What Should I Do? - New Lenox,IL

This may not work in every situation but I've always liked my husband's technique of "Guys, no pushing" or "Guys, no hitting" even though he knew it wasn't my son, it gave the other child or children the opportunity to correct the behavior without being singled out. It also gave the parent(s) the opportunity to look over and see if it's their child being addressed.

I understand what you are talking about. In this situation, I am teaching my son to stick up for himself. I can't control how other kids behavior or how other parents "parent", but I can teach my son how to be assertive on his own behalf. Just to be clear, there is a difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. I'm not teaching my child to hit back, push back or anything like that. What I am doing is teach him to say things like, "Hey, watch where you are going!" or "That wasn't nice!" or whatever else is appropriate for that situation. And when I see another kid being too rough, I do remind my son that nobody is allowed to act that way with him and it is okay to say to the other kid, "Cut it out!" if necessary.

Hope this helps.

when he gets to grade school is leaving going to be an option? No. So teach him what you want him to do - deal with the problem in a nice manner.
I teach my kids that age to "use their words" and do so by modeling what they should say - "Billy, tell the boy that you don't like to be pushed" or "Billy let him know that he hit you by using your words".
you have to give your son the knowledge and skills to solve problems on his own in a good way, you also have to teach him that leaving is not needed if you use your words the right way. There is nothing wrong with telling the parents AFTER your child tried his words that there is an issue. And there is nothing wrong with telling an unsupervised child to be nice.

I act for my children. I would protect him in a way that I would want him to protect himself.

That means voicing something like "do not hit me" and also moving or figuring out a solution to whatever is bugging the other little guy, depending on the situation.

Speak for your son. Act on behalf of your son. Show him how to civilly stand up for himself and also to take action to resolve his problems.

If I was in a public play area and another child was not being supervised properly and hit my small child, I would say something to the kid. I don't particularly care if the parents don't appreciate it. If you don't want a stranger to talk to your child and correct their behavior, then you should be watching and doing it yourself. I would be polite and friendly, but firm, that there is no hitting allowed. I would be nicer than if I was correcting my own child, because I don't think being mean to other people's kids is appropriate. I make sure to say please too.

You said you wouldn't appreciate it, but would you be letting your child beat up on another kid and not saying anything about it? I don't know, but the fact that it upsets you that other parents are doing that makes me think you wouldn't be allowing that to go on. If a parent got onto my kid when I was right there trying to do it myself, I probably wouldn't like it. But if I didn't see the incident and they NICELY corrected my child, I would only be embarrassed that I wasn't watching closely enough. (If they yelled and got mean, that would be a different story.)

It bothers me when observant, concerned, involved parents and their well-behaved kids get pushed out of public areas by bullies with parents who don't care what they do. I also try to get my son to stick up for himself. At 2, that is a little tough, but we are working on it. I don't know how much better he will be at it at 3 yrs old. I'm hoping at 5 or 6 he will be able to defend himself. But your kid shouldn't have to suffer because of other kids' bad behavior.

Now if the parent really is an involved parent and had been interacting with/ monitoring their kid and just didn't see it, I would either let it go the first time or say something to the parent nicely. If I really thought they just didn't see, I would most likely let it go, because the chances are it wouldn't happen again because they probably don't allow it on a regular basis.

Personally, I practice and fully endorse the "Kids, no pushing!" Or "Kids, no hitting!" method. As a previous poster mentioned that this gives the parent an opportunity to look up and take notice if it was their child involved, and it doesn't single anyone out, yet gets the message across. My son doesn't seem to mind when I speak up like this on his behalf when he wasn't the one pushing, or whatever. He gets that I am speaking out on his behalf.

Another thing I think worth mentioning is that we spend so much time drilling it into our kids heads to "be nice" that I think they don't realize that there are times when it's ok to speak out and stick up for themselves. I tell my son anytime we are in a place where there are other kids playing, particularly if he comes to me saying that someone was pushing/hitting/bullying, whatever, that he can tell them to STOP! I tell him that it's ok to say "Stop hitting!" Or "Stop pushing me!" "It's not nice!" And when I tell him this, he always has that "aha" look on his face, as if he forgot that he can say these things if the situation warrants... and he seems relieved that he has something he can use if he is in that situation.

I have no problem telling another child nicely to knock it off. If your are not comfortable with that then find the parent. Most kids listen pretty well to an adult.

I have no problem repremanding someone else's child when they are smackin' mine around, and you shouldn't either! If you notice a child hitting you go up to them and say, "no no! We don't hit! That's not nice. you need to play nicely." If the mom gets upset then that's her problem not yours. She should be watching her child better! I have often said that if my children are acting a fool and I am not doing my job, then I hope someone steps in and lets them know that they are out of line. You're right...it's not fair to your son to be taking him away from children that are misbehaving. He will not understand why you are taking him away from the fun thing when the naughty children get to stay!
L.

You do not have to reprimand anyone in a nasty way. Just go up to the little sweethearts and say very nicely that "We don't do this.Shall I get your mom?" Of course quietly so mom doesn't karate chop you. Sometimes moms are not as concerned as we are about their children. I am forever being stopped by hubby who tells me it is none of my business if a child has a plastic bag over his head and mom is nowhere to be seen in the grocery store (and i am not kididng). He says it is up to their parents. So really it is but in the case of hitting you could say something to the parents but they will probably be sort of not so nice next visit to the park, or you can do the cutesy teacher voice that I have grown to loathe with the "that is not veeery nice little Jackie". Catch my drift. Or grab your child before you get out of there and run!

This is a hot button issue for me, so here goes...

I have been taking my kids/daycare kids to these places since they started so many, many years ago. So I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. And yet, I see some rather harsh statements being thrown around here and would like to set a few things straight.

First of all, if you went to any of these playgrounds at any time you will see woman meeting in groups of 2 and 3 and they are talking to each other. This is what they do. They meet up in these places so that the kids can wear themselves out while they get a little personal time. It's bad enough that a busy mom has to go to a loud place like this to get some me time. They don't need to be judged for not "seeing" or "watching" everything.

Now, children have their ways before they get there. A child that budges in line will budge at home or at another park. So the parent going should know their child's propensities and should teach them well in advance that it's wrong. Most parents do try hard at this and most parents won't be upset if you point out to them what just happened. There's no reason to assume the parent will be mad.

That said, do you all realize that 60-70% of the play area is INSIDE of the tubes and you can't see or know for certain who did or said what?

I have taken 4-5 kids to these places, 1-3 times per week, for at least 15+ years and I read books, watch movies, and surf the internet and almost NEVER have any problem. I am able to hear when someone is yelling and always will get up and go see if it involves any of mine. It RARELY does. My kids are well-behaved and taught what is right before we get there.

My daughter is now 9 years old and just like her adult sisters that came before her, she LOVES these places. She is the kid that's up there making up games, getting kids involved, helping to push and pull tiny kids from one level to the next etc. She would never even think of hitting a child in one of those places. She has lost her cool with kids she is with every day and swatted someone and she has been dealt with at home. But she has NEVER done such a thing in public, not even once. So one day when she came to me just crying and crying, telling me that there was a child there that was being bossy, refusing to let her through the tunnels and that the child pushed her, I was about to leave with her. Then this uppidy woman came to me and told me it was all my child and that she was being mean. I'm really not THAT mom. I'm usually the first person to give the benefit to the doubt to both children and try and figure out what REALLY happened. I don't just assume that my daughter is in the right. But I KNOW my child in these places. I didn't say anything to the woman because she was clueless. Her child will be a bully for quite awhile and she might never get it until she's pushed into legal proceedings.

So to summarize my position....If you see it happen, go right ahead and tell the child in question it wasn't nice. Don't worry about the parent. If they are irked, so be it. Do give the parent the benefit of the doubt. It's POSSIBLE for any child to lose their mind in new situations. Don't JUDGE any parent that's looking at their phone or computer or reading a book. For PETE'S sake, they are just trying to get a few minutes to themselves. ALL moms should get this. If you don't, then you have a problem yourself of being just way too jugemental.

You have a lot of great answers. I feel the need to comment on one that you received. I think if your 3 year old is brave enough to go into the playground on his own he is old enough to play at McDonalds. My daughter has been playing at our McDonald's playland since before she was 2. At first she would only play in the little balls at the bottom and then started getting more brave and going up higher. She does just fine and she helps the littler kids when they are playing, probably because she remembers what it is like to be the little kid.

Generally I watch my daughter pretty closely (when I can see her) and I do see that the kids sometimes push. However, if it doesn't bother her, I don't do anything. This is going to happen her whole life so if she isn't hurt and isn't bothered, why should I get bothered? If she seems upset, or if she is doing the pushing, which has happened a few times, I will go over and get involved. If she has done any pushing I tell her that pushing is not nice and if the kid is still there she says she is sorry. If another kid is doing the pushing and she is upset and the child is not there anymore I tell her to avoid the child because no one likes playing with a "Mean Bully Pest" (from Richard Scarry's Please and Thank You Book). If the child is still there I tell the child that "Pushing is not nice" and that if I see it again I will have to find their parent. I say is calmly, and quickly and usually my daughter is fine after that and I just remind both of them to play nice and I go back to my seat.

Personally, if my daughter doesn't want to leave because of the incident (and she never has) I won't make her leave. But if she was ever so upset that she didn't want to play anymore we would definitely go.

Good Luck,
D.

Well there are different type of parents. I have three kids and we LOVE visiting parks and other places. Some parents are attentive and some are not. Just do the best job with your own child. Let him know that he should treat fairly and share and use his manners. Keep a good eye on your kids and if another kid is nasty to your child I would say something directly to the other child. I have and I will if the other parent is not watching their child and is hitting your child you need to do something. Just let it be known to your child that it is unacceptable in your house to treat people unkind.
In most situation I don't feel comfortable reprimanding someone elses child. However there are situations that arise that you have to do just that. For example on my street there are 9 children on our cul-de-sac. They all get along wonderful. With the exception of one child. However that one child his mom is rarely outside. I am outside normally with my three kids playing tag or whatever. One other mom on the street regular is also outside. That one child is the only one that EVER causes any type of problems. His mom is never there plus she always blames it on anyone but her son. I am going to be consistent with my own children. So I have to unfortately say something to this bratty little kid since his mom makes herself unavailble. Good luck.

I'm not sure that you have to reprimand the kids, just let the parents know what their kids did. That's the appropriate way to handle it, and it protects you from their ire if you interfere with their child. Just say something like "I just wanted to let you know that your child just pushed/hit my child for no reason." and walk away. I know that I can't always have my eye on both of my boys since they are so different in age, so I appreciate it when another parent lets me know that my child has done something. I then talk to my child and hear their version. If it's wildly different than the other parent's version, I'm likely to take a somewhat middle road by telling my child "I really hope you're not embarassing my trust in you by behaving in a way that you know is against our family rules while I'm not watching." and leave it at that. It's pretty effective at shaming them if they WERE in the wrong and gives them the ability to tell themselves that I trust them and they deserve it if they DIDN'T do anything wrong. Most of the parents I know are the same way and also appreciate being informed when something happens involving their child. And yes, most mothers don't take kindly to others chastising their children without coming to them about it first.

I would keep say something loud enough for the child to hear and then when you see that child come down, ask him/her to walk you to his parents and then let his parents know what happened. If you child is old enough to climb up the the playland, they should be old enough to play without being pushed around. Older kids need to respect younger kids as well and unfortunately, some parents need to wake up and be told that it's not going to be tolerated.

Good luck.

For me it depends on the situation. If I see that my daughter and the other children she is playing with are starting to have a problem, I wait a little bit and watch closely to see if they resolve the problem on their own...believe it or not, sometimes they do. If the problem continues...I have no issue stepping in and correcting behavior on a general level without pointing fingers...but again it depends on the situation. I was at a park with my daughter last year and she was playing nicely with another girl...when they decided to go on an apparatus...there were 2 boys that had large sticks from a tree and these boys shoved the sticks in their faces and refused to allow them to climb up. The parent did not step in so I did and I did in fact reprimand the boys for their behavior. The parent finally came over and asked what the problem was and I told her what was going on, how dangerous it could be. The parent pretty much rounded up the 2 boys and left. If it appears dangerous or threatening on some level...I have no problem stepping in because it is about safety and I also make sure to watch and step in regarding my own daughter because it takes 1 person to be threatening or rude...but it takes 2 people to actually fight.

I am not particularly concerned about what another parent thinks if they are not paying attention to their child's behavior and that child happens to be intimidating or otherwise threatening to my child and I have no problem acknowledging and correcting any intimidating or otherwise threatening behavior in my own child should it be necessary.

I didn't read through all of the answers, so my apologies if this is a repeat. Just wanted to add that preparing your kids for this kind of a situation gives them a great tool to deal with it when it happens, because it is bound to happen to every kid. Role-play at home about how to handle it. pretend you're the mean kid and practice different responses and reactions that your child could give. This gives your child some control. It has worked great for our son. he is 4 and when we switched day care centers, there were a few "mean" girls who didn't want to include him at first and who would say mean things to him. Good luck!

My little girl says there is a hitter in one of the classrooms. I just tell her she has to tell him not to hit her. You just have to teach them to stick up for themselves, without going too far.

Good advice here!

I'd like to add to the discussion that 3 is pretty young to be throwing into the mix at a crowded McDonald's. My daughter is almost 3 and she's pretty slow on some of the equipment and usually kids are very sweet and patient while they wait for her to climb here or go through there. But, when it becomes obvious that my daughter is frustrating the larger group of kids and interferring with their game, it's time to leave and come back another day when it's not so crowded.

The older kids have a right to have fun too and if they are constantly tripping over my child that's not fun for anyone. If you can, I would suggest going places like this - or the zoo or parks - during school hours when it's just other little ones out and about. It's much more fun and less frustrating! Little ones push and hit each other too, but it's easier to handle when the kids are close in age.

I've told other kids to 'knock it off' or 'I'm watching you' or even asked where their parents are. Usually the question alone is enough to get them to back off. Sometimes the other parent then tunes in and will sometimes take their kids and leave or at least tell them to be nice. I've also called over restaurant employees when kids were on the playground that were clearly over the posted height restriction and the employees were the ones to tell people they were too big for the playground. It's in their best interest to enforce the rules for insurance reasons. I protect my son. And when he got older, I also told him to watch out for younger kids and be gentle. And when he got too big, I'd let him know he'd out grown the playground.