What Would You Do? Gift Question...

Updated on December 27, 2008
P.P. asks from Crystal Lake, IL
5 answers

hey moms!!

I have a question about a gift my son (age 18) received from my sister n law. Every year she buys my son something for Christmas as he is her godson. She is a very caring person and very considerate. She and I over the years have differed greatly on parenting styles and what we allow our kids to wear, length of their hair and so forth. I'm trying not to judge them on what they wear and so forth but honestly, what you wear does make an impression of sorts on people. And I think the clothing they wear doesn't reflect well on their character. They are good kids though and I love them very much.

Long story short, she bought my son... for lack of better words.. a "hippie" sort of hoodie that I know her kids would enjoy wearing but it is not my son's style at all. And it was way too big on him anyway. He tried it on and made the best of it and I was hoping she would say.. gosh.. its too big.. I can take it back.. but she didn't.. my son thanked her graciously for it and accepted the gift..It looked absolutely ridiculous on him though.

but I know its going to just sit in his closet. Do you think it would be wrong for me to say how much he appreciated her picking out the gift for him but unfortunately it is too big and perhaps her own son might enjoy having it or maybe she could return it and get a credit on her credit card for it?? I know she bought it online. I just don't want to hurt her feelings.
thanks for your insights!

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So What Happened?

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful responses. I know money is tight for my sister n law and the thought of just giving the gift away really bothers me. I know they could use the money. And too, I know she will ask him if he has been wearing it down the road and I don't want him to lie about anything. So its pretty much feel the discomfort now and just express what the deal is with it being too large (and also not his style at all.. but we wouldn't say that..)

or later on telling her after she asks him directly. And by that time, it would probably be too late for her to return it and get any sort of credit for herself. If she really doesn't have the paper work on it, she could just give it to her son to enjoy.

After thinking about the situation some more, I have found that in past situations with her, she appreciates people just being honest and kind with her and there are usually no hard feelings.

I think we can tell her kindly how much we appreciated her thoughtfulness and also express our concern that we don't want the gift to go unused. We are not expecting her to go out and buy something else for him or give him the money for it either. She and I have a good relationship so I think it should work out.

I agree.. gift receipts sure make these sorts of situations much easier!
have a great new year!

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.

answers from Chicago on

I would let it go. Regift or donate it, unless it's some sort of really expensive designer thing worth returning. My kids received several gifts this year that they already have or don't need - it just hurts the giver's feelings, I think, to be asked for a receipt if they didn't have one to include with the package. (if I have a receipt, I always include it, but sometimes I don't have it and then I'd feel obligated to buy a new gift, and honestly - not worth the aggravation for anyone involved.)

1 mom found this helpful
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M.M.

answers from Chicago on

PJ P:

I think you son needs to send the gift giver a formal thank you (written note, email, phone call) for the gift. He should mention that the hoodie was abit large and politely ask for a gift receipt. Luckily the item was too big for him giving him an honest excuse for asking for the receipt. I am a firm believer of gift receipts. I would rather my gift recipent have something they can use and appreciate rather than the money being wasted. In this economy, I'd like to think that others feel the same way.

I am assuming that your son is a fully capable adult and as such, its his responsibility to make the contact with the person that gave him the hoodie. I don't think hair and clothing styles should matter in the particular situation.

Good luck and let us know how things turn out.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

Z.

answers from Chicago on

re-gift it or sell it on craigslist. I agree with the other poster on letting your son take care of the issue. He is old enough to make that decision and to talk to your sis-in-law if he really doesn't like the gift. Knowing most 18 year olds, he probably doesn't care that his gift sucks and he probably doesn't care to confront her about it.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.

answers from Chicago on

Re-gift, it or donate, there are plenty of kids out there this year especially that could really use the hoodie. My son who is 11 knows and understands that. We just smile nicley say thank you, and go on from there. I am sure that we have ALL given plenty of gifts that the other person did not like or care for. Thats whay I tell my family members for my kids gifts cards are always nice. My 14 & 11 year ols love to get them then they can go but what they really like, want, need.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.R.

answers from Chicago on

Your son did the right thing by graciously accepting the gift and thanking her for it.

If you don't want to hurt her feelings, do you really think that telling her that she needs to return her thoughtfully chosen gift will go over smoothly? That could potentially be very hurtful.

If you hate it that much, I'm sure that you could (like other posters said) either re-gift it or you could donate it to Goodwill, Salvation Army, or a shelter where someone would appreciate it.

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