What Was *Your* Experience of Teaching Your Child(ren) to Use the Toilet?

I'm sorry H. that I can't be of more assistance....but the whole process made me just want to keep my daughter in pull-ups until the day she says "MOMMY I WANNA GO TO THE POTTY"...LOL.

1) The most surprising? That many women think that even though their child is "trained" they have accidents but still boast that their kid was trained at 18 months. My DD was 3. She went to the potty on a Monday....has NEVER had an accident or night time accident. In my opinion...it is ONLY my opinion. If a kid is still wetting, they are not trained.
2)What would be my wish? To have KNOWN WHEN she would finally GO!!! (meaning that ever so fatefull Monday!!)
3) Most helpful? The answer of, "they will do it when they are ready'. The least helpful? The answer of, "they will do it when they are ready!!!"

Good Luck in your research!!!!
M :)

I'm very passionate about this subject. I think sleep and potty training are two things that parents get major conflicting messages about. My first child is a girl and she showed an interest pretty early and was potty-trained by 2 years and 3 months. Our second child was a boy and from everything I'd heard, I thought he might be much more difficult on this front. While he did potty train later (as he was just turning 3) he wasn't so hard. What was hard, was waiting. He showed no (NO!) interest in the potty for almost the entirety of those 3 years. It would have been easy to think that I had to DO something or he would never be interested in the potty on his own. But I didn't DO anything, besides talking about the toilet, offering him chances to sit on the potty, and when he said no (inevitably) I would just tell him that when he was bigger, he would go pee and poop on the potty just like Mommy and Daddy and big kids. Somehow I knew that if I tried to force it on him at all, I would have gotten us into trouble. When he did start to show an interest, he was fully potty-trained within a couple of weeks. It was so fast and painless! We didn't need any rewards. His big reward was being proud of himself.
I gave my daughter all the credit for potty-training herself as we just followed her lead, but after my experience with my son, I realized that we deserved some credit for how we handled even our daughters potty-training experience. She peed a few times on the toilet and we got kind of excited about it, but then she pulled back a bit. For a few weeks at least, she had no interest in the potty and we didn't push at all. She came back to it on her own a little while later.

HI H.,

1. In my experience, the most surprising aspect was how very easy it was!

2. I was a young mother. I wish I had known what I didn't know. I didn't know it was all that unusual to have a baby potty trained at six months old. I had no idea that it would bring such strong emotions and opinions from others. It got anything from "Wow how did you do that!?!!" to a &^%$# of a nurse who got all upset when I refused to let her put a U-bag on my baby to collect a urine sample! I instead insisted on the "hat" collection which she promptly utilized; much to the nurses dismay. I then thought I was just lucky with my daughter until my grandson came along and I trained him the same way.

3. I recieved no advice good or bad. I do know that as a doula, I have come upon information whch may be helpful to those who are "potty learning" as such. The newer disposable diapers wick away moisture so it delays potty learning, as they cannot sense the wetness, hence there is nothing for them to dislike, or feel uncomfortable. I take that back, one thing I learned WAY after my daughter was grown with children of her own, was that urination is a really complicated process as you have to relax some muscles while contracting others. Patience is key.

Good luck with your research!

T. Nelson CD (DONA)

The most surprising/difficult thing that I also wished I had known from the beginning is that for most children there is not some magic instant independence. Even after they are going on their own reliably they aren't very good at wiping, often want your help or just don't want to be alone in the bathroom etc. so there was still a lot of parental involvement! Also the accidents... still carrying changes of clothes for a good while. So much for ditching the "diaper bag" :D

I started 'early' with my kids but it wasn't so much about some kind of parental competition to get kids trained as I think it is the longing to not have to use diapers - and the resources involved in the use of diapers. A years worth of diapers can be a big difference on the environment!

Also the fact that my children all showed interest in using the potty from around 18 months. I was fine with encouraging that use, without having expectations that they'd be "fully trained" for perhaps a good long while. I personally wouldn't want to ignore their interest in the potty and keep them in diapers all the time just because it was more convenient for me... although diapers and convenience certainly have their place in my world too - I used diapers on outings and let them be "nakey" at home to facilitate use of the potty. We'd put the potty in the same room where they were playing. A few puddles on the floor but they learn pretty quick!

I've had friends use "elimination communication" with good success with their very small babies. It still takes time to reach toilet independence but I'm all for using less resources along the way and thought it was very cool that they were able to have that knowledge of when their babies needed to go!

Potty "training" for us also felt like a natural progression. We praised the use of the potty, of course, but didn't use any rewards or charts. I have seen this method seem to backfire. Maybe sometimes the kids feel too much pressure if a huge deal is made out of it?

Best advice - cloth training pants. Pull-ups are too much like diapers, my kids needed the feeling of actually being wet to connect what was happening.

I think the least helpful advice is that of people foisting their opinions on you unwarranted, or in a "this way is the only right way" kind of manner. Eventually all kids potty train, one way or another, right? We all make it through somehow!

1. That we needed to have spare SOCKS AND SHOES for accidents... because he'd pee straight down his leg and into his socks and shoes. Ditto, that washable shoes were a bonus.

2. The nighttime "backwards trick". AKA full bladder (push fluids, instead of restricting them) hits their nervous system a LOT harder, so they learn to recognize the urge to go very *very* quickly (typically in just a couple of nights). 2 or 3 nights worth of accidents instead of weeks of them.

3. Anatomy & Physiology of the urinary system and the CNS, and the psychological involvement (aka what things trigger the CNS to switch wiring from the somatic nervous system to the autonomic nervous system; like fear = adrenaline = pulls voiding back to the ANS instead of the SNS). AKA: Knowing *how* the void mechanism is wired, how it's rewiring during training, and how psychological stimuli can yank conscious control right back into no control. Potty training is a PHYSIOLOGICAL process, not a mental one. It's EXACTLY like learning to walk. It's not something that is done by willpower, and you don't punish a child for falling down who is learning to walk, and you don't just set a say a 6mo new crawler on two feet and let go over and over. Nor do you lock their knees and lean them against the wall and proclaim them "standing/walking".

Most surprising/difficult: dealing with all the regressions before giant leaps forward! She was day trained,then started having lots of accidents. A few weeks later, she night and poop trained.

2. I wish I would have just EC'd. I was going to do it with my second, but I was too busy chasing the toddler. Now that he is almost 15 months, with zero interest in the potty, I wish I would have EC'd.

3. Never ask direct questions about need to go. Instead say "do you want to go before snack or after snack? Do you want to go before mommy or after?" Least helpful: all the naysayers that don't believe in potty training before 3 or 4. Really. Please have some information about ECing and early start potty training.

i really wish i had known that you can start the minute they're born! my daughter did this with her two, using the natural method of "elimination communication" or "natural infant hygiene". it is so much easier for them to learn from the beginning, rather than to go through the huge and often very difficult relearning process 2 or 3 years later. as soon as they can walk, they can get themselves to the potty and use it on their own. i think any class about potty training should give information about this as a wonderful option. there are many other benefits as well, for the relationship, for communication development, for cleanliness, for time savings, and for the planet (no disposable diapers, few cloth diapers). there are several excellent books and websites (the diaper-free baby, diaper free, infant potty training). (and you don't have to start it at birth, you can start it at any time, so it would still be appropriate for parents of older babies).

1. I was shocked that my very verbal and intelligent 2 year old girl wasn't ready until she was 3 years, 2 months old!

2. I wish I had read the list of when your child ISN'T ready SOONER and stopped pushing myself and my daughter toward something she wasn't ready for.

3. Most: From the pediatrician: The brighter the child, sometimes the longer it takes. AND: Children sometimes mistake the feel of underwear for the feel of a diaper....going comando helps the first few days with this. LEAST: She SHOULD be potty trained by now (2 years).

Updated

1) The most difficult part is teaching her to put her underware down, she would go to the potty but she wouldn't not put her undies down. The most amazing, was that she would feel different pee then pooh, she actually got scare when she poo the first time. And her ability to hold just enough till I put her diaper for the night, Ugh, you don't know how many times I have sit her in the potty before putting her diaper before the night time and she wouldn't go, but as soon as I put the diaper there she goes, lol.

2)That potty seats with music would only distract her, that the ones that she can close she would move them all over the house and use them as steps, that when potty training for us the best ones were the simpler ones.

3)To just let her go without anything the first days, she actually learned so much faster when she could see her pee. The worst one? Well, it wasn't necessary worst but I just grow up with a different idea.
Many parents told me that I should wait until they are ready, which I think is right with some limits. In many 3rd word countries kids are being potty trained much earlier, maybe it has to do in part for the money (diapers are expensive) or just ideas.
When I first start sitting my 2nd girl in the potty at 18 moths, my MIL told me that I am affecting her mentally, that she would grow anal retentive. She made me feel awful but the true is that my older daughter was potty trained so much earlier and she was fine, however her comment make me feel like and stupid immigrant with no idea on how to educate my kids, then again she insulted me in every step on my parenting skills so now I know I should haven't care her mean words.
Good luck!

1 & 2. Some kids (even boys) are potty train young--and it doesn't make you an overbearing parent if you kid is potty-trained early--and if they do potty train early no one will believe you anyway! But, for some kids there is a golden period when they are super interested in the potty and you can capitalize on those moments (potty trained my son at 18 months because I didn't realize that was early...)
3. Make it fun (per my mom) and get everyone in the family involved. Our dog was a big help because he was always happy to come in the bathroom and act excited when my son went!

The most helpful piece of advise I got from my psychology teacher at CCNY.
The class was full of moms. He said, "How many adults do you know going around untoilet trained?" That was to get us to relax over the issue.

The whole thing has to do with the ability to control the sphinter muscles.

I bought training pants and told my daughter that the next time she wet herself she would wet her socks. She did it once. After that she was dry during the daytime. She was 23 months at the time.

The same technique did not work with boys. Boys train up closer to three years of age. Even a few months after becoming three. Urinating outside did it. When winter came the decision was that inside at the toilet is better.

I have two boys, they are currently 6 and 4.
1. Most suprising was understanding for them sitting down to poo is different and takes some learning. They are used to standing.
2. Known from the beginning - it's easy if they are ready. Take the "ready for potty training" tests they offer online, don't start unless you can answer most of the questions yes. Each child is different what works for one might not work for other.
3. Don't push, don't make it a battle of wills. It's their body. My youngest son is developmentally delayed. I tried twice with him before being successful the third try. The second time we did underwear for a week etc, still no luck and he was upset battle of wills the whole time - very much his personality. The third try he had like 3 accidents the whole first month and two of those we were away from home. When he was ready willing, he did it.

1. I was surprised to learn there is no right way to potty train, only what is right for YOU, and that every kid is different. One of my twins (girls) used the potty on her own six months before her sister was ready to give up diapers.
2. I wish I hadn't put my kid on the toilet when she was constipated. I didn't know what was going on when that happened, but she was crying and saying "poop" so I put her on the potty to give it a try. She sat there and screamed the whole time as she passed this HUGE poop. I felt so bad for her, and so helpless. She had some serious poop withholding after that, AND she had some very negative association with the potty.
3. The best advice I ever got came from another mother of twins. She said if you start potty training at 2, they will be done by 3. If you start at 3, they will be done by 3. So save yourself the trouble and just relax. The least helpful was the gloating of competitive friends who's kids were out of diapers much sooner than mine.

I have potty trained hundreds of kids in my many years as a toddler teacher. The first advice I gave parents was No Pull Ups - they are just a diaper that is harder to change and is more expensive. While they are easy to remove, depending on what the child is wearing, you have to take off their shoes and pants entirely to put a clean one back on. It is just as easy to put a diaper on and off while they are standing up at the toilet, plus diapers are less expensive. And I have seen countless 2 year olds remove their own diapers (usually at a less desirable time, LOL) so that is not a hinderance to potty training. So either diapers or undies, and once you've made the switch to undies, there's no turning back (except maybe for overnight)!

Start as soon as the child shows an interest in the potty or discomfort with soiled diapers. It is sooo much easier to potty train a 1-2 year old who is still interested in pleasing Mom and Dad than a 2-3 year old in a power struggle. A dry diaper for several hours means that their body has enough control to begin the process. Sit them on the potty at regular intervals every hour or two. As a parent, you generally know how often and when they pee/poop, as well as their specific potty dance, so just try to get them to the potty ahead of time so you can maximize their success rate.

Accidents will happen, so just expect it and prepare for it. Have lots of changes of clothes handy, have a clean up kit at the ready (paper towels, disinfectant spray, wet vacuum, whatever you need) or plan on training during the summer when you are outside a lot. Whatever you do, do not scold them for accidents - they are learning and will get it with praise and positive reinforcement. Get the grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends involved in making a big deal out of how many times they use the potty (but NO negativity if they don't). A high five from someone outside of the immediate potty training circle goes a long way.

Make it fun! Buy pretty panties or super hero undies - whatever the child is into. They will not want to pee on the princess or Spiderman, and will not want to have to change out of those cool undies.

When all else fails, peer pressure is a wonderful motivator! Going potty with friends at preschool, Sunday School, or sports classes makes for great role models. The kids talk very candidly about their undies/diapers and how only babies wear diapers.

Have a potty party to celebrate their accomplishment and to mark their transistion from baby to big kid. Do a bunch of other big kid things at the same time to reinforce the concept. Let them play on the big kid structures at the park, enroll them in a big kid class, transistion to a big kid bed, visit babies or look at their baby pictures and talk about how much they've grown.

It is a learning process so relax and have fun with it!

1. In your experience, what was the most surprising/difficult aspect of helping your child learn to use the toilet?

Everything, LOL, I have been known to say potty training was the most difficult and frustrating thing I have ever done in my entire life. I think the worst part of potty training is the need to fulfill this urgency from others that your child has to be potty trained. Or the pressure you put on yourself because another is being born and or whatever.

2. What did you wish you had known from the beginning?

I wish I would have just waited until my children came to me. With my first I felt this urgency and it ended up being a battle of wills. With my second I waited it out, although she never came to me and said I want to go potty. Waiting it out until I was ready and she was older proved to be MUCH easier!

3. What was the most helpful piece of advice you received? The least helpful?

Helpful: Listening to other stories like mine and finding out it did eventually happen.

Least helpful: Anybody that pushes for early potty training. (Sorry) I do believe its possible, but, I'm a full time working mom. I think full time working moms need to wait rather than push early.

1) That for the first 2 or so days, you actually have to help them and remind them that they should go try, often...and in order to get them to *want* to go, you have to make it exciting!

2) That it was not as difficult as some had said, that I shouldn't be frightened of it...because I was a nervous wreck when I was deciding if my first was truly ready!

3) To wait til my kids could wake up from naps or in the morning dry before starting!

~All 3 of my kids (2 boys and a girl) were potty trained either right before or right after they each turned 2. Luckily, all 3 of my kids were ready and had good bladder control and could wake up dry so early. I have come to learn that some kids have more trouble with this.

I let day care lead. They started potty training at 3. They would take the whole class every hour, and they had little child sized toilets that were very easy for them to get use to.
Soon my son was using the potty at home just because it was what he was use to and he was day trained by 3 1/2.
He wasn't dry at night till he was 7 but I had no trouble using pulls ups till he was dry every morning for 2 weeks in a row.

1. Surprising - the negative responses from people who believe children should not be trained until 3 or 4. They don't need to talk to walk or eat, and they don't need to talk to potty - plus early on they are eager to please, there is no battle of wills. (Also - the amount of time a boy can spend sitting on the toilet if he has conversation or a book, the spare socks and shoes thing, that boys need to 'point down' when sitting)

2. More info on elimination communication.

3. Most helpful (from my mom - 'those other people are crazy, ignore them' - ). Least helpful - boys are always later, you have to wait until they are 'ready' (huh?, DS was never ready to wipe/blow his nose, take a bath, get up in the morning for daycare, stop playing for dinner)

My experience was quite easy and plesant, so I don't know if I really have good answers, but I will share.

1. The most surprising aspect was that when my daughter had it in her mind to do it, it happened fast. The most difficult was me knowing she was ready but her willfullness to not do it. I think I really was kind of laid back about it. I asked her everyday in the morning if she wanted to wear a diaper or panties. Everyday it was a diaper and then one day she said panties. I reminded her what it meant to wear panties and from that day on, she was potty trained. We were ready, we had all the equipment and stuff needed, it was just her choice. And that may just be her personality.

2.You can't train them, it really is up to them. But I figured it out pretty quick that she was the boss in this department.

3.I really didn't get a lot of potty training advice.

Thanks.

I trained my daughter right at the age of 2 so this is what I think.
1. The most difficult thing was watching her all the time cause I never realized how often a kid can have to go the bathroom. She was always willing to go on the potty and never fought me but she had to go all the time and I felt like I was always asking, "Do you need to go potty?"

2. That you can use pull ups for going out in public as long as you still treat them like underwear. Like if you've been gone for a while you still have to take them to a public restroom and don't let them pee in the pull up. but if they do have an accident treat it like you would if they were in underwear. Don't treat it like a diaper. Take them into a rest room right way, clean them off and put on a fresh pull up. This way you don't have to have them in pee pants or worry about pee on a public floor or seat but your child still gets the message that it's no longer ok to pee in their pants.

2. The best advice was the "all or nothing" take on it. That even if she had a ton of accidents the first day don't stop. Just keep going, don't go back to diapers cause she will get it. The least helpful was people saying that if she doesn't get it in a day or 2 she's not ready. so not true. It took my daughter a couple weeks but she got it and we never went back to diapers.