What Kind of a Relationship Do Your Parents Have?

My parents have a relationship that I always wanted to have with my hubby...which I do! They were high school sweethearts, married at 20 and had me at 21. Afer 32 years of marriage, they are still crazy about each other. I think it works because, like the old saying goes, opposites attract! They are both the hardest workers I know, but that is where the similarities stop! Dad is very shy, laid back, loves sports, cars...normal guys stuff. Mom always has to be doing something! She's a social butterfly! Everyone just loves her...I really wish I was like my mom in that sense! She doesn't care about sports, loves shopping, being out somewhere, always talking with someone and making friends. They are also hilarious together! My dad is the king of sarcasm and mom has picked it up over the years and can be just as funny as him...which cracks us all up! They love to pick on each other...in a fun way. Well, dad picks on everyone! My hubby was worried when he first met him because dad kept picking on him...but he wouldn't pick on him if he didn't like him! That's my father!
I don't ever remember them fighting...ever! They are just perfect together.
My hubby is very happy that I'm just like my dad instead of my mom! Don't get me wrong, he LOVES my mom! But he loves that I help with 'mans' work...I love being outside and I grew up mowing, shoveling, gardening, playing sports...my dad always jokingly called me his son. :)
My hubby and I are also very happy and get along perfectly too...although we are pretty much the same person! Not many opposites between us!

Every marriage is different. My parents love eachother and they are both envolved with not only their childrens lives but also their grandchilrens lives. Almost too involved with our lives to the point where we can't even disagree with another sibling without their point or disapproval being voiced. But that is what that is. My parents have an honest and open relationship and have also been together for over 40 years. The one thing you have to remember is that they chose their own life, and even your mother had a choice to stay or leave and for whtever reason she did. The important thing is that you saw something in them that you didn't want to bring into your own family and worked hard to steer clear of it. My advise, enjoy the family you have around you that wants to do thing with you and ignore the foolish comments from your dad, he is the only one missing out.

My parents divorced when I was in 6th grade. I never see my dad or his new family. But my mother and I are very close. She and my step dad are a very loving family, and do about everything with us. Take long trips, short trips, eat dinner together one night a week, we do alot together. My son loves them, and I love spending time with them, and including them in on the fun we have while our little one is growing up :)

My parents divorced when I was two, but your description of your parents sounds a lot like my grandparents. They've been married over 50 years. My granddad makes all the decisions and my grandmother just goes along with it. He might not be as negative as your dad, though! But he still makes all the rules. They got married when they were 17 and 19 and he told my grandmother he would do all the driving. I don't know if my grandmother's ever even had a driver's license.

It's amazing that they stay together in spite of all their own flaws though, isn't it? So many marriages fail nowadays. Some even make it to 25 years or more. I can't imagine being together that long and then getting divorced. They had a different mindset back then, I guess.

On the flip side, I grew up with my mom and stepdad and they fought constantly. They were married for ten years and I was never happier than the day he told my mom he wanted a divorce.

My mom and dad passed in the early 2000's and was married for over 45 years. My dad was a difficult man. Didn't know how to communicate very well or have a clue on how to think about anyone but him most of the time. He tried to control my mom but she managed to have her own life outside of spending it with him. She was very out going until dad got Altimeters and became a huge burden on my mom. She passed shortly after he was diagnosed and then my sister and I had to care for him. I tried first and then my sister. After a few months we realized that we couldn't handle the personal attacks and found a very nice private care faultily for him.
Before he got sick I made a choice to have as little contact with him. He was toxic (controlling) to me and to my marriage. I still saw my mom but not as much as I had before. I confronted my dad and told him just how I felt about everything. As you can imagine it was ugly and ended up having to drag him out of my house. I didn't expect him to change but had to get things clear and out in the open for me to move on. Sadly he confirmed my feelings and only defended himself but I could then move on emotionally. Please don't feel guilt that you don't want to be around something so unhealthy. The life they have is their own choice and not yours. Some people don't want to change and at their age it appears as though they won't though I never say never.
And they grew up in a whole different time. The rules where different back then and people married for different reasons than they do now. They were committed for life and took their vows seriously. So with that said you could look at your mom as someone that is weak or tremendously strong and committed in spite of her situation. It's sad just the same to spend you life unhappy and with someone that abuses you.
Forgive me for being so long winded.
C.

My parents have a very "bickery" relationship. I had a very matriarchal upbringing (a lot of "Go ask your mother.") Because my mom has always been very difficult to get along with, very critical and oversensitive, my dad has tried to overcompensate by being super easy-going and helpful. But he still doesn't let her railroad him! They've gotten in some terrible fights, which was especially frightening when I was little. I would always worry they were going to get a divorce. Now, I kind of wish they would; at least then my dad might have a chance at marital happiness with someone else. Like you, I feel like I've learned from my parents marriage some things NOT to do; my husband and I are extremely compatible and we don't bicker. Sure, we've gotten in arguments before, but after the issue is resolved it is NOT brought up again (one of my mom's favorite tactics). Anyway, I would not typify my parent's marriage as "happy" in the same way I would define a "happy marriage" for my own life. But I guess it works for them. One thing I've learned from watching relationships is that marriages often have a side that none of us, the kids included, ever see.

I'm close to my mother-in-law. She's told me that she and her husband (he passed away alomost 20 years ago) had a great relationship. They never argued, and always made "choices" together etc. What I've discovered, is that her husband, I'm sure a terrific man that he was, didn't do a thing. When trips were arranged, mother-in-law packed everyones clothing and car. When setting up house or getting any kind of chores or bills done, mother-in-law did it. She would even run to his parents home and cook for them, which also included the siblings.Her husband was an ongoing smoker. She has his old chair in the kitchen where he used to sit and smoke and have his coffee. Her thing was, that he would sit all morning, smoke and drink his coffee without budging from his seat while she tended to the children, packed or did whatever throughout the home. I once asked her, would she ever ever have remarried if the opportunity arose? She said, not on your life...

For the most part my parents have a great relationship. I'm really close to them and so are my children. My older two have been helped raised by them. They do love each other very much. My mom is the one more in control and my dad is very easy going. My sisters and I (I have 3 of them) always said my dad is the greatest dad in the world but not husband. He does love my mom, but is like most guys and looks at other women, which hurts my mom a lot. Not like some men do, but he still will stares or would love to go to hooters or some place like that. (He hardly goes, but you get what I'm saying). He trust my mother, and loves her very much and provides for her. I wish I'd married a man like him. He helps out around the house, he will even put the dishes as well as load the dishwasher up. He'll do laundry, but mom likes to do that. He wants to make her smile. He always buys her clothes and gets upset when she won't wear them because he took a lot of time picking them out (sometimes gets too small of a size). I try to have my kids around them as much as possible because my parents do love each other and have a great marriage, I'm sure my marriage is hurting them and I don't want them to have one like mine.

So the daydream is pretty real in my parents marriage. They don't take too many trips the two of them, because they love their children and grandchildren and want to be a BIG FAMILY! When I was in 3rd grade my parents divorced for 3 months or less, not really sure and we don't talk much about it. They re-married and from that time, they have always been about a close family. I truly have been bless by them!!! My dad's parents have been married for over 60+ years, my parents just had 40 last year... I wish my marriage could be half of what theirs is.....

My mom raised us with our father so it's just her. When we, her daughter's first got pregnant, she made us agree that she would take our kids once a month for a weekend. It started at 4 months old. Our parenting style is completely different and that has caused a lot of small issues. We didn't believe in giving our kids candy until at least 2, she felt it was her job to give them candy. We believed in scheduled naps/bedtimes. She believed when they are tired, they will fall asleep regardless of where they were. In most cases, they only got a tiny nap at that and would be terrors. We told her we really appreciated all that she offered, but she needed to be on our side and not against us because it was causing too much stress. She agreed to work with us.

She adores the grand kids (5), but over the last year or so, my kids have had busy weekend schedules so in the last year, they probably spent 1 night, maybe 2 nights. On the other hand, she takes my sisters kids monthy. But, if there ever is a school function, she'll be there.

Her goal in life was to love kids. She loves the fact that she is the only grand parent to our kids because she doesn't have to share our kids with someone else.

As far as your parents go. I wouldn't necessarily blame your mom. It seems he's been mentally abusing her for years. I'll bet, if you ask just her if she can come out and join you for a family function, she may love that chance. I would guess he's really holding her back. She may just need some reassurance that you see how difficult her life has been with him and maybe just maybe she will be strong enough to stand up for herself and spend some quality time with your kids.

It is great that you see their flaws and are trying to the total opposite. Stay strong and focused.

Good luck.

i'm off and on with my parents, mine have been divorced since i was about 2 or 3 so i have no memories of them together, and my dad left during my child hood. mine is like a teeter totter, one minute i'm closer to my mom than my dad, the next my dad, it's weird cause they are 2 opposites, dad's happy with his life, my mom couldn't be more miserable in most aspects, my dad is a die hard core christian, my mom, open to new experiences and ready to broaden her horizen's left and right.

i used to have one heck of a relationship with my inlaw's but living too close to them ruined that.

My parents divorced when I was 16 and the only thing I resent about that is the fact they should've done it a lot sooner and saved us kids a lot of stress. All they did was fight. My mother liked to drink and party a lot...went thru some kind of mid-life crisis and chose her friends/partying over her 3 children. My Dad finally gave her the boot and out the door she went.

They are both remarried now, truthfully I can't believe my Mom found someone to marry her again because she's still the same.

Anyway, I could obviously go on and on. I get so envious when I see my friends parents are still married and in love. I guess all we can do is learn from their mistakes and choose happiness over misery.

My father has been very controlling and dominating to my mom my whole life. She is not weak and will only tolerate so much, but is a kind and compassionate person who doesn't like confrontations. Fortunately for her she ended up with me for a daughter. I'm much more outspoken and not afraid to step on toes so I have given her much encouragement over the years. I resent it a little sometimes because I was supposed to be the child not the grownup, but at least I could be the person she needed in her life to encourage and support her after all she has done for me. A few weeks ago my mom left my dad and filed for divorce. She had finally had enough. They are both 80, but act more like 65. She said she just thought they would both be happier apart. I think she's right. My dad doesn't realize it yet, but I think he'll see it is for the best in time. I guess what I'm saying is don't give up on your mom. Help her stand up for herself and encourage her. Why not invite your own mom along when your MIL goes somewhere with you? Maybe she needs to see that others have the happiness that she hasn't seen or felt in a long time. No one has the perfect family. Good luck!

My parents are happy together, but I know that it took a lot of work, especially after we all left home. When we were young they were so busy that they didn't always make time for eachother and it caught up with them after we all grew-up. They literally had to get to know eachother again and their relationship is stronger now than it has been in years.

I can honestly say that they have "lived their vows" every day of the last 35 years and have shown us (and our spouses) that their is a value in talking, arguing, forgiving and laughing. My husband grew up with parents that sound a lot like yours and he has promised me that he will make different choices and he has. He also spends a lot of time observing my parents interact and will often say that he hopes we're like that some day- still laughing and holding hands. I do too!