Why Won't She Go to Sleep for Me, but She Will for Hubby???

Like you said, you are MOM. For us, nighttime isn't when she acts up for mom...it's all day. She will be great for dad, nanny, family, friends...but as soon as I'm around she becomes a whiner and stinker. However, I was talking to huz about it the other day and he said that while she's more fussy when I'm around, she's also more animated and engaging. I think there are just different ways a child responds to each parent and different routines that work for each. Good luck!

I was always a bit firm with my kids. I don´t even stay the 10 minutes, but if that's what you do...let her know that you´ll be staying the 10 minutes and then you're going to leave, and it´s time for mommy to have ¨mommy time¨. I always tell my kids I will leave their door open as long as they´re not crying and/or getting out of bed. I think once or 2ce I had to shut my daughters door for a minute and then I´d open it and say, ¨do you want to try it again? No crying and you have to stay in bed to have the door open.¨ You have to be firm and stick to your word, if you´re going to go this route. It works though. My kids have their routine and then they lay down and go to sleep, for the night, every night.

Maybe Dad bores her to sleep! LOL Just kidding of course, but she may just miss you. Don't feel bad mama, they go back and forth with things like this. My dd was like this with me, but I was the one who could put her to sleep and trust me it is just as bad the other way around. No break for mommy. Just try to be firm with her and maybe you will have to not go back in and see what happens. If you keep coming in she will just keep doing it. Have Dad go in until she breaks the habit. Good luck.

Hi K.,
The first thing that come to my mind is that she is yanking your chain hard!!!! I think it is time to start a new routine for your little girl. I would take the reigns on putting her to bed for a while. Sitting in her room for 10 minutes is to long. I had major problems with my daughter and putting her to bed. I found a wonderful on-line book that really gave me the tools to change our bad habits.
This is what I do for my 2 1/2 year old.
After I remind her that it is bedtime soon, we will brush teeth, and then it into her crib/bed for books. I read them in her bed because there is less fuss (vurses having to put her into her bed after books) When I first started her sleep training I read the SAME 3 short books to her for weeks. Before I read the last book, I reminded her that after this book she was going to sleep. In the beginning she cried for a long time. I would let her cry for 5 minutes, and then go in there for just a minute. I would say the same thing to her each time. "Lay down it's bed time, I love, and sweet dreams." and walk out. That is it. No other verbal comunication. If she still cried, then I would go in in another 5 minutes and repeat. After 15 minutes (going in 3 times) I would wait for 10 minutes, and repeat. Eventually, the crying time got shorter and shorter. Now there is no crying, just wonderful goodnights!
we had other problems too, but I won't get into those, it could take forever..LOL
Anyway, if you want, I can forward that on-line book to you (and any other mom who might need it) This book really did change my families life. The author covers alot of different issues and different ways to sleep train. I really suggest it.
Please email me at ____@____.com and I will forward it to you.
It's just obvious to me that you need to change up the routine, and be a little tougher. Like I said....she is messing with you big time. My husband puts my little girl to sleep and he has a different way of doing it then me.
Good luck to you!

believe it or not, I think this is common. My babysitters can put my kids down to sleep easily, but I have to stay in the room, lie with them (I always co-sleep - lie with them till they conk out and then I get up), rub their backs, stay with them till they are asleep. This was my choice from the beginning as I think it's good for them to feel safe at night.

But with the sitter or my husband, it's a piece of cake. They don't have to stay in the room as long.

I think with you * mom * she is expecting more affection, attention, and interaction.

Another thing is (I've noticed this with myself) if I was irritated and stressed and anxious for my then 5 yr old to get to sleep, I wasn't relaxed and HE couldn't relax. He picked up on my anger and that kept him up.

So you need to mirror what you want: calm, relaxed energy. Sleepy, end of the day, energy. Try not to watch the clock too much and just trust she conks out. Maybe it will take 13 minutes instead of 10.

When I worked myself, I was ENSURING it would take another 1.5 hours, until I realized my role in this. Good luck!

I hate to sound like I know you when I don't, but here's my best guess: Even though you and your husband are physically doing things the same, you really aren't doing them the same. There's something in the way he's dealing with her that sets the mood differently than you do. My suggestion would be to observe him closely to see if there's a facial expression or tone of voice that you can adopt. I know you can get there, too!

K.:
just think my husband must just bore her to death. Sounds like a nice bonding opportunity for daddy and daughter.

She wants to hang out with you....don't feel bad. I got Healthy Sleeping Habits, Happy Baby, it's great. But you may not like this....in order for her to go to sleep with you, you can't go back after 10 minutes. She needs to figure out you're not going to play or keep her company and she needs to sleep, even if it means crying. Good luck, and remember each parent's interaction with their child is different. Just be glad she goes to sleep for one of you.

I wish I could help but I saw you had no responses and thought I should let you know you are not alone. I had this same problem with my baby boy when he was around a year - actually we found that ANYONE except me could put him down! It made me really sad and a little desperate! I'm still not sure what was going on but when my parents moved out and husband had to work late I was his only option for going to bed - it took us a really long time for a few nights but he figured it out - guess what - now I am the only one that can put him down! He will go down for the sitter if we aren't home but no matter what we do, if I am in the house he freaks out crying if I don't put him to bed. The whole process takes about an hour so now I miss the freedom of the nights when someone else could do it :) My advice would be to relax - I think as the mom we stimulate their emotions more then others and trigger the seperation anxiety reaction more...enjoy a little time to yourself when your hubby does it and be confident that you can do it when you need to even if it takes a little while longer. My current strategy is to sit next to his crib with my hand on his leg for comfort - I don't pick him up or talk - it takes a little while but he does put himself to sleep without crying. Goodluck!

Hi K.,
May I suggest that you get the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Mark Weisbluth? This book talks you through how to deal with this type of behavior with each and every age group. It sounds to me as though your little peanut has figured out how to keep mom around longer. She obviously enjoys your company and doesn't care how or what type of attention she is getting from you. Kids are so bright and we often underestimate their abilities!
Time to be tough mama! You may have to let her cry-it-out a few nights, but she will eventually get the point.

It's a compliment! She wants to hang out with you... Dad is probably not as fun or warm. Enjoy her now that she is your only baby not for long. I promise the sleeping thing is only a stage!

I had the same type of problem when my twins were babies. It seemed like the nanny and my husband were great at getting the girls to sleep, but it would take me so much longer. I figured out that I was putting too much pressure on the situation and on myself and I believe the babies could sense that I was tense, so they could not relax. I also noticed that it was much worse when my nanny and/or husband was around.....since it was so obvious that I was doing a bad job at this. When my nanny and/or husband was away I was actually much more successful because it felt like the competition pressure was off and I was much more relaxed. So, just try and totally relax about it and your baby will feel your calmness and be able to fall asleep. And yes, I totally understand the "but I'm the Mom" feelings. Ignore them, as you are probably amazing at many other mothering things. This will get better when you put less pressure on it.