Having a 2Nd Baby at 20?

I'm 21 with 2 kids and married also. I have a 3 1/2 yr old boy and a 10 month old girl. I love my kids more than anything but if I could redo it, I would have waited a couple more years to have my second. It is VERY overwhelming and I feel less independent because I can hardly go anywhere without needing someone's help!! It's all the simple things that make it harder. Getting in and out of the car at the store, ALWAYS needing a stroller everywhere you go, the older one putting stuff in the younger one's carseat, and trying to get two babies on the same sleep schedule is a NIGHTMARE.

The decision, like you said, will ultimately be up to you but personally I would almost demand you to wait...Also the UNSIGHTLY cost of daycare!! It costs double what we pay in rent to have two young children in daycare fulltime. (I don't know if you work or not) I did until I got that first eyeopening daycare bill. $845 a month!! And we live in a small, small town. I can't imagine what it is anywhere else.

If you do decide to have another, just make sure you have someone close who can sit for you say once every two weeks or so (We don't have anyone within 3 hrs of us).

Most of all, good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

OK, well first off, your right it is yours and your husbands choice...and Gods of course.
But I have a very large family so i have seen a lot of age ranges. I have one cousin who had her two kids only 11 1/2 months apart. She liked it because the 1st had a playmate all the time, they were potty trained together since the first was a boy and potty trained later than the 2ND. She never complained about them being close. On the other hand, her sister had her two kids 10 years apart, in that case it was a surprise, but she liked it because she had an extra set of hands to help with the new baby, she didn't force her first to do it, she wanted to by choice...after all she was the big sister, and had been asking to be a big sister for years...it was the doll she always wanted.
I also had cousins who planned their kids to be 3 years apart, they did well with it, the parents thought was that if they were that far apart when they are older they will only have two in college for one year (at the same time)...but will have kids in college for 13 years with 2 overlaps...they have three kids. And then there's me, I am the youngest of 3, we are all 2 years apart my sister the oldest never got along with me and my brother we were just annoyances to her, but me and my brother have always gotten a long, we are best friends and there isn't much that i wouldn't do for him, legally of course. I also had a cousin who was born in the same hospital same room, same doctor, same nurse, 19 days apart. They called us the Irish twins, we grew up pretty much in the same house and eventually were roommates and shared a house together, we were raised more like brother and sister and I always felt like i had two brothers. It was great.
So to answer your question...Then there's my two kids they are 2 years and 10 months apart, they get along for the most part, I never had two kids in diapers at the same time, they argue and my son the younger...is just learning how to really irritate my daughter, I try to let them settle their disputes as long as they are not physical about it. But they really do care for and love each other, when one is sick they help take care of the other, and when one is being teased or bothered by someone they step in and stand up for the other. I love that part. There is a lot of tat-ling but that is to be expected. expected but not tolerated. The reward is when they show they really love each other a care about each other.

I think a lot of it has to do with family dynamics, and the rest has to do with nature vs. nurture. Do the best you can with the best intensions all i think you will be fine.

You have already gotten a lot of good advice, but I'll add my 2 cents too! First and formost, do what is best for you and your husband. After my first son was born there was no way I could have had another baby right away, but some people like doing all the diapers and potty training at the same time. If you decide to wait, be prepared for the hints and questions to get even worse but don't let that effect you decision. Personally, my boys are 4 years apart and I love, love, love it. I got to spend some really precious time with my oldest son and when my second son was born my oldest could understand what was going on and also he can play by himself for a while giving me special time with the baby. He also loves being a big brother and his baby brother loves it when he is around and smiles so much. It was so right for us to wait a bit. GOod luck!

I think you need to not listen to everyone and do what feels right.

Yes, I think there is a lot of value in having children close together. My son and daughter are 27 months apart. Of course, they are 3 and 1, so they're not best friends yet. I also have another on the way. When he's born, my son will be 3.5 and my daughter will be 18 months. I think it will be hard work, but lots of fun. My sister and I are close in age (17 months) while my older sister and I are not (8 years) and my parents always said if they COULD do it over again, they would have had us all within a couple of years of each other. Most people I know say this. By the way, I'm much closer to my younger sister than my older, even now. I have some friends, though, whose children are 4-5 years apart and they LOVE it. They feel they had enough time to get through the "baby years" before doing it again.

Right now you are young and energetic, and it might be a prime time. But seriously, if you feel overwhelmed by the thought of another one, I would say hold off. You've still got time- he just turned one! A three year age difference is still a good one, as is four, five....! It's all what is best for y'all.

GL! I have to admit, we "left it up to God" each time (except the first), letting Him decide when we'd get pregnant, but that's because we knew we wanted more. Who knew we were so fertile?!? But we're extremely happy with the way we've done things. It is not for everyone, and sometimes I would love to have time with just my husband (without nursing and worrying about when she'll need to nurse again!), but almost every second of the day I am glad I have my little ones all together (note that the third is not here yet, though... ha ha).

I have 4 kids and I just turned 28. My husband and I decided that once we start having kids we might as well have them all and be done then we can still be youngish when they are all out of the house. My oldest 2 are 32 months apart. I loved this distance because my oldest was potty trained and pretty independent by the time #2 came along. Number 2 and 3 are 19 months apart. It was really hard when 3 was a baby because I felt like I didn't get enough time with #2 as a baby. #2 still needed me so much I was always torn between the 2 often not to mention #1 likes to have all the attention on her all the time. However, now that #2 and #3 are older (almost 4 and 2) they are 2 peas in a pod. They get along and play together. It is so cute to see. #3 and #4 are almost exactly 2 years apart. So far this has been pretty good for me. It was hard at first when #4 was a newborn but things are settling down a bit and everyone seems to be adjusting well. I really think whatever distance you decide you can make work. There are pros and cons to all of it.

Just be thankful you have a lot of time on your hands to make these decisions...my husband and I married when I was 23...we had our first child right before my 32nd birthday.

We went to school finished two degrees each...started careers...worked for a few years, saved some money, bought a house, paid off one car, etc etc etc...

Then started trying...it took us over two years to get our son here...then we felt we had no choice but to hurry up and have out daughter...they are 30 months apart, once again took a little longer than we planned.

Having two children 2.5 years apart is a dance in chaos...I have the maturity, but boy to I wish I had some of the energy I had 10 years ago.

You have about 20 years of childbearing left...and I envy you that and the freedom to space them how you want...

Good luck in your decision...two is hard, but you adapt and figure it out...I take my two everywhere with me...and it all works out.

{{{hugs}}}

I dont think that there is really a "perfect" distance between childeren. my two are 4 and 2 and they have times where they dont get along and when they are bffs. my brother and I are 11 years apart and my mom tells me that my kids at a closer age are not that different from my brother and I. I think kids are going to be kids and days will be night and day differences sometimes. by the way, I am 24 so I was about the same age as u are with 2 kiddos. its a little overwhelming at first but it will get better! I wouldnt change a thing :)

Hi M.-

Our first two are 23 months apart and our third came along 3 1/2 years after the 2nd. All 3 love each other and take care of each other at the ages of 6, 4 and 9 months. There is no perfect spacing for your children, the most important thing is for you and your husband to be as ready as you can be. If it's not now, that's fine....enjoy your time with your little boy!

Good Luck,
K.

Only listen to what you and your husband want on this one! I would search yourself and write your thoughts down on paper along with the pros and cons of having another one right now (including finances)....other than that, I would just say don't let anyone try to convince you one way or the other...it's your body and your life!

OK I WILL GIVE YOU MY 2 OPINIONS ON THIS, & BOTH ARE FROM EXPERIENCE.MY DAUGHTER WAS 5 & 1/2 WHEN HER BROTHER WAS BORN, WHILE THEY WERE LITTLE WERE VERY CLOSE BUT AS THEY HAVE GOTTEN OLDER THAT IS NO LONGER TRUE.MY DAUGHTER HAS 2 KIDS OLDER THAN HIS, SHE HAS 16 & 15 & HIS ARE 13, 11, & 7. SO EVEN THE GRANDKIDS DON'T GET ALONG REALLY GOOD. BUT MY DAUGHTERS 2 ARE VERY CLOSE, THERE IS ONLY 14 MONTHS BETWEEN THEM.I SAY CLOSER IS BETTER BY MILES.OF COURSE THAT WAS WHAT I WANTED, I LOST 1 CHILD BETWEEN MY 2.WELL I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU MY 2 CENTS WORTH AS THEY SAY.I KNOW IT IS YOU & YOUR HUSBAND'S CHOICE AFTER ALL, BUT I SAY CLOSER IS REALLY BETTER.
D.

Well i know how your feeling....i had 3 kids by the time i was 22. I had a baby every 2 years. I guess for me itn worked out great because they are all very close. But then again I had to give up alot because i was a mother of sooo many kids at such a young age....Its not hard to get a babysitter for 1 child, but its a little more challenging to find one for 3. So you need to sit down with your husband and figure out if there are any big plans that yall plan to do together before introducing more siblings. In my case we just jumped in and went for it! On the plus side by the time my youngest graduates high school I will have just turned 40 sooo I will still be young enough to do what I want with my husband....Its completely up to you!

My children are one month shy of being 3 years apart, one just turned 10 (girl) and the other will be 13 (boy) next month. They get along well and are very close. There is 6 years between my sister and I and we were never close until we were adults. Those are just my examples, not suggestions. I don't think I could have handled being pregnant again with my second when my first was just a year old, but many women do. It is going to matter what you think you can deal with, after all it is your body we are talking about here. Best wishes to you either way.

I would wait another 2-3 years,if not longer. They would still be close in age and you would be able to spend more quality time with your son now. My kids are almost 3 years apart in age, and only 2 grades apart in school. It has worked out great! You're still very young ,so you have plenty of time to have more kids. Don't let other people influence you, only you know what's best for you and your family.

I had my two daughter seven years apart. It has been great for my family at time and the worse at others. While during the school year I get to spend to alone time with each one of them, since the oldest gets up to go to school and then the younger one during the day, the summer has been hard since I feel they try to compete for time. I am the middle child and have to say there is no formula for having a second child. My sisters two kids will be almost 2 1/2 years aparts and that works for some and not others. YOU have to be the one to make the decision. My brother and his wife decided to only have one (for now). My sister decided to have two as did my husband and I. If you have any doubts about now being the time wait another month. As my mom told me mother's know what is best for their children. Good Luck

I have 2 boys 18 months apart and that is too close. Too much competition. I think it would have been ideal if they were 3 years apart. Far apart but not too much so. They still have a lot in common while still being separate. Good luck!

Hi M.,
Your young beginnings of marriage are almost duplicate of mine! I had my first at 19 years old (had just turned 19 25 days earlier), 2nd baby 22 months later at 20, and baby #3 18 months later at 22 years old!!! I LOVE IT! Yes, I had hard times.... not much time for myself, but I wouldnt have it any other way! Your body bounces back soooooo much easier and quicker the younger you are and your children grow up together in the same "era". I was a stay-at-home-mom and my children were my joy (or some people call it "job"). We are a very close family today. I am a YOUNG GRANDMOTHER and love it! I have 6 grandchildren and 2 on the way! No one's opinion matters but yours and your husbands. I did not have my parents living close to babysit and my husbands were from Norway, so that definately was not close! I raised my children alone (With Heavenly Father) and my husband who worked 12-16 hour days and provided well for us.
all I am saying is.....you decide! It is possible and you will never regret it!
Good Luck and HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.....along with RECORDING ALL THE MEMORIES.....it helps you get through the difficult days.
Love,
D.

It is totally up to you and don't let anyone pressure you until you feel it is right.
I am one of 4 children. My brother and I are only 7mo apart. (Yes, 7mo!) We were in all the same classes; should be best friends, right? Nope, we never got along and still are not close to this day. I have another brother that is 5 years younger. We have nothing in common, but probebly wouldn't have anyway (just different people.) My baby sister and I are 6 years apart and we are best friends(but we probebly would have been even if we were not related). There is little rhyme or reason to why your children may or may not get along together. Look at what your goals are and what you want for your family and go with that. Close your eyes and what does your family look like in 20 years?
When I did this, it was just the three of us. We have decided that we are very happy with our one and only. Our family was very upset with this choice, but it is our choice and it is what we are comfortable with. Good luck to you.

Hi M.. The decision is entirely up to you and your husband. Don't ever feel pressured until you are ready. I had a set of twins when my daughter was less than 2 years old. It was alot of work in the beginning but I have never regretted it for one moment. It is a personal decision. Only my story not my advice.

L.

I always thought that I would want my children close together. I got married when I was 22 and did not have my first child till I was 25. But we waited 8 yrs. to have our 2nd child, and a lot of that was because WE weren't ready, physically, financially or mentally(meaning mature level). Plus my son got very jealous when we would give any attention to another child when he was younger. Plus we kinda look at it this way, with our son and daughter being 8 yrs. apart, we won't have 2 driving at the same time, or 2 in college at the same time. And the way the cost of living is going up, sounds like a pretty good decision that we made. But the real decision is yours and your husband, in what you want to do.

If you think that it "sounds" kind of overwhelming to you then it will be. You know what you can or want to handle! You and hubby are the only ones that will be responsible for these two kids so don't have them because people tell you to. They won't be standing in line for their turn to take care of them I promise. What I can tell you from my own experience, is that My older sister and I were 6 1/2 yrs apart, and she didn't want anything to do with me! It was hard for me becuse I looked up to her and wanted her acceptence. However my son and his half brother (from his dad's first marriage) got along super when they were young and still do now that my son is almost 23and his bro, I think 30 or 31. So I guess it depends on the individual. Have your children when "YOU" are ready to have them , not when others tell you it's right or according to when you think that it will make them closer. If you have a boy and a girl they may never be close until they are adults, as they will always have different interests. I know I probably wasn't much help, but I wish you peace in your decision what ever it may be. Many blessings, S.

I had all three of my children by 23 two boys and two girl. My oldest girl (step-daughter)is 11 and all of them get along with her they have their usual disagreements. My boys are two years apart 8 and 6 and my younger boy and girl are 10 months apart. I would recommend not having children too close together, because my youngest children fight constantly, while my sons get along and play well together. Also, I feel that my youngest boy didn't get a chance to be a baby. I think that 2-4 years is a good age difference, but it is your and your husbands decision.

It doesn't matter what everyone else says, you need to decide this for yourself. They are not the ones who will be raising these children, you are! So, sure, you can get input from everyone on what their idea is on when is a good time to have that 2nd child, but ultimately it is you and your husband who need to decide when. There are pros and cons to having them close in age and then again there are pros and cons to having them far apart in age. So just take all of the advice that is given to you and then just decide on your own. Good luck in your decision. BTW, my kids are 1 month short of being 7 years apart and I love it for the most part, my son (the oldest) has been such a big help with my daughter, he's a great big brother. Plus I didn't have the expenses of 2 kids being in diapers, on baby food, potty training, daycare, etc. I like that mine are far apart, but that might not be what's best for you.

If you have another one now, you'll basicly have twins on your hands...two very small children can be extremely overwhelming and it can be hard to really give them all the attention they need. You are young...so there shouldn't be any hurry. It seems to me that you have over-opinionated friends/family??? You are the one who has to live with whatever choices you make...so make them carefully. Sure, it is less lonely for the older one if you have a little one right away, but at what price? If having another one is exactly what you want and you're sure you are totally ready for that...than do it, great! But don't let other people put pressure on you in such a personal and long-term choice. OK?

Hi M., I had my babies 21 months apart. I had my hands full, and I was a stay at home mom. I was older than you also. My children are in their 30's now and still very close to each. How good is your support system, since you are both working? childcare? Expenses go up with another child. I think you already know the answer. God bless you.

My son was born August 13 of last year...and I'm now 9 weeks pregnant [20 years old, husband is 21]. This was more God's decision than ours, but overall we're happy about it. When I found out I felt totally overwhelmed and didn't think I could handle it, but the more I think about it the more excited I get. And I know that God would never put us through something that we can't handle. Don't let people pressure you into choosing either way, just do it when you feel like you're emotionally ready for another child. My aunt had her two kids 12 years apart, and my parents had my brother and I 15 months apart [exactly how far apart my two will be] so it really just depends on when YOU want to have them. Good luck :]

I have a 2 1/2 year old and 2 1/2 month old. The age span that my sons are is really nice. My oldest is old enough to understand that I have to devote some attention to the younger and he can help me do that. I don't know if I would have wanted them closer in age than they already are. On the other hand, I am exhausted, I get up every 3-4 hours during the night to feed my baby. I run all day after a two year old.
Another thing that I don't know if you have thought about is your body's recover from the your first child. I have read and heard from doctors that in order for your body to completely recover from pregnancy and birth back to original health takes about 18 months. Just thought that I would through that in.

Good luck with your decision. Don't let your family pressure you into a certain time. Just do what you think is best for you, your husband, and child and the next one that when they come along.

I have 3 grown children, currently they are girl age20, boy age22, girl age24 and a boy age34. Their birthdates are 1/5, 2/26, and 2/5. Every day was a party out our house, never a dull moment. Looking back, I don't know how I did it ... but I can honestly say that if given the chance to do it all over again, I'd opt to do just that. Birthdays are a blast, all holidays are filled with abundant blessings, and they are all 3 love each other very much. My oldest daughter graduated U of H with honors in only 3 years and is now married, my son is a senior at UTD majoring in Business Admin. and my youngest daughter is a sophmore at U of H. If you wait until your ready for kids, have the house and the white picket fence and a dog, pay off your bills, have enough money saved up, have the right job, take that vacation you want first and find the right time someday .... you'll never have another child. Good luck in your decision, M..

I agree with everyone else. If you do not feel ready for another child, then don't let ayone push you into that decision. It's hard enough having 1 child in diapers forget 2!

My son is 7 and we are planning on having another one someday but the timing just hasn't been right. We had financial difficulties for a few years and thought it would be irresponsible to have another child. So now that we are financially sound we have been talking about a baby. So my son will be at least 8 if and when we have another one. I too worry that the age difference will be too much, but I know lots of families with big age gaps.

My sisters and I are each 5 years apart. There are 3 of us so there is 10 years between myself (oldest) and my youngest sister. We didn't get along at all growing up. I was the caretaker so i feel like I hand a hand in raising them., and they used to fight constantly. BUT now that we are all adults and have children of our own we all get along pretty well!

My point it I don't think there is a perfect age difference, it's all what works for you!

Good luck!

honestly i would wait girl. i am now 28 with a 10 month old & my other is 7. he is the best big brother ever. it took 2 weeks of jealousy when the new baby arrived which was a big shock but we have all adjusted. i was 21 with a new baby but i experienced partying, room-mates, & literally everything before i was 21 but at 21 you are starting to live life and become responsible i should say by getting into routine with your family, at home every night with your man & child, getting to know eachother etc. what i am trying to say is that it is a LOT OF WORK WITH 2 CHILDREN no matter how old you are. some people act like its nothing but you cant just swoop yourself, hubby, and son up anymore. it's getting yourself, 2 kids, and a hubby ready. its not just jump out of your car at the store it's getting 2 kids in the basket that want everything and the store is packed etc. it's just not easy. IT IS WELL WORTH IT THOUGH. AND YES I DO HAVE TO AGREE TO A POINT THAT HAVING THEM CLOSE IN AGE WOULD BE AWSOME TO A POINT BUT HONESTLY 2 IN DIAPERS, BOTTLES, UNDER 4 YEARS OF AGE WOULD BE FINANCIALLY DIFFICULT as to i am having that problem now. i want another one too before 31 but i think about them being 2 years apart and that scares me. but listen to your heart and your husband. i dont know you but i can give my experience and advice to you. xoxoxoxo A. good luck with what ever decision you guys make.

I would wate till he is 3 years old I had twins when my son was 3 and he was a lot of help,
J. Story

If it "sounds overwhelming to you" then it is probably too soon! Only YOU and YOUR HUSBAND can decide when it is time, there is no GOOD OR PERFECT spacing between children.
Are you mentally, financially, and physically ready for another one? Nothing else really matters in the end :)

i think it all depends on if the parents are ready for another baby (emotionally, physically, financially). and as far as "closeness" between siblings, i think it depends on how the kids are raised. if you OR your hubby have doubts about having another baby, DON'T! you want to wait until you are both fully ready so that you can give that new baby everything they need! if you are unsure or resentful about your decision the baby will grow up with that weight on their shoulders!
as far as closeness, my brother and i are 3 1/2 years apart and VERY close. my hubby and his brother and sisters are over 10 years apart and VERY close! and then i know people who have a sibling only a couple years younger and they can't stand each other!
whenever you are ready for a new baby is the right time =) and if you are in the best possible health emotionally and physically, and can give both your kids all you can, then they will grow up close to each other!
(PS don't let anyone tell you that you are too young or inexperienced or whatever....i got married just before my 20th bday, had my first baby a year later, and had my 2nd baby right after the 1st turned 2....my family kept telling me how young i was and how we should just wait, and yeah i was a little naive and i've done a lot of growing up WITH my kids, but i wouldn't have it any other way!)

I had my son a month after I turner 18. 26 months later (2 months after I turned 20) we had our daughter. It's overwhelming being a young mom of 2 kids but I wouldn't change the age difference of my kids. Sure, they have their sibling rivalry but for the most part they are very close. My husband and I look forward to still being young when they are older. I think it's really just a decision if you guys are ready or not to add an addition. I personally like having my kids 26 months apart & really wouldn't want to "start over" with a baby after having a 5 year old. If you know what I mean. Hope this helps. :)

my two are three years apart and that has worked well for us.
we do want more kids, but i am waiting until i am doing a little less 'night time parenting' before trying for the next one.
fwiw, my bro and i are 5yrs apart and that worked well for my parents, i think.
there are lots of Only Kids out there. perhaps the parents just never got to the point of being able to cope with the one child and a pregnancy, baby, etc.

do what works for your family, and leave the rest.

HTH
K., mama to
Catherine, 4.5y
Samuel, 19m

Hi, M.. I am 21, and my baby girl is about to turn one. I was 20 when she was born, and my husband was 19. We have been trying to get pregnant for three months now. I can't wait to add another child to our family. I love the idea of having my children close together, and while I am young. What better time, while I have the energy, and spunk to keep up with my kids.

But I always knew I wanted children, and a lot of them. I was stoked to find out I was pregnant, and so was all of my family. My in laws not so much, but I didn't mind about that.

Children should be a celebration of life, and you're blessed with your little one. GL on deciding what to do, I pray you make the right choice for you!

My two are 5 yrs apart. I enjoyed having them so far apart because I was able to enjoy each child as an individual rather than as a pair. It is so much fun to watch each child develop into a person. I personally would have hated to have a 2 yr old and a newborn. They both require alot of attention. I never wanted to look at my children as "work" or a "chore", I wanted to enjoy them and I do.

I know exactly how you feel. I was 18 when I got pregnant everyone was "okay" with it. I had her on June 7th, 2006 I was 19. Everyone thoguht I was stupid and selfish for having a child and didn't finish college, like having a baby ruins a life. When me and my husband were undecided about when to have another child, we looked at our lives growing up and decided to have another baby. Our son born January 18th, 2008, (I was only 21). And let me tell you it feels like you can never please anyone and of course my family was "okay" with it. At the beginning when our son was born I felt guilty not enjoying my daughter enough but she handled it well, and loves her brother and wants to please and give him everything when he cries. I tell you sometimes I want to pull hair out, you know kids have their good days and bad days like everyone else but I love them and wouldn't change it for the world. Let me just tell you something don't let ayone make your choice for you, only you and your husband cause in the end its going to be you two caring for this child. For me it was a little challenging in the beginning with the diaper changing but I got into a rountine with the diaper changing and now its okay, I find it fun and making it a laughing time for my kids. I see it as being young and having kids early is fine, get it over with but some might say to wait, if you do decide to wait, don't wait too long. I hope this helps.

Well, I had my first child at 19, 20 days before my 20th birthday. A lot of people thought I was to young, especially my parents. But I love my baby girl and I think she is the best thing that ever happened to us. I was told the same thing when my daughter hit her first birthday. I m now 5 1/2 months pregnant and my daughter is 17 months old. I will be 20 when this next one is born. I currently am babysitting a 3 month old to get the hang of taking care of 2. It was a challenge at first but I have a schedual down now and my daughter absolutly loves him. I see she will be a great sister to our new baby and am glad she will have a little sister as a best friend who can grow up with her. I say if you think your ready go for it!! On a side note, I told my husband since I'm so young I would rather have kids now so that when they start going to school I can still have time to focus on a career and stop being a stay at home mom.

I think it's great to have them close together. I have two children (now 7 & 5) that are 27 months apart. I was 20 (by 3 months) when I had my first & 22 with my second. MY daughter was only 18 months old when I found out I was pregnant with my son and oh my goodness, I was freaking out. It was a little overwhelming in the beginning but we made it through. Now I can't picture it any other way... and hey... I'll only be 40 when my youngest graduates high school!!!!!

It's completely up to you. Yes it can get overwhelming but I love the way my family is. I thought having two (then having three) would be a whole lot harder then one but honestly, it gets easier the more I add. Haha! They often keep each other occupied while I'm busy with something and we have very fun games of tag, hide and seek, knights and "bad guys" that wouldn't be the same with an only child. Doing everything "in bulk" keeps everyone happy, cared for and organized. I have almost an assembly line system with diapers, food, drinks, bed times, etc. It takes a little bit to get used to a new routine after you bring home the newborn but you adapt and it's wonderful.

I am 22 years old and have a 4 1/2 y/o, 2 1/2 y/o and a 9 month old. My husband and I were planning our wedding when I unexpectantly got pregnant (at 17). We had talked about child spacing and agreed that 2 years was good. We wanted kids close together but not too close. We weren't going to allow the fact that we were young or a military deployment mess with our family plans. Now we have 3 wonderful little boys and are very happy.

If you are ready financially, mentally and emotionally, have babies when you want to. Age really shouldn't matter at all.

Slow down! Haha! My two youngest are 13 months apart and I wish they were further apart. They fight like crazy and it is like having two mini terrorists in my house. I suggest waiting. My oldest was almost 5 when my second was born, and he is a huge help to me. My brother and I were 22 months apart, and we argued, fought, bickered, and were very mouthy. In fact, we drove my mother crazy most of our childhood. Don't listen to people when they tell you to have another one right now. You are sooo young. Wait until you have gotten the potty training down and then decided if you want to try again. You have plenty of time, what is the rush?
I am 28 and have 3 children, ages 8, 3 and 2...and a step son, 10.

My parents did the exact same thing you guys did. My older brothers are three years apart and I am two years behind my middle brother. That puts five years between me and the oldest brother who I am not and never have been close too. But my brothers are very close. I am only close to the middle brother.I suggest you have your second baby when you are ready. You have plenty of time. When our son was about three months people started asking us when we were going to have our second. I think its just something people do. Were still trying to pay bills for our first. Also I suggest that you are on your own before you have a second. Not sure if you are living with anyone else? Best of luck and btw my parents have been married over 30 years. With the help of lots of prayer!

I have 2 boys ages 15 and 7. For me it is a blessing to have them so far apart. I always wished that they were closer together, but seeing them interact now as they get older, I would not want things any other way. My personal situation was different than yours. I married at age 22, had my first child at age 27, and my second at age 35. Sit down and have a heart to heart with your husband and togeher you will come up with what will work best for you both. Good luck with everything. Just remember, no matter how many children you have or how far apart they are, they are all blessings!

Let me first start by saying that no age distance is the magic number that will always work and they will get along. What I am saying is that I am almost 3 years younger than my next older sister and we fought like cats and dogs (not physically) but I got along great with my sister that was nine years older than me. Now that we are all adults, we all get along great but it has only been in the last five-six years or so. My kids are almost exactly three years apart and as I thought I might have my kids a little closer, I am glad they are that far apart, especially some of the issues that my daughter (second one) brought with her (reflux, colic, kidney issues.... etc.) Not saying that any of that will happen with your children but I had a practically perfectly healthy son, short of some ear infections, but I didn't have any idea how oever-whelming having two could be. It is definately a whole different world adding another one. Only YOU and your husband will know when you are ready for another one. It is really hard to listen to everyone and what people have to say. However well intentioned they might be, they are not going to be the one that has to do it all, be pregnant with another one at home, the night time feedings and still function for the other one.... all that good stuff. Adding one more is, WOW, different and only you are the one that will know if you are ready. I had a similar situation in that everyone kept asking if we were done since we had our boy and then our girl... perfect little family -- blah! I want more kids but for a little while it's like I felt like we should be done because that is what people kept saying. My husband and I prayed about it and we really feel we want more... not yet of course but eventually. I will also admit that I am 30 and my second is only 14 months and my son just turned four yesterday. I love both of them like crazy but I am not gonna lie.... things get a little crazy.

There are advantages and disadvantages to both having kids close together and far apart. One really isn't any better than the other. So, with a baby on your hands, how do YOU feel about another child right now? Can your finances handle it? Are you both excited to be parents again so soon? If so, go for it. If not, wait. We want our kids to be friends when they are older, but we can't guarantee that it will happen just because of the number of years between. My husband has 2 brothers, one almost 3 yrs older, and the other 3 yrs younger, and he is friends with one and not the other; same age difference. My mom is very close to her younger sister who is 9 years younger. You just never know--when you're adults, so much of it is based on personality.

So--do what is right for YOU now. Do what you personally think will make you the better parent in the end. Some people really want all the baby stuff in their past pretty quickly. Some want to spread it out because of finances or energy.

Me and my husband are both 21 and we have a 2 yr old and an 8 month old. It is kinda hard to have them so close, a lot of work. I never realized.
I wish I would have waited at least a little.
As far as having the kids closer together so they "get along" I have four brothers 2 are very close to my age and 2 are not. I didn't get along with ANY of them, except the one that is 4 yrs older than me. so if we have another one I'm aiming for four years from now.
hope this helps.

I think closer is better.. My sister waited 5 years between her children.. and it took till they were adults for them to really bond.. Even though her daughter was asking for her mommy to have a baby.... baby brother didn't turn out to be all that much fun.. and my sister said she felt like a referee a lot of the time.

I was 4 years older than my sister and it was a gap that kept us from being as close as my younger sisters were who were 2 1/2 years apart.

I didn't start my family till I was almost 32.. Had my first two a "planned" two and a half years apart...then my third surprise was just about 22 months apart.......

J.

Hi M.. I have three boys. The first two are 3 1/2 years apart. IT seems to work very well. They are 15 and 12 now. THey are still close enough to do things together but far enough apart where they can still do there own thing. They won't be in classes together but the older one can share his experiences with his younger brother when the need arise. They have there own set of friends. IT has worked well. My youngest( now 5) is 10 yrs difference with my older one and 6 1/2 years difference with my second son. I wanted them all closer together, but God had other plans. HE called one baby home with him between my second and last one. I thoguht two years would be great, i tried to have it that way, but i guess it just wasn't meant to be that way. BUT now that they are farther apart I like it much better. YOu need to have a second one when you and your husband feel it is the right time. Your gut will tell you when that is, not your friends or family. Well, hope my experiences have helped you.

Hi,

I have 2 kids that are 19 months apart ( boy 8 and girl 7)
and it's like having twins. they arge all the time but they are very close. My daughter thinks the "boss" of her brother and he hates it. I don't know is it is because of the age being so close or the boy- girl thing. It all has it good points and bad. I will say I wish I had waited about 2 or 3 years but not 5. hope this helps.

The fact that you said that the thought of having another baby was overwhelming makes me think you aren't ready to have another one. I have one year old twins and I love them both dearly, but having two is hard.

I had children late in life for other reasons. Both grandfathers were already passed away and grandma's were too old to play with them. I would make sure your financial situation is in order, you make time for yourself to do fun "adult" stuff so you do not regret missing your youth, and have a good routine for housework. Once you consider all those things, then consider the other stuff. No matter what age they are, your kids will have times when they don't want to be around each other and times when you look in and they are playing together! LOL I have a 16 yo and a 12 yo.

Pros-you are young, can be done with diapers/bottles/baby stuff in your house sooner, activities will be similar, can re-use items, you can enjoy later life with them,

Cons-you will be overwhelmed at times with just chores and not feel inclined to play, will have ortho expenses, clothes, college, etc at the same time.

You are already on the right step by getting advice from other parents-think about it and then put it in God's hands because He already knows the answer!

Hi M....what if you get pregnant with twins? Do you think you can handle all 3 babies? or more?

It is important also to think about your health. My doctor advice to wait 2 years so my body can fully recover and i had a perfect pregnancy and normal delivery (no C section). He told me that you can feel good and think that you are fine but that the consequences come in menopause such as weak bones, and other issues because you loose a lot of nutrients while pregant, then in delivery and when you breastfeed. At least he said you should wait 18 months to get pregnant with the second one for health reasons.

Do you own a house? Have you or your husband finished college? Does he have a good income? Are you ready financially? Are you in a good position to have another child? Were you ready for the first? If you aren't financially, emotionally ready, chances are your marraige will suffer and if your marraige fails, the kids pay, not to mention you. Set yourselves up so that you can take care of the baby you were already to young to have before you take on another so you don't end up saying "Oh well, we were too young to have a child (or two) and too young to get married" years later while your children suffered thru your divorce and single parenthood. Best of luck to you!

It really just depends on what you want. Would your family benefit from having another baby right now? Then why not go for it?
Also, keep in mind that the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.
My husband and I thought we wanted our kids really close together and then it took us over two years to conceive again.
Not that that will happen to you, just remember that God will give you a child when you guys are ready.
Do you feel at peace about adding more children to your family?
If at all possible, more children should happen when both of you are ready.
Who cares what others are saying! They don't to raise or pay for the buggers once they are born! haha :)

I have 2 with a 3rd on the way and I have a few years on you. My first two are almost exactly 3 years apart (by a week) and I LOVE the age difference. My firstborn was able to understand about the baby coming and see the 4D ultrasound and see the baby. And has been a big helper since #2 got here. NOW, I'm preggo with #3 and I'm scared to death because there will only be 20 months between #2 & #3. And #2 really has no idea even though we talk about the baby being in my tummy and I'm worried that there will be some issues. I have my fingers crossed, but I say wait until your son is at least 2 before you start trying, maybe you'll only have one in diapers.

Good luck however you choose!

Do not let other people tell you how to live your life. The monies in raising a child and the time and family take a lot out of us. This should be something that you and your husband want and will understand that for example 10 years down the road that child will be wanting lessons in some sport. Are you going to have the means to give that to them or are you going to be getting help from family for the simple things in life. Like bills. This is your's to decide on not theirs.

Hi M.,
I was 17 when my first son was born 10-92.My husband was 22.
I turn 18 in December.My 2nd son was born 5-95,My 3rd daugher born 10-2000 and then last my son born 6-08.I enjoy having all my kids far apart.I am 35 now and I had gotten fix.My husband I had decdied that four children is enough for us.When our kids our grown you want to be able to have time for yourself with you husband go on vaction,ect.You really should not have to listen to people telling you to have another kids.It is your and your husband idea of when you want the baby.It is also all in God plan.The lord is with us all time.Just pray and listen to the Lord.Don't listen to other only the man upstairs...

Becky

As you said, it is totally and completely your choice in the end. The most important thing you can do is make sure that is something that you and your husband want, and not something that anyone else has pressured you into. My two little boys are three years apart, as my brother and I were, and it is great. This first year has been a little crazy, but you get adjusted, and now they are starting to really play together and have a great time. But it is LOTS of work. So just make sure you are ready for all of that. To be honest, I would rather my kids have been a little closer in age. BUT, I knew it was not good timing for me and my husband to have another one any earlier than we did. Being a close-knit family will help make your children close as they grow up. I guess the bottom line is this: make sure you can ENJOY them. If you can have another one now and really enjoy them, do it. But if you don't think you're going to be able to really enjoy them, wait. Because they're only little once... and the time FLIES by. Hope this helps!! :-)