What Can I Do?? - Deep Gap,NC

I am so sorry for your situation. My mother has cancer (doing well, but not in remission), my mother-in-law passed away from cancer, and my husband also has had cancer (in remission for 6 years). We have been there for each other.

It is hard to be supportive of a man whose loved one has cancer. I know some people say their husbands become very withdrawn or in denial. I am fortunate to have a husband who will talk and not bottle it all up. I would encourage you to be patient with him and let him set the pace. I would imagine he will be more grouchy than usual and may snap at you or the kids--expect it. He may not respond to all the 'girly' ways we cope- cards, long talks, etc. I know some men seem to want sex at times when perhaps the wife is thinking, 'how can you be thinking of that at a time like this?', but it can be a stress reliever and a distraction from their reality.

I don't know that i would tell the children anything more than 'grandma is sick' and I don't think I would do it unless it is obvious she is sick. I don't believe in keeping kids in the dark, but the concept of cancer is above a 4 year old's head.

May God be with you. I certainly believe in the power of prayer and wish healing on your family.

First off don't tell the kids anything. Nothing at all until you know what your dealing with and that you are in fact dealing with it. Depending on the degree it may be curable. In that case the kids don't really need to know anything more than grandma is sick. If it is in fact worse than that then address is later when you know a time line.

No need to explain any of this to a two and four year old. Keep supporting your husband and pray for you mother in law.

Blessings.....

Sounds like you're quietly standing by for your husband. This is what he needs. As for your children. They're too young to give much information. Just tell them Grandma is sick. Don't tell them it may be terminal. Live one day at a time. IF it's terminal wait until towards the end to tell them she's so sick she is going to Heaven.

In the meantime, there isn't much else that you can do. It's a wait and see situation.

They are way too young to know the specifics. They can be told that grandma isn't feeling well. That's all they need to know at this point. They don't even have the ability to have concrete understanding about death and life. If she is terminal they can be told later, but if it is okay and surgery takes care of it they really don't need to know any details until later in life. They may want to know when they get old enough to start having pelvic examines so they can be screened for the precancerous cells. My dads family had weird genetics. Only the boys daughters got cancer. It is usually passed through the female lines but in my dads family the men seemed to carry it..

Miracles do happen, the power or prayer is amazing. I hope all works out for your family and your MIL. Just tell her husband you are there for him and that he can talk to you or cry with you whenever he needs to, then let it go. Men don't like to talk much or show emotion sometimes.

I'm so sorry, this is a rough time. My grandmother had uterine cancer, she is a tank and pulled through. Just tell your kids grandma is sick but we will pray very hard that God has a plan for her and that she has comfort. I know some say don't tell them, but it is better to prepare them in case she becomes seriously ill or passes away. Also, it well help them to learn to pray with a person in mind and to understand that God has a will of his own. Also, I believe all will have the opportunity to know of God's love in the heavens, even non-Christians, as we are all born with the 'light of Christ" and e can all learn more after death. God will judge all men fairly and reward them appropriately with a place within His kingdom.

Be there for your husband and your kids, but be sure to take time to yourself as well, you can't shoulder everyone's despair and bottle your feelings in. As for your mother in law, send her word of courage of strength, try and keep as many normal and non-cancer involved conversations with her too. Have your girls make her cards and paper flowers to decorate her hospital room. Many people pull away when someone is ill... I know my father had terminal cancer (leukemia) and he lost a lot of family and friends over them not knowing what to do.

Lots of wonderful advice here, scroll down to the "Bad things happen to good people" and "what happens when I die" maybe for some helpful ideas and comfort.

http://mormon.org/plan-of-happiness/