Wedding Showers: What to Do If Extended Family Life Too Far Away to Party?

Well, if you don't invite them, they might think that they are being left out. It's kind of like being between a rock and a hard place, quite frankly.

I think that someone (the groom perhaps) should make a call to a representative of the family and say "Susie's friend would like to send invitations to acknowledge my side of the family, though she understands they probably cannot come. But she is worried that people will feel like she's pushing for gifts. What should we do? If she send invitations, do you think that you could explain that it's not for a gift grab, and we don't expect gifts from them?" If that person would indeed talk to the family, there would be understanding and brownie points for thinking of them.

Grooms showers aren't a bad idea. Tools and small appliances might be the theme. Then again, you said that they are scattered. I don't know how that would work either.

Dawn

If you want, you could have a virtual shower, where everyone joins via skype of conference call. Or you could invite your side of the family to a shower, and those who are able to come will and those who aren't won't. You can invite family friends, college pals, and coworkers from your side of the family as well, so it would represent your son with people close to him but the amount of actual family may be slim.

Choose a date for a "mail shower" Ask the grooms family to send a small gift, a card, or gift cert. thru the mail and to attempt to have it arrive Fri or Sat of the planned weekend. Let them know where couple is registered the store would take an order and send it directly to her house as well. To make it seem more like a shower, Ask people to send a recipe or advise for happy marriage. another option is to actually have a party without the guest of honor and video tape it. Have each person say something to the bride.

Send invites. They may want to send a gift even if they cannot join in the festivities.

It is just protocol and etiquette, that invitations are extended to them, all... anyway. Not sending them invitations, and assuming they won't come because they are far away, is not "polite."
Send the invitations.
It is up to the invited, to decide if they can or cannot make it.
Or they can send a gift.
And yes, they can do a virtual wedding shower... technology nowadays, is as such.
Or use "Face Time" or Skype to do so.

And sure, why not have a Groom's "shower" too.
http://www.ehow.com/how_###-###-####_plan-grooms-shower.html

Here is other info on showers:
http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/rehearsal-din...

You said the Bride's family is having a shower "for her."
But you feel you may be letting "them down" if you don't have a shower "for them..."
But the Bride's family is having one for Her.
So do you mean, you... want to make a shower too... but for BOTH of them????
Or just for him?

I "only" had one shower. My maternal side of the family lives all over the States. My husband's family is in Ireland and England.

More than 1 shower is a plea for gifts, if you ask me.

I wouldn't worry about it. All our family lives far away so i didn't have any shower at all which was fine with me. I think a friend offered but I declined. Friends did throw an engagement party of all friends which was great. But one shower is fine and if the bride is offended, she should get over it.

How about a skype party? Not the same as being there but if you can at least see and talk to each other, and maybe you could even make up a game or two that are "skype" appropriate?

You could do a video conference shower and include as many locations as you want.

Personally, I think your are over reacting. If your kids are registered almost any one could have a gift sent to their home, her parent's home or yours.

If there's no chance your relatives would attend a shower because of the cost/distance of travel, and it's just a "courtesy" invite, I wouldn't send.it. Sure, people might say you're not OBLIGATED to send a gift, but really, that's what a shower is, a party where a couple gets gifts for their new household (or baby, if it's a baby shower). Given that the bride lives in one place, and your family is scattered around in other places, my guess is that they aren't expecting a shower invitation. I'm not a fan of these online showers, it's just asking for a gift without giving anyone the party.

Definitely make sure they get invitations so that they don't feel left out, and on the off chance that some of them or even just one of them decides to make the trip.

You can also plan an online party. I don't usually go for these things when they're for Pampered Chef or 31 or Avon, but I think they can be wonderful for when it's a bridal shower and family is scattered all over the country and globe. With a virtual bridal shower, you can have it last a week or a month, too. If everyone is on Facebook you can set it up as an event on Facebook. I would also use an alternative hosting site at the same time for people in case they're not on Facebook and need another option.

Many people will still send a shower gift to the couple if they want to attend but can't, especially if there's a chance they'll be attending the wedding or they have a special relationship with the bride, the groom, or one of the parents.

I have heard of two showers but never where the bride to be would not attend (why could the groom but not the bride attend a groomside of family shower?). But, again, if the groom's family is in various states/countries they wouldn't be able to attend anyway...right?

Why not send the invitations from the shower (the one the bride's family is hosting)? Those that can attend will, those that can't may send a gift or at least their well wishes.

If your family is close and they would truly like to "shower" the couple why don't you suggest a gift card shower that the couple can then use the cards to get what they need. The groom can attend the shower. it does not have to be a bridal shower it can be a wedding shower. although it is out of the ordinary to invite people who are so far away to a shower.