Seeking Advise on Children on Myspace

Your daughter is too young to have a Myspace page. You have to be 14 to start one. That said, there's nothing stopping a child from lying about their age to get a Myspace account. Myspace isn't any worse than any other websites, though.

I find that Yahoo is the worst for bahavior that is unsuitable for children. I used to play Yahoo pool, euchre, dominoes, and many other games that you can play against other people. I cannot een begin to give you an estimate on how many times people have hit on me in Yahoo game rooms(and I'm talking all out requests for activities I don't think we should name here.). That's part of the reason that I don't go there anymore. I've not encountered nearly anything that alarming on Myspace.

The internet is always going to be a risk for parents. The key is to minimize the risks. This is not done by banning Myspace, but by monitoring what is going on. I plan to start by not allowing my son to have internet access in his own room. We have a family computer in the dining room(I'm using it now). I plan to allow him to have a computer in his room when he's older, but not internet. If he wants to go online, he can use the family computer, so I could easily slide up behind him as pek at what he's up to. This will also teach him about compromise within the family. With most children having computers and TVs in their rooms these days, it seems that noone compromises anymore...but that's another topic.

Here is where I might get a little long winded. But, I hope this is helpful all the same. I am about to share some of my best tips for monitoring family computer activities.

1- Don't, under any circumstances, tell your kids what you are up to. This will make it harder for you to catch problems later. If you find something you want to confront your child about, just say "I know_____...." They don't need to know how you know.

2- Check the history bar on your browser frequently.

3- Check your internet options settings, to make sure that the history bar and cookies don't get deleted too frequently, just to make sure that you are not missing opportunities to check this.

4- Search your hard drive for suspicious activities. This is done by clicking start, selecting Search. If your kids use the computer under their own Windows desktop, run a search on your child's name. Every file connected with that user will display on a list. From there, it should not be too hard to identify files that seem off. It also can be helpful to run a search for words commonly associated with unsavory sites(I imagine I don't need to list the words here). This should be very informative. Keep in mind that you should open any files that trully concern you, though, just to make sure that you are not wrong about the content.

5- If your child has a messenger account, learn how to keep archives of conversations, and try to avoid letting your child know about this feature. I know in Yahoo Messenger this is done by clicking messenger, selecting preferances, then selecting archive. Make sure the bubbles near Save my call history and save my messages are checked. To check the conversations, just click contacts, select message archive, and it all there.

6- You might also consider insisting on knowing your child's passwords. If your child has nothing to hide, this shouldn't be an issue. My nephew refuse to give my sister his passwords, so I helped her password protect the computer, and she refused to give HIM the password. Internet access is a privledge, not a right. And your right to know your child is safe outweighs the child's right to privacy.

Might seem harsh to some, and I'm not saying all of the above actions should be used all of the time. But, if there is a concern, it's good to know some of the tools you can use to know what you are up against, and how to solve the problem.

3 moms found this helpful

I have a myspace account & i do not add anyone that i do not know. if they send me a request then i look at their site cuz maybe they r from high school or something but if i do not know them i wont add them. i do not agree w/ kids having them. I have an 11yr old & there is no way she can have one. Its too scary. Even for me. I dont care if all her friends have one, those r not my kids. She is mine & that is who i am looking out for. take care.

I have a myspace account myself, and I beleive as long as you are being safe it is a good site to connect with long lost friends. On the other hand I also agree that younger children shouldn't be on there. <y step daughter is also 12 and she has a profile on there, I don't agree with this because of some of the things I have seen her doing. Not to mention the fact that they have a stipulation that you must be at least 14 to have a profile. I have tried to deal with her father on this issue and he just blows me off. Maybe if your daughter wants to be on you could get a profile together. You could have shared password and such. Also if you are worried about what your child is doing online you can go to www.bigbrother.com and download a program for I think $30. This allows you acces to what your child is doing. It even will log keystrokes and paswords and such to the sites they are on. You can even set up a screen shot deal where it will take pictures of the screen and you can view what is being looked at by your child.This program is invisible on your computer and noone but you and whoever you tell will even know it is on there. You of course have a password and such to view the reports. The program will give you directions to use it if you decide to go that route.

hi N., i am 44 woman who happens to have a myspace myself. my daughter is in the air force in cali. and my son lives in ohio, so i have them , all there friends and some family members on mine, i have fun with myself. you can always set up an account and see what goes on on her page. and it's not snooping, anyone can look at the profiles. You would need to learn there little lingo talk but after awhile you pick up on it quick..anyways, if you think she is mature enough and resonspible, know wrong from right, yes go for it

I am not to the stage yet where my baby wants a myspace, but I have a myspace. It is fun to reconnect with old friends and stay in touch with current friends, I don't see no problem with it as long as you have an account too and keep a close eye on everything. Very few "sexually orianted" emails or messages have come my way and if they have, the people who run myspace deleted them before I can even see them. (Not that I care to) I am sure you will make whatever desision that feels more comfortable to you. GOOD LUCK!

N.,
I have a 17 year old that also goes to my space, I can't say as I really like it either, but they are going to do it with us knowing or behind our backs. You need to keep the communications open so that she feels comfortable talking with you about whatever she's talking with others about. I do think it's important to moniter what pictures they have on and check what they are talking about periodically though. I seen some have some pretty risky pictures that I feel totally send out the wrong message. Good luck A. h

I am have boys who have myspace profiles. I also have one and I am on their friends list and they on mine. I can get on theirs at anytime and read and monitor all that's done on their with them. They know to have the myspace that is the stipulation. They do very well on it. And I monitor them all the time. I found if they want to do what their friends are doing that badly they won't have a problem with mom monitoring it. It has worked with me and my boys. L.

Hi N. - I am 27 and have a myspace. I use it to keep in touch with my sisters who are quite a bit younger than I am. I have also met a few old friends their as well and find that it is nice to have. After being on their I personally feel that it is not a safe place for children, but I think that if you have a good relationship with her and faith and trust in her then, well.....it's up to you, you are, afterall the parent. But I think it takes those three things to make it a positive place. I agree with the other mothers who say set limits and know how to keep tabs on her. I would do this BEFORE she gets one. Make it very clear what the rules are and then reinforce them....I would make a list of the rules, be as detailed as possible, and post them near the computer. At 12 I believe you have every right to know her password and then use it. Also having a site of your own, being her "friend" and making sure that you set her profile to private is very important.

Myspace is like any other online site you can set hers to private, but that doesn't mean she can't look around and find inappropriate material. (It takes constant monitering to make sure that she is safe, but as in everything, she is only as safe as she is honest) And on myspace inappropriate material is everywhere. I finally had to set mine to private and make it so no one, but my friends, could send me msg, because I was getting all kinds of disquisting stuff sent to me. My husband and another good friend of mine (who haven't set theirs to private) are currently having the same issue. I guess if this were my daughter (who is way to young to want one or even understand what it is) I would start by sitting down and browsing myspace. They have a search option and I'm pretty sure you can do this without being a member or having a profile of your own. Search everything you can think of good and bad! This will give you an idea of what myspace is used for. Then I would look at her friends sites (I would do all of this on your own first). From their if you decide that it is something that you will allow her to have sit down and have a frank talk with her. If she is going to be on their, then she is old enough to know what she may find. And it is important that you as her mom sit down with her and be the one to cover those topics. Maybe even look at some of the sites..that don't cross the line entirely...together.

Then help her decorate her page. You might be suprised to find out what is out their, that anyone of any age, has access to, to decorate their page with. I have a lot of sites bookmarked that I use on a constant basis, but you get a lot of inappropriate material on those sites as well. You can check out those sites, by checking out other peoples profiles. Usually at the top of the myspace page their will be a graphic that when you click on it will take you to the site where they got their layout from. Also any graphic you find can be clicked on and it will take you to the site where they got the graphic from.

I hope something in their was helpful! Good luck to you, regardless of what you decide.

Their are also other sites that she can use, if you choose to ban her from myspace. One of my sisters friends uses Facebook and has blocked myspace altogether from his computer because of the pronography and other material that kept getting sent to him. Also just in searching for general things, he was suprised at what would come up and be their in plain site for anyone to access.

Hi! I have a 14yr old, 12 yr old twins, and a 10 yr old. My 14yr old has a myspace (that is the minimum age I set for them). I also have a myspace, and made it a condition that my son must have me on his page. I also know his password, and go on his page with his password about 3 or 4 times a week to check out who is e-mailing him. This is a good way to keep an eye on it. Unfortunately there are about a hundred sites like myspace now a days, so I chose to monitor it rather than fight! I hope this helps!

Myspace can be a scarey place, but if you monitor what she is doing, and who she is speaking to, I don't think it there could be to much harm in it. My friends daughter is 14, and she's just been given permission for a Myspace page, after several months of begging, and all my friend does is, just like I said, monitors what her daughter is doing. She reads all the comments left for her daughter by others, and she reads the others profiles to see if they are appropriate people that her daughter should be talking to. She feels she's raised her daughter to be responsible, and their religious beliefs are high, so she also trusts in god to take care of her. I guess it all really comes down to one thing. Do you trust your daughter?

I think 12 is probably to young for myspace. I also think that no matter the child's age, it is up to parents to monitor what their kids are doing. For example, regularly visit the child's myspace page to see what's on there. Also, I don't think kids should be allowed internet access in their bedrooms, etc.

Hi there. I agree with the others. As long as you monitor it, it should be fine. Our son, who is 13 has one, but we have the password to it and check it continously. Also we had him to set his profile to private so that only people he allowed on his myspace friends list could see his info and had him to check under privacy that only those people on his list can contact him. I also have a myspace page and anything that shouldn't be sent is deleted before I see it. The main thing is just staying on top of what she is doing, just like anything else. I think it's a great place for teens when used the right way.

hello N.
Iwas in the same boat as you i am a mother five girls and they all wanted myspace the three that were old enuff so i let them under one condition i got a space to so i can check what they are say and who they are saying it to i know that there are alot of bad people out there and they are awear of it to and know not to add people with out knowing them or checking them out i hope this helps you if you need any more info let me know A. motherofgirl

N.-
I have a myspace account, and so doesmy brother who is 15 and my niece who is 11. My parents and sister in law both made the children have their accounts private, so nobody can view the account unless they are added to the account holdres freinds list. If you have access to your sons password, you can always get on before him and check his friends requests, and only approve the ones you know. I have also found that with me (I'm not sure about anybody eles's myspace) that only a few people that I didn't know asked to be added onto my friends list. I can totally understand you being worried, but if you just check his page, and check it often, I think things should be okay. Hope this helps -D.

i agree with you, i think that 12 is way to young to be on myspace. i feel that 16 and older are more appropriate ages for myspace.

I completely agree with Amy I. My son (13 yrs old) wanted one. I helped him set it up and made his profile private so that no body could add him without our approve. I check it all the time and gave him rules on what he could and couln't do. I feel that I can totally trust my child. Just have a talk with your child and lay out the rules first. Good luck

I think that 12 might be a little too young for a myspace site but I would consider her having one if she is already looking at her friends pages. If she is looking, there isn't much that she's not already getting exposed to. If that's the case than I would say set up a private site with her where you know the passwords and let her have a site of her own. She will enjoy expressing herself and she would be monitored by you. If she's not surfing there already, don't encourage it.

I have a 15 year old son with a myspace account. He set it up before I knew what myspace was and as soon as I found out about it I set up my own page. Then I demanded that he give me his password and add me as a friend. He has been warned that if he changes the password and I don't have access to it then he will lose all computer privileges. It's all in parenting and keeping an eye on what is going on. You learn alot about your children and the kind of friends they have on there. I'm a nosy mom and I have no qualms about snooping to keep up on what's going on in my son's life.

I have a Myspace account as well and I have found just by playing around that if you are under 18 the people at myspace set the profile to private but she can also lie about her age and also depending on how much the schools monitor the internet she can access it at school without you knowing about it. My friends children set their account up like this cuz they weren't allowed to be on the computer at home. You just have to instill trust in your daughter that she will be honest about having an account because she can have more than one account in her name. Make sure all computers are monitored and check with the her school to see how much freedom they allow the kids to have on the net. Hope this works for you.

J.

Hi N.,
I have a myspace site and the reason that I did was my son wanted a site. It is set to private so only his friends can have access to it, but I also have access to it and to his friends. I monitor his daily and I also read what the other friends are writing to each other about. I know that is a little secretive but I am able to stay pretty up to date about what they are doing wanting to do and talking about. My son doesn't know that I monitor it as close as I do, I do it during the day when he is at school and at night when he has gone to bed. If you monitor it closely and set it to private I have found it keeps me in the loop of happenings with him and his friends.
Hope this helps
M.

I have no problem with my 12 year old son having a myspace account, i helped him decorate his page and i have access to his password so i check it all the time. I also have an account so its really easy for me to keep an eye on things. I would never just let my child have free reign on the computer you have to motitor it just like every thing else. All of my sons friends at school are also on myspace so i'm not the only parent that allows it. You should try it out its fun.

The one thing I would like to add is that when some one under 15 has an account that is set to private other people have to know the last name of the person just to send an invite. So if they don't know the last name they can't send an invite or a message. I have an account and have added my friends kid's to it so we can all keep an eye on them :)

N., Hi. I tend to run conservative on this point in general as it relates to kids online. Aside from the "child predator factor", my concern lies in kids becoming part of the new generation of online addicts. Our kids (ages 12 & 14) are allowed to be online and their computer profiles are restricted to certain websites, as well as their email which is at www.bluebottle.com and allows a great parent filter. Unfortunately, while there are many social upsides to MySpace.com, the downside for children is too risky and lays the foundation for troubling interests down the road (i.e. pornography, inappropriate relationships, etc.). Like I said, we tend to run conservative in our house and under the philosophy that all things come in time and children don't NEED to be on MySpace. Heck, even adults can do without it! Best of luck to you and God bless, B. J.

I took my teen daughter off myspace due to perverts and I have a 12yr old daughter that wanted on it to like her Friends I said no way and it stands we have to protect are children these pretator are on that site its a site for grown ups not for children or teens

I myself have a myspace page and I would say if you let your daughter have a page that you set it private. By setting her profile private only people that are approved can see her profile and what have you. I would also have you ask yourself how much you trust your daughter. I would set rules and limits and make sure that you yourself approves all of her friends first and that you check it regularly. Well I wish you luck.