Transition from Co-Sleeping to Crib at 4 Months

I never co-slept with my son, but I did rock him to sleep for the first 4 months, until he started to fight me. I wanted him to be able to put himself to sleep in his crib, but did not want to just let him cry. So we started at night and we put him awake in his crib with some music on. I put the side of the crib down and put a chair next to the crib. I sat next to him and rubbed his head and tried to settle him down. After 5 minutes, I would leave the room for minute, and then come back and sit next to him again and rub his head and talk to him until he settled down. If he got really upset, I would pick him up and hold him until he was calm enough to put down again. It actually didn't take him long at all to fall asleep and within a day or two was going down awake on his own. I used pretty much the same technique when we transitioned him to a toddler bed and it worked like a charm. Good luck!

Let her cry for 10 minutes, use a timer, it will help you. Call a friend if the crying is too much for you. After 10 minutes, go in and sooth her for a minute and do the 10 minutes again. Repeat until she is asleep. Within a few days, it will take less and less time for her to fall asleep. It works!!!

I'd try No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley as another poster suggested. I don't know where all these people get the idea that CIO is perfectly fine for young babies. Even Ferber does not recommend his own method until they reach at least 6 mos. Uncomforted crying is not good for young babies. I believe on askdrsears.com you can find a number of scientific studies that discuss the physiological effects of crying on babies brains. I heard one of the Dr Sears speak recently and he discussed several of these studies.

There is a reason your heart melts when your baby is crying. It does not have to be a choice of cosleeping forever or CIO. Pantley's methods can be very helpful for getting babies to sleep and stay asleep. Good luck.

Get an Arm's Reach Co- Sleeper. It attaches to the bed so it's close by for night feedings but it is separate from your bed. We used one for all three of our kids and it worked out great.

Where does she nap during the day? I'd probably start there with nap time. Get her used to the crib by putting her in it for naps. And when you know she sleeps fine it it during the day start working on a bed time routine for her. Lights turned down low, a soothing bath, a bottle or breastmilk (however you feed her), some cuddles, and down in the crib she goes for the night. She's not too old for CIO if that's how you want to go. Good luck.

Hi! I agree 4mo is a perfect age to teach good sleep habits. I started with daytime sleeping. When she can nap in a crib or bassinet during the day, she can do it at night too! Swaddling works well for some. I went in every five minutes and sang or talked soothingly but never picked up. It is hard but worth it in the long run. Do it now before she can stand up with outstretched arms and call, "Mama"! Good luck!

She's actually too young to let cry.

You may need to soothe her to sleep...try reading The Sleep Lady or Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy child.

I've had to put both of mine in their cribs SOUND ASLEEP, it's not easy, but it's what works for us.

There is a book called the No Cry sleep Solution that has some great tips for co-sleepers. I have seen it recommended on this site more than once as well.

Good luck!

Helo I am a grandmother of two.my son and his wife have a 4 and 2 year old.They just got my four year old grandson in his own bed.It was hard,but they managed.They put him in his bed and he cried for awhile,then he finally stopped and slept all night.They are trying to get my granddaughter in her own bed now she is 2.They are havingoblems with her sleep9ng in her own bed she wants to sleep with daddy and mommy.They keep trying to put her in her own bed.

My family doesn't co-sleep, but my son slept swaddled up in the swing for the better part of 3 to 4 months. He sleeps exclusively in his crib now! How did I do it? I started by having him nap in the crib during the day. He'd fall asleep in my arms during nursing, or on the big bed (nursing in the side lying position) and I'd switch him over to the crib. Sometimes he'd wake up and cry, sometimes he'd stay asleep, but my main goal was to get him used to being in the crib.

Then, I started to transition him at night. Put him in the swing then turn it off after he'd crashed and switch him over. Now he's so good at it I can put him down "drowsy but awake" and he'll put himself to sleep in the crib!

Long story short? I introduced the idea of the crib during the less anxiety ridden daytime naps...and slowly worked it into the night time routine. Don't pressure yourself or the baby to "get it right." EVENTUALLY the kid WILL sleep in the crib...so don't rush it and do what works for you guys! Good luck!

I couldn't do CIO with my 8 month old either. There are clearly strong feelings on both sides, but I couldn't lay there and listen to her cry.

We moved my daughter out of our bed around 4/5 months for exactly the reasons you are describing - she would wake me up and I was getting even less sleep than when she was younger and woke up more often! We transitioned from the bed to the crib and then finally out of our bedroom. It wasn't a quick process but it worked and she sleeps through the night in the crib every night now! We started with putting her down to sleep at night in the crib. She would sleep by herself until sometime between 12-2. Once she woke up, I would put her in bed with me to nurse and fall back asleep. After that we started trying to put her back into the crib asleep after she nursed (that was often less successful). Eventually we moved her crib across the room from our bed and then across the hall into her own room. To our surprise she slept longer and more soundly the further away she was! (We did use white noise to help.)

If you can get her to start out sleeping in her crib that would probably be the best first step. We really worked on a bedtime ritual (nursing, singing a lullaby, soothing her down) and stuck with it through some long weeks of looonnnggg bedtime sessions and then she really started falling asleep in the crib. Once we got past that hurdle, the rest was pretty easy.

Also, now that she sleeps alone I still nurse her in bed when she first wakes up in the morning. We usually still have time to doze together and we still have some of that wonderful closeness of sleeping together. Good luck!

Please do not let her cry as some have recommended. CIO is not only mean, at this age it's actually abusive and affects attachment and development.

If cosleeping is not working for you, try gradually to change it. Changing it all at once will fail dismally.

Of course, my first suggestion would be to buy a bigger bed but I realize that's probably not financially feasible. LOL. Start slowly nursing her down for naps and laying her in the crib. If she cries, instantly come get her and comfort her. You want her to associate the crib as a safe, pleasant place to be, not a scary one away from mama.

Once she's started napping in the crib, you can try night time. Put her down for the first stretch of the night. When she wakes up, bring her into bed with you like usual. The older she gets, the longer that first stretch will be, till eventually she's sleeping through the night in her crib :)

S., I waited to transition my co-sleeping baby until she was six months old because the general school of thought is that is the magic age when they're mature enough (neurologically and gastrointestinally) to sleep through the night without waking. At six mos., they don't need to feed throughout the night and it's not a convenience to have them sleeping right there to breastfeed anymore. I don't know if you're breastfeeding but it's something to consider. Also, because our baby's dad is such a noisy, restless sleeper, we had a white noise machine that played ocean/wave sounds which helped us all sleep better. Babies are used to a lot of noise in the womb and the sounds won't phase her at all, it may comfort her actually, and it will drown out your movements and/or any snoring or sleeping sounds, etc. In fact, we still use ours & if you like, you can look at Linens N' Things or Bed Bath Beyond, etc., for one. Don't worry too much about becoming dependent on the noise. I was a little concerned, but it hasn't proven to be a problem so far, since my baby goes to sleep plenty of other places without it.

Anyway, it may be a little early for your baby at four months (and crying it out isn't suggested until after they're six months old too, by the way), but you have nothing to lose by trying, so here goes. I read some great literature that encouraged setting up a bedtime ritual. Yours can be whatever you choose, but mine always went as follows at the same time every night and in the same order: playing & cuddling in early evening, dinner (yours may not be eating yet, so disregard), bath, nursing until drowsy in our bed and direct transition to her own bed from there. There was no playing or giggling like in the bath once we hit our bed. We'd come straight from the bath & dry off, put lotion on (the little massage helped her relax) and get into her sleep sack and swaddling, then nurse and wind down right away. I always put her to sleep swaddled - if I didn't, she didn't feel very secure and it wouldn't work. (https://www.halosleep.com/products/) And, the key was putting her in bed drowsy and not asleep, so that she knew she was in her bed, but too tired to care and then she didn't freak out when she woke up somewhere alone where she didn't actually remember falling asleep. It took about a week or so of this to get her in a good routine and if she did wake up and fuss as I was transitioning her to her own bed, she never fussed more than 10 minutes tops because she was already so tired and wound down from our bedtime ritual that she settled right in. Now, she's 15 months old and we still have the same exact routine, only we've added a book and a bottle of milk after her bath in our bed (instead of breastfeeding because she self-weaned at a year) before putting her to bed in her own room. Also, our baby's got night light and a musical mobile which she can also turn back on if she wakes up and she goes to sleep completely awake now with no crying and no trouble each & every night, I'm happy to say. We didn't have to swaddle her anymore too after about seven or so months. She went to a regular sleep sack and then regular jammies after that with no problems. The swaddling really, really, really helped ALOT!

Feel free to email me if you have questions. I remember feeling pretty anxious about putting Lily in her own room at first, but it went so well I couldn't believe it. We could just be lucky, but I really feel like it had to do with waiting until she was physically able to make the transition and then following through religiously and consistently with the bedtime ritual.

Sorry this is so long - I wanted to be really comprehensive & give you good suggestions. Also, I know everyone's got their own opinions, but my pediatrian gave me good, very well based reasons for not crying it out until AFTER six months of age by the way. They're still too young & dependent biologically until that point. Please check with yours before doing it. It's gut wrenching to hear your baby crying, but not as quite AS heartbreaking when you know physically they're needs are 100% met and they're just blowing off steam. Good luck!

Your daughter is not too young to cry it out. 4 months is actually when the Academy of Pediatrics says you can let them cry it out. We had our son in our bed until 8 months and then transitioned him to him own crib in his own room. We did have to let him cry and just checked on him every 10 minutes or so. He never cried very long and has sleeping well in his own bed within a short period of time. It is hardest for the mom when the baby cries, but it doesn't last long.

You may find that if you move your daughter to a bed still inside your room that she is just going to want to be in your bed. Either way, good luck and honestly, just do what feels right to you. Nothing is going to work for everyone all of the time. All kids and moms are different.

Hi S.,

I've been reading the responses to your request, and must say you received a lot of good advice to consider. The most important thing perhaps, is to choose an approach that feels right for you, and to stick with it through the hard part. There will be a a hard part- because honestly, there's no such thing as a "No Cry Sleep Solution." And yes, I've read the book, as well as all of the others that have been mentioned in the other posts. I've cared for many babies and worked with many families over the years, and something that I've learned and want to share is that crying is normal, natural, and the way babies communicate everything from minor discomfort to intense pain. Never would I advise ignoring a baby's cry, but on the other hand, sometimes crying is to be expected- such as when we are asking a child to adjust to a new sleeping arrangement, after 4 months of learning and being used to co- sleeping. Think about it- sleep behavior is learned, and if your child has learned to fall asleep with you by her side, she has incorporated your smell, sounds, and movements into her sleep routine. Now you are asking her to learn to sleep in a new place, with different sounds, smells, and routines. This is not wrong- it is just that she'll need some time to adjust to the change,and she may protest by crying- in effect saying, "Hey Mom, what's going on here? This is different. I don't like it. I'm not sure how to do this." Of course you want to respond to her,and you should, but I suggest trying to wait a few minutes before running to her , to give her an opportunity to calm herself,and then if she is still upset, that you try to calm and reassure her by placing a hand on her tummy, and talking quietly to her letting her know that you are there,and you hear her, she's safe, and it's time to rest. In other words, avoid rushing in to rescue her, by sweeping her up, rocking her, feeding her, or in any way solving the problem for her,and creating new habits that you will have to wean her from later. This is not cruel. This is a respectful way to help your child to learn to go to sleep on her own, in her own space.( The problem with moving babies to their cribs AFTER they have fallen asleep, is that they often wake up disoriented, and afraid- because they don't know where they are or how they got there.)There is so much that parents can do to help their children establish healthy sleep habits early on, and I believe that doing so is one of the greatest gifts parents can give their children,as well as themselves. The thing is we can't do this FOR them, only with them, and that may mean listening to some crying in the short term. To me, it seems more cruel to encourage our babies to rely on us to lull them to sleep- thus making them falsely dependent on us and impeding their growth and ability to learn this critical skill on their own. Sorry for this long post. I just had to respond to this particular aspect regarding crying! Wishing you peaceful nights ! L. S.

Hello,
I did the co-sleeping with my 13 year old and my 6 year old. My oldest stayed with me until 2 and the 6 year old will she moved into her own bed at 5. Now I to have a 4 month old that co-sleeps. If you get any advice that works please pass it on. I love having him close, but am not ready for another 5 years. My oldest two just decided that they were big girls and moved into there own beds.

My son is almost 11 weeks old and sleeps in our room in his bassinette. I very rarely allow him to sleep in the bed with us - only if it's a short nap during the day and never for the night. We're going to be transitioning him to his own room very soon. At night I always try to put him down to sleep when he is still awake so he can find his own way to fall asleep. (He isn't crying when I lay him down - he's usually bathed, fed, swaddled and he lays quietly contently looking around until he drifts off to sleep. I believe that if he's comfortable, he's not going to scream simply because he's laying down on his own.) I believe that I would be doing him a disservice by allowing him to become dependent on sleeping in the bed with us.

Actually she is not to old for the cry it out method. But it is h*** o* us mommies I'll admit. I had to do it with my 6 month old. I almost didn't make it. But they are better off in there own bed. They need there rest and so does mom and dad. You just put her in the crib and when she starts to cry the first time you pick her up say mommy is here then put her right back in. Then 5 minutes later you just rub her head or back don't say a word. Then you just lay in bed if she's next to you in the crib and don't say anything. And act like you are sleeping. It takes a bit the first time but the next couple nights gets easier and easier. My first daughter it olny took the one night. My son was completly different. Then she will get the idea and go right down no fuss. Just keep the same reutine everynight. Such as bath,book and bed. Or whatever you choose. They love the reutine and consistancy. She will be such a happy baby that's she getting her rest. It's tough I know but it's so worth it to get your rest and her to get hers.
And so it now before she's too old and it is a lot harder.

Oh and if you have to pull her into bed to nurse if you are make sure when she is done you put her back in her crib.
hope this helps. Good luck!

We co-slept with my son in our bed for about 2mos then transitioned him to a "co-sleeper" attached to the side of our bed. Like previous post said, I think 4 mos is too young to cry it out and therefore put him down only when he was already asleep. At night I could jsut reach over to nurse & he usually fell asleep nursing so I could put him back down. It definitely took a short transition period but eventually worked great. He stayed there until he was about 8 mos then moved to his own room in crib, using virtually the same method. One thing I did do was put him for naps first to transition him from sleeping with us first in the co-sleeper then the crib.

Good Luck!!

Actually she is the perfect age for the CIO method! I would say over 6 months of age would be harder to try the CIO method but would still work. Most pediatricians will tell you as long as your child is 6 weeks old or older the CIO method is just fine. I finally gave in to the CIO method when my son was 5 1/2 months old (should have done it sooner). I was like you my heart would break & I would cry for him every time I tried the CIO that is why I waited until he was 5.5 months.
But he would keep us awake all hours of the night & I was so sleep deprived I just could not take it anymore.
I read the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weisbluth, MD. I would suggest getting his book his method is very similar to the CIO method but better & will help you to understand why it is so important. Plus Co-sleeping can be VERY dangerous babies need to sleep in their own beds. Also my son was 3 months old when he went into his crib instead of the bassinet and also slept in his own room by himself. He slept so much better before I even tried the CIO being in a crib and all by himself.
FYI I used to feel they way Joanne S does the CIO is mean, abusive and what not. But he actually was a much happier, healthy, less cranky, less tired baby once he learned to fall asleep on his own. I also did not risk SIDS due to sleeping in my bed! I think I'd rather a live baby then a SIDS baby any day.