What Do I Do Now?

I have not got a chance to read the other responses but I do have a myspace and I do know that she has to be lying about her age to be on it and that you are allowed to have an account if you are under the age of 14. I would put a stop to it. I use it to keep in touch with relatives and old friends, but I do know some people who use it and how they use it and would not allow my daughter to be on it!
Just my 2 cents!
Good Luck~N. J.

i'd start with not letting her get on the computer, shes way to young for myspace. you either need to not let her on the internet at all or find a way to block pages like myspace. IMO myspace is a way to adults to stay in touch with old friends, an 11 year old should be outside playing with her friends. you have to remember that you are the parent, and you make the rules. but you also have to stick to them and follow through with punishments or else shes not gonna listen or respect you (and with good reason, if you tell her shes gonna get in trouble if she does X and she does it anyway and you dont do anything, then they was no consiquence for her actions so she'll just keep doing it)good luck. its a difficult age

S. G,
I just read some of the reponses and agree with what I read, especially Heather (you are the mom, not a friend). I hand it to you for basically raising three kids "on your own" so to speak. I think your first problem isn't your daughter, it's your husband. Girls, especially need good male roll models or they start to look for male acceptance from the wrong people. My mom raised three kids with an old fashion husband that thought kids were "womans work"...and I am also the middle child. Even though we knew our dad loved us, it would have been nice to have him spend time with us other than when were were in trouble. If your husband isn't spending much time with them for "everyday" or "fun" things, maybe it's best if you are the one that doles out the punishment, but you have to remember your are her MOTHER, not her friend. Thank god for my mother being strong when needed, while soft & loving when needed more.

Your are a more experience mother than I am since you have three and I have one, but I am speaking from my own growing up experiences...and maybe I'm just getting OLD, but why does your daughter HAVE to have a myspace account. Kids need to EARN what they have...if they LIE, then they get things taken away. With the increasing ways kids can get into trouble these days, your daughter will welcome you saying NO...not while she's 11, or even at 15 (especially at 15), but someday, maybe by 25 (like I did) she will say "thanks mom, for keeping me safe & teaching me that there is a price to pay for every action"....
Good luck girl! My sister is dealing with a 16 year old boy that has been a HAND FULL....should have held his feet to the fire when he was younger & told the first lie about something that, today seems like such a small lie.
You are so right to be concerned about a "little lie" about the MYSPACE ACCT.
One other thing, you mentioned that she has given you more trouble than your other kids...don't know if you say this to her or not, but either way, she feels it! Try not to make her feel like the "bad kid"...she may just have a bit more "s****" than the others & if harnessed in a good way, this may make her a leader in her future. I was actually the more vocal child (still am) and ended up starting my own business.
Good luck and keep up the good work raising three kids!!! (don't know how you do it!!!)

This may or may not sound like the best advice, but if she has a good relationship with your 15yr old, see if he/she would talk to her. We all know that we rebell against our parents so regardless of what we tell them, they are not going to listen to them, but sometimes they will listen to a sibling/cousin, etc...maybe even an aunt/uncle if they have a good relationship with them. My aunt has had problems with her daughter like this...she wasn't much older...she would put up nasty picks and talk real dirty to different guys and stuff and my aunt talked to her til she was blue in the face...I talked to her a few times and she has straightened up a lot. So, give that a try and see how it works...I hope everything works out for the best.

And about the myspace thing...I think you can get her kicked off of there because I thought you had to be atleast 14 to get on there...I could be wrong...but I think the age limit is higher than 11...maybe you can check into that. Im on myspace too...but I hardly ever get on there anymore because it is blocked here at my job and my computer at home went dead...otherwise I would have checked to verify the age limit on there.

L.

I also have an 11 year old, she's the oldest and also the easiest, but they are all prone to the peer pressure and going down the wrong road. My daughter also has a myspace account but she is never on it unless I am right there with her. I have taught her from an early age about predators and the different shapes and sizes they come in. We watch Dateline and other shows on predators and ones online and it's opened her eyes a lot! I do not think your child should be on a computer without you there. Make it a mother daughter occasion, that's what I have done.

I agree with Marcie B's suggestion about signing in for her.

However, at 11 shouldn't she be spending more time with real life friends and doing other things other than myspace? I'm not saying that's all she does - I don't know your family at all to make that judgement. But if she's on there enough to be changing passwords and telling boy's she'll make out with people (AT 11), she's on there too much.

Kids being on the computer has advantages as well as disadvantages. They need to learn the technology - HOWEVER, they need to be kids too. At 11, she is fresh out of elementary school. Granted she'll be hitting puberty soon, but she shouldn't be growing up faster than her age. At 11, holding hands with a boy was enough for me. I spent time with my girlfriends' houses, having sleepovers, and all that.

Nowadays, kids spend more time on the computer than they do in sunlight. If you don't put clear and firm boundaries and follow through with making her pay the consequences, she'll take the reigns right out of your hands and do whatever she pleases.

I'm sorry I'm rambling more than advising. I hope you find the right answer to your situation. Good luck.

S.,
I was having similar issues with my 12yo daughter who has really not ever been a problem before.
I download a good parental control and made MySpace a place that I have to put a password for her to visit. Now if I am not there with her, she can not go.
Same with other similar sites (Hi5 and Yahoo)
It has helped a lot. She now finds other things to do with her time than sit at the computer - reading and crafts are very popular again.
I can't help but wonder how much was really her own curiosity and how much was just peer pressure from friends....
L. G

my first thought when reading this is that your daughter does not need to have a my space. she is only 11 & that is something for older kids. in my opinion the first thing i'd do is revoke any computer/internet privileges. then i'd restrict her involvement with friends for a time - grounding, whatever you want to call it. make sure she is pulling her weight around the house - chores, etc. the lying needs a very serious consequence. of course, she is too old for mouth washing outs :), but i'd really hit that one hard. if she is doing that now, it'll only get worse. nip that one right now! for instance - take away computer/internet privileges. when you give them back, only under your code or password. but definitely not allowing the my space will be a huge consequence....

I kinda of know where your daughter is coming from. I suffered from middle child syndrome as I like to call it. I hated being the middle child. I'm now 25 and still hate it. As much as we as parent's like to think we don't treat our kids differently we do. There is a reason she is lying. I would suggest that you spend some quality time with just you and her. Schedule a day every other week where the two of you can just do something and bond.

I don't really think 11 is to young for a myspace page as long as she's not doing anything bad with it. I also don't think you should be checking her myspace page constantly. I would make her keep the password as something you know, but I think it should be something you do every now and again, because she has to know that you trust her. Or she will continue to act out, because she thinks that what you expect.

I hope it makes some sense. Like I said I went through this with may parents and it started really early. Allot of it had to do with the way I felt about being in the middle.

I know you've already given an update but although it seems to be a slack policy, the age limit for setting up a Myspace account is 14. Also beware that your tween doesn't secretly have more than one account which is very typical. In my opinion, the best way to nip this in the bud is to let her wait until she is of age to have a Myspace account. I know that as parents we want to give our kids the benefit of the doubt as well as freedom and privacy, but all of those have to be earned. Good luck!

Well for starters - delete her myspace account. They are suppose to be 14 to have one, so if you let her have one, well then you are lying about her age and not setting a good example.I would confront her about what she told this boy and tell her how dangerous it is to talk to people she does not know. I have a 19 year old and a 7 year old. I made my oldest keep hers set to private and someone must know her last name or e-mail address to even request to be her friend. I would also confront her about the lying and make there be consequences when you catch her lying. And stick to your guns, if she realizes that there will be punishment, then she will think twice before she does it. But you must be sure that you are truthful too and set a good example for her. I know how hard it is when dad is not that involved, it makes everything you do that much more important.
You might need to spend some time with her and have a day with just you guys - she may be wanting attention from you and she thinks if she gets in trouble then she is getting attention. There maybe a deeper issue at hand.
Do you go to church any where? If so, I wouldn't think twice about talking to the pastor or children's pastor about this and let them talk to her too. She is a gift from God and you will have to answer for how you raise her and your part in her upbringing, so it is very important and should not be taken lightly.
This is a difficult time in there life, with hormones and stuff raging, so keep a tight reign and do the right thing - if not you will have more to worry about in the future than her just saying she would make out with someone.
Hope this helps. Hang in there, this too shall pass. Remember you are called to be her parent, not her friend. And if she likes you between the ages of now and 18 - you may not be doing something right. My 19 year old, now thanks us for raising her the way we did (although at the time she didn't like it) and making her obey and do the right thing. So they do finally see the light and will appreciate it.

Hey S., well you got alot of different answers to your problem but I have to agree with some! I would first open my own myspace and become one of her friends, second make sure her myspace is set to private, third see how old she told them she was, fourth I would tell her either she leaves her password alone or her account will be deleted!!! Now as you know kids say things that they don't always mean and she might have gotten in over her head with this boy so make her remove him from her friends list that way at least she will be somewhat more protected! I am by no means a young girl but I have a myspace, visit with all my kids and family and all of mine have one and it can be a good thing as long as it is used that way! As for her lying to you all the time then start taking things away from her if she doesn't tell you the truth! Sit her down and talk to her and just put it all out there to her and let her know that you will not put up with it anymore and she can do chores and never have any more fun if she can't stop all the lying to you! Just come out and be straight forward with her and maybe she will understand that she is old enough to have a myspace and all then she is old enough to know that lies are wrong and it means that she has something to hide if she is not telling you the truth! Make her do chores around the house and keep a close eye on her! At least she can't do anything with a boy if she is at home instead of out and about where you don't know where she is or who she is with and another thing, talk to you older daughter and see if she has any ideas!! I wish you lots of luck, I raised 3 of them and I made it so will you just put your foot down!!! D.

I have a 10 yr old, 15 yr. old, and a 12 yr. old. Our online computer is in our room, so wherever they go so do I and their time is limited. Besides they rarely are on it. I survived my childhood yrs. sans the computer, so can they, is the way I look at it. There are plenty of other things to do, bikes, skating, swimming, xbox, tv, talking on phone, STUDYING, board games, CHORES, etc.

Set up a My Space page of your own, and visit hers frequently to say "Hello" "Love You" "Hope you had a great day" whatever, just make your presence known. And make sure you know where she is, she is 11, and shouldn't be able to be in compromising situations. dc

I agree about the myspace thing..I'm 25 and I have a myspace..she's too young in my opinion. If you're going to allow her to have one, then make sure you know the password at all times. Check it frequently throughout the day to make sure she's not doing/looking at things she shouldn't. If she doesn't respect your need for her password and she continues to change it without telling you, I would take away her computer privileges. She is still a child..and I'm afraid that if this behavior doesn't stop at a young age, it will only continue to get worse. Also, about the lying...that is one thing that I got in the MOST trouble for. My parents could deal with anything that I did as long as I was truthful about it. As a result..I HATE lying and being lied to as an adult. You have a responsibility to raise your daughter to be a responsible mother herself. You must take whatever actions are necessary for this goal to be accomplished! I WOULD NOT tolerate being lied to!! It only leads to bigger things. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, I really don't mean it to..it's just scarey to think what you may have ahead of you if she's behaving in this way at only 11 years old. Think very hard about the myspace thing. Have you ever been on there??? There are things that an 11 year old just SHOULD NOT see!! I have a 15 year old brother..and I have my own reservations about him having a myspace and he's a teenager!! I know for certain that I would NOT let my son have a myspace until he was waaaayyyy older. Anyway..just think long and hard about it. Think about her behavior now..and what it's going to turn into when she's 16 or 17 if you don't put a stop to it now. I'll keep you and your DD in my prayers:D

I agree with the other coments that you are the Mother not the Friend. Maybe you could show her some news articles about young children who have been victimised from content that was posted on Myspace. I would suggest at this point to make sure she knows and realizes the risks to her and the rest of the household by putting any personal information out on the Internet. Blocking access to MySpace on all computers within the home, with your own password is another option, however internet access is everywhere. Also for pretty cheep you can get a key logger program that runs in the background it is undectable if you dont know it is there. It will track every key stroke made on the keyboard. You could get her passwords and see exactly what she is typing. Not just on Myspace, everywhere, instant messaging programs, e-mal and chat rooms just to name a few. I hope this helps. If you need some guidance on how to block websites e-mail me and ill send you the information.

1-) She is too young for Myspace. She would've had to lie about her age just to sign up... you have to be 14 just to get started.
2-) YOU are the parent, not a friend. There is no "I'm changing my password...". You are in charge.
3-) After you address the lying and myspace issue, I would try to figure out why she feels the need to lie to you... there may be more there.

First off, why does an 11 year old need a myspace? That site is way to grown up for an 11 year old. If she is lying to you, ground her, take away her computer and internet access, and her ability to go to friends' houses, that blocks her from any internet use and the ability to do anything on myspace. I have a 10 year old and she does not and will not have a myspace until she is at least 18. I don't think that it is safe enough for children to not become the prey of some sicko predator no matter what safe guards you put up. My daughter does have internet access but it is very much supervised and she knows what sites she is allowed to go to and if she were caught on anything else, she would lose her computer. She doesn't risk it.

Hi,
You could always pick a password that only you know, and then she has to ask you to sign in for her. She does seem pretty young to have a myspace, but that is totally up to you as a parent. I would say each time she lies, take something away. Give her steep consequences everytime you find her lying. If it takes monitoring her every move, then go ahead. it will be worth it in the end:-) Good luck.