When Is the Apropriate Time....

Have you thought about looking into an assisted living type place? At least there, they can have some independence still, but have round the clock care in case something should happen. I do not have any experience with this yet, but my friend has had to, and she said that when it comes to the point where you are worried about their safety and aren't 100% positive they can live on their own, that's when she started looking for places. I don't think there is a definite "time" for it...everyone's different.

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First & foremost, what does your Step-Mom's family think???!!! They are the ones that should have a say so what they think is best for her. Second, what are their wishes? Do they have a will, or power of attorney that states what they want? If you have family I would sit down with everyone & discuss all the options. If they are capable of cooking, driving, doing their laundry, then why move them? The only reason we had put my Grandparents into an assisted living, was at the time my Grandma was dependant on a wheel chair, had Parkinson, and could not take care of herself, she has since passed away. I know what ever choice everyone makes, someone won't be happy. Just remember when you are their age, would you want someone making the choices for you? It is also a good time to maybe make a legal document for yourself stating when you are their age, what you want planned for you.

Best of luck!
M.

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How well is your dad able to take care of your step mom and their home? If they need help around the house, perhaps they would benefit from a home health assistant or a maid. While I do not know how your father is doing health-wise, the decision to go into a nursing home should be based on your father's and step-mother's needs, not their age. This is also a decision that they need to make, (unless they have given you power of attorney). If you and your step-brother have concerns about their health and well-being, discuss these concerns with them as a family discussion. Find out what their wishes are, then respect them unless their lives are in danger. There are alot of places to go to for help in the home, such as a home nursing agency or social services agency, to help them maintain their independence while giving you peace of mind.

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Hi C.,
I agree with L. H the PT that gave you advice. Look into what she has said, and if you feel that they are not safe being at home contact their doctor and talk to them about placement. They might be eligible for in home care which is better for them if they can stay in their own home. There are many assisted living places to choose from in every town, which is another option. I work in a group home and that is nicer then a nursing home. Less people and better care and attention. We actually got one of our residents from a nursing home and he has done wonderful there.

If you do put them in a nursing home my advice there would be to visit at random times. Don't go on scheduled visits because my mom has worked in alot of nursing homes and has seen that the caregivers will take the extra time when they know a family member is coming in at a certain time. But they always take the extra time if they don't know what time they are coming in. does that make sense?

It is a hard decision when it comes to your own parents on what to do but I would start with the Doctor and get some help there.

Good Luck
God Bless
L. Shipley
Missoula MT

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I guess that question is totally situationally-based. if they are getting to the point that they can't take care of themselves or are endangering themselves, then that's when they need more.

Nursing homes can be a very depressing place. "death Parking Lots" for some. Anymore there are several assisted living places that aren't the full-care type like nursing homes. Be sure to visit the homes and if your parents are coherent enough be sure to include them in th discussions and maybe some tours once you narrow it down.

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