im just curious how other moms would handle this.
if you had loud neighbors who were screaming at each other every day, but you know there isnt any violence, and your other neighbors are complaining and want to call the police on them.
they have two kids ages 4 and 3, they yell at each other pretty much only when their kids are home. both parents go to school all day, (so i can totally understand their stress, but i think they should at least close the windows when they are yelling so it doesnt travel up the street.)
any way, what would you do?
would you call the police? would you contact the apartment manager? would you ask them to lower their voices or at least close their windows? or would you just try to ignore it?
thanks everyone! even though i asked what YOU would and not what i should do! (thanks little mama, but i have a hard time believing that everyone who posted would actually do what they are telling me to do, it isnt too much to ask that everyone who posts would please just imagine themselves in this position before responding)
although, i wont intervene unless it sounds absolutely horrible, i probably will call the apartment manager to deal with the domestic issues since i am not trained or equipt to deal with angry people. i would never involve irvine police as to the fact that i think they have a domestic quota to fill and dont actually care if they are hurting innocent people. (see one of my earlier posts for more on that)
yeah, we live in an apartment right next door to these people so if there was violence we would hear it through these thin walls! it is mostly the woman yelling, i can hear everything they are saying so i can tell it never escalates into violence. she complains about the same exact stuff that i do and that any of us would, its just twenty times louder.
"YOU NEVER CLEAN UP AFTER THE KIDS!!! IM DOING ALL THE WORK AROUND HERE!!!"
"WHY DIDNT YOU DO SOMETHING ROMANTIC!!! ITS OUR ANNIVERSARY!!!"
"BE NICE TO YOUR SISTER!!!"
"DONT HIT YOUR BROTHER!!!!"
it is scary loud. plus with the windows open it echos all over creation. its usually early in the morning, or after noon and sometimes at night but always before 9. then they are asleep. thank goodness.
i actually have spoken to her casually about the yelling (before she began to dislike us) and she said that yelling is better than hitting, i had to agree with that point. although yelling is still awful when its every freakin day.
these neighbors hate us because they think we are bad parents for letting our kids play outside while i sit and watch them from my window. (our apartment is in a semi closed community with mostly walk ways and ive always got my eye on the kiddos) talking to them is simply out of the question, especially since every time i tried, she got super defensive or would complain about something we did.
they also called the police on us for our kids being outside. they do not allow their kids outside only on rare occasions,
its funny that they think IM a bad parent when their apartment is only calm when the tv is on or when the kids are gone but my tv is never on in the day time unless its a special cleaning day and half my kids are there all day and i rarely have to yell at them!
I would secretly drop a note in their mailbox asking them to close windows. the whole community is talking about them.
I yell at my kids too much and one of my neighbors pointed out to me that she can hear me. I like my neighbor, and she had no problem telling me, and I know she wasn't judging me, just letting me know the world can hear.
Get a business card from a marriage counselor and send it to them in the mail. They'll get the hint :)
If its really bothering you, I would call the apartment manager first. I personally think police officers have better things to do.
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Really? Lower their voices or close their windows? Sorry if their loudness in inconveniencing everyone, but don't forget that there are innocent kids in that house.
Call the manager, AND the police. There are little kids involved here. I'm not sure why ANYONE would hesitate to try to protect & help them. Screaming & yelling can do emotional damage, and it could also lead to physical violence, if it's not already happening.
How would you feel knowing that these kids were in harm's way & you & all your neighbors chose to ignore it? I know I wouldn't want that type of guilt on my shoulders.
I would call child protective services, anonymous report. They don't appear to be braking any laws that require police intervention. Complaining to the apartment manager may or may not help, because they may feel more stress and argue more. Calling CPS can investigate and have the jurisdiction to get cooperation from both parents to take counseling, anger management, parenting, etc... Also because both children are under the age of 5 extra priority is given to those cases, because young children cannot protect/look after themselves like a 12 year old. Good luck and peace and quiet.
You can call for a wellness check, nothing more, nothing less. Do it while they are yelling, they will talk to the adults and kids seperately to try to get a feel for the situation. You can call the non emergency line and ask for a wellness check on your neighbors they have been yelling for __ time and they have kids in the house I want to make sure the kids are ok.
This situation can escalate at anytime. Everyone has stress but not everyone screams. When you are the local news a lot of time people will say, "I would have never expected it from those nice people." Kids should not have to grow up like this and it will have a lasting effect.
Hi,
Why not print this out and leave it under the door? It might get the point across.
The apartment mgr probably doesn't feel any more equipped to deal with the issue otherwise it would probably be dealt with already.
Just a thought :)
There seems to be no reason to involve the police or CPS. If the yelling is late, like after 10, than you could call the police and file a noise complaint. If you are friends with the woman you could ask her if she is alright and mention you heard the fight, they might not even be aware of just how loud they are. When our upstairs neighbors found out how well we could hear them when they fought, they really toned it down.
**calling the manager doesnt really do much, you hafta put your complaints in writing, seriously. When people call me to whine (it is whining if you dont want to sign a complaint form) about neighbors I tell them to put it in writing. Most dont want to. Noisy tenants will say we are harassing them if we don't have something in writing to back it up.
The complainant stays anonymous in most cases... it could come out in court tho, but I've never seen it happen yet. Judges are good about not saying "who" complained.
I'd log it for about a week, date and time of occurrence.
Then get a complaint form from your apt manager, there should be some available to you in a common area, mine are.
Put it in writing so your manager can do something.
If you have neighbors that share your feeling, encourage them to do the same.
If this noise happens AFTER 10pm you can definitely call the cops to have them stop it. During the day tho, it's a different story.
When the noise is "over the top" your manager can make it stop by eviction as long as he/she has the tools to do so, which means other tenants must sign written complaints that will justify the manager to take action.
If they are just noisy on occasion there is probably nothing that can be done.
When you choose to live in an apartment rather than a single dwelling in a rural area you have to deal with the noises that come along with multifamily housing... unless it's considered "not your average" noise.
Usually a written warning from the manager curbs the behavior for awhile.
Good luck.
I'd call the apartment manager. This isn't a good scenario for the kids either, but you really want them to realize that the behavior is obnoxious, not to lose their kids or have problems with the police.
OK. "they have two kids ages 4 and 3, they yell at each other pretty much only when their kids are home. they both go to school all day, (so i can totally understand their stress" What? the kids are in school? The parents are in school? Stress? I don't get that at all--either your meaning or the fact that being in school causes stress for the parents. ????
O. thing I DO know is that someone needs to speak up. For the kids sake and for the peace in your neighborhood. Call SOMEBODY. Just call! And the other ones should do the same instead of all yakking behind their backs. If no O. is going to confront them, then call someone who will.
You have tried to ignore it and that's not working.
Do you know them well? Could you call during and say "are you guys OK? It sounded pretty loud over there?"
Police are there to protect AND serve. Never hesitate to call them because they have "better things to do"! That's what they're there for.
I'm not a confrontational type of person, so this is what I have done in this same sort of situation. You know their address since they are neighbors. Mail an anonymous letter stating your feelings on their fighting, the noise is causes and suggest they at least close their windows when they are having a difficult time relating... Just a thought. It worked for us.
Best of luck to you.
L.
i would probably call the cops over a noise disturbance. tell them that they yell like that on a daily basis.
If you neighbors want to call the police, why don't they?
Maybe you could have a little meeting with the neighbors.
If there is really something bad for the kids, you will regret not
calling and what ever happens you aren't going to be big
friends with these people.
maybe offer some help?
"I know that you must be so stressed out being at school all day and coming home to two young kids. Would you like me to take them to the park with my kids for an hour on Wednesdays so that you two can have a little time to decompress?"
the offer would be both helpful and a gentle acknowledgement that you can hear their yelling and screaming.
How do you KNOW there isn't any physical violence??? What about the kids safety and well-being? It isn't good for little ones to be in such a tumultuous environment. I would call the police when they get noisy and ask them to do a well check on the kids. Thats so sad!
If you are in an apartment you should contact the apartment manager and let them handle it. It is not illegal to argue with your significant other so I would not waste the resources of the police. However it is a nuisance so I would contact the apartment manager so they can notify the neighbors and give them a warning.
i agree, call the manager. the police have better things to do. if you dont want the noisy neighbors to know its you just ask the manager that you be an anonymous complainer!
I would not call the police, I ave the same kind of neighbors right acros the street. Whay i would do, and what i did do was go over there and ask if there was anything we could do to help. your neighbors can call the police, but screaming at each other is not against the law. J.
Contact the apartment manager and let them know. Ask that you are not mentioned by name but that there are several neighbors that have mentioned the loud yelling.
Not that they would retaliate but it is always best to avoid them having the feel awkward or you feeling uncomfortable when you see them in the future
good luck
PS I saw your response post and just so that you realize..when most of us post a comment, it is "what we would do" :)
I have had sooo many loud neighbors. We live in an apartment too, and we had the loudest downstairs neighbors awhile back, thankfully they moved out. But they would scream and yell all the time.
I would start out with a nice note and put it in an envelope and just say something along the lines of I dont mean to be rude, or get involved, or even eavesdrop but we live in your building and we can hear you while you have your arguments and just wanted to please ask if you could keep it down. Thanks from all the neighbors. Something like that to let them know, you CAN hear them.
If that doesnt work then I would also tell the apartment managers so they can ask as well.
If that doesnt work then yes, I would call police and put in a noise control report.
It is unfair for you to have to listen in on their heated conversations, and they should have enough courtesy to keep it down. What they argue about is their own business and they need to keep it that way unless they want all the neighbors to take a vote on who side they are! Lol.
Best wishes!
I would politely go over to their home and let them know that you could hear their loud conversations. I am sure they would be horribly embarrassed once they are aware the neighbors could hear them and then quiet it down. If you say something and it still continues, call your landlord, and if that still doesn't work, call the police.
If the yelling is late call the police for a noise complaint. they will come by, tell them to keep it down and I bet they will start watching the volume next time around.
