S.G. asks from Rochester, NY on September 14, 2009
The Dilemma of Co-sleeping Versus Crib
So far our now five-month old DD has slept well in her crib in her room. However recently she has woken up more and I have missed the opportunity to calm her down as I have dozed off in our room. By the time I wake up she is wide awake in her crib and it seems to take about half-an-hour to get her back to sleep. I just don't feel comfortable about "cry-it-out" method. So, I want your advice based on your experiences - does co-sleeping help this problem?..how good an idea is it to move her crib in our room so that I can hear her sooner than later or should I leave things status-quo and hope that this is just a passing phase?..help!
2 moms found this helpful
D. answers from New York on September 14, 2009
Do not start co-sleeping unless you want this to become a habit. Because once she's use to sleeping with you it's going to be difficult to get her use to sleeping alone again. Do you have a monitor? I am a very sound sleeper, but I can always hear my kids over the monitor that is right by my head. If you don't have one, I'd get one. This will help.
L.L. answers from New York on September 17, 2009
It's proabably teething at this age. You should get a monitor to hear the cries but never ever co-sleep.
1. Many accidents and fatalities happen this way when a paretn accidenatally rolls over or a blanket suffocates them
2. if by co-sleeping you mean to put the crib in your room, don't. It us unfair to your husband and yourself and unfair to your child becaue even after the reason for the crying stops, the new reason will be if you put her crib back in her room. You will just set yourself up for a habit that will be extremely hard to break.
3. Crying it out may be the best way even if you are not comfortable with it. Is is hard, don't get me wrong but if you don't, she will learn very quickly that if she starts to cry you will come. And she will use this new trick every time.
1 mom found this helpful
M.K. answers from New York on September 15, 2009
My advice is not to do it! You will have trouble going back to having your own bed and room with your husband. You DD is likely teething or going through a developmental stage. Every time my kids did something new, like sitting up, crawling, walking, crawling, and of course teething, it interrupted their sleep patterns. With skills, it seemed like they wanted to practice and were too excited to sleep well.
I did a modified cry-it-out with my kids. I didn't take them out of teh crib (no matter how much they cried!), and I laid down on the floor and gently said, "shhh...it's bed time" if they cried and fussed. I put my hand in, and they had to be laying down to reach it. Then when they were settled, but not asleep, I left the room. I had to go back in a few times for the first couple of nights, but then, after several nights, I could leave them to fall asleep on their own with no fuss. Then if they woke in teh night, i would set a timer for 8 minutes (all I could stand at first) and I wouldn't go in for that time. Then I increased it to 10 minutes. Almost every time, she put herself to sleep. Sometimes, I think her crying was just her way of working out her excess energy so she could rest.
A.D. answers from New York on September 15, 2009
If you decide to co-sleep, plan on doing it for YEARS, your bed is no longer your own. Some people like this, others do not. My daughter was never a co-sleeper, she is now 6 and she is very aware that she has to sleep alone, but mommy and daddy get to sleep together, and she does not like this. The people I know who did cosleep, had kids in their bed every night until they were at least 5.
Kids definitely go through different sleep phases, I would use a monitor instead of moving the crib into your room. It does take a little while to get used to the monitor, and you will hear every little peep. The trick is to have it quiet enough you don't hear any hum from the monitor, but not so quiet that you can't hear your child. Test it out with someone talking in the babies room to get it set right. (ours was a really cheap one from babies r'us, it worked fine)
Also, I agree with the parent that said try to soothe her by patting her back (assuming you get to her before she's screaming and really needs to be comforted)
M.T. answers from New York on September 15, 2009
I am a fan of cosleeping, did versions of this with my own kids (now ages 14 and 10) - they transitioned fine, we didn't have school aged kids in our bed and it was great for us. With my younger one who was not sleeping through the night when I went back to work at almost 3 months, it was a lifesaver to just reach into the cosleeper, pull him over, nurse and go back to sleep. If you are keeping your baby in a separate crib, the one that she'll sleep in when you move her back to her own room, this should make her transition back easier since she will still be in the same bed, and if you are getting up to comfort her either way. I never did the CIO method, it's just not the type of parenting that goes with my beliefs. Good luck
E.E. answers from New York on September 15, 2009
I'm a co-sleeper with my 17 month old and it works great for us (have since about 7 mos, though I fought it for several months before giving in).
That said, it's not a temporary solution. If you start co-sleeping now, I think you have to be in it for the long haul (or at least be willing to be in it for the long haul). I don't plan on trying to wean him from co-sleeping until he's ready to move into a big boy bed (and until he's able to understand more about moving into his own bed).
So, if you think you're going to co-sleep for a few months and then his sleep problems will be solved - I wouldn't do it.
DS starts out in his crib and then moves into our bed at some point during the night (co-sleeping, I think, is especially great if you're nursing). Occasionally he will spend the whole night in his crib, but that's rare. He does it on his own terms though. I personally think any form of CIO is cruel.
There's a great book about co-sleeping (I think it's by one of the Sears's) called Nighttime Parenting. It made me feel really good about my decision to co-sleep.
A.D. answers from New York on September 19, 2009
Dear S., My children, out of necessity were in my room for quite some time. As a result I did hear them quickly and was up to care for their needs. There was no problem once we got a house and they had their own rooms. at 5 mos. your baby may be teething and this will pass. You could invest in a monitor so you can hear her easier. My best, Grandma Mary (mother of 5)
A.M. answers from New York on September 15, 2009
I don't mean to sound harsh but get a monitor. This is what they are for - so you can magnify your baby's noises and make them loud enough for you to hear even if they are just the soft initial whimpers they make before they start to cry. I would certainly try that first before bringing her into your bed. Good luck!
N.S. answers from New York on September 14, 2009
I had the exact same situation as you! When my son (now 12 months) was about 5 months old, he started waking up very frequently in his crib, and as a result, I was exhausted all the time!
I did try the cry-it-out method, but found it didn't work, because although my son did cry himself to sleep, he would wake up 20 minutes later and start crying again.
I eventually started co-sleeping, and it has been a dream! I've never felt so well rested in my life. For me, it was more important that my husband and I were well rested and alert so that we could be great parents during the day. Co-sleeping really saved us!
And now our son sleeps well both in the crib and next to us. Traveling is also very easy because he's so comfortable sleeping with us. So I would say that I would definitely recommend co-sleeping!