July 17, 2009,
T.B. asks from Albuquerque, NM on July 15, 2009
Want's Anther Baby
My boyfriend and I have been together for four years now we both are 24.we have a 2yr old son together.and i have been wanting to have another baby but he does not want one yet. Every time i try and talk to him about having another baby he just joke's around about it or changes the subject am i being selfish or not .I don't know what to do anymore.PLEASE HELP ME
for the people who say we need to get married we both talked about that one and we both don't want to get married.
S.H. answers from Phoenix on July 16, 2009
N.S. answers from Tucson on July 16, 2009
Not to sound rude, but I think marriage should come before more kids. If you boyfriend can;t commit to you through marriage, he's probably not ready for more kids.
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S.D. answers from Santa Fe on July 16, 2009
WOW YOU LADIES ARE AMAZING !!!!!! TRUELY RUDE !!!!
This nice young lady was asking a question about having more children with her significant other and most of you just jumped onto the band wagon about MARRIAGE!!! Are you freaking kidding me????? What does marriage have to do with being in a loving and committed relationship???? What do you have to say about Gays and Lesbians who can not get married??? Are they also not to have children because as most of you put " if you are not married then he/she has not made a lifetime commitment to you or the child" !!!!
Also to say that " he may not be a good dad to your child if he does not want another one." Good grief!!!!
Not "playing house here" married or not we all do and probable have done it and look again at the Gay and Lesbian sociaty they do it EVERYDAY !!!!
Who are any of you to JUDGE???? Do you come on here with your questions to be JUDGED???? Find another hobby... this site was made for mothers helping mothers... If you have judgemental thoughts keep it to yourself. Others do not have to live by your LIFE RULES.
2 moms found this helpful
C.D. answers from Phoenix on July 17, 2009
Personally i can understand how you feel, but i think you should talk to him more about it. Maybe he's not sure if you are serious about this or maybe he's just simply not ready to add another baby to your family yet. I truly think if you let him know how serious you are about this and let him sit and think about it I'm sure he will agree with you. And about people saying you should be married first, take your time sweetheart do it when you are ready. I've been with my now husband for 12 years our 1st year anniversary will be next month. And we have 3 beautiful kids together ages 11, 8, and 3..I wish you the best and good luck with everything.
1 mom found this helpful
K.C. answers from San Diego on July 17, 2009
You have plenty of time. No need to do it all "now". When he says he doesn't want another just now, listen to him. A baby IS a serious matter and no person should have it forced or manipulated on them. Bring it up again in other year or so...if you are still pining for another baby. Enjoy your little one now!
I personally believe in 'choice'. So, the whole marriage thing is great, if that is what you choose, due to your circumstances. This isn't about marriage. Why? Because if you were married and he said he didn't want another baby at this time, the end would be the same.
1 mom found this helpful
M.L. answers from Phoenix on July 16, 2009
You are very young. I am not sure that having another baby with a man that is not ready for another, would be the right thing to do for any of you. Hopefully your first baby was something you both committed to have and raise together. For me, marriage would have been the first step, but I'm sure you have your reasons for not taking that step yet.
I know of woman that think they can change a mans mind by doing things against their will and that will effect them for the rest of their lives, only to realize they were wrong.
I personally would not have another child with someone who is not committed to me. I would re-evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend. If you and he want the same things, that is great. You are both young and I don't see your need to rush the issue. But if you are wanting different things out of life, I would not make things more complicated.
To answer your question: I do think it would be very selfish of you to get pregnant without his consent, and that could be devastating to your relationship, and ultimately the children. I would back off for now and maybe in a few months, talk with him about it and your timing for what your future together holds.
S.D. answers from Phoenix on July 15, 2009
This is a tough one. But all couples deal with having seasons where you want something at different times and that is one draw back of getting a long about everything. I think you still have some time to wait it out and be patient with him. Try to find out the real reasons why he is not open too it. Finacial ? Space in the home ? a lot of work ? what is the reason. I would speak from your heart and not make it a huge issue but more a longing you have. Share the joy of your 2year old and how it would be fun to have a sibling for him. My kids are 3 years and 8 months apart. You have a good year to work on this . But how you go about it may keep him more distant in the idea....so try changing your approach . Good luck you guys are still young....
L.H. answers from Phoenix on July 16, 2009
Coming from a 36 year old mom, with 2 kids, who waited 10 yrs after getting married to have kids, you have time. You are very young and going from 1 child to 2 is a different ball game. I have 2 friends who have wanted to have 4-5 kids, their entire lives, because they love kids, and come from large families, after their 2nd, they are both done, even though they both have the same gender kids in their families. It is very challanging. Enjoy your life, because once the 2nd one comes, it is a long time, before you can "be alone" with your boyfriend or by yourself again.
:-) Good luck!
K.P. answers from Phoenix on July 16, 2009
Do you guys have similar long term goals?
I agree with others that it needs to be a joint decision. Where are you all headed? It is a lot for a guy to consider having another child, because that puts a lot of responsibility for him to support, provide, etc (I see by your description that you are a SAHM). It is very natural for women to want more children (and for some men), but that does not mean it is an easy thing to do.
I know for my and my husband we talked and planned out things about our marriage while we were dating and most of our goals have been realized now. Of course there are somethings that change, but as a couple you take those as they come. If you don't already have goals together, it would be a good thing, especially for your two year old, to figure out where your family is headed.
T.F. answers from Albuquerque on July 15, 2009
My husband was the same way. Only difference was I wanted them to be four years apart, so I can enjoy each of them as babies + didn't want 2 in diapers. It took alot of convincing so my husband finaly agreed. Now my daughter will be 5 in Nov and our baby boy is 7 months. I have always wanted 3 kids, so I will be in the same boat as you in 4 more years. Maybe your boyfriend needs a few more years?