Wanting Mens Input If Possible

Sorry you are not getting the guy answers yet! I am not a guy but will provide my thoughts......the guy is comfortable. Why not stay if he's getting his 'needs' met - not just sexual - everything.

Men and women look at sex very differently. They also look at relationships very differently. To better understand men and their needs, read the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."

A lot depends on who is defining "relationship". If someone has a nice place to live, good food, frequent love making and a nice companion, but doesn't have deep romantic love doesn't mean they aren't happy. Men and women tend to stay where they are comfortable and happy. What it takes one person to make them happy is not necessarily what it takes to make another person happy.

Some men have an averson to the words, "I love you." Or they may have an aversion to marriage and the responsibility that comes with the ring. Women have taught men that they can have sex without committment.

We are now in the part of our society where the second generation is going out on their own where marriage is not manditory for a man to get the sex he wants.

If this person is you and the guy is your live-in friend, then you need to decide if the status quo is ok with you. If it is, then keep doing what you are doing. If this live-in friend and sex partner isn't what you want, tell him.

If you want a stable relationship and want to hear the words, "I love you", and you might want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, then write down your goals, wants, and expectations for your relationship. Then have a meeting of the minds. Sit on the couch or around the kitchen table and tell him how you feel. Ask him how he feels. If he doesn't know how he feels (A very real possibility) give him a copy of your feelings, wants, goals, expectations, etc. and tell him you will give him two days or a week to think about it. Then you want him to write down his feelings, wants, goals, etc. and be prepared to discuss them with you.

Then when he does tell you, you have to make a decision. Are you willing to settle for his expectations or a blend of his and your expectations or are you going to begin to look for someone that wants what you want?

Without marriage, there is no committment. Without marriage you are providing sex for half the rent or a place to stay, or his portion of the bills. That's cheap sex. But its your choice.

Good luck to you and yours.

What are the actual signs of love? Are they the same for everyone around the world? The same for everyone with different cultural backgrounds or religions? As soon as you can define what "love" is, then maybe you'd know whether to run or stay. As for your situation, can you clarify? Is it a guy you are involved with, or are you asking for someone else? Your initial question puts it out there 'in general', while the end of your question personalizes it. So I'll try to put my 2 cents in according to it being you and Mr. 19 months. "he acts like he loves you, and treats you great." Do you have any other questions??? Cuz this pretty much sums it up that this relationship is heading in a good direction. **Note: Just saying "I Love You", or being able to give you the traditional Hallmark signs of what commercially advertised Love looks like, does not mean that Love does or does not exist. Sometimes Love requires developing. Caution, if things start deteriorating, be sure that it is not because of you pressuring for specific words or signs. Enjoy the loving acts and the great treatment. It is not very often that people find a partner with these features! Especially while not knowing or realizing they are or aren't in love. Treating you great and acting like he loves you for a continuous 19 months is a bonus no matter what happens. Just enjoy it.

Need the ages of the players... But, that said. By your wording you imply he isn't getting sex. But I bet he is.. or he would be gone.
People get in a rut, they stay with what is comfortable. He is comfortable, love/sex/feelings don't really apply if he is comfortable.
"..acts like he loves you, and he treats you great." How do you know he DOESN'T love you.
Your second sentence contradicts your fourth sentence.
Simply by what you have shared here, SOMEONE wants the relationship to be more and SOMEONE is happy right where he is.
My advice would be to talk talk talk, he'll be so thrilled with that, lol.
Good luck!

I don't know if you got dumped, or a friend - but I can hear the pain in your post.

Just as not every man is 'marriage material' - not every woman is going to be genuine either (everybody see Courtney on the Bachelor?).

Whomever was hurt by this guy, know that you were spared a potential marriage and divorce, spared being financially ruined, spared all the problems and increased heartache had it gone on longer.

Some men (like some women) have not gotten to a point in their lives where they can be honest with themselves - much less others. Be thankful. I think you just avoided a life train crash. :)

Hang in there - it gets better.

I'm a woman but I've been in many a relationship during which I felt loved and when the relationship ended I felt that it was all a sham and I wasn't loved. Is that what is going on with you or in this question?

These relationships were with men that I have had continuing contact with after the relationship ended and I discovered that not only did they love me during the relationship but that they still love me. I felt unloved but that didn't mean I was unloved.

I suggest that we build up an expectation that love will be a certain way and when the relationship doesn't turn out that way we expect we didn't share love. The difficulty is with our perception of love and with our projecting onto the other person our own feelings.

In fact the two relationships that I'm thinking about now, ended because they did love me but were aware that we were not compatible. The relationship wasn't working for either one of us. I wanted to keep working on it. They didn't. It was an act of love to let me go.

I wish I could get my husband to answer this, but I will adapt some of his thinking to an answer. We live next door to a couple and it is very, very clear that he guy is not really 'in' love with the girl. They moved in together and bought a house together and then got married. No children. He came over in his suit first and announced his 'burial'. My husband says he stays because she takes care of him. Their looks are about as different as night and day, she is about a foot taller and he weighs probably a hundred pound less.She buys him things, she lets him work when he feels like it, she has his brothers and sisters move in off and on and she has climbed in a career where she makes quite a bit of money. The man has made a choice for his life that involves predictable sex, and comfort. She has traded being loved like in the movies- for mothering. But I said 'loved' in the romantic sense. You see they do 'like' eachother and they do things together and they have found something that works, so even though my husband isn't writing this he would say in this world of discomfort and pain and sadness, it is with great joy to watch people who enjoy being around together much of the time even if we don't want to boot them off to the bedroom. I didn' t get it either, but in a way they on their own picked a relationship that might last longer than the rest of us who fell head over spinning dizzy crazy love.

Depends on what your definition of "relationship" is. Are they going out all the time, seeing movies together, dancing, hiking, shopping? Or is he calling her late at night and coming over to watch a movie and then have sex? If it's the latter then he is just staying in that "relationship" because nothing better has come along.
L.

I am not a guy, but:
..... just because, a person is dating someone, no matter how long... it does not mean that love has to happen or that the person falls in love.

If it were mandatory, that all people who dated "had to" fall in love, then no one would be dating.

Then there are some people, who will just fall in love with whoever and anyone they happen to be dating at the time. And they fall in love with every single person they date.

In any case, just because 2 people are dating, it does not mean they have fallen in love or that they have to fall in love.

And some people just do not fall in love very easily.

Likewise, just because 2 people are dating, it does not then mean that they will get married.

Love and dating and relationships, are not so linear or perfunctory.

So many people, men and women, are in relationships based on things other than love (convenience, respect, 'settling', comfort, etc). It really isn't that uncommon.

Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

Well, why would a man propose to a woman, get married, stay married for 2 years and then break things off stating that he was never in love with her to begin with? Ask my first husband that. His answer when I asked him was that he wanted to settle down so he didn't get into trouble (w/ drugs and alcohol). Sooo.. gee, thanks a lot buddy for wasting 3 years of my life that I can't get back. There is no reason you need to wasted anymore of YOUR life worrying why this jerk did this to you. He isn't worth the time or effort. Plain and simple--he was a selfish POS. Some men are. Good riddance! I say stop dwelling on him, live your life to the fullest and find someone that deserves you. Good luck!

"Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?".......what to have sex, at least for the first 6 months of a new relationship.....if a man can *hold out* then he's in it or the long haul.....best wishes