What Is So Great About "3 Months"?

Updated on February 12, 2010
A.K. asks from Mountain View, CA
28 answers

We have a 2.5 week old infant. Every time some friend, doctor, neighbor, or relative sees us exhausted, sleep-deprived, or dealing with our screaming child, they always say "Don't worry, when she gets to be about 3 months, it will get better." What actually gets better? What's so magical about 3 months? I don't expect her to do something dramatic overnight by April, and moms with kids of all ages seem to have challenging lives!

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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

I don't think it usually gets better at three months. For sleeping through the night, it's often quite a bit longer.

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L.G.

answers from San Francisco on

For us, it was 4 months. And exactly what made it better was that my twin girls *finally* dropped the middle of the night feeding, which allowed me to let them sleep alone in their own room rather than with me. It made a big difference in terms of mom's fatigue to feed them at 10 - 11 pm and then know that I wasn't going to get up for a feeding before 5 am-ish. Sometimes I had to get up to soothe them through a little crying but just knowing that I wasn't going to feed them and that they could cry it out a little on their own helped me get more sleep and feel much more rested.

Hang in there!

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M.E.

answers from San Francisco on

It gradually gets better - baby sleeps more and it more interactive; if they have colic is usually subsides by 4 months, at the latest. I always say that the first year is the worst. Good-luck.

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M.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

I don't think anything happens except you just get used to your new sleep deprived life. lol.

2 moms found this helpful
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M.E.

answers from San Francisco on

I agree with another mom, by three months you will get used to the sleep deprived lifestyle..... and if you get a few hours, it will seem like a lot. Though these little ones don't come with a manual, and its a constant challenge, they sure are worth it. Best of luck to you and congradulations.......
M.

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M.G.

answers from Chicago on

You're right, having a child at any age is a challenge, but try to enjoy her at every stage. People say three months is easier because a lot of babies will start sleeping for longer stretches at night, which, of course, means you will start sleeping more at night. I've heard of a lot of people talk about the magic of reaching 12 pounds, and that once babies reach that weight they start sleeping longer at night. I don't know if there's any truth to the weight idea, but for our twins they were about nine weeks old when they started sleeping through the night (and both over 12 pounds, too).

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M.F.

answers from Salinas on

You're right, parenthood is challenging at all stages, and sleep deprivation is not a first three month exclusive benefit! BUT, babies as a general rule, learn the difference between day and night a little more by 3 months, and are able to sleep for stretches at night. The combination of more sleep for them, a little more sleep for you, and three months to adjust to being a mom makes that about the time when things normalize alittle. Not that it will all be smooth sailing, but its different. Also by that time your milk should be more regulated, your hormones will be more regulated, and while you will still be a new mom it just is a little different.

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M.J.

answers from Sacramento on

That's when most kids start sleeping through the night. That makes SO much difference in how you feel! At three months, you're also getting smiles and the fun stuff, without them crawling, walking (you think you want these stages, but you really don't) or talking back. My favorite age was the 3-6 month period.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Well, every baby is different.
So don't exactly get your hopes up that ALL of a sudden, a baby will be perfect and a sleeping miracle. They still wake, they still cry, they still get hungry at all hours and need to be fed on-demand, they still go through developmental changes that can tweak their sleep, they still are not really into a sleep "routine" permanently and if they are, it WILL change at every growth-spurt or when they start teething etc.

But at 3 months, the baby is old enough whereby the are getting used to things... and more aware of their world, and will give you lots of reactions to your interacting with them etc. More fun.
As the Husband of one of our friends said: "the baby doesn't just lay there anymore... (he's) getting more interactive..."

A baby, will always change.. in patterns. Nothing is carved in stone.

I have 2 kids. They did NOT sleep through the night until 2 years old. Many kids are like that. But sporadically throughout their baby-hood, they did sleep all night, on occasion. But not every single night. "Sleeping through the night" for a baby, means sleeping at least 5 hours, without waking." It is not in adult terms of sleeping 8 hours straight. NOTHING is static in a baby or child. And I was one that had a regular routine with them, once they got to be an older baby. I'm talking 6+ months old.
Still, a baby WILL vary from day to day.

Yes, a baby is challenging. A toddler is, an older child is, a teenager is. A college kid is. An adult is.

But, a baby this young can't help it. At this young age, they are merely going by survival instinct and the need to "bond". This all contributes to their development. They sleep, they wake, they cry, they need to feed, they sleep, they wake, they cry, they need you, they feed, they sleep, they wake, they cry... etc.
Just look out for times when a baby needs to "cluster feed"... which means they even need to feed every hour and more frequently and more. To keep up with their growing and constant changing and developmental needs. These growth-spurts occur frequently... so look for baby's hunger cues. Feed on-demand. Which is 24/7.

Its a rite of passage, for the parents. Then, it will get better, one day. But every baby is different...

The book: "what to expect the first year" is good. You can get it at any bookstore or online.

Don't worry... all Moms go nuts when we have a baby... because of lack of sleep and constant feedings and cryings. LOL It is a constant work in progress...

All the best,
Susan

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K.D.

answers from Dallas on

Well, your baby will settle down a little into something of a routine. At 3 months old was the first time my daughter slept through the night. Little things like that will happen to make things easier. Not to mention, your baby will know you better by then and you will know your baby better too! Knowing what to expect from eachother is really where the difference lies.

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D.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Greetings PB&J,
Excellent question! I have 5 children and 12 grandchildren and have never figured this out-- with the exception that at 3 plus months they are more alert and focus and are a ball to play with and for the first 3 months I am so in awe all I want to do is hold them and count my blessings. So just enjoy your sweetheart and don't pay it any mind. The greatest lesson I learned as a parent is that - Parenthood is the greatest adventure you will ever be part of. It has more thrills a minuet than any theme park ride andjust as many twists and turns. It has proven to be the greatest thing I have ever done and the most rewarding. Have Fun, Nana Glenda

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S.L.

answers from San Francisco on

Studies have shown that at about three months, babies will really being to interact with you in a more meaningful way. Up until then, they tend to focus most of their attention on contrasting colors and patterns when they look at you, such as the difference between your hairline and forehead or your shirt and your face. At about three months, your baby will start to look into your eyes more and more, and will smile for the first time--not a gassy smile, but a genuine smile in reaction to looking at you and seeing your reaction. It's a huge period of cognitive development, and that new step and new development in your relationship can often give you an energy boost, right about when you may be feeling ready to give up. Also, like some of the others said, most babies start sleeping better around then, their necks are stronger so you worry a little less about them flopping around, and you will likely have gotten into a rhythm or routine by then, and you might even be ready for some date nights--and that makes a big difference, too. It won't happen overnight at 3 months, but it's generally around then.

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

i'm not sure why they're telling you that lol. you're right, it's a constant challenge especially the first year or so. i haven't read the other responses but in my experience, my life got a lot better when he started sucking his thumb (self-soothing - appropriately named!) because he started sleeping through the night. he was never a terrible sleeper, but he started that at 2 months and it has been great sleep for mommy ever since. well, relatively lol. of course now we're back to midnight awakenings due to potty training. maybe they're just talking about getting a routine down and getting more used to your baby. get a good sleep routine down (which is really as much up to the baby as it is you) and that will help things a lot. hope you get some rest soon!

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S.K.

answers from Sacramento on

Generally around 3 months your baby will start to sleep more and start to be able to play a little bit by herself. You will get more sleep. Raising children is challenging, but that first 3 months or is really hard, especially if it's your first. You are still trying to get in to a routine.

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H.D.

answers from San Francisco on

Hehe! You are absolutely correct! And you have learned it early. =) I tell people, each stage has it's advantages and disadvantages. At 2 months your baby can be cuddled, toes kissed and loved on like crazy! Believe me, at 11 years your baby will push you away with a big EWWW! And yet at 11 years I can play an adult minded game, shop, talk about life with my daughter. I think what people were trying to do by telling you to "wait until 3 months" is to give you a light at the end of an exhausting tunnel. Usually at about 3 months babies start to have more of a routine, sleep longer.
The trick (if there is one) is to realize that your child is precious, no matter what age they are. Believe it or not the time goes fast! A year and half ago my oldest daughter got married. I couldn't believe that my sweet baby was a bride!
Be patient, be loving, trust your gut. =)

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C.D.

answers from San Francisco on

I think by 12 weeks or 3 months, the baby is more acclimated to the world outside the womb, have you heard of the 4th trimester from the Happiest Baby on the Block book, plus as new parents you are more acclimated to having and infant, and know what works for your baby, and hormonally the mama is at a more even stage from postpartum hormones, by 3 months my babies, slept longer and better, we had a routine of naps and my own exhaustion decreased. the challenges are still there at 3 months and keep going for many years but 3 months is a nice time for family with a newborn
Congrats with your new little one

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S.D.

answers from Topeka on

What did I miss I have 3 kiddo's.Still sleepless with a 6 yr old 3 yr old & a 10 month old.
Mothering is FT no matter what

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M.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Dr Karp (Happiest Baby on the Block) calls the first three months the fourth trimester. If you follow his parenting plan and the 5S's- at the end of three months- your baby is not quite as "helpless", you have started to recognize what different cries mean, and they are beginning to be more interactive (first smile ect) A lot of parents with colicky babies see the colic almost magically disappear around this time too.

your right in your expectations though- there is nothing truly life transforming that happens- for some it really is that you, as a mom, are feeling less "new" and a little more confident- until the next stage that sends you reeling again :)

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C.A.

answers from San Francisco on

Don't get too excited about 3 months. My BFF told me at 6 weeks my daughter would start sleeping longer and just become more enjoyable. As 6 weeks past I was so disappointed, I didn't realize how much I was expecting the break. My daughter didn't start sleeping through the night until 11 months and really didn't mellow out or stop crying a lot until 18 MONTHS!!!
I had to warn you! :O) Congrats and best of luck.

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M.C.

answers from Sacramento on

I went through this not long ago and in my experience it's because the baby starts sleeping through the night. Maybe not more than 6 hours at a time but I wasn't as exhausted as in the first 2 months. He started staying up a little more during the day too.

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E.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Most everything was better at 3 months for me, with both of my daughters. My daughters were sleeping better/longer, albeit like cats, screaming less, and best of all showing an interest in us. Best of all, we got our first smiles (the kind that involve the eyes and the entire face) from both girls at around that time. Also, breastfeeding was going so much better after a rough start, both for the girls and for me.

The other part, which is pretty intangible, is that my husband and I had got the hang of things a bit. The whole first year was incredibly difficult with both girls, but we could both look back at 3 months and feel like it was a turning point. It's tough being a new parent!

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J.M.

answers from Boston on

I don't think that there's any magical moment. I also remember hearing that "by 8 weeks, this new life will start to feel normal." Well, 8 weeks came and it didn't and I was miserable. I don't know when things started to feel normal, but at some point, they did. It's a little bit about you, a little bit about the baby, I guess. The one thing that I will say is that while moms with kids of all ages have challenging lives, I think that at some point it also gets fun. I know it didn't feel fun to me being home with my firstborn at first, but then it was, so at least you have that to look forward to. Good luck!

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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S.G.

answers from Albuquerque on

Hmmm, that's funny. I'm not sure what is so magical. Maybe that she will possibly be sleeping through the night? Although I have a four year old who doesn't sleep through most nights!

My girls are 2 and 4 and I am still as exhausted as the day they were born. Happy but exhausted!!!

As you fall into the role of being mommy, chef, maid, chaufer, entertainer it does get "easier" simply because you know (kind of!) what to expect on a day to day basis.

I'm pregnant with baby #3, I better be more observant come month 3! Enjoy your little bundle!

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S.X.

answers from Chicago on

i think you begin to figure out what her schedule is as far as sleeping and naps and feeding. then its not such a mystery and you can nip it in the bud before she gets cranky. i believe by then we had a nap schedule and put our kids down the same time every day... then they know what to expect : ) 2.5 weeks is the worst part. ... as far as no sleep and feeling like a cow if you are nursing LOL. good luck. enjoy them that small : )

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A.T.

answers from Stockton on

My daughter is 2.5 months now - she sleeps better - wakes up 2X a night - sometimes only once.
She makes cute little noises, responds to familiar faces with a big drooly grin and has a few little "cues" she uses to communicate her needs. She leans to the side when she's tired and fussy, she makes a clicking sound when she's hungry and says "Ha!" when she wants a little attention.
Plus a 3 month old is really cute and their eyes focus etc. so they charm the pants off of everyone they meet.
I have a really great book called the Portable Pediatrician that gives you advice and describes each month of development up to 5 years old. I referred to it constantly when my son was a baby and still use it to look up illnesses for him and it's been a great refresher course for baby #2.
I got it as a shower gift - was told it came from Babies R Us. I would recommend it to any new mom -
you can probably find it on Amazon.
If your baby is really fussy often - try a tight swaddle.
enjoy your baby every age passes too fast - I can't believe my first is in Kindergarten!

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R.S.

answers from Redding on

My baby didn't sleep through the night until I weaned him at 18mts, BUT life was measurably better at about three months. His colic was gone, he was happier, he was starting to interact a little, our love-connection was growing stronger. Breastfeeding was painless and easy by around 3mts. He still woke up to eat, but didn't poop anymore at night. In fact, I will say that each and every month is better than the last in that first year. The first year is really hard--- but what saves it is the fact that is gets easier and easier as time goes on.

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K.W.

answers from Stockton on

unfortunatly there is always another milestone to look to, being tired is what being a parent is about.....but it does get better. Right around the time they start to sit up and than you get past the heart attacks of them falling backward and than comes the feedings and worrying about constipation and allergies, but the sleeping is better and than walking and so on and so forth.......

I think it's peoples way of letting you know there is life after a 2 week old....that things change.

Good luck
K.

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