T.B. asks from Monticello, MN on July 09, 2009
What Do to About Job
I have been back to work full-time now for about 1 1/2 years and I really hate it. I got a new manager about 4 months ago and she is just unbearable. She is completely opposite then me - very confrontational and rude. My heart just isn't in my work at all. I don't want to be there as it is and now I have to put up with her micro-managing. I make great money which is the worst part of all! My husband won't let me quit because his business is in jeopardy right now. He owns his own construction business and of course it has completely tanked due to the housing market. I feel so stuck. I am embarassed about my job performance, but I just can't seem to get my head in the game at work. I want to be home with my kids at least part-time. I thought about going back to school for nursing or a teacher - something that I can work part-time at. Not sure how I would manage that though. I have a technical job now and there is no opportunity to work part-time. It's basically all or nothing. I don't like this way of life and I wish I would've known how I would feel after I had kids while I was in college. I never planned on wanting to be home with kids. We are always rushed, rushed, rushed now. I want to be home to get my kids off the bus instead of them having to go to after-school care. So, my question is am I being a spoiled brat? Should I suck it up and be happy I can make the money right now even though I hate it? Should I quit and just find something part-time so I can be home more even though my family would think I'm crazy. Thanks for your advice (sorry such a long post)...
So What Happened?™
I want to thank everyone for their helpful responses. It really made me realize that there are a lot of women in the same boat! I also feel grateful that I can provide for my family in this horrible economic time. So now for the good news! I had been eyeing another position at my current company and decided to talk to my boss and apply for it. Surprisingly she was very supportive and I interviewed for the new position. Guess what? I got the job and I absolutely love it! My boss is so fabulous - he is VERY hands off and says get your work done and go home and be with your family. I am really busy and really enjoy what I'm doing. I have been in the new position about 1 month now. I'm so glad I went for it! I was scared, but I thought if I don't get it at least I tried. It's the same company, so it's the same pay and the same great benefits. I'm so much happier! Yes, I would prefer to be with my kids more, but I couldn't ask for anything better right now. Thanks again for your great advice - I'm so glad I didn't just quit.
D.P. answers from Minneapolis on July 09, 2009
stick it out and start putting money aside (cut things you dont need too: go to standard package on cable, cut out going to the coffee shop etc...) then when the economy gets better (fingers crossed), you can find a more supportive work environment where you could work part time. if you save money, you will have the cushion to make up for it!! it is hard being a working mom, but especially hard when your boss is a witch. Perhaps you can even start looking for another full time job...hang in there, you need to find balance between work and mothering!!
K.T. answers from Minneapolis on July 09, 2009
I agree, you just have to stick with it for now. It would probably be very hard for you to find a part-time job right now...or ANY other job. And if you did quit, and your husband lost his business altogether, then what? Wait until his business picks up [or if it doesn't, he may have to change his game plan too] and then reassess what your options are.
K.D. answers from Omaha on July 09, 2009
Ugh, I've been there.
I would stick it out until you find something else. Step up your job search and look for something part time. Also, if you want to teach, look into college programs so you can get certified. I know in NE, we have one college that has a weekend program. You go every Saturday and after a year or so you are fully certified to teach.
In this economy and with your husband's job potentially becoming unstable, I would not quit. Would you be able to support your family with a part time income?
M.H. answers from Minneapolis on July 10, 2009
I feel for you! My boyfriend lost his job last month so he gets to stay home with our 1 1/2 year old son. My first thought when he became unemployed was "I wish it were me!"
It's tough to be a mom, employee and part-time student. I want to be home more, but I also want to get the school out of the way so I can be there when he's older. Right now, I can leave and come back and he didnt even notice I was gone. I also really enjoy being at class and meeting new people. Sounds selfish, but I probably wouldnt even be going back to get my Master's if it wasn't for my son.
Can you be flexible with your hours? This semester, I have 2 labs in the afternoon. I leave early from work and then I dont miss out on time spent with family in the evening. If your job can allow you to work longer on days you don't have class, you could get it all in.
E.M. answers from Des Moines on July 09, 2009
I agree that you have the best job between you and your husband. You have to do what is right for your family for now. I worked at a job that i really disliked for 4 years. it was so bad i was in tears nearly everyday when i got off work. but i pushed through and like another poster said we cut out all of the extras while i was still working. we managed to save up a good amount of money that has allowed me to be home for a year and a half. things are tight but my husband has a good job. eventually you will get to where you want to be but for now you will have to treasure the time that you do have with your family. try to not focus on what you don't have. You have every right to be frustrated right now it is a frustrating time for everyone. I hope that your wishes will be reality someday. hang in there!
J.F. answers from Minneapolis on July 09, 2009
You're not being a spoiled brat because you want to fix something that isn't working, however, you already know that you have to do what's best for the whole family, even if you are the one suffering.
As others have mentioned now is not the time to take too big of a leap of faith. You need to wear the "hat" of what it would be like to go back to school, lose most of your income, and/or health insurance for your family. Would that be the best for your family, even in the long run? As far as becoming a teacher, please reconsider this. It is very difficult to find solid employment as a teacher in the midwest, especially now with all of the budget cuts. The pay is low and the hours are really long. It's not as rosy as it looks from the outside. Nursing, however is somewhat economic proof. And, there is a better chance of working part-time with good money.
But, ideally, it sounds like you need to re-invent yourself with what you are doing. The first step is realizing that you are not happy and working to your full potential (you've done this!). What would you change about your attitude? Your work ethic? Your work setting? Spend some time with your hubby and come up with a list of things that you would like to do better and go in on a Monday and treat it like it was your first day on the job. Treat your new boss like you've never met her before and set forth to make a good "first" impression. Re-decorate your work space with fresh pictures and plants. Give your desk a thorough cleaning and re-organize. Change your wardrobe and maybe get a new 'do.'
I suggest all of this because about once a year (while teaching), I'd hit a wall and certain students would start to wear on me. I realized that I couldn't leave my job and no one was benefitting with me being so ugly. So, I took a weekend or holiday break(with my husband's help) and redressed the classroom, cleaned my desk out, wrote out some new goals, and became inspired again. The students responded extremely well to my new positive demeanor and we got the work done.
Step back, take a breath, change what you can fix, and set a good example for your children.
Good luck to you!
K.E. answers from Minneapolis on July 09, 2009
Unfortunately I think right now you need to stay put. It seems like your job is the stable one between you and your husband and I don't think you want to do something rash and then have him lose his job. That would be a lot of stress and you would be just as unhappy. Stick it out until the economy turns around and then decide what to do.
S.S. answers from Milwaukee on July 09, 2009
I agree that you should stick it out...but perhaps there are a few things that can help temporarily. Could you change your hours? Perhaps you could start at 6AM before the kids are even awake allowing you to be home earlier and spend more time with them.
Also, a nice mindset change always help...tell yourself you're taking care of your family, you're doing what's best for your children, and journal your feelings...it'll help!
Best of luck!