What to Do with the Un-sleeptrainable Baby!?!

Honestly, nothing is going to work if she is just not ready. Sleeping through the night is developmental and it takes some kids longer than others. For my son, it took 13 months. For my daughter, it took about 4. Every kid is different. SHe'll do it when she is ready. Hang in there!

I just wrote about this in another post today. ;) I highly recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It worked like a miracle for me!

First of all, I can totally relate. My daughter didn't start sleeping thru the night until she was a year, and even now it's not 100% (she is 15 mos old now). 2 things that worked for me:

I took her to a natural doctor (I would recommend Dr. Ber in Scottsdale) and they found she had a parasite that was keeping her up at night (treated with herbs). And they also gave her a cranial (very light gentle mov'ts on scalp), and she slept 80% better after that. Sometimes it is physical. (and dr. Ber didn't do this work. the doc I saw is no longer in town, but Ber is very good too). Dr. Warwick is also very good and works on babies all of the time. He is a chiropractor, but does very effective energy work on them if you are open to that. Write to me and I can give you his number.

After that, I did the cry it out. But since I was doing formula (the little one never latched on so I had to), I gradually fed her 1 oz less every night for a few nights, and then I just let her cry and work it out herself. That first night with no food, she screamed her head off for 2 hours which was excruciating to listen to. But the next night was a miracle. I also put a bottle of water in her crib and sometimes I'll hear her drinking that in the middle of the night. She also has one of those underwater crib light things and she'll go over and turn that on in the night which soothes her too.

That's all I can tell you. You are going to get 10 K ideas on here and you just have to try what resonates with your situation. But know that no matter what, someday it does get better.

Just know you are doing great and doing everything you can to get by. There are about as many methods to sleep training as their are personalities in babies I think. It sounds like you've tried a lot of things. I have three kids of my own and they've all been very different. A night light worked for one. co-sleeping worked for another. And feeding to sleep worked for another. So, just try to give your baby a routine that works for you and you'll be able to tell if it works for her. Just try to be consistent. If she doesn't fuss going down for naps, follow a similar routine for bedtime. Baths and quiet time with mommy cradling, rocking, for five to ten minutes helped all of them get off their attachment and sleep on their own, but then again they were between 12-14 months old. If you establish a routine, your baby will know what to expect next and won't fuss so much (hopefully).

Good luck. I know it's so hard and so frustrating, but it'll happen. Try not to listen to others that say "oh, well, my baby slept through the night at 2 months old." It's not a race or a competition. Just try to be patient and know you are doing your best.

I applaud you for wanting to help your little one learn to sleep on her own. I truly feel good sleep habits are a gift that we can give our children. I used the CIO method with all 4 of my kids. They all love their beds and love to sleep as a result. I must say that it did not work for my daughter until she was 13 months old. She had acid reflux and an inflammed stomach and never slept more than 1.5 hours at a time. Once you are certain their is no physical issue, make a plan and stick to it!

First, get 10 pacifiers and put them all in the crib so she can find one herself when she finally decides to lay down.
Second, make a routine so she knows it's time to sleep. She's old enough to understand now. Third, she needs to fall asleep on her own at bedtime or she will cry for you everytime she stirs at night. Lastly, agree to stick to it and not give in. I KNOW it's hard! Some kids will learn in 3 nights and others will take a week or more. Just remember that the gift of sleep will benefit you all in the end.

Good luck on whatever method you choose! Wishing you sleep filled nights!

J...
I also hate co sleeping and I'm not embarrassed to admit it. Neither of my kids have EVER slept in my bed and I wouldn't have it any other way. I understand the pressure that you may feel from others to continue co-sleeping, but I understand your hesitation 100%! I often face lectures and snide comments from my friends and family about not co-sleeping, but we do what's right for our family and our kids. Hold your head high and stand up for what's best for you, your husband, and your baby. About sleeping... I know you may not want to hear this, but CIO really works and it may take longer than a week. Whatever you decide to do, you should set a game plan and STICK WITH IT, NO MATTER WHAT for 2 weeks. You are doing great with getting her to put herself to sleep without laying with her or nursing her to sleep. Teaching a child to self soothe and to sleep without the help of someone else is EXTREMELY important. Way to go. Just stick it out... Decide what your'e going to do and stick to your guns. 2 weeks of frustration is worth it for a lifetime of rest and nighttime peace and quiet! Good luck.

After trying everything I'd bite the bullet and co-sleep and go through Nighttime Parenting from Dr. Sears co-sleeping is the only way everyone gets sleep and sleep training either does not work or works too well. What "sleep experts" and doctors don't tell you is that sleep training can cause more problems, since kids are different and developmentally they may need to wake up for nursings or feedings (comfort, hungary, etc). You may not like it, but does it help your daughter sleep? If it does not then don't do it but if it does, go for it.

Once I stopped fighting their sleep patterns is when we all started getting sleep. That's why I really liked Nighttime Parenting becaues it helped me to learn how to deal and cope, rather then trying to change.

I have a 13-month old who still does not sleep. I, like you, have tried EVERYTHING...I have read about 10 different sleep books and they are all "basically" the same. I like you, don't really like to co-sleep. I think I would if my son was not a rolling pin, but I wake up with head butts to the nose or fingers in the eyes...not too pleasant of an experience. And for those posts who say "just stick to CIO", some kids it does not work (it says it in the book that some kids are "untrainable") and if your daughter is like my son, he will cry the ENTIRE night and not sleep at all...and then be super unhappy (plus gave me the stink eye) the next day and STILL not sleep the next night. It was a bad week for all of us.

I too, like a previous post, finally decided that I needed to do nighttime parenting instead of sleep training. We did what one of Dr. Sears strategies was, because I cannot co-sleep and keep my sanity. We have a twin bed next to our bed, it took about 3 night for him to want to sleep in it. But now, he sleeps in it with a few night time awakenings, I (or hubby) will roll down and lay with him in the twin for a few minutes then when he falls asleep, roll back onto our bed. This is in hopes that once he starts sleeping the night, we will be able to move the bed further and further away from our bed until he is in his room...sigh...maybe one day he will sleep through the night. We have been doing this for a little over a week and I fell a little more rested (and our son seems to be sleeping a little better too) than before, but I still feel like a zombie.

I have tried this before (and it didn't work) but it did for one of my good friends. Put her to sleep in the crib and sleep in her nursery (on a blow up mattress next to the crib, until they wake up and can fall back asleep by themselves), then move out of the room. It took by friend 2-weeks, but her son usually sleeps though the night.

I hope you have better luck than I have had! I do think that some kids are just better sleepers than other. Good Luck.

You need time alone with your husband, my husband wouldn't allow co-sleeping. We did the cry it out method and it did work but believe me some babies will take more than a week. Ours took at least two, maybe three if I remember. We gradually increased the time we let her cry (and went to her after several hours - so she knew we didn't forget her), until we no longer went to her and she adjusted beautifully after that. It was the hardest thing in the world to let them cry it out. My mom always said it doesn't hurt them and it's healthy for their lungs.

If you don't get your sleep you will have a hard time dealing with both kids in the morning too. I think if we train our children at a young age that they can comfort themselves it will be easier for them when they are older. You said a key word in there, you feel powerless, you need to take your power back now (or you may have to do it later), let your child know you love them, talk comforting to your child, read or sing to them at night, and then let them know that you are there for them, but then tell them that they need to sleep in their own bed because it is important for them to get a good nights rest. I believe they understand far more than we think even at this age.

One other thought, could your baby be teething? This is about the time my first born had teeth coming in. I never saw anyone mention this. If so, the baby may be more clinging because of the pain. There are great numbing gels for babies gums if so.

Take care,
K.

Try a sound machine/white noise

I had one of my children do that and it never got better until I weened her. That was when I realized that she was allergic to what I was eating. I had to not eat dairy when I was breastfeeding my children. You can play around with your diet and see if cutting out dairy, corn or gluten would make a difference.. All my children have food allergies that showed itself while I breastfed... My daughter is 14 now and I just had her allergy tested and sure enough, she's still allergic to everything I thought. The bad news is she never out grew it after all these years, the good news is that it can be cleared through acupuncture. Anyway, watching what I ate while breastfeeding made all the difference in the world. I had to cut out dairy with all of them but one of my children I had to cut out corn, gluten and chocolate also... go figure. Good luck and I hope this helps...

J.,
Never be embarassed to admit you hate co-sleeping. I'm so tired of moms making you feel bad for wanting to keep your own bed for your own rest. Never once have any of my 3 kids slept in my bed. That's why our kids have THEIR own beds. Anyway, have you tried cutting back on the nap times to shorten them up a bit?

Hi J.- I can empathize with you as a mom who would love more sleep! It is also great that you are trying to read, learn and apply strategies from various "experts". I turned to books and friend's suggestions when my babies were little and I remember feeling so frustrated when I would try and have no results.

I did not breast feed my babies so I may not be much help here, and I apologize for any ignorance.

My main suggestion would be to try adjusting the daytime schedule. Not sure how strict you are on schedules, but I was a believer in them. Bottle fed babies are fed about 3 times a day by 9months old. Not sure about breast fed babies, but I am wondering if your daughter may be used to eating frequently during the day that she is expecting that same routine at night (even if you know she is full from the day). She may be treating the daytime breast feedings as a snacking and soothing combination. I imagine with feeding her this frequently, it could also be impacting the lengths of her naps. Is it possible to get her on a strict day time schedule where she is fed and napped at the same times each day? Typically 9 month olds take 2 naps per day (approx. 2 hours each). I believe in which ever author says "sleep begets sleep". The more daytime consistent sleep they get, the better night sleep they have. It may take keeping a strict day time schedule for 3 weeks before you see results at night.

I wish you the best of luck and keep trying strategies. Just try to keep at them for a minimum of 7 days even if it is really h*** o* you. I hope you see some results soon so you can get some rest!

Hi J.,
I have 3 kids- a 6 year old boy, a 16 month old boy and an almost 8 week old girl; each one has different sleeping habits and we co-slept with each child.

I thought our first had terrible sleeping habits. He refused to breast feed. As he woke up every 2 hours even on the bottle and he always seemed hungry, we gave him cereal at 2 months which helped him sleep an extra hour. As he was such a light sleeper, we put him in a crib at the foot of the bed when he was 4 months old. After two more months of terrible sleep (every time we turned over he would wake up) we moved him into his own room and soon afterwards he was sleeping through the night (albeit with a bottle). We put on soothing music for him everynight when putting him down with a bottle and that worked well.

Our second has proved the one with the most sleep issues- something I didn't think was possible. Sometimes he sleeps through the night but even at 16 months he usually wakes up at least once a night. He is now a very picky eater. I breast fed him until he was 11 months (I unknowningly got pregnant with our 3rd when he was 5 months old) and started him on solids at 6 months. If I am able to get him to "stuff" him full of something with lots of protein or carbs before bed and give him a bath with lavendar bath bubbles, he will sleep through the night. When he is being really picky about not eating and if we skip the bath for any reason he wakes up at night. Also the more active he is during the day the better he sleeps at night. Swimming seems to have been the biggest success so far. We put him in his own room & crib at the same time I stopped breast feeding and that seemed to work well for him. He never slept through the night while breast feeding even when he was breast feeding and eating really well during the day. Now we give him a bottle of half milk half warm water and his monkey, wave goodnight to everyone making the whole process exciting and cheerful and then put him down in his crib and shut his door. If he cries even after I give him a bottle and change him, I go in without making eye contact, without turning on lights or saying anything, hold him with his bottle for a minute until he is calmed down and put him back in his crib. Sometimes it is clear it is his teeth and I give him baby motrin which really helps.

We co-sleep with our 3rd still (at 8 weeks) and she is breast fed. I feel blessed that she only wakes up once or twice a night already! But with her waking up to feed once or twice and then having to get out of bed to make a bottle for my 2nd once or twice, I still get no sleep. I am going to try to transition her to her own crib in a week as she is already rolling around and kicking me and disturbing my sleep even more.

I know you said she isn't hungry at night but maybe try stopping the breast at the same time every night, give her a relaxing bath and just before you put her to bed give her something to eat.

You could even try pumping breast milk and giving her a bottle when you put her down. (my step-sister-in-law has had massive success with her two kids with this method getting them to sleep through the night before a month's age but I don't have the patience to pump even with a great electrical pump). Then slowly change it to milk and water until it is just water (to save the teeth).

For those who say never do this, never do that- I can tell you I know people who have done it every different way you can think of and each family and child is different so you have to try what you can and pray it works! Go with your gut and tell everyone who says 'this is the only way to do it' to bugger off:)

Good luck!

I would get the book called, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth M.D.
He has a step by step approach and testimonials on what works, what does not and why. He is a guru on sleep and he will spell it out so easily on why it's not working. It is a book that will work for you through the growing years to teens!!!! He will state that sleep is just as important as what they eat (:

Good Luck

I don't know if you've tried this already, but light was the issue for us at 9 months old. As soon as we put a bright night light in her room, my daughter slept fine. Good luck.

Hi J.,
My name is N., I have a 9 month old baby boy as well. We have similar issues, but when he won't go back to sleep we put him in his swing (yes we still use it) and give him a bottle of chamomile or mint tea with either agave nectar or 1 packet of sugar in the raw. he usually sleeps longer in his swing, however... any baby would like to be with their parents at night because that's the only time they have all of our attention, no cell/house phones, no tv, no job etc., but I would try giving Healthy Sleep Happy Child a try. It's a book, and it helped me when my daughter ( now 4) was 9-10 months old.

The first thing I would do is go right back to co-sleeping for a bit until it stops being an issue. Right now, your little one has learned that bedtime is a big deal, something to fight, that it means she's all alone and the people she needs and wants most leave her when it's bedtime. Basic biology. She's biologically geared to want to be with you all of the time because it means survival. What you're hitting up against is like asking her to not want to be held during the day. We could do that, but it doesn't make a lot of sense. Babies have one way of telling us their needs and she's telling you loud and clear that she needs you. It's not about being untrainable, but about feeling very strongly about a basic need.

That being said, when she is back where she wants to be for a bit and sleep has become a small deal again, you could try gradually transitioning her to her own space...put her in her crib after she falls asleep, and when she wakes up, bring her back into your bed. Her stretches of sleep will probably get longer and longer as she feels safer in that environment.

I think we have to pick our battles with our little ones, and often we end up losing anyway because we're more miserable sticking to our guns. She needs to be close, she needs comfort, she needs to know her needs will be met. "Cry it out" feels wrong when we do it because we are supposed to meet our babies' needs. Has this whole push really been easier on you than just sleeping with your baby at night? I know that's not an easy choice, but it's got to be easier than what you've been doing.

And even if it's just for a little while until she lets go of her idea that sleep is bad, you'll be able to start fresh. I think if you go down the road where you're stuck in the idea that this is the way it has to be, you'll continue to fight biology. And she'll get the message eventually. It's just a matter of what message she gets.

Good luck to you! These years pass quickly...I remind myself at least once a day. The good stuff goes too fast, the bad stuff goes away before you know it.