The Dilemma of Co-sleeping Versus Crib

It's proabably teething at this age. You should get a monitor to hear the cries but never ever co-sleep.

1. Many accidents and fatalities happen this way when a paretn accidenatally rolls over or a blanket suffocates them

2. if by co-sleeping you mean to put the crib in your room, don't. It us unfair to your husband and yourself and unfair to your child becaue even after the reason for the crying stops, the new reason will be if you put her crib back in her room. You will just set yourself up for a habit that will be extremely hard to break.

3. Crying it out may be the best way even if you are not comfortable with it. Is is hard, don't get me wrong but if you don't, she will learn very quickly that if she starts to cry you will come. And she will use this new trick every time.

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My advice is not to do it! You will have trouble going back to having your own bed and room with your husband. You DD is likely teething or going through a developmental stage. Every time my kids did something new, like sitting up, crawling, walking, crawling, and of course teething, it interrupted their sleep patterns. With skills, it seemed like they wanted to practice and were too excited to sleep well.

I did a modified cry-it-out with my kids. I didn't take them out of teh crib (no matter how much they cried!), and I laid down on the floor and gently said, "shhh...it's bed time" if they cried and fussed. I put my hand in, and they had to be laying down to reach it. Then when they were settled, but not asleep, I left the room. I had to go back in a few times for the first couple of nights, but then, after several nights, I could leave them to fall asleep on their own with no fuss. Then if they woke in teh night, i would set a timer for 8 minutes (all I could stand at first) and I wouldn't go in for that time. Then I increased it to 10 minutes. Almost every time, she put herself to sleep. Sometimes, I think her crying was just her way of working out her excess energy so she could rest.

Good luck!

If you decide to co-sleep, plan on doing it for YEARS, your bed is no longer your own. Some people like this, others do not. My daughter was never a co-sleeper, she is now 6 and she is very aware that she has to sleep alone, but mommy and daddy get to sleep together, and she does not like this. The people I know who did cosleep, had kids in their bed every night until they were at least 5.

Kids definitely go through different sleep phases, I would use a monitor instead of moving the crib into your room. It does take a little while to get used to the monitor, and you will hear every little peep. The trick is to have it quiet enough you don't hear any hum from the monitor, but not so quiet that you can't hear your child. Test it out with someone talking in the babies room to get it set right. (ours was a really cheap one from babies r'us, it worked fine)

Also, I agree with the parent that said try to soothe her by patting her back (assuming you get to her before she's screaming and really needs to be comforted)

Good luck

Hi S.,
I am a fan of cosleeping, did versions of this with my own kids (now ages 14 and 10) - they transitioned fine, we didn't have school aged kids in our bed and it was great for us. With my younger one who was not sleeping through the night when I went back to work at almost 3 months, it was a lifesaver to just reach into the cosleeper, pull him over, nurse and go back to sleep. If you are keeping your baby in a separate crib, the one that she'll sleep in when you move her back to her own room, this should make her transition back easier since she will still be in the same bed, and if you are getting up to comfort her either way. I never did the CIO method, it's just not the type of parenting that goes with my beliefs. Good luck

I'm a co-sleeper with my 17 month old and it works great for us (have since about 7 mos, though I fought it for several months before giving in).

That said, it's not a temporary solution. If you start co-sleeping now, I think you have to be in it for the long haul (or at least be willing to be in it for the long haul). I don't plan on trying to wean him from co-sleeping until he's ready to move into a big boy bed (and until he's able to understand more about moving into his own bed).

So, if you think you're going to co-sleep for a few months and then his sleep problems will be solved - I wouldn't do it.

DS starts out in his crib and then moves into our bed at some point during the night (co-sleeping, I think, is especially great if you're nursing). Occasionally he will spend the whole night in his crib, but that's rare. He does it on his own terms though. I personally think any form of CIO is cruel.

There's a great book about co-sleeping (I think it's by one of the Sears's) called Nighttime Parenting. It made me feel really good about my decision to co-sleep.

Dear S., My children, out of necessity were in my room for quite some time. As a result I did hear them quickly and was up to care for their needs. There was no problem once we got a house and they had their own rooms. at 5 mos. your baby may be teething and this will pass. You could invest in a monitor so you can hear her easier. My best, Grandma Mary (mother of 5)

I don't mean to sound harsh but get a monitor. This is what they are for - so you can magnify your baby's noises and make them loud enough for you to hear even if they are just the soft initial whimpers they make before they start to cry. I would certainly try that first before bringing her into your bed. Good luck!

Dear S.,
I had the exact same situation as you! When my son (now 12 months) was about 5 months old, he started waking up very frequently in his crib, and as a result, I was exhausted all the time!

I did try the cry-it-out method, but found it didn't work, because although my son did cry himself to sleep, he would wake up 20 minutes later and start crying again.

I eventually started co-sleeping, and it has been a dream! I've never felt so well rested in my life. For me, it was more important that my husband and I were well rested and alert so that we could be great parents during the day. Co-sleeping really saved us!

And now our son sleeps well both in the crib and next to us. Traveling is also very easy because he's so comfortable sleeping with us. So I would say that I would definitely recommend co-sleeping!

Good luck!

N.

Hi S.,

I never co-slept I was always afraid of injury. My husband is a big guy and I was just concerned about him rolling over on the baby. It is personal choice, however I think the safest place for any baby is in their crib. That being said sleep habits in a baby change quite often. It can be anything, teething, learning to roll over, hunger, etc. Like anything it depends on you handle it. Some people are lucky when they co-sleep they can get them back into the crib, however I know many people who have done it and were never able to get them out of their bed. Again, personal choice. If you think it is teeth as the doctor if you can try Tylenol before bed, if you think it is a phase try to just wait a few minutes and see if she can put herself back to sleep. Does she put herself to sleep at night. There are a lot of books on sleep training. If you can teach her to put herself to sleep then when she wakes during the night she will not need you to put her sleep she will know how to do it independently. Good luck on whatever you decide. I hope you get some sleep soon!!

I think the biggest thing to is figure out why her patterns have changed. My daughter's patterns changed at 5 months because she was teething. I would just go in and give her the liquid teething drops and she would go back to sleep. Other things that have affected her sleep patterns in the past are: change in temperature, different nap schedule (even by 15 minutes), starting solids, etc.

I think it is completely your choice about moving her to your bed, but know it is not a temporary solution and may cause other issues. I would also get a monitor- we used to have the video one and loved it- but moved away from it because we now know what all her different noises in the middle of the night mean. We know when to go in and what to do (sometimes it is just adding a blanket, others we know just a quick pat will settle her down before she wakes up). Good luck!

Unless you want to be posting another message on this board next year about how you can't get your child to sleep if you're not in the room, I would leave her in her room. She will need to eventually learn how to calm herself down so you are not waking up every single night for the next few years.

My guess is that you are taking her out of her crib when you try to soothe her. That actually makes it harder for her to go back to sleep - imagine if you woke up at night, and someone made you get out of bed. I would try short soothing routines in her crib. And perhaps put a baby monitor in your room so you can hear her quicker, but as she gets older, you should allow her to cry for longer before soothing her, for everyone's sake, including hers!

S.,

Co-sleeping can work very well for many families. When my son was about 9 months old he refused to sleep in his crib. Out of complete exhaustion we gave in and let him sleep in our bed. We all slept so much better. When my son got too big to sleep between my husband and me at 18 months we bought him his big boy bed. Its a trundle bed, so my husband or I can lie with him until he falls asleep. It was never a problem, he loves the bed.

Crying it out was never an option in our household.

Good luck with your decision.
R.

S.,
Co-sleeping is not a problem. It will not last forever. For more accurate information, go to Attachment Parenting International. Look it up online. It is better for your baby - your baby is trusting you to fill her needs - and closeness is a need! There is so much more.

All phases are passing. She is learning more and more every day. Being responsive to her needs is not inhumane, as some have suggested to me.

Any other questions you can email me,
Good luck,
M.

Do you have a baby monitor? I just turn ours up really loud so that I hear our baby. Also...do you usually feed your daughter at night. Because babies go through a growth spurt at about this age and she could be hungry.

She could be teething. When my son is cutting a tooth, he wakes up 2-3 times during the night. He's older so he puts himself back to sleep, but I can tell when a new one is coming because my wonderful sleeper is suddenly a night owl!

It is interesting how most of the "don't co-sleep because your baby will never go back to her own crib" worriers seem to be people who never co-slept!

I've moved my daughter back and forth from bassinett to bed to crib, and as long as I don't do it for more than a couple of nights in my bed she doesn't seem to have an issue transitioning back. Especially when she was that young. I found that if she had an especially hard night I could cuddle with her and then soothe her back to bed in her own space the next. The flexibility can really save your sanity, because when she really needs to be held that option is open to you.

My one word of advice - it is probably the teeth and don't start feeding her, that is what did me in. She was in a co-sleeper bassinet in my room and sleeping through the night. I was getting ready to move her to her crib in her own room when viola she started waking up again. I fed her (thinking she was going through a growth spurt) and all hope was lost. She hasn't slept through the night since. And I don't have the heart to do cry-it-out. It seems cruel, even if you are in the same room. I pick her up and soothe her and put her back to sleep.

That said every baby is different. A lot of people say rubbing the back helps, and with my daughter, she will get far more upset if you touch her but don't pick her up.

Do not start co-sleeping unless you want this to become a habit. Because once she's use to sleeping with you it's going to be difficult to get her use to sleeping alone again. Do you have a monitor? I am a very sound sleeper, but I can always hear my kids over the monitor that is right by my head. If you don't have one, I'd get one. This will help.