Very Terrible Two's

Hi S.- I am going through the same thing, so you have my sympathy!:) I agree with what one of the other ladies said- when my daughter starts the screaming, I just walk into the other room and tell her that we can talk once she calms down. If she really gets out of control, I send her to timeout and she will generally calm down pretty quickly. In terms of sharing, if Clare tries to take something from another child (and it's her toy) I'll take it away from her and tell her that no one can play with it if she can't share.

By the way, I recommend the Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers (Tracy Hogg). It's a quick read and really helpful.

You have to nip it in the bud now. I would not give her anything if she screamed. I'd tell her once that she needs to remember to use her words and that would be it. She would not get any of my attention. I would walk away or ignore her.

If she stops sharing, I would remove her to the naughty/time out chair. You might want to consider the naughty chair for nasty behavior. You need to introduce the rules when she is calm - like first thing in the morning.
"Today we have family rules we are all going to follow. We are going to share and ask nicely if we want something. If you don't follow the rules, you'll have to sit in the naughty chair." Then show her the chair - make sure it is in a boring corner... yada yada yada. Every single time she acts up, you need to put her there - same for her siblings. It WILL get worse before it gets better.

Be strong... we've all been there. I think my oldest may have spent 6 months learning to be good sitting on the naughty chair. He turned out just great!

Hi S.,

My 3 1/2 year old still does this. She also has a mild case of autism which makes things more interesting. What I have found works for her is when she throws that fit, I set her in a chair and tell her that she has to calm down before she gets anything. It's hard at first, but I've found that she'll calm down and then tell me what she wants. I've also used sign language with her which helps because sometimes can't express her needs very well and it has helped her to use her body to express her needs in a way we adults can understand. Hope this helps. Have fun.

don.t give into her easy an don.t give her unless she say.s wot she want.s otherwise she won.t talk she will just point an scream my little girl as just gone 2 an ther the same problam.s im aving she just scream.s for her own way i just walk out ov room till she stop.s then ask her wot she,want.s an she will say in her own word.s we will get ther though wiv a bit ov patience...

S.,

You really have your hands full. Your 2 year old is definitely trying to get more attention. When my daughter turned three, her family practitioner gave me the best advice. When she started speaking inappropriately (whining, yelling), I was to say "I can't hear you." It is a very hard thing to start saying, because you want to please your child, but you can't let them walk all over you. Fortunately, she is a sweet girl and caught on very quickly that whining, screaming and yelling got her nothing.

Sharing is very difficult to learn. Would you share your car with just anybody. And the playground rule is "if your hands are on the toy, it's yours. Once your hands are off, it's up for grabs." If your two year old is playing with something, try to be fair and make sure nobody, not even the baby, takes it from her. She is not going to understand that the baby can take stuff, but she can't. Of course, if she tries to hog all of the toys or gets belligerent, then time-out may be appropriate.

Hope this helps.

I have had three children, now in their 30's, well-adjusted, etc...They all went through this stage and lived. I did too. Just hang in there. Keep doing gentle re-directing and correcting. Don't look for "results" right away. Pray and ask God to give you extra patience. Now I am raising a grandchild who hasn't hit that magical 2's stage yet. Love, S.

My daughter is 12 now, but when she was 3 she went though this Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hide routine.
It was her babysitter that finally helped us through it.

Any time Darian would start her fit, we would walk out of the room, wait until she stop crying, came back in and tried again. It took time and patience, but eventually it worked. Once she realized she wasn't getting any attention with her outburst, she changed her reaction.

I am a 32 year old mother of one (a 12 year old daughter going though the hormonal changes). It's a hole new world! Good luck.
D. B.

I agree with all of the responses, there are a lot of valid points. "This too shall pass" is a mantra my husband and I use to calm us down when our girls (3 & 5) go through these stages. Thank goodness the 5 year old is all but out of the whining and crying for things. The only advice I have is to definitely nip it in the bud NOW. My sister gave me this advice with my oldest and I didn't listen. She said, sassiness is cute on a 2 year old but not on a 4 year old and she was SO right! Good luck and as with everything else, consistency is the best method of teaching!

Hi S.. My son is only four months, but everyone has been telling me that we MUST teach him sign language when he gets older. Now bear with me here....they say that children who learn sign language can communicate their needs easier than they can verbablize them and avoid throwing tantrums. Friends have told me that learning to sign can lessen the severity of the terrible two's. Go to www.signingtime.com to learn more about the series on public television. You can also buy DVDs and books. Good luck!

I just read a great book that explains a lot of 2-year old behavior, called Your Two Year Old: Terrible or Tender, by Louise Bates Ames. She explained that this is all par for the course, but did have a lot of good suggestions for dealing with it. I have already tried a few techniques and they worked, so i recommend getting this book from the library. It's quite short so you can read it quickly.

I have a 2 1/2 year old. She hit 2 and started the same fits. It turned out she has a speech delay and couldn't tell me. Now she does not get anything without using a word. If she doesn't know the word, she takes me to it. I tell her the word and she repeats it. Then she get what she wants. It takes alot of patience!