Visitation with Dad.

I say kudos to you for letting your ex spend the time with the kids and that you think he is a good dad. I agree with the other replies. Use this time as time for yourself. Do something you enjoy doing that you don't get time to do when the kids are home. And be thankful they have a dad who wants to be with them.

For what it's worth, I've been on all sides of the "fence". As the kid of divorced parents, as the mom and as the stepmom. It isn't easy either way around. All I can say is don't take the time away from their dad as long as he is a good dad and wants the time with them. I also say way to go for him!

My ex didn't want anything to do with my son, (he left when my son was 3 mos old) and that was pretty much it.
Also as a kid of divorced parents, my mom made things MISERABLE for my dad, so he didn't come around as much as he or I would have liked. It was hard. I loved spending time with my dad.
AND as a stepparent, we have my stepkids every Wednesday for 2 hours and every other weekend (only about 8 days a month). I say only because my hubby would LOVE to have them more but his ex won't let him and it kills him, but he calls them everyday that they aren't with us and he is only allowed to talk to each one for only 10 minutes (but when she calls our house she can talk to them as long as she feels).

I'd say you guys are doing good and the kids are getting pretty balanced time with both of you and that's the ideal situation with parents who are no longer together. And it is nice to see when it happens! Good for you!

Find a hobby to do for when they are gone, read, relax, spend time with friends, watch a movie, go to a movie or whatever it is that you like to do and just change the way you think of the time they are gone and enjoy it.

Just MHO - K.

Hi C.,
Visitation is a tough one. I will start by telling you my story. I was a single mom myself. The kid's father only took them one time in thier life. I divorced him when my daughter was 9months old, and she resents him so much. My son don't like to talk about him. My son just recently got married and never even invited his father. Now that they are adults the only time he contacts them is if he is going in for a surgery and might not make it out. Sad for them that they don't know him and that he choose to be this kind of father. As far as the visitation goes for you. You have to decide what is more important to your children. I would have loved to have the kids's father in thier life for them to know him and give up some of my time with them. 12 days a month is alot if it is all at once, If it broken up it might not be so hard. If you want to talk privately you can email me at ____@____.com
Good Luck
L.

I am a mom of three boys, and two are from a previous marriage. I would be counting my lucky stars if their dad took that much time with them or even attempted to see them half that much. My older boys see him once a year for 7 days. Not to mention he only calls once maybe twice a month and hardly returns their calls.
Being seperated from your kids may be hard on you but it is WONDERFUL for them to be able to have both of you in their lives. They are going to grow into such well rounded and adjusted children and love you more for the time they have with their dad. No matter how much as women we want to believe we can do it all, kids do need the love of their dad.
I am sorry if this seems to be not so nice, it isn't meant to be. Be thankful that he wants to spend time with them, and learn to do the things for you that you don't have time for when the kids are with you.

How is spending time with any parent bad? Be very thankful that you picked a man who loves his children and didn't just walk out on them once the relationship was over.Now to missing the children, make the time that your children are away time for yourself, read a book, go to the mall, heck clean out those closet, the point being use the time like mini vacations, instaed of looking at them as a bad thing and a lonley time, look at them as a break many a mother would love to have I know I would! Hope that helps, just change your thinking remember he gets 12 days and you get about 19 who is the real winner?

I know the feeling of missing your children when they go visit the other parent. However, that time with their father is very important to them.
Children need both parents in their lives. Support a loving relationship with their father and let them know that it is ok to love both homes and both parents equally.
Your children are very young and I know it is hard for you to be away from them, I went through the same thing. Just keep in mind how you are helping THEM become well adjusted and always love them more than you dislike your ex.
The hardest thing I ever did, but the BEST thing for my daughters was to learn to get along with my ex. My girls have thived knowing that mom and dad can be in the same room and they do not have to feel torn between us. Now that we get along great, it has only been good for the girls. Good luck to you, and really I agree, be thankful that he wants to be a part of their lives!

Hi C.,

I think it is wonderful that he wants to have the children that often. In the perfect world, both parents would raise their children, help them develop special talents that only that individual parent can recognize and nurture and spend quality time with them. If you feel that your ex is a good parent and cares for the children properly, I don't think the time they spend with him (and away from you) is a bad thing. Enjoy your alone time, relish in the fact that your children have TWO loving parents, and make the time you have with your children special.

I think there are many parents out there that wish they had your situation! Consider yourself a very lucky mom!

My daughter lives with me 9 months and goes to her father's for 3 months at a time. She is 7 and he lives in montana while I live in Idaho. Its really hard to be without her for 3 months so I can understand how you miss your children.

I think that if he is a good dad then you should count your lucky stars that he is with them that much. It is healthy for the kids to have thier father involved, and it is healthy for you both as parents too. I think that it is normal to miss your kids when they are gone, but it is also nice to have time to your self to enjoy. I don't think that most moms get that. Plus, if you try to change things, sometimes things can get bad pretty fast. Hope all works well for happy nad healty kids.
J.

My experience with my ex-husband and him not wanting anything to do with his children, I say if he wants time with them, that's awesome. Those kids are getting to see you both pretty much equally and all I can say to that is thank goodness he wants them. If he's a good dad, then good for your children that he wants to be a part of their life in such a big way. And I'm so proud of you too for being easy about that. It's hard for us moms to separate ourselves from our kids. It takes a lot to let go. But I believe you're both doing the right thing.

God bless you!!!

T.
http://tinamccomb.stayinhomeandlovinit.com

my son goes to his dads 12 days out of the month as well. I do not feel guilty as I give him quality time when he is with me and he needs to know that he is loved just as much by dad and that you are working together as a unit for what is best for him.
I hope this makes you feel better.
~~ang~~

Speaking as a stepmom, if your kids have a dad that wants to spend time with them and be involved, no amount is "too much". As long as there are no safety issues, and the visitation is scheduled -- meaning you're not taking advantage of him wanting to be with them, whenever it suits you -- then you have no reason to feel guilty....but it's normal because you're a mom! Do your best to work together when it comes to your kids. Having a good "working" relationship with your ex will make your family's life a lot easier in the long run!

If he's a good dad, I'd say this is pretty close to ideal in your situation -- the ideal being "happily married." When "happily married" isn't an option, happily co-parenting through joint custody/heavy-visitation is the best thing out there for a kid, in my opinion. Having both of their parents in their lives on a nearly equal basis is very important for your children. I know you miss them, but take advantage of the time away by personally recharging so you can be the best mom you can be when they are with you. Don't feel guilty -- feel blessed that you have an ex you consider a good parent.

Hi! I am also a single mom age 25. I have two boys, 4 & 7 that visit their dad every weekend. It's hard for me to be away from them as well, but I also know how important it is that they see their dad too. I would say that this is NOT too much time but that really depends on the quality of the time they're spending there. If you think they are getting well taken care of and they are happy, then they should spend as much time with him as possible. You should also enjoy your free time too without feeling guilty:) You might find that the break from them will make the time you spend with them even better, because you'll have time to do some "grown up" things while they are away. Remember to follow your gut! If your gut says they are happy, then you are doing the right thing!

I think that is between you and your husband. If he is a good dad then I don't see the problem. My husband and I were seperated for three years. I let him have the kids every weekend and sometimes he'd keep them until Monday night.

If the kids are happy and your husband is happy, then, why not. As for the quilt, that you'll have to work out for yourself. I wouldn't feel quilty. He should take part in raising them. You shouldn't have to do it all. It sounds like the situation is working for both of you and the kids. Good luck!!!