17 answers

Want's Anther Baby

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years now we both are 24.we have a 2yr old son together.and i have been wanting to have another baby but he does not want one yet. Every time i try and talk to him about having another baby he just joke's around about it or changes the subject am i being selfish or not .I don't know what to do anymore.PLEASE HELP ME

for the people who say we need to get married we both talked about that one and we both don't want to get married.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

He may be thinking of other comsiderstions. The cost of a another baby is big decision in this economy,his time. You are only 24..slow down.He has not committed to marriage either..could be a sign. You need to talk about the pros and cons.HTHIA

Not to sound rude, but I think marriage should come before more kids. If you boyfriend can;t commit to you through marriage, he's probably not ready for more kids.

More Answers

WOW YOU LADIES ARE AMAZING !!!!!! TRUELY RUDE !!!!

This nice young lady was asking a question about having more children with her significant other and most of you just jumped onto the band wagon about MARRIAGE!!! Are you freaking kidding me????? What does marriage have to do with being in a loving and committed relationship???? What do you have to say about Gays and Lesbians who can not get married??? Are they also not to have children because as most of you put " if you are not married then he/she has not made a lifetime commitment to you or the child" !!!!

Also to say that " he may not be a good dad to your child if he does not want another one." Good grief!!!!

Not "playing house here" married or not we all do and probable have done it and look again at the Gay and Lesbian sociaty they do it EVERYDAY !!!!

Who are any of you to JUDGE???? Do you come on here with your questions to be JUDGED???? Find another hobby... this site was made for mothers helping mothers... If you have judgemental thoughts keep it to yourself. Others do not have to live by your LIFE RULES.

2 moms found this helpful

Personally i can understand how you feel, but i think you should talk to him more about it. Maybe he's not sure if you are serious about this or maybe he's just simply not ready to add another baby to your family yet. I truly think if you let him know how serious you are about this and let him sit and think about it I'm sure he will agree with you. And about people saying you should be married first, take your time sweetheart do it when you are ready. I've been with my now husband for 12 years our 1st year anniversary will be next month. And we have 3 beautiful kids together ages 11, 8, and 3..I wish you the best and good luck with everything.

1 mom found this helpful

You have plenty of time. No need to do it all "now". When he says he doesn't want another just now, listen to him. A baby IS a serious matter and no person should have it forced or manipulated on them. Bring it up again in other year or so...if you are still pining for another baby. Enjoy your little one now!

I personally believe in 'choice'. So, the whole marriage thing is great, if that is what you choose, due to your circumstances. This isn't about marriage. Why? Because if you were married and he said he didn't want another baby at this time, the end would be the same.

1 mom found this helpful

T.,
You are very young. I am not sure that having another baby with a man that is not ready for another, would be the right thing to do for any of you. Hopefully your first baby was something you both committed to have and raise together. For me, marriage would have been the first step, but I'm sure you have your reasons for not taking that step yet.
I know of woman that think they can change a mans mind by doing things against their will and that will effect them for the rest of their lives, only to realize they were wrong.
I personally would not have another child with someone who is not committed to me. I would re-evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend. If you and he want the same things, that is great. You are both young and I don't see your need to rush the issue. But if you are wanting different things out of life, I would not make things more complicated.

To answer your question: I do think it would be very selfish of you to get pregnant without his consent, and that could be devastating to your relationship, and ultimately the children. I would back off for now and maybe in a few months, talk with him about it and your timing for what your future together holds.
Good luck!

This is a tough one. But all couples deal with having seasons where you want something at different times and that is one draw back of getting a long about everything. I think you still have some time to wait it out and be patient with him. Try to find out the real reasons why he is not open too it. Finacial ? Space in the home ? a lot of work ? what is the reason. I would speak from your heart and not make it a huge issue but more a longing you have. Share the joy of your 2year old and how it would be fun to have a sibling for him. My kids are 3 years and 8 months apart. You have a good year to work on this . But how you go about it may keep him more distant in the idea....so try changing your approach . Good luck you guys are still young....

Coming from a 36 year old mom, with 2 kids, who waited 10 yrs after getting married to have kids, you have time. You are very young and going from 1 child to 2 is a different ball game. I have 2 friends who have wanted to have 4-5 kids, their entire lives, because they love kids, and come from large families, after their 2nd, they are both done, even though they both have the same gender kids in their families. It is very challanging. Enjoy your life, because once the 2nd one comes, it is a long time, before you can "be alone" with your boyfriend or by yourself again.
:-) Good luck!

Do you guys have similar long term goals?

I agree with others that it needs to be a joint decision. Where are you all headed? It is a lot for a guy to consider having another child, because that puts a lot of responsibility for him to support, provide, etc (I see by your description that you are a SAHM). It is very natural for women to want more children (and for some men), but that does not mean it is an easy thing to do.

I know for my and my husband we talked and planned out things about our marriage while we were dating and most of our goals have been realized now. Of course there are somethings that change, but as a couple you take those as they come. If you don't already have goals together, it would be a good thing, especially for your two year old, to figure out where your family is headed.
Good luck!

My husband was the same way. Only difference was I wanted them to be four years apart, so I can enjoy each of them as babies + didn't want 2 in diapers. It took alot of convincing so my husband finaly agreed. Now my daughter will be 5 in Nov and our baby boy is 7 months. I have always wanted 3 kids, so I will be in the same boat as you in 4 more years. Maybe your boyfriend needs a few more years?

Since you are asking for advise Tia, I would advise you plan on getting married before another child. God's plan for us is more than we can imagine. Since He has created us, He knows what is best for us (sort of a parent/child relationship) and He has ordained marriage. Take care, S.

My husband and I have always had the policy that in major decisions (like having another child, a major purchase, a move etc.) the "no" wins.

You have to both be in agreement about such a life altering decision. A baby should be wanted and longed for by both parents.

Do not push your boyfriend to see things your way. He must come to want this on his own or he will soon resent you and being pushed into something he wasn't happy about, not a good way to lay the foundation for a family.

Incidently I have been on both sides of this...I am currently in the "no" department and do not want to have another child (pregnancy is too difficult for me) although my husband very much wants a 5th child.

Your key word here is "boyfriend" - not husband.

You cannot force this man to father another child with you. He's not your husband. There's not really any other way to say it. And if you do try to force this issue, he's going to leave you and your other child, because he can. He's not obligated to you in any way, other than he would have to help you support the child you already have together.

I'd just leave this one alone. If you two do eventually marry, then you can revisit this issue.

I'm sorry to hear that you both don't want to get married, but that's the only way. You cannot force your boyfriend to have a baby with you - he hasn't made a lifetime commitment to you or the child you have had together. If he decides he's had enough, he can certainly leave without any legal ramifications. Having children without the security, commitment and stability of marriage is irresponsible and immature - sorry to be blunt, but you're not just playing "house" here. You're talking about your boyfriend not willing to give the children his name and the very real possibility that you could end up a single mom one day. The child's needs are the most important right now, and bringing another child into the picture without marriage is selfish. Also be realistic - you and your boyfriend are 24! I don't know many 24 year-old men who are single that want to start families, unless they are married and that was the goal. You may tell me that he's different and he's committed, and I hope that's true, but without that marriage commitment, you don't have a leg to stand on.

Not to sound rude, but I think marriage should come before more kids. If you boyfriend can;t commit to you through marriage, he's probably not ready for more kids.

Honestly, it may be a blessing that he doesn't want another one yet. If the two of you have not made a marriage commitment to each other yet, then who knows if he'll be around to help raise all the children. I would suggest asking him why he doesn't want more kids and seriously looking into why you haven't been married yet. Truly, God did design marriage to be a place of binding commitment/covenant that is a safe place for kids to grow up without having a fear of losing a parent. Yes, divorces are easy to come by, but the pain and hurt lasts for years to follow. So, I encourage you to sit down and talk about long term plans - it doesn't make sense to have another child if you're not committed to each other for the long haul. I'll be praying for you, and let me know if you're interested in anything more that God has told us from the Bible - what He says REALLY helps to make marriage and family a manageable reality.

That sounds very difficult for you. If he does not want another, he may not be a good Dad to your children. Children need both of their parents - each parent gives something important to the child, so I would suggest finding another man that has your same interests and getting married or not having another child if you think this is the man for you.

He may be thinking of other comsiderstions. The cost of a another baby is big decision in this economy,his time. You are only 24..slow down.He has not committed to marriage either..could be a sign. You need to talk about the pros and cons.HTHIA

If he does not want another baby do not have one. A child is the most precious gift on the planet (I am sure you know, you're already a mom) and if your partner does not want another child he will not enjoy that gift the way it deserves to be enjoyed. Wait until he's ready.

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