L.B. asks from Maricopa, AZ on November 11, 2007
When to Tell Family We're Expecting #3
This may seem like an easy question however, there are several factors that need to be weighed.
1. My close cousin is finally pregnant and in her 5th month with twins. This is her first pregnancy to make it this long, after three failed IVFs.
2. My husband's cousin is pregnant with her second after several miscarriages. Her husband has just found out that he has testicular cancer and has had surgery and will begin radiation therapy soon.
Needless to say our families are closely knit. There is no way to tell one member and have them keep the secret. I don't want to retract from my cousin's highly anticipated healthy pregnancy. Nor do I want to throw more emotion into the mix with my husband's cousin and their whirlwind of emotions. I was planning on telling people around February (my birthday) so we could slide under the radar until I begin showing.
Does that seem polite or not? I will tell friends since our families are 3k miles away and won't hear the news unexpectedly and we can share our excitement with people who we see regularly.
On the other side of the spectrum is the fact that I don't want this baby to feel like I am ashamed. When in reality we had been trying hard to get pregnant for a couple of months.
I feel like I'm stuck in a conundrum, without a clear way out! HELP!
So What Happened?™
First off I want to say thank you to all who responded! We went to the doctor for our first visit and she thought I may be having twins!! So a few weeks later we went for an ultrasound and found one healthy baby heart beat! Last week I told most of my family and have decided to do something special for each of my cousins to let them know this week!
R.W. answers from Las Vegas on November 13, 2007
I always wait till the 1st trimester is over till you are mostly out of the danger zone and then tell everyone, I dont know how far along you are but start there. Pregnancies are happy occasions, I cant see why the other family regardless of their past history would be mad at you or make it a down experience, they will probley be excited you are having a baby close to theirs!
R.P. answers from Denver on November 13, 2007
Wow! What a wonderful family dynamic you have. I feel you are doing the best thing you can in supporting your extended family. Talk to your baby about your family and how great it is going to be for him/her to be apart of this loving, supportive family. Tell your baby how excited you are to be expecting him/her. Babies are hearing and feeling all that is going on around them while in utero! Take time each day to communicate your love and longing for your baby, even if it is non-verbal.
I just took a class from a mid-wife who talked about giving your baby an "oxytocin bath" a couple times a day. Taking yourself to a warm happy place will release oxytocin within you and bathes your baby in that euphoric feeling. This creates a safe envirionment that babies need to grow and develope in. Include your husband and girls in this process. Everybody take turns telling the newest member of your family how much they are anticipating their arrival. As a teacher, you know the importance of communicating with children, start now!
from heaven to earth
1 mom found this helpful
K.D. answers from Denver on November 13, 2007
Thank you for your sensitivity to those of us who struggle with infertility! I say tell them in person if at all possible, or call them personally. Whatever you do, don't let them hear it through the grapevine, even from family. I am in the same place. We have struggled with infertility, mulitple miscarriages, and just found out this morning that somehow #3 is on thier way without help! I will be seeing my cousin at Thanksgiving, and even though I will still be in my first trimester, I will tell her, as she is struggling with the reality of never having children. She and I have a close relationship and this will go better in person than any other way. You know your family best. Go with your gut instinct on how they would respond, or a close family member. As someone who has been there, I can tell you, there may hard feelings at first, especially if difficulties arise, but htey would rather know and be happy for you (after some time) than to hear it from someone else. I hope this goes well for you. I understand your pain. GL
1 mom found this helpful
A.B. answers from Phoenix on November 13, 2007
I would send your cousins 3 neutral colored baby outfits. One with your cousin's name on it, one with your husband's cousin's name, and one with your name and tell them that good news comes in 3's. I personally think that everyone should be happy about a new baby, even if they had their own bad experiences.
1 mom found this helpful
C.A. answers from Las Vegas on November 13, 2007
In my opinion, I think you should tell them. Just because you have other family members that are pregnant, doesn't mean you can't celebrate YOUR pregnancy! Your family can be excited for and celebrate more than one baby. Ask yourself this: will you love this baby less because you already have 2 others? No, of course not. Your love multiplies, not divides. And it's the same for your family. Their love and excitement will multiply, not divide! Sorry if this sounds cheesy (lol), but I think you should celebrate with your family and let them in on the excitement! Congratulations, and I wish you a happy, healthy pregnancy & baby!!!
C.B. answers from Denver on November 14, 2007
Children are a true blessing anytime they come. Your family might be hurt if you wait so long to tell them. It is an exciting time and you need to share it with the ones you love the most. Your cousin might be happy to share your pregnancies together. It is your call but I think it would be a wonderful Christmas present.
A.O. answers from Denver on November 13, 2007
I understand your mixed feelings, but a baby is always a blessing. I had a miscarriage myself, but I don't feel bad if someone else gets pregnant. In fact, God has blessed us with our second child (on the way) and we're really happy about it. If you want to go safe on this, I would recommend that you wait until you are at the end of your first trimester to spread the news. Good luck!
F.W. answers from Phoenix on November 13, 2007
I say, make an announcement at Thanksgiving! As long as you’re at least 2 months pregnant and/or have had your first ultra sound and everything is going good (it would be horrible to miscarry and have to tell everyone, which would add to an already difficult experience). Thanksgiving is perfect because you get everyone (or at least a good amount of family) together and it's a happy time! Don't worry about over shadowing anyone or having something good in your life when other members of your family are having a hard time! They should be happy for you no matter what they are going through right now!
J.C. answers from Phoenix on November 12, 2007
I would tell them when you feel ready. This baby is exciting for you and your family as well and I don't feel that you should rob yourself of those emotions at the expense of someone else. I understand where you are coming from and I can only respect you for thinking of your family. I would just hate for you to regret not telling everyone sooner.
Are all you getting together for Christmas? Why not do something special to announce your new arrival at that time. You could also do something really special for the other two expectant mothers as well, so you do not take the attention from them. I am sure they will be just as happy for you, as you are for them. Congratulations!