21 answers

Help! My Husband Hates His Job.

My husband is so miserable right now b/c of his job. He is in management at a brokerage firm. The way the company is ran is pretty much a joke, he feels like he has to babysit kids (his employees) all day long, he's cleaning up messes all day long that could have been prevented if upper management listened to the managers below them, he gets no inner fulfillment there, there's a ton more issues there. Some days he feels like putting in his two week notice and I don't blame him. I worked there for 10 years before becoming a SAHM last year (we met at work) so I completely understand how he is feeling. He's been depressed over this lately. He's been getting headaches every work day. The job market is not too great where we live (or anywhere that I know of) and he doesn't have a degree so he feels pressure to stay there. Has anyone ever had to deal with this? What did you do to find your happiness again? We would be ok if he took a lower paying job. I am willing to give anything up (material wise, not my kids :) ) to make him happy again. He's trying to just suck it up and deal with it but I fear he's going to have a nervous breakdown! Does anyone have any suggestions?

I just wanted to add I have told him I would not be upset if he quits, we'll figure it out. We have enough money saved up to live off of for a few months but he worries he would not be able to find a job in that time frame. He's just scared since we have three kids we have to provide for.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I think ultimately it's a decision you have to make together.

There's no harm in looking around though. Does he know a head hunter?

I agree with you, no amount of money could make me accept the fact that my husband was miserable. and it could make him physically sick if he keeps up.

Maybe tell him what you think, that you'd be willing to make sacrifices for his happiness at work. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

Well one thing hubby could do is go back to school. Evenings & internet schools are available to everyone. He just needs to make a decision on what he wants to do. No, jobs aren't any easier to get with a degree than without; but he might be able to move to a different job with the same pay. Plus if upper management sees he is trying to better himself, they might listen to his suggestions. Also, if work is making him feel bad; he should consider a change.

I went back to school in my late 30's & got my administrative assistants degree at a business college. No, I did not get a job as an administrative assistant; but I did get a very nice job as a secretary with the State of Indiana. Have been here for over 18 years now.

Hopefully I have given you & hubby something to think about. By the way, I was just this side of flunking out of high school & when I went back to college, I was on the Dean's five of the six quarters I was there! That's how determined I was to change my life. Is he? Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

hello
having worked for years in the brokerage biz, I can definitely relate.. much of it is a like a rat race.. that being said.. I learned the hard way that your time and moreover, your health is NEVER worth the money.. my advice.. have him get is resume together NOW while he has a job and begin looking for a new one. Additionally, maybe take a break from mgt and see if other aspects of finance appeal to him. It can be a tough market, however, I do believe the brokerage AND banking industry will hang in there. They have headhunters who specialize in mgt types . I highly recommend that he go and see one. The good thing about the brokerage industry is that many people do move around. it's not uncommon for those in finance to have worked for many different firms.
Again, many headhunters out there.. have him make an appointment. Often companies will use an agency to hire their employees as oppose to doing it the old fashion way.
Best of luck to you..

4 moms found this helpful

Tell him to find a headhunter and have them help him find work in his areas of expertise. The benefit of a headhunter is, if they're reputible, they will be discrete as they shop his resume around.

In this economy, I'm with your husband, don't just quit...have a new job lined up before giving notice. Many folks in the brokerage biz easily transfer to insurance (carry many similar licenses), banking, and financial planning. If he hasn't already started expanding his field for searching, he should check these areas as well.

Depending on how well he is networked or what his specialties are, he could go into consulting or on his own as well. A lot more risky in this climate, but it is an option.

Working with a headhunter isn't going to take away the uncertainty, but psychologically it might be helpful for him knowing that he is actively working on making a change.

3 moms found this helpful

Your husband should not quit his current job until he finds a replacement. It's too hard to explain with the necessary positive spin to a prospective employer why you left your last job without a replacement position. Your husband should channel his energy into focusing on what job he wants and working towards that goal. The simplest route is for your husband to contact a headhunting firm since they will do the legwork, filter out the nonsense, liason between the prospects and your hubby, and help coach him on whatever needs coaching (interview skills, current employer expectations, etc). The end result is he'll be actively working towards his goal - a satisfying job - without having to divert time/energy away from his current job. As for the economy I recently changed jobs using a headhunter and it can be done. It just takes a bit longer.

2 moms found this helpful

I had a job I hated for 22 of the 23 years I was there. I stayed there to provide for my family. I made the sacrifices I had to to support my family which was most important to me. I finally lost my job due to "down sizing". They had too many white males so the white males lost their jobs first, regardless of senority.

Finding a new job tough thing to do. I hope he finds a way out. I never did.

Good luck to you and your job hunt.

2 moms found this helpful

There's no law against looking for another job while you're working, this might be best for him. He can send out his resume now while he's still making a pay check. Also, I would hope his lack of paper degree wouldn't over shadow the fact that he's obviously educated and capable of being in a manager's position elsewhere. If a company fusses about that, I don't think you want him to be working there. Would you be alright with relocation? It might come to that. Ask him what he thinks.

Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful

Have him check with headhunters/financial services placement firms (Robert Half? is one, I think). I'm in search mode myself, and while I'm still looking, these types of firms are saying that opportunities are increasing. It may take a while, but if he can accept that while looking, it might help him. If he belongs to any associations or business networking groups, maybe he can use that resource. He should let his friends know, at least the ones that don't connect to his workplace. You never know where an opportunity can turn up.

2 moms found this helpful

My husband went through something similar a few years back. I encouraged him to look for another job, but begged him to keep his patience and current job until a new one was lined up. We were expecting in 2m and could not afford for him to not have a paycheck. Then I prayed!!!

In a short time he was able to land an interview and job at lower pay. He was happier, had more time at home. It was hard adjusting to the lower paycheck, but we were making it work.

Help him refresh his resume, take some refresher courses, and even get some type of degree. Many courses will let you put work experience in place of classtime.

2 moms found this helpful

I think ultimately it's a decision you have to make together.

There's no harm in looking around though. Does he know a head hunter?

I agree with you, no amount of money could make me accept the fact that my husband was miserable. and it could make him physically sick if he keeps up.

Maybe tell him what you think, that you'd be willing to make sacrifices for his happiness at work. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

I read this and felt like I was reading something I had written! We live in Columbus also, and my husband is MISERABLE at work. A few months ago we bought a great resume book and started building a resume (send me a msg if you want the name of the book). It took a really long time to perfect it, but we're finally starting to see feedback. He had three interviews last week and another two this week! Just knowing that he's being proactive has made going to work a little bit more bearable.

I think it's great that you're so supportive, that's really important. One thing that I've come to terms with is that we may have to move. There aren't a ton of great work opportunities in our area- as you know- so we've made the decision that we will move as far as we have to to be happy. We're also willing to take a pay cut. We'll probably have to move to a smaller house and I may have to go back to work, but if he's happier then it will be worth it. Good luck to you! And make a trip to the book store for a resume book today!

1 mom found this helpful

I would say to put resumes out there and see what happens... If there's a plan in place that he IS quitting, but doesn't until something else comes along, you'd be surprised at the relief that follows.

Depending on his current salary vs what you guys need to survive, you might be surprised to find out there are places searching for people (i.e. Auto parts stores w/no prior experience needed... Or service writers at a dealership...) Most of those places pay 1/2 way decent, but unless you're in the 'auto world' you'd never know that.

I hate to say it, but trash collectors make some pretty darned good money too! If I lost my job, I'd be looking into that. I know it sounds gross, but for the actual work load someone is dealing with, the pay is worth the 'grossness factor'.

1 mom found this helpful

Your situation sounds very similar to mine and my husbands! We also met where he is still working and I am now a SAHM (I am signed up to substitute teach so I only work occasionally and only when my daughter is in school- maybe you could do something similar?). We worked together at a staffing company and found people jobs so I have been acting as his recruiter and looking for him a new job. What I had him do was to make up a resume and I asked him what salary he wanted, how much travel time, what type of job duties etc- basically the same things I would ask employees when they would come to the staffing company looking for work. I have been searching job boards - that can be a little frustrating because there are so many "work at home jobs" that you have to wade through. I also have been searching the job boards of specific companies where he would like to work - i.e. usajobs.com has all federal/government jobs, rolls-royce etc. I think he is also signed up with a job board called indeed.com because he will forward me e-mails from them if he is interested in one of the postings they send him. I agree with what others have said, it seems to help his spirit by just having his resume out there and knowing he isn't going to be there forever and he has options.

1 mom found this helpful

Well one thing hubby could do is go back to school. Evenings & internet schools are available to everyone. He just needs to make a decision on what he wants to do. No, jobs aren't any easier to get with a degree than without; but he might be able to move to a different job with the same pay. Plus if upper management sees he is trying to better himself, they might listen to his suggestions. Also, if work is making him feel bad; he should consider a change.

I went back to school in my late 30's & got my administrative assistants degree at a business college. No, I did not get a job as an administrative assistant; but I did get a very nice job as a secretary with the State of Indiana. Have been here for over 18 years now.

Hopefully I have given you & hubby something to think about. By the way, I was just this side of flunking out of high school & when I went back to college, I was on the Dean's five of the six quarters I was there! That's how determined I was to change my life. Is he? Good Luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hubby had a job quite a few years ago that got so bad he was physically getting sick. When it got to that point we knew it was time for him to quit. Unfortunately, he did not apply for any jobs before quitting and that was a big mistake. It was a difficult time for the whole family. He had a hard time finding another position, I was feeling the pressure of being the "bread winner". Eventually he got another position and we got caught up on the bills.

He should start looking into finding another position. You never know what you might find.

1 mom found this helpful

Studies show that the best time to find new work is while you are currently employed, so my advice is that he should start getting his resume out there and find the new job before quitting the old one. If he found a job that required less emotional energy he may want to consider taking classes part time towards a degree. There are also networking groups in the Dayton area that help each other find jobs. Basically they are all looking for jobs for themselves and for each other. Meanwhile, keep supporting him for the accomplishments he does make by going in each day to work. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I would NOT quit in this economy. My husband was laid off and we have 3 kids and it was a tough 5 months. We had enough in savings and my pay to keep us afloat and only put one month of bills on credit cards, but still. A lot of times when I find myself that unhappy at work I try to change my routine. I go in earlier or come in later, that makes a difference becaues it throws other people off of when to come bother you. I also try to do things like take my lunch OUTSIDE, talk to others I work with that are going through the same thing but have managed to become happy again, etc. I think everyone goes through this at work sometimes. It's a hump that he has to get over...I wish him luck though because being unhappy at work is the pits!

1 mom found this helpful

I hate my job too and want to quit..actually i am typing this at work because i dont want to be here. What has helped me is church and praying. and I am not a Kumba Ya religious freak either. But church and praying seems to ground me. that is was my first thing. Second, since are at home and know what he does, why dont you apply for him. Help him look. dont think you are stuck just because the market sucks. I started looking, my current employer saw my resume online and is trying to make my job better (its not working now obviously) hope for the best. Try to shoot for goals in his job or at home. The holidays are coming up so hopefully you all can get away for awhile but make a goal that before Thanksgiving his resume will be completely updated and then the first week of Dec he or you will apply for lots of jobs....try to shoot to have a new job by the Jan 2011. Go to a head hunter as well they can do all the footwork for you.

1 mom found this helpful

My husband and I were in this very same situation. He didn't have a degree either. He couldn't quit because financally we couldn't do it. I am a SAHM too. When he would come home I would always try to turn a negative response into a positive one. I would remind him that we are very blessed that he even has a job. There are so many without one. I prayed for him every day that he would get through each day without too much stress and that a better job would come his way. My prayers paid off because he started a new job with better pay a month ago. The job market is pretty scary right now. I have heard of people going months or even years without a job. I suggest he start looking for a new job and when he finds one then he should quit. Stay positive and make the best of what God has given you now and I'm sure a better offer will come.

1 mom found this helpful

We've been in this situation too. For my hubby, just getting his resume together and seriously looking for a new job helped him feel so much better. I think if your husband does the same it may give him enough of a psychological boost to stick it out a little longer at his current job. Just the feeling of knowing he won't be there forever might make it more bearable in the meantime. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

My husband has worked for the same company for 15 years. He had received a promotion several years back to do a different type of job then he was doing. It came with a substantial pay increase, increase in hours, travel, and responsibility. He hated it. They even moved us to a new location for him to do this position. He did the job for 6 months and one day came home and had told me he quit because it was not worth it. He was able to go back to his old position in the new location.

Had he not had the ability to fall back on his old position I would have been really upset. It worked out for us and he is so happy in his current/previous position.

I would say if your husband is the only supporter in this economy finding another job first would be ideal but take some time off to try to pursue it if possible. However, health always come first.

1 mom found this helpful

If it were me in his shoes, I would look for a different job while working there. Then there's no lapse in income but he's moving toward something better. I would not recommend just quitting. Especially if he is the only income. I understand how it feels to dispise your job but I know way too many people that were quite qualified to do many jobs & applied to different jobs everyday and were still unemployed for a year. It's great that you have enough saved to make it a couple months but that may not be enough and then what... So, there's my suggestion. Much luck to you both! :)

1 mom found this helpful

I'd definitely agree with an idea of him looking for another job while keeping his current one, that's just a wise thing to do in this economy. He can always quit if he tried looking for another job and found nothing and can't bear status quo any longer.
Also agree with an idea of spiritual support:praying and meditation. Short mediation sessions at work may help take the edge off.
Finally, don't know much about the industry he's in...but there are oodles of info out there on management/hr techniques... Is there anything he can look into to get some more options on how to handle employees? Can he get some management training through company? He may actually benefit from that beyond this current job...

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