule another Dr. and have the Dr. explain this to him as well. It worked for us....I pray it all works out in her situation.
Be blessed

If he loves her enough to make the commitment of marraige then she needs to trust that he will still love her even with herpes. Plus, where did she get it from? If they've been together 3 years there's a good chance she got it from him or that he may already have been exposed. Regardless where it came from, she needs to tell him ASAP. These things can be scary, but they can only be managed if they are out in the open. She doesn't want to start her marraige with secrets and lies, it will do more damage to their relationship than knowing would.

I think she needs to suck it up and tell him right away--regardless of how & when she got it. He needs to know. Before they are intimate again. I'd want to know...wouldn't she? Good luck!

I think that if he is that wonderful of a man he will be supportive. If they have been together, monogamously, for 3 years, then it sounds like this is a mild case. Some people have HSV with very few symptoms. I have a couple of friends who had one outbreak and then nothing for years.

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Yikes. She is going to HAVE to tell him. If she has been with him for 3 yrs, she must have gotten him from him right? Or...did she cheat? If he truly loves her he will stay with her and they can just be careful. I would say you can google info on it but I bet she has not had it 3 yrs and it has been dormant, she had to have gotten it recently. Maybe he messed around on her.....either way she has to tell him. She needs to take a deep breath and change her way of thinking. She needs to realize that as long as she did NOT cheat on this guy, she is not at fault. If she got this before him, which I doubt, she should feel confident that all will be ok. Truly, if it is true love, he will comfort her and not leave her.....she needs to act like she did not do anything wrong b/c if she comes into this conversation acting like she is at fault, he will feel that and he WILL blame her. If she truly is confused where this came from, that is how she should approach the conversation with him. If she does not tell him and he finds out later, b/c he gets it, that blows the trust issue in a marriage.

Explain to her that honesty is the core of a good marriage, if they have been intimate already then she could have gotten it from him. If she has been intimate with someone else then she could have gotten it from that person. She needs to be honest and up front before the wedding. Starting off a marriage, trying to withhold info, especially that, is just setting up for trouble. Encourage her to be honest with him.

My first impulse was like much of the others -- if they are sexually active, he may have given it to her (even if she was unfaithful to him, it still could be from him, rather than from her to him). That is the state of mind that I would have, as I approach him. Don't necessarily accuse him (he may not know he has it), but keep in mind that he may be the "guilty one" -- and since you don't know (and may never know, unless she cheated on him with someone she now knows has herpes), keep the conversation frank and open, neither accusing him nor excusing herself, and just be honest -- "Honey, I just found out that I have genital herpes, and since we've been together for 3 years, you probably have it, too. It can be latent for [insert time space here -- months, years, perhaps some people never develop symptoms], so you may have had it for years and not know it, and need to be tested to see if you have it, too."

This is, of course, if she doesn't know how she got it; if she knows -- and particularly if she was unfaithful to him -- she should be honest about that, and not lie to her future husband, because that is a horrible foundation for the marriage. However, if she doesn't know (and if she wasn't unfaithful to him), she should assume for now that it is very likely that he gave it to her, and also possible that *he* cheated on her and gave her this lovely disease. When she starts to mentally quake and tremble about telling him, perhaps it could give her a dose of "backbone" to imagine that not only did he give it to her, but that he knew he had herpes and just didn't tell her. [Of course, she doesn't need to launch into him accusing him of that, because he may be totally innocent.

If, however, they have not been sexually active, then she knows that a previous partner gave it to her, and she needs to come clean -- today. She can imagine how it would feel if the boyfriend who gave her this disease knew he had herpes but didn't tell her and knowingly infected her, and use that to impel her not to treat her fiancé so shabbily.

I have no idea what HSV2 is, but she needs to tell him. Either they will get through it or not, but what other choice is there?

She has to tell him...he WILL eventually find out and hiding the fact is not the way to start the marriage!
Is she worried because she was unfaithful at some point over the past 3 years?

She HAS to tell him. This is a disease that is transferable....there are also ways to deal with it. I wouldn't say that she was "unfaithful recently" because that is an assumption....and was she with him constantly and committed for 3 years or was it an "on and off" relationship? ......she could have been carrying this all along from other sexual relationships that she may have had previous to her fiance and had never been tested before. If she has had unprotected sex with him, he will contract this disease or has it already....She has no choice at this point but to tell him and do it quickly because if for some reason he decides not to marry her, they have some work to do .....I am sure that the reason she has them is because someone neglected to tell her....or just didn't care. Depending on the relationship status, it is possible that he may have had unprotected sex with someone at some point and he is "sharing" as well.....

Nothing is true until it's been tested. Tell the truth he deserves to know and so do you.
God Bless