When to Tell Family We're Expecting #3

L. -
Wow! What a wonderful family dynamic you have. I feel you are doing the best thing you can in supporting your extended family. Talk to your baby about your family and how great it is going to be for him/her to be apart of this loving, supportive family. Tell your baby how excited you are to be expecting him/her. Babies are hearing and feeling all that is going on around them while in utero! Take time each day to communicate your love and longing for your baby, even if it is non-verbal.

I just took a class from a mid-wife who talked about giving your baby an "oxytocin bath" a couple times a day. Taking yourself to a warm happy place will release oxytocin within you and bathes your baby in that euphoric feeling. This creates a safe envirionment that babies need to grow and develope in. Include your husband and girls in this process. Everybody take turns telling the newest member of your family how much they are anticipating their arrival. As a teacher, you know the importance of communicating with children, start now!

Congratulations!

R. CD(DONA)
from heaven to earth
doula services

1 mom found this helpful

L.,

Thank you for your sensitivity to those of us who struggle with infertility! I say tell them in person if at all possible, or call them personally. Whatever you do, don't let them hear it through the grapevine, even from family. I am in the same place. We have struggled with infertility, mulitple miscarriages, and just found out this morning that somehow #3 is on thier way without help! I will be seeing my cousin at Thanksgiving, and even though I will still be in my first trimester, I will tell her, as she is struggling with the reality of never having children. She and I have a close relationship and this will go better in person than any other way. You know your family best. Go with your gut instinct on how they would respond, or a close family member. As someone who has been there, I can tell you, there may hard feelings at first, especially if difficulties arise, but htey would rather know and be happy for you (after some time) than to hear it from someone else. I hope this goes well for you. I understand your pain. GL

K.

1 mom found this helpful

I would send your cousins 3 neutral colored baby outfits. One with your cousin's name on it, one with your husband's cousin's name, and one with your name and tell them that good news comes in 3's. I personally think that everyone should be happy about a new baby, even if they had their own bad experiences.

1 mom found this helpful

In my opinion, I think you should tell them. Just because you have other family members that are pregnant, doesn't mean you can't celebrate YOUR pregnancy! Your family can be excited for and celebrate more than one baby. Ask yourself this: will you love this baby less because you already have 2 others? No, of course not. Your love multiplies, not divides. And it's the same for your family. Their love and excitement will multiply, not divide! Sorry if this sounds cheesy (lol), but I think you should celebrate with your family and let them in on the excitement! Congratulations, and I wish you a happy, healthy pregnancy & baby!!!

-C.

L.,
Children are a true blessing anytime they come. Your family might be hurt if you wait so long to tell them. It is an exciting time and you need to share it with the ones you love the most. Your cousin might be happy to share your pregnancies together. It is your call but I think it would be a wonderful Christmas present.
CathyB

L.,
I understand your mixed feelings, but a baby is always a blessing. I had a miscarriage myself, but I don't feel bad if someone else gets pregnant. In fact, God has blessed us with our second child (on the way) and we're really happy about it. If you want to go safe on this, I would recommend that you wait until you are at the end of your first trimester to spread the news. Good luck!
A.

I say, make an announcement at Thanksgiving! As long as you’re at least 2 months pregnant and/or have had your first ultra sound and everything is going good (it would be horrible to miscarry and have to tell everyone, which would add to an already difficult experience). Thanksgiving is perfect because you get everyone (or at least a good amount of family) together and it's a happy time! Don't worry about over shadowing anyone or having something good in your life when other members of your family are having a hard time! They should be happy for you no matter what they are going through right now!

Good luck!

I would tell them when you feel ready. This baby is exciting for you and your family as well and I don't feel that you should rob yourself of those emotions at the expense of someone else. I understand where you are coming from and I can only respect you for thinking of your family. I would just hate for you to regret not telling everyone sooner.

Are all you getting together for Christmas? Why not do something special to announce your new arrival at that time. You could also do something really special for the other two expectant mothers as well, so you do not take the attention from them. I am sure they will be just as happy for you, as you are for them. Congratulations!

I always wait till the 1st trimester is over till you are mostly out of the danger zone and then tell everyone, I dont know how far along you are but start there. Pregnancies are happy occasions, I cant see why the other family regardless of their past history would be mad at you or make it a down experience, they will probley be excited you are having a baby close to theirs!

Here's a way to "tell" your family you're expecting without actually saying you are, and it creates a fun sense of mystery too.

Send a common, everyday item to your family members that represents the size of the baby you're expecting, but don't tell them what it means.

Send a grain of rice when the baby is that big, send a walnut when the baby is that big, etc.

That way, you can tell them whenever you want to what the objects mean, and have a way of extending it into a kind of fun game.

Congrats! I think that you and this baby are just as valid! If your family is really that close they would want to know, right? Besides, good news is probably welcome right now!

L., I think you are thinking entirely too much about this. I am sure the news that your expecting will be well received whenever you decide to tell people. Remember, the world is much smaller than you think and you definitely do not want your family to hear it from someone other than you. Congrats!

I am also expecting my 3rd child(6 weeks)(I have 2 healthy boys) and have not told my mom yet. we had a MC in June and she expects me to wait 1 year before we try to have another. We will be going back for Thanksgiving and I wil tell my family then. I found a message board called babyfit that I enjoy because it is a bunch of people in my stage that I can talk to and relate to and don't feel the pressure of "keeping it a secret". I want to wait until my 1st trimester since the MC was less then 6 months ago but have told a few choice people. You said your fam was 3K away. If you decide to wait then use the excuse that you wanted to see the expression on their face. My mom was a little bummed because I didn't tell her right away with #2 but I think she was more excited that there was a #2 coming then the fact that I waited a few weeks to tell her.

You are SUCH a good person! No one is going to feel like you're stealing their thunder, and if they do....well that is really THEIR issue. As long as the others are happy and healthy, I don't see what's wrong with you saying anything by Christmas. Because I can tell that if YOU make a big deal about them, then most will probably follow suit and then you will have your moment after theirs are here and it will soon be time for your little blessing to be the center of attention when it is their time later next year!

When you tell your family is up to you and your baby won't know the difference. The fact that you are excited is all that matters. I know family matters are important, but you have to think of everything that is happening. I honestly think you should wait a little while, but not as long as feburary. Maybe you should think about making it a chrismas anouncement. That way your family has had time to celibrate your cuzins babys and had time to think about your other cuzins problems and blessings. So they will be just as excited as you come Christmas. but thats just me. do whatever you feel in your gut. don't second guess yourself. hope this helps even just a little.

Jump for joy and shout it out loud! NOW!!!
My sister, married for almost 10 years, had difficulties getting pregnant. I got married, and within a month of "talking about stopping the pill" we got pregnant. (We miscarried but again, got pregnant a month later). I was all freaked out telling my sister (and my family) - and then I realized when I saw her JOY for us that she was happy for us.
As it turns out - 4 months into my pregnancy - SISTER GOT PREGNANT! Our babies (a girl mine and boy hers) are 5 months apart and I would not have missed the joy of sharing our pregnancies with her. We attended each other's births and it is a bond that cannot be broken by timing. (Leave that to God and enjoy!!!)
You are deserving of the joy of others at your news - it has nothing to do with the cousins - you can all be happy and pregnant together - ENJOY and SHARE the news. :)

I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks with my first child, and had told everyone around us. It was hard enough to deal with the miscarriage, but to deal with telling everyone who kept asking how I was feeling, why I wasn't showing, etc., was horrible. We decided from then on to wait until 3 months, which most doctors advise, anyways, to tell anyone we were pregnant. We rejoiced, worried, and did all the normal things, in our own home, but the rest just wasn't public! We have 3 healthy boys, and saved myself alot of angst by telling people too early.
I know your situation is different, but your baby will never know you didn't tell people right away. You are waiting for all of the right reasons, to protect others you care about. The baby will feel your love and excitement, and will grow and develop to feel loved, regardless of when you announce the pregnancy to family!

Best wishes for a happy, healthy 3rd child! Our third added such craziness (happy craziness) to our lives!

Every baby is a miracle. You should share your news now. You are not taking away anything from your other family members you are just adding to the joy.

I say just tell 'em. You're not trying to steal anyone else's glory by getting pregnant yourself! They're family, they love you just as much as you love them and they'll be happy that the three of you can finally share in a pregnancy together (instead of them sitting on the sidelines watching you go through a pregnancy by yourself)!

I would tell them at the same time that you start telling your friends. I think it's great that you are having another baby, and I hope your family will be excited about it. If you don't want it to be an issue given all the other pregnancies in the family, then DON'T make it an issue by keeping it a secret.
I waited an extra month to tell my family about my 3rd, because my sister is finally pregnant with her 2nd. I didn't want to steal her "glory". But, I ended up hurting her feelings because I had to skirt around the issue so much and she really wanted to be involved and know what is going on with my pregnancy, too.
Either way- figure out when you and your husband would normally tell your family (for us, it's pretty much right away) and tell them. (Of course, I wouldn't recommend that you tell them at a baby shower or some other celebration that is all about the other family's babies.) If they have issues with it, then it's something they'll need to deal with and not of your doing.
I also think family should know first- my mom would be hurt if she thought I'd told all my friends before she even knew. Plus, I would want to know as soon as my daughter is pregnant. Just do what you feel you should do, and be polite about when the news is shared. YOu could even mention that it's exciting that all the kids will be so close in age and how fun it will be to all be pregnant at the same time. and just keep it positive.
Hope this helps!

My feeling on all of this is that you can wait until you are 14 weeks like several people I know have done and tell all of them that you didnt want to tell anyone until you were in your second trimester and out of the danger zone. That way people wont feel affended when they do find out and you dont have to stress out your family members either.

As someone who has had multiple losses and two healthy sons, I say do not hide it too long. I personally would wait through the first trimester (the high risk for miscarriage) and then tell everyone at the same time. I would tell your cousin's myself and not let them hear from other family members. Your cousin's most likely will be happy for you because a baby is a blessing no matter how hard it was to conceive or maintain the pregnancy. You might point out how close in age they will be and how they will grow up together.

if these close family members have been trying so hard they should know what a blessing a new baby is and should understand. just htink all your kids will grow up together. i wouldnt think that announcing yor pregnancy should be a problem but then you know them best. if you were mysister and i didnt know, i think that i would be upset but hen again you know your family better. there is no reason why your baby is any less importnat than the others. just be thankful that you are not n their circimstances and pray for them so that things will go right.