When Is Enough ENOUGH!!! - Fort Smith,AR

Well. I can understand the inconvenience. However, she's your neighbor so I'm assuming she lives close and you have to get out anyway? Try to imagine how you would feel having sick babies and stressing about who is taking care of your other child. I think what your doing is great and very selfless. You would want the same care also if you were in the predicament. Great job on being a good friend. My favorite bible verse says "dont grow tired of doing good because you will reap a harvest".

So Im sure that it will end when the babies come home because one parent can stay home for a minute while the other takes the older kid. But for the meantime, hang in there. If you get tired and frustrated, think of what my mentor used to say to me when I would complain of someone putting me out... "Buck up cupcake"

ps... where are their parents?

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You, were great to offer to help in their time of need, but since you have decided that their time of need is over, who are they to know better?
Go ahead and be rude, you want to anyway, it's not like 1000 other people wouldn't be too. I mean really, you probably just bit off more than you could chew, right?
Don't worry, your only one of the billions of people they can't count on.

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Why don't you suggest continuing to do this for a few months for her if she will do the same thing for you starting in March continuing until June when school is out. That way you both can avoid taking out the littlest ones for a few months. You would not feel taken advantage of and if she thinks it would be too much in the spring you can take the oppertunity to let her know it is too much for you now.

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It was a very kind thing for you to offer, sounds like maybe you didn't consider how long it would be for. I assume that since the twins came early, you were expecting to be in for at least three more weeks anyway since that would have been their due date. So, the 5 weeks is really only a couple more than you signed on for.
I agree that it will be difficult for her to throw infant preemie twins into the car twice a day in the cold. But, if it is becoming a burden to you, I suggest asking her if you could find one other friend/neighbor to do it twice a week - then you could do it twice a week, which would put her in the position of doing it once a week - at least in the beginning. Sounds like you have a perfect out at the end of March!! Congrats, I'm due at the end of March, too : )

After reading your story, my take on it is that the other family is probably up to their ears in worry about the new babies that they probably haven't noticed that they are taking advantage of you. I don't think they are doing it on purpose, they are just preoccupied. I would probably do it this way: on a Friday, when they pick up their child from you, I would say, 'You know, I've got so much to do next week, I don't think I will be able to get her next week.' That way they have the weekend to make arrangements. If you are uncomfortable with that amount of time, give them a week...tell them that after the next week, you have other obligations to take care of and can't watch the child. In no way should you feel responsible to watch the child; she's not yours. You can, in a nice way, let them know that it is enough. You have your hands full with your own and are about to have another. If you do it nicely it shouldn't have any bearing on the friendship you may have with them.

I think the idea of finding other people to help out is a good idea. Carpooling is helpful to everyone. Since you are having to get your 2 babies out to take your child to school anyway it would give you the chance to stay at home some mornings too. Keeping the child for hours after school may be something that can be stopped soon anyway. When the little ones come home she should be able go home after school.

I took 2 children to school for 2 years. I was out and taking K to the same school as the little girl anyway. They went to the local Head Start program together (it was 6.90 miles away)and the family lived about a mile away from us. I thought it was silly for the mom to have to get out to take the son to his local school so I volunteered to drop him off on our way. He had to be at school by 7:30 to eat breakfast and the girls school started at 8am. Was it inconvenient? Yes. Was it annoying sometimes when I was sitting at the girls school for half an hour waiting for the doors to open? Yes. But I knew in my heart this family needed this service. Would I have liked to have a break from it? Yes. There were no other families in our area going the same place so I had to go anyway. I didn't even ask for money for gasoline either. As I said earlier, I was going to be going anyway.

You are doing a good thing. You also have needs that I didn't. You could simply tell them that your Doctor has suggested that you have some bed rest or something like that and ask them if they can take all the kids to school in the morning and you'll get them home in the afternoon and keep the little girl as planned.

Hi Sarah. When you volunteered to take and pick her up from school, did you say "we can pick her up and take her for a week or two" etc or did you leave it open ended? She may have no idea that you are feeling inconvenienced, or unappreciated. I'm sure it wasn't her intent to pawn her other child off on you like an instant foster parent.

I can tell you as a mom of twins that had to stay in the NICU, it was quite a relief when people I knew I could trust offered to help with the SLIGHTEST thing. Even though there were only certain hours we could go to the hospital, I spent hours pumping, refrigerating, transferring milk, washing bottles, etc, and they weren't even home! My sleep schedule was way out of whack, and I didn't even have any other children at home that I needed to get ready for school, make lunches, get dressed, etc each day.

You can always back out of something... but before you create any hard feelings between you, sit down and let her know that after such-and-such date, you won't be able to, or you can only do it on Mondays, etc. It may be just that with everything going on, she trusts you and has put that completely to the back of her mind (before and after school for her other child) so the twins can be at the forefront. Maybe take a niece basket of teas, or cocoa or something over to her and approach the subject nicely. You may find out there's a perfectly good reason why she hasn't been able to take her daughter in the morning, or she may not even be aware of the fact you've helped them for a whole week already!!

Good luck, and God Bless!

K.
P.S. mine came home mid-November, and they did just fine in the winter, as long as we preheated the car, and used several receiving blankets they were toasty warm!

I agree that most likely she is just so thankful you offered she hasn't given it Another thought. That is undercontrol and on to the twins. What did you say when you offered? did you leave it open until the end of time or did you say, " until the babies come or are at home?" she may not realize your end date if you didn't tell her personally.

But enough is enough when she doesn't need you anymore. God never said that doing good works was only when it was convenient. He said do it until there is no longer a need. With 2 babies in the hospital, I am so suprised she is able to pry herself away to come home at all.

I would go over to visit, take a pumpkin bread or something and have chat. Of Course ask about the twins etc. My concern would be how long she is at your home every evening. Do they work or are they at the hospital? We really only have about 3 weeks before we are out for the holidays. I would say, I don't mind taking her to and from school, but I can't keep her so late once school's out or after next week, or whatever. You are going there anyway and obviously have the room, so really what does it matter? I know after we have been doing something for so long, it becomes part of life and it seems people don't aprreciate us anymore, but I bet you are on the top of her list, just ask. good luck

Maybe you can just keep it simple and go over and say to her how much longer you can do this. If she knows there is a end date then what can she say.

I'm sure they would love to have someone help them with school duties after they get home so they don't have to take 2 at risk babies out in the cold every day. Maybe you could end things by organizing a group of people to help drive their daughter. That way you won't be on the hook every day and they can still have some help.

Enough is enough when you think it is ENOUGH.

You were kind enough to offer your services so why are you asking this question. Just tell the mother it. in the same manner, that you do not wish to continue.

Two things can happen:
1 She will thank you, which she should.
2 Snear, and you can say that you did it for the Lord.
Either way you will either make a friend or find out it is not worth trying!

God Bless

She may not be showing it right now but I bet your friend is extremely grateful. I had a baby 8 weeks early and I have two older school age children that are in different schools. I am lucky I have family that went out of their way to take my kids and picked them up for the 5 weeks the baby was in the hospital and for about 3 weeks after.

My hospital had "nonvisiting times" however there were exceptions for the NICU. We were aloud in the hospital 24 hours but would have to wait in the waiting room during changing of the shifts and DR rounds. We always wanted to be there during/after the morning rounds because the Dr.s would talk to the parents if you were waiting otherwise you got the information relayed from a nurse and would have as ask the nurse to ask your questions.

After he came home he was on a 3 hour feeding schedule and was homebound due to low immunity.

You are a great friend and don't be discouraged by her lack of showing you appreciation or consideration. I am sure she has a million things on her mind. Have you called her just to talk and you could "feel out" her plans for when the twins come home.

K

Although you are feeling taken advantage of, please persevere and help out your friend. Until you have been there, it is impossible to describe how emotionally and physically draining it is to leave your babies alone at the hospital. You have no idea what a blessing your help is for your friend. Know that what you do now will come back to you, and you are a wonderful person for helping, even though it is getting tiring. I know it must be even harder on you, since you are pregnant, but hang in there. :)

I just read a few of the responses so I don't know if this has been mentioned yet but did she have a c-section with the twins? Recovering from a c-section is extremely tough and I know just with having a c with one child, I wasn't allowed to drive for 8 weeks. I could barely get off the couch at times. I don't think that she is purposely trying to take advantage of your offer but I'm sure she has so much going on right now that she's probably just incredibly grateful to know that her daughter is being taken care of by someone she trusts. Maybe you should go over to their house and chat with them for a while and try to get a feel for what their situation is exactly.

I agree with the post about seeing if another neighbor/friend/church member can pick her daughter up a few days a week and you do it a couple each week.
Before you do this-talk to your neighbor and tell her with the holidays coming up-parties, shopping etc...you know there's going to be a lot going on after school and you are thinking it will be easier on THEM if they still have someone picking her up (at least) for a few more weeks. You can also mention it's easier on you with the holidays coming and 2 of your own to have some help with her daughter.
Then I'd let Her make the decision if she wants you to stop (since you've made it clear that you need a break from the extra duty morning AND evening) and find someone else Or if she wants you to assist her in continuing to have someone else drop off/pick up her child. That way you can have a break and won't be the "bad guy" by saying you don't want to do this anymore.
If you go to the same church you could offer to do drop-off and pick-up on Wednesdays and Thursdays (for example) and also take her daughter to church and you'd still have 3 days/week to just come home and have a "normal" routine. Or maybe you could find someone else to pick her up and you could do drop-off or vice versa.
I hope this helps.
Congrads on your pregnancy :-) and Good Luck.

I am sure that this is hectic on you, especially with having 3 and expecting another! However, you say YOU volunteered - she didn't come to you begging for help. And there may be things that are going on in the mornings that you aren't aware of. I'd guess she is still pretty thrown off by everything at this point (for me, the 3rd week was the one that hit me hard with my 4-mo-old). Even though the babies aren't there, her sleep may be all out of whack, and her hormones are still regulating after giving birth. Heck, she is probably still bleeding pretty good at this point. Since you offered to help, I am not sure if the best thing would be to cold bail on them with 3-week-old babies.

Why don't you talk to her - check in, see how things are going with her and the babies, and talk about their schedule and yours and how things might work more smoothly? You may find out there is more going on with them than you imagine - and that she is more grateful for your help than you are assuming!

They may not be able to enter the NICU till 9:30am but dr do their rounds between 6-9 am so they may want to be there for that so they can talk to the drs. I just thought I would throw that out there. :)