What to Do?

I believe that all moms, having the hard job that we do should have some time to go out with the girls. There is nothing wrong with having a drink and doing kareoke. I think that maybe he is just worried about you and doesn't want anything to happen to you. One question though... Does he get to have that time out as well, or is it just something you want to do? You may just want to try and meet in the middle somehow. My husband likes to go out shooting once in a while and that is how he takes his "man" time. I, like you like to go out, but I go out with the girls from my family and he trusts that all together we will be safe. Hope this helps.

I'll go out with you :)... i'm going through similar situation but my husband do let me go but for some reason i feel weird if i decide to go out idk, i've been married for 4 months only and my baby is 6 1/2 months but since i got pregnant i wouldnt go out or anything so i guess it is rite if you feel rite about it :)

Hi T.,

My daughter is a Christian, but got hooked up with an Atheist. She is 24 and even he allows her, her freedom. Your husband is insecure. Maybe about his age, maybe it is your age. If he does not want you to go out, then offer him to go with you. You might just start having a girls night in with friends you have over. Plan it on a night when he is watching a football game, or basketball, or whatever. I am pretty sure he will want you to go somewhere else instead the next time.

When I married, my husband did not got to church with me...but, I went anyway! Years later, he can't wait to get up on Sunday and go! God does work in mysterious ways!
Do you have a church home? Our church, Southeast Christian on Jordan Rod in Parker, has a MOP group (Mothers of Preschoolers) They always welcome other moms to be mentors... Maybe you could try that.

It is important that you build your marriage on Christ. Then, your husband will respect and honor you, or he will have to deal with Gods chastising, because you are being faithful to God.

Thats all I can say...Please feel free to e-mail me, if I can help you with anything else...

Love, and Blessings,
Cath

I do think you should have some fun with girlfirends once in awhile. Although I disagree with setting out to go to bar bar and drinking. My girlfriends and I get together once a month and oick a different restaurant. We do have some drinks, but the intent is not to get drunk at a bar.

Wow, you sound exactly like me, I had my first child at 17 and now have two more, I'm 25 and my husband is older than me. The only difference between us is that my husband wants me to get out and make friends and do things by myself. I don't do the drinking thing (bad experience) but I like to get my nails done and go shopping. We're new here and I'm socially awkward so I haven't met anyone yet so it's hard. You need to let your husband know that getting away from the kids and God forbid him, helps you out immensely. Especially since you're a SAHM and he works, he gets out everyday away from the home, you're there all day. Good Luck!

No, you are not wishing on a star. That is a very natural way to feel. In any healthy relationship the couple needs time apart, each one with their own friends doing whatever makes them happy. And in any relationship with children, each parent needs time away from the children doing something enjoyable and relaxing to them. Further, if you continue to feel this way and your husband continues to prohibit you going out, you will eventually feel completely trapped and controlled, which will lead to huge resentment that is most often irreparable. It is not healthy for one person to be your entire life... those relationships almost never last. Perhaps you could sit down and talk to him... tell him you really need to feel like you have some control over your life, and how much better you would feel in the relationship with him and your children if you felt like you got a break every once in a while to do something you very much enjoy. My boyfriend is older than me also (I am also 24), and while he likes to go out and drink rarely, generally speaking thats not his scene. He likes poker, golf and pool (yea, he is a nerd ha ha). He joined a pool league once a week, plays poker into the wee hours maybe once every 2 or 3 months, golfs during the day every once in a while and is perfectly content feeling like he got a break and is ready to come home and give me and our son all we need. My scene, on the other hand is most definitely not any of those things (because I am not a nerd ha ha!!). I enjoy going out with the girls at night and having a few cocktails... etc. I only go out maybe once a month, and it is enough to fulfill my need of not feeling like I am a 24 year old trapped in the life of a 40 year old... it really relieves a lot of pressure. Just make sure that you also make some time for the 2 of you as well, date nights every once in a while and such, so that he doesn't feel like you just want to get away from him... sometimes its nice to "get away" WITH each other!! Hope this helps!! PS- Please don't take this the wrong way either, I love my son, I am a SAHM. I spend every minute I can with him, and as i said, I only go out about 2x a month (once with friends, once with either just him or him and friends together). :-)

I personally feel that it is important for both you and your husband to have lives of your own. I think when you are a full and complete person you are stronger and happier which helps your family life tremendously. I am 33 and have girls nights every couple of months or as needed. We dont have to go to the bars to have fun; but sometimes do that too! You mentioned that you do not have any girlfriends. I would first start by taking classes (cooking, art, yoga, etc...) to meet other women, or find another way (church groups, support groups, book clubs, etc...) before heading to the bars. Most importantly sit down with your husband and decide together what is acceptable for BOTH of you. Good luck.

You most definitely should be able to go out. I am 27 and still go out with my girlfriends a few times a month, my husband is 5 years older than me, but he understand I need my girl time. He actually enjoys a night to himself as well. I am a very good and responsible mom, but you also need to take time for yourself. It's very important and often diregarded. Good luck, if you ever want to join a girls night send me a message!

No offense, but it sounds like your husband is the one who is 'too old'. You are only 24! Get out and have some fun. Your husband is only 33!?!? Tell him to get out and have some fun too. It will be good for both of you and your relationship to have some fun with your friends. It's not like you are planning to go have sex with someone. You just want to go out with your girlfriends and have some grown up time. My husband encourages me to go out with my friends. He know that being a SAHM is hard work and that I need to be with my friends and have some laughs. My advice is just do it. He's your husband, not your father.

Wow! My wife is in her late 30's and I encourage her to socialize out of the house. Seriously... Get in touch with on on MOMS Club. They have mommy/kiddo events as well as Mom's night out. On on on wholesome note -- our church (Sagebrush) also does Mom's night out. Perhaps if it was an organizational thing - he' d' be behind you more.

T.,
you should always take time out to do something with your girlfriends. A little bit of Mommy alone time, no matter what you're doing while away, is totally normal and helps you stay sane! :) So go for it!

Hi T.! I realize this is a bit late, but I just moved to Phoenix about 2 monts ago and just got on mamasource. My name is R., and my husband is 11 years older than I. And to make things worse, he's deployed to Iraq! So he's extra worried about me going out and drinking. I don't have a single friend in the area, and I would love to get to know some people. I am a stay-at-home mom of a 13 month old little girl and would love to get a part time job, but child care is hard to find and I don't know anyone to babysit for me. If you'd like to get together sometime, send me a message! I'd love to meet you!

T.,
I was 19 and alone with my first baby. I had 6 by the age of 30. My family lived out of state and I was all alone. I did join a Volleyball League and was restless to have an outside life. You need to go out once a week for your sanity and no matter how much you love your kids you need a break. It is healthy for them and you as well. A little fun is not wrong but to much is not good for your marriage or yourself.
C.

I think that you should be able to go out- you are not too old to have fun and you should be able to enjoy a night with your friends. Have you joined a mom's group- you can go online and find one in your area. It is a great way to meet new people- or take the kids to story time at your local library or to gymboree etc. You need some time to yourself in order to recharge. Does your husband go out? If you do go out you will feel much better- everyone needs a break occasionally. Good luck!

You know there is nothing wrong with wanting to go out with your girls and have some time to yourself. I'm 24 as well and with just one child who does the girls night out every couple of months. Just talk it over with your husband and make like a plan with him. Meaning say like once a month or even twice a month you go out with your girls to where ever you want and then he can go out with the guys as well. My husband has been trying to get me to go out with my friends for the longest time just that I don't have many friends since I had my child. Just talk it over with him. I also have to say that the one mom, though she means well, sounds like she is trying to discourage you from going out and being an adult. Having a couple of drinks doesn't mean you will get drunk. You're just wanting to have a good time. Just talk it over with him. It will work out, just keep trying.

Hi T.,
He's a bit controlling to me. But you do need your time for yourself as well as he does. I don't go out to bars any more, but love to go out to lunches with friends and go shopping, or even window shopping! :-) Just to hang out and get a breather with out the 'man' or the kidos is nice. I'm lucky enough to have a husband that supports that. May be if you talk to your hubby and tell him that he could go out with his friends one day/night and then it could be your turn to get away for a while.
Let me know if you'd like to escape for a while. :-) I don't do bars any more, but shopping and lunches are great! :-)

You have what is very common for people who are from different generations. You still want to be the kid and play while he is wanting you to be the mom and take care of home and kids. Simple solutions are difficult. To give you an example, my step daughter had her first kid at 19 ( one night stand gone bad) the second at 21 (another one nighter gone bad). She didn't get the ability to mature to the real adult and still had the kid in her. So she went out - a bunch, lost her relationship with her kids ( they are at the dad's and grandparents more than with her) and now has shacked up with the third guy in less than a year. Problem being she didn't get the kid out of her before taking on adult responsibilities. That is why kids shouldn't have kids - remember this for your daughter.
However, guys get poker night or football weekends. So should you. So why not have the girls over for an at home event. There are and endless variety of at home "parties" that are for women only. (A purse party come to mind but you'll find a way.) Your husband will be much more content that you are not OUT on the marriage and you get the contact with the girls. Yes of course you need the time to be you. But what you are expressing is a kid not a wife and mommy, and your husband is suspect of what might go on. So meet in the middle. You get your time and do it in a family friendly way.

Remember the difference in your ages is like a High School senior dating a 4th grader. So keep the marriage intact and have some fun. But really you are a wife and mom first last and forever. Find a way to get the kid out in a way that keeps the family in tact. The bars are not the way to make it happen. So take the adult way of having some fun without threatening your marriage and family. You can do it. Just remember that the bars offer the meeting point for those who are seeking what you already have - a family and a marriage. Have some fun grow and find a way to let the kid in you surface without the family being threatened by your actions.
Life is a collections of decisions, good or bad, make a good one. Your husband will love you more if you get to be YOU and that is important. So find a way. But the bars are the fast track to problems.
D

T., T., T.! It seems as though you started having your children too early. Age 24 is young but when you had kids early you missed that lifestyle. Your husband is 33.5 years old right? Then he probably did his partying and he is around the age where some men settle down and not go out as often. On the other hand, i was 17 once and i did all my partying back then up until i was 24 becuz that is when i started having children. I do less going out/alcohol consumption and think it would not be fair to my child to experience the sight of me going out all the time. However, i do step out once in a while to get away and associate with friends and relatives. My husband and i have grown to assure that we know what the clubs are all about but it is just the same scenary at all clubs and we are older now and we have done a lot of clubbing it in our days. So now that we are older (im 31 and he is 28) we feel that we dont have to go out every weekend or 4 times a month. Once or twice a month is ok but you being so young and not having the experience to go clubbing it when you were a teen might be beneficial to you go adjust to how your husband and you tolerate the frequency of your urge to going out. On a more personal note, if you are married then clubbing it would be a strain on your marriage if it is done often. Just to get away from the family for awhile but not that often should be considered due to there can me stressors/barriers as to being a mother and a father which getting out and getting some air with friends and family on a social occasion can relieve some of the tension. It is just a thought because although the club life can lead to a distruption to negativity in your marriage/household, it can be prevented if you go on a positive venture and not negative venture (cheating, meeting guys etc.). If you know where to draw the line when a man approaches you in a club then you and your husband will not have much to argue about but if you go to meet other men to cheat/make your husbnad jealous it will only cause friction. It is best that you and your husband come to an agreement to allow you to socialize with friends and mingle before you just rebel his wishes and start becoming a club hopper. I understand your question but i can also undertand your husband's views also. Feel free to conversate with me and i can give you suggestions that me and my husband has discussed over the years about your past situation on this subject. Good luck!!

oh wow. I have to tell you, that I am 27 years old, and girl's night (complete with lots of kareoke and giggling) is a monthly event for me. Everyone needs some time to unwind, every mom needs time away from her family, just some time to enjoy being YOU. Why doesn't he want you to go out? Is it a trust issue? A control thing? It sounds ilke he may have some insecurities. Can you start out small with a lunch with friends. Or a couple drinks during happy hour? There is NOTHING wrong with taking a moment to yourself or enjoying some time with friends. Good luck, hon.

I am 24 my self and I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old. I feel the same way you do. I want to be able to go out on weekends with friends. Unfortually i really dont have any friends. So, I am usally stuck at home. The thing is your husband is alot older then you. So, he already has done all the stuff you want to do. Try seating down and talking to him and telling him how you feel and tell him he was where you are at right now. Try to get him to see your point of view. He also may be old fashion too.

T. -

I'm D. (23) and my fiance is 7 years older than me. I think maybe that with your husband being older he has outgrown the days of drinking, kareoke, & making a fool of himself...mine is the same way. He never puts it to me that I shouldn't be going out - but he does try to suggest staying in & watching a movie or something. I just think it's because they're "not as young as they once were" - but that doesn't mean we aren't! And - as a new mom myself, it's hard to just find the time to do anything. If you've got the time, go out! It's soo worth your wild getting out of the house every once in a while. Trust me. It's what helps to keep you sane. And now...you know me.

: )

I'm confused. You previously wanted advice on how to get your kids back after the judge took them away because you mixed alcohol and prescription drugs. Now you're complaining because your husband says you're too old to go out drinking. Looks like you really do have a problem with alcohol. What a shame. I think you need to take your husband's advice and worry about being a good mom instead of being a party girl.

You should definitely get out of the house with your girlfriends! Find out if your age is the real reason your husband does not want you going out. You should be able to go out dancing, drinking, etc. as long as you take care of yourself and do not drive drunk! He may be controlling you so he does not have to be with the kids, or because he is jealous. Does he get to go out with his friends?

T.,

You have every right to have friends, and every right to have a girl's night out at least once a month! Stay at home or working Moms all need that to keep our sanity! I'm a few years older than your husband and I have girls nights out, usually drinking, and I have friends even older that I do it with. If you don't get out of the house occasionally, there could be serious problems in the long run, mentally/emotionally, that could lead to divorce. You might subconsiously harbor negative feelings against your husband if he continues to refuse you this "your time". He cannot make you stay home all the time, that is just ridiculous. Good Luck.

T.,
The way you, and your husband, feel is completely normal. You need time away, to hang out with adults, to have fun in a different setting. I read another response which insinuated that your choice of activity was unsafe, and that you need to do something more like scrapbooking or join a Mom's club. Although I think those are fantastic ideas...you need to have some time away from the mommy environment where you can talk about other things and have friends who love you for you, not just because you are a mom. You can have a couple drinks and still be safe. Maybe your husband is concerned becuase you are so much younger and he fears you might like going out and want to do that more than be at home. I think you just need to reassure him that you love him and your family, but you need a little time to yourself and so does he. Trust me, as soon as you spend a night out, you will realize that it was fun, but in the end, you are still mommy and you will want to be home. :) Feel free if you want to respond or want ideas about where to go out.

Have you ever been unfaithful to your husband? Has he been unfaithful to you? If not, then you have EVERY right to go and spend some time with the girls. Maybe start out with a class at the local workout club, lunch, a spa day, manis and pedis, something he won't find "threatening." Then, you can expand it into happy hour or dinner (but not both to start with), and eventually he will get used to you taking time to recharge your own batteries, and he'll be OK with you going out with girl friends.

I find that men, at first, have a hard time accepting the fact that we actually want or need to spend time on ourselves. Our job is to take care of everyone else. And, we do that very well 24/7. However, if we don't stay true to ourselves and our needs and wants, we will become resentful, moody, etc. Little excursions like this help us reconnect with our friends, family, and most importantly, ourselves.

When I go out, I make sure to go early, have dinner ready for the family, call to say goodnight to the kids, and come home early, so he can get a little (or alot of) time with me, too. I've found that even just going for happy hour, and getting home in time to prepare dinner, does amazing things for my attitude and outlook on life and being a caregiver.

My advice, ease into it, and he'll be OK with it.

Well, maybe it's the type of activity that concerns him. I know I wouldn't like my husband to go drinking with his buddies, as it really impairs judgment, but I am very supportive of him getting out. So maybe if you choose other activities that are "safer" to him then he would be supportive (movies, mall, lunch, pedicures, scrapbooking, coffee, concerts, jewelry making, book club, bunko, MOMS Club, exercise). Even more important is getting time together as a couple. My mom insisted that she and my dad go on a weekly date and they are VERY happily married 30+ years later. She attributes it to the constant care and attention they gave their marriage. Of course you need to take care of yourself as well. But maybe regular nights out TOGETHER would make both of you happy. Maybe he loves to spend time with you and doesn't feel like he gets enough of it without the kids and that's his problem. My husband and I were doing our own things--I dance and he plays ball--but then I read a marriage book that said your most enjoyable moments should be shared together, instead of the only association you have with each other is stress, kids, bills, etc. You like who you have fun with. So we brainstormed and came up with something we both enjoy and now play on a coed soccer team together. It is the BEST thing we've ever done, but it took thought and effort to implement. We get out together and bond, plus get exercise, and we sometimes go out afterwards.

Hey my husband is the same way.But I just tell him that I need time away and time to myself. If you would like to meet up and have some time to yourself let me know. I have a son who is one. I live in the Aurora/Green Vally Ranch area.. Hope to hear from you.

T.,
It is normal to me anyways to feel like you need some space from being mommy and wife. I feel the need to go out and I do go out every now and then I feel stress free. I am not saying to forget that your married, as long as you are faithful there is nothing wrong. My husband allows me to go out and I will be 35 next month. I don't go out as much as I did back home in hawaii, But it is enough for me to be content. It doesn't have to be to a club or bar, even having breakfast with my friends for a couple of hours after work is fun for me. ( work overnights while my husband can be home with the kids) I am a mother of three too all boys!!!!! well you keep talking with your husband. Hopefully he will let up.

C.

Hi T.,

I think it is crazy that you are not "allowed" time out with your girlfriends. Every person, man or woman needs their alone time. What is he so insecure about? Do the two of you ever go out together alone? Maybe you could talk him in to going with you a couple of times so he can see you aren't going out to get solely get drunk or flirt, or whatever it is that he thinks you might do. At any rate, I think you need to demand a night out! Remind him that you had your first baby at 17 and have never been able to go out. Also remind him of the things he did when he was your age--I am sure he went out a time or two when he was 24 :) Good luck.

Hi T., I feel the same way, my husband is acually opposite though. he lets me go out, but i hardly have anyone to go out with haha. but yeah i think you should it it a great stress reliever. you should be able to have time for yourself. im 24 and i don't think im too old. we need to get out while we are still young or regret it later.

I definately know where you're coming from. I'm 25 and my husband is 7 1/2 years older than me. He got started on the social scene early, and now feels that he's too old for it. He doesn't discourage me from going, but I don't go often, because what I really want is for him to come with me. It can be very frustrating. And it makes me feel so old to stay at home all the time. I guess I don't have any advice, I'm just kinda in the same boat.

cool! I have found it hard to hang out with people who don't have kids. I think we should all hang out..get pedicures...ya know..girl night out. I don't drink either. I'm 26 with 1 son. So if ya ever want to, let me know!

When my husband and I were dating and my daughter was younger we started a night off routine. Every week, I get one night "off" (if you will), and he does too. Mine is Mondays, his is Thursday. This night is a night to do whatever you want - without having to worry about the kids. If I want to stay at home and watch TV, I can do that. But I don't have to worry about getting gets ready for bed and putting to bed, or getting the baby up for a diaper change before we go to bed. He does the same. Mainly he stays home and plays on the computer, but it's his time. We used to say it started after dinner, but recently, my friends and I have been doing dinner before Bible Study on Mondays. I love it!!! I always know, that unless he is sick or has something he cannot miss (which he then offers me a different night) that I have Monday's to myself. Try talking with your husband about that. Maybe if you offer the same thing you want, then he will be more responsive to it.

W.

What your feeling is pretty normal and I see nothing wrong with a moms night out. I personally never get to go out either! Its just too difficult to plan with kids and his work schedule. I am pregnnat with my 3rd and have a 3 and 4 yr old. I am however older. I am 29 and you do need time to yourself especially since you started so young. I feel like the only time I get a break is during nap time and when they go to bed! LOL. My BF works long days and is gone for about 12-15 hours so some days are never ending! Good Luck

I am 24 years old as well with 2 children and married. My husband doesn't go out much either unless he goes to play a game of poker at one of our friends house. He too will sometimes say that he doesn't think i need to go out. I tell him that it is essential for me that i need to have some girly time with some friends, away from the kids and away from the hubby. What they don't understand is that we will go crazy if we don't have that time and it will make us miss them more when we are gone. When i go out with my girlfriends- I am constantly thinking of my family but are having a great time with my friends as well. I would just let him know that yes i am married and have beautiful children but sometimes just need mommy time.