My Seven Month Old Will Not Sleep in Her Crib

Hi J.,

I don't know if this will help but I co-sleep with my son who is now almost 11 months old. My daughter who is now almost 5 years old I also co-slept with. It is the most natural thing to do and parents all around the world with the exception of the US sleep with their children. So if that is what works for you, go for it. Otherwise, perhaps you could get one of those bassinets/co-sleepers that are right next to your bed, that way you get your space and she gets hers.
A baby's job is to survive and her best way of doing that is to make sure that she keeps her caregiver around her. Co-sleeping is a part of that plus it makes for a very secure child and a very secure baby. I personally hate cribs though I did try it with my first child and I did try the obnoxious method of CIO to no avail. Plus I found out Dr. Ferber has recanted much of his method saying it has caused trauma to children from the experience...

Good Luck, whatever you do, just know your baby loves you and wants you to be closeby to her.

E. P.

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i could have written your post, word for word. except i don't really feel the need to push my little baby (almost 8 months) to sleep alone. occasionally i do feel antsy when she is napping in my arms and i feel like i should be getting other things done (dishes, laundry, etc.) but really she won't need that kind of closeness forever, and i feel that i should really treasure those peaceful sleeping baby moments because they will pass so quickly. sometimes i will lie down with her to nurse her down for a nap, then when she is asleep i will sneak away and do what needs to be done. she won't nap longer than 30 minutes this way.

as far as night time, we have just decided to keep co-sleeping until she has words to understand why she needs her own bed. i realize that might be a while from now, and i'm ok with that.

you say that "everyone says you are doing her no favors" but really what do YOU feel about it? are you more rested when you co-sleep than when you don't? personally, i couldn't take the getting out of bed, nursing, rocking, putting her back down two or three times per night routine. co-sleeping for us has really been about survival, or it was at first, but now, i am loving it more and more. i don't even wake up anymore when she nurses in the middle of the night. and nothing is better than waking up to a snuggly smiling babe.

i realize i am not giving any advice on how to change your situation, sorry. i just think it's natural for a young baby (and yes, seven months is still YOUNG) to want to be close to mama.

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The first thing I'd suggest is stop talking to "everyone" about it. You will feel much better about it if you do. There is absolutely nothing wrong with co-sleeping. Many families do it because they want to, eventhough there is the misperception out there that it is bad for the kids. It's not. Many other cultures do it and it is totally natural for both mama and baby. If you are comfortable with it aside from what "everyone" is saying to you, keep doing it. Your daughter will NOT be sleeping with you forever!! Also it doesn't lead to dependency in your child. That doesn't even makes sense. Yes, she may be dependent on your presence now, but she can learn to not be so when she is ready and I think different kids are ready at different times. My DD slept on me forever (it seemed at the time) but when she was ready that stopped. I think about it in terms of other things we do like diapers, for ex, nobody says kids will never learn to use the potty if they start out in diapers. They will learn to use the potty when they are ready. Same with sleep; why would that be any different?

That said, if it is not working for you and you feel the need to have your DD sleeping on her own in a crib, you do not have to CIO. There is a reason you feel uncomfortable with that technique. And just because doctors tell parents to do it, does not mean it is not harmful. Doctors recommend a lot of crazy stuff, what do they know about sleep?

Somebody else recommended Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution." She has great gentle techniques to get the baby to sleep. I recommend it. It is not a quick fix, depending on the kid it can take a couple weeks, I think, but CIO is NOT an easy fix. Also, with developmental changes, teething, etc. even if you have a kid that takes to CIO and gets trained to sleep alone in a crib now, next month you might be doing it again. Get Pantley's book or if you are breastfeeding, check out a LaLeche League meeting, you might meet other moms who do cosleep and can help you out. Do remember that it is a seriously short time that she will be so tiny and dependent on you for absolutely everything, I do not how it is possible that my tiny little baby is now 20 mos. Good luck.

All 3 of my kids slept in our bed until they were 3 years old and it worked for our family. Yes, I didn't get a lot of sleep but no way was I going to let my babies "cry it out". Its cruel to do that, no matter what people say. I recently read a book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night" by Elizabeth Pantley. It made such sense and is very baby friendly. Check it out.

THere are ways to get your little one into the crib without crying it out! You just have to be patient and stick to it and realize it may take a week or two. There are two options...one option is to slowly transition from your bed to the crib by puting her into a bassinet or crib right next to your bed and then when she is comfortable with that, slowly moving the bassinet or crib to her room. Or, you can start to put her in the crib in her room and you can be there for a while so she can see you and then slowly leave her room. There will probably be some crying with this process because it is a change, but if you are there to comfort her, it will be less stressful for her.

My 2yo was the same way as a baby, so we actually just let her sleep with us - just follow safe co-sleeping practices (I recommend Dr. Sears' article on co-sleeping, which you can read here: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp). She sleeps in her own bed just fine now, and has been for the past year or so. My 6mo son sleeps just fine in his crib. I hope you find a way for your daughter to sleep better soon, in her crib or through cosleeping.

Hi J.,

I can totally sympathize with you. My son (now 6yrs old) would not sleep EVER!!!! I was lucky if he slept for 15 minutes straight during the night & he not once ever took a nap!! (he had severe colic as well - so it was tough).

But, by the time the colic subsided, he was about 9 or 10 months old & I was also starting to wean him from his bottle (he only had a bottle at night before bed - the rest of the time was a sippy). Anyway - our pedi said the same thing - let him cry it out. It was the hardest thing to do but it was worth it.

I remember the first night we did it. I tucked him in safely into his crib, gave him his teddy & shut the door 1/2 way & started his ocean music/light toy on the side of his crib. I sat out in the living room with my husband. We could hear him babble & then when he realized I wasn't coming back in the room, he began to scream so bad, our neighbors must have though we were abusing our child! It was awful!!!!

When I went to get up to comfort him, my husband sat me back down on the couch & sat on my lap so I couldn't get up. We had to follow the pedi's orders if we both wanted to ever get sleep again. And he cried for quite some time (it felt like forever for me) but eventually he stopped on his own & went to sleep on his own.

He woke up 2x that night & my husband got up to check his diaper & changed him accordingly & told me to stay in bed - he cried a few minutes after each time & then boom - he was out like a light.

Within a few weeks - he didn't cry at all at night, or when it was time to be put down for bedtime. And the crying wasn't as drastic over the 3 weeks either. It slowly came more to a wimper. Ofcourse we got up in the middle of the night to check on him & even when he cried we'd check on him, but we let him put himself back to sleep.

It was the best thing we ever did. Parenting is very hard, but all those people are telling you the hard truth - you won't be doing her or you or your husband any favors by keeping these ways up.

Another thing to keep in mind is that not all parenting techniques are for everyone. Follow your gut as well. But remember - it doesn't hurt to try all options or even make up a few of your own ideas to get through being a parent. I've always taken my mom's & mother in laws & everyone else's advice & I atleast tried them for a week straight. If I saw improvement, I kept it up & sometimes it worked - if i didn't see any results, I'd try someone else's idea or even my own. Follow your heart & your gut & as long as you give your baby tons of love & care & do what's best for her, you're gonna do ok. Just remember - YOU are the parent!!!

Good luck & God Bless. It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job & enjoy motherhood - it is truly the best!!!

C. B.

Please check out The Baby Book by Dr. Sears from the library. You will find research in there to support co-sleeping and learn that there is NOTHING WRONG with what you are doing! It's emotionally beneficial to both you and baby, it's perfectly safe as long as you don't take medications or drink or otherwise have abnormal sleep, and as long as you keep the blankets tucked under your armpits so that they can't cover baby's face. Most of the world sleeps with parents and baby in the same bed; it's only our American culture that ostracizes parents who co-sleep and makes them feel like they're doing something bad. I'm a big proponent of co-sleeping, and most of my friends who have had babies also co-slept. Our almost-20-month-old still sleeps in a crib open to our bed on one side, and ends up with us for half the night. Originally we didn't plan to have her in the bed with us, but early on she vetoed sleeping any other way. We could let her in the bed and all get a good night's sleep, or we could get up every hour through the night. We're really glad we ended up taking this route. Normal people who don't have any sleep pathologies or substance use issues do not roll over onto their babies! Aside from any other arguments, as my husband put it, "It just feels so primally RIGHT."

Hi J., my name is A. and have a 3 and 5yr old born exactly two years apart. My first was born 32 weeks but only spent 10 in the nicu. He didn't like sleeping in the bassinet. My huband and I found more peace by letting him sleep in bed with us. We felt quilty because everyone kept on telling us the same thing let him cry it out!! I am not good with letting either cry it out and we didn't feel comfortable with it, so what the crib goes unused. Just about every one buys the crib to bed kind anyway. We did the same thing with my second boy. We just upgraded to a king bed. People will tell you that once you start that they will never sleep on their own. That, we found to be untrue. Both of my boys love sleeping in their own rooms. But once in a while when they are scared or sick they crawl back in and we don't mind because that lets us know that they know we will always be there for them.

You know, letting a baby cry it out is gut wrenching. It goes against every motherly instinct you have. But, if it was harmful for the baby, doctor's wouldn't recommend it. I worked full time with my 7 month old so I had no choice but to let him cry it out. It took 3 nights at 20 minutes but it worked and he's slept through the night ever since (now he's 11 years old). My second child had acid reflux so he was miserable, and he is just cuddly by nature. Crying it out was not an option, so I had to go to him and comfort him several times a night even though I was dead tired. I rarely brought him in bed with me. We had one of those things in his crib that plays music and shows pictures and that seemed to mesmorize him to sleep. We kept this routine until his reflux went away at 11 months and we have had no sleeping problems since (now 7 years).

My sister, though, just couldn't let her child cry it out. She kept feeding and letting her sleep with her, and she woke up crying every night until she was 5 years old! The older they get, the harder it is to break the habit.

I kept a packn play (w/bassinet insert) right next to me. My son could see me through the netting and if he fussed I would just let him know I was right there.

Hi J.! I agree with the other posts - you do not have to CIO. I too put my little girl in her crib and stayed with her until she fell asleep by rubbing her belly, and talking to her. She did cry - and sometimes an awful lot, but it did not last, and now she is very happy in her crib. Just stick with it and it will work for the both of you - it just takes a week or two. I know a lot of sleep books and web-sites say it takes 3 days, 6 days, etc, but I found it took longer than that, but got less stressful with less crying each day.
Good luck!

I could have written that entry myself a few months ago. My son is almost 11 months now, and slept in our bed snuggled next to me until 8 months. Around seven months (just like you) we started toying with letting him cry it out and it was too torturous. All I can tell you is hang in there, and keep trying. When we finally committed to letting him 'cry it out' I left the house for a few hours and let my husband deal with the crying, but then, the next night, he only cried a little and it just got so much better after that. I totally understand that torture of hearing him cry--either leave or just repeat to yourself over and over again that she is NOT HURT, you are helping her, and she will be happier in the long run!
The biggest shock for me, was how much I MISSED having my son wake up next to me every morning. But I got over that, and I do enjoy a pretty decent night's sleep now!
good luck!

I agree with other posters. You do not have to let her CIO to get her to sleep in her crib. A great book to read if you're interested is The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It's a great gentle alternative to CIO.

I slept with my son until he was 10 months old. He just didn't like sleeping by himself at the time and it was easier to feed him in the middle of the night. But after I stopped breastfeedubg at night we started to put him in his crib. We would stay in the room with him and sing to him and rub his belly and his back. It got easier and easier each night. Then he finally realized that the crib was for sleeping and now he just goes to bed. He might cry out for a second but just goes right down after that. He is 13 months old now. So it can happen and will happen, it just takes some time. In the middle of the night I used to rush right to him, but one night I decided to hold out and he cried for 5 minutes and then went to sleep. He doesn't wake up in the middle of the night anymore. I think it was more habit than anything else. If he does, it is for a second or if he has a really wet diaper. It will get easier!! Just give it some time and patience. You might be surprised at how little she cries. I thought for sure my son would cry forever but the first couple of nights were the hardest but it was so worth the effort. I now get a full night's sleep and so does he.

J., sorry you don't want to hear this but you must! If you don't take action now you will never be able to. It is not healthy at all for a child to always sleep with the parents. Yes, there are times but for the most part no they sleep in their own bed. so, with that said this is what you do. get a regular schedule going. put her to bed at the same time every night. have a routine and follow it. if she wakes and cry's the first night, which she will, go to her in 3 minutes - sooth her - lay her down again and leave - do not pick her up!!! when she cry's again wait 5 minutes then repeat - do not pick her up - you have to be strong here! if she does it again - repeat after waiting 10 minutes - trust me here the first night is the hardest, but you will not go threw it to this extent ever again, and you all will be getting a much better nights sleep with a routine in place. if you don't get this done before age 1 you will be in much deeper trouble with this and will soon have a toddler sleeping with you, and a child who will have alot of trouble separating from mom. give your child the gift of independence and space now. you will both be so much happier and respect each other threw out the many years of changes to come. good luck!

I have an 8 month old daughter. I don't have any specific advice for you that will be any different than what others have given you or what you have already read. I just wanted to let you know that i was in the same spot you are in now, and i was very worried about my daughter getting "bad sleeping habits" and i was getting anxious that I had to do something about it. Don't worry about this. Do whatever you can to get her to sleep and to get yourself some sleep. Your daughter will sleep in her crib when she is ready. I knew it was time to stop rocking her to sleep when it no longer worked. It was as if she was saying "mom put me down!" I put her in her crib that night and she rolled around for a few minutes and cried (but not screaming) for a few minutes and settled into sleep. She decided this all on her own one night and now she sleeps in her crib regularly. So don't stress about this, she is still very young!!!!

My son was and at times still is a terrible sleeper. He slept in his soothing motions glider all night until about 9 months old. We finally started putting him in his crib. Started with his bedtime routine , but ended the routine in his room and lying him in the crib asleep. When he awoke we would revert back to our old ways and for the rest of the night he would sleep in his glider.We did this until he was a year old.Each week he slept a bit longer in the crib as he adjusted.My best advice. Go to the crib and straight to the crib.If you have to, put her in the crib already asleep. But stick with it , be consistent.It may take her a week or two, but she'll adjust! I wish we had. I would have probably slept thru the night long before 18 months! People tried to tell me to stop rocking him to sleep. But my thoughts are he is only this little once.But in the end , you will do what feels right for you.
PS- my son did not respond to "crying it out" he would stay awake for up to 4 hours. SOme babies are just not meant to "cry it out". There are gentler ways to get her to the crib!