Unwonted Baby

It's her decision to make, and if she doesn't want to deal with all the difficulties of a pregnancy to have a baby she doesn't even want, then she is better off having an abortion.

12 moms found this helpful

The only advice you SHOULD give her, if at all, is that she is free to decide what is best for her. If she wants an abortion, find the nearest Planned Parenthood, and offer to drive her.

If she wants to have the baby, same thing - take her to pre-natal visits and do all you can for her.

It's not really your call to make as to whether she should have an abortion. As a friend, your role is to support her, not to tell her what to do.

Is it that difficult to figure out?

10 moms found this helpful

You can't tell her abortion is wrong that's your opinion or who's ever elses. Some people may not want to do adoption either because of fear that the child will find out and think that the mom didn't want him or her and be angry. In my personal experience I was in a verbally abusive relationship when I found out I was pregnant the first time. I ended up having an abortion, I don't appreciate those who are against to bash me or others who chose to do this. To be honest I will just say what's on my mind they can go to hell. I am a very strong believer in it's your choice, no one should tell you other wise and if they try I'd rip their heads off. Sorry if I am getting into this but I am sensitive on this subject. Good luck hun and I hope your friend does what she thinks is right and not what some other want or think is right.

10 moms found this helpful

don't give her advice at all.
give her support.
khairete
S.

10 moms found this helpful

It's none of your business. You just need to support any decision she makes. Any of her three options will be very difficult and she will need a friend to lean on. Be her support not her advise councilor. Good luck.

9 moms found this helpful

I know that Planned Parenthoods have counselors for free for this type of situation. They are totally unbiased and give every option available. That way your friend will get all the information needed, not feel judged, and will be able to make the choice that is right for her.

9 moms found this helpful

I am pro choice. The only thing you can do is be there for her. I concieved my daughter out of a one night stand, embarassing as it is, and told her father when i found out that i was pregnant and he did the same thing. I haven't heard from him since i told him at eight weeks and she is now nine weeks old!!!!! But i ended up finding the love of my life while i was pregnant and now i am engaged and super happy. It's a tough decision to make, but hers and hers alone (unfortunatley)

8 moms found this helpful

I think you should support your friend no matter what she decides. That's what friends do.

8 moms found this helpful

She should consider private adoption. There are families that will pay her medical expenses while she is pregnant. She can choose whether or not to continue to have contact.

Its a win/win situation.
She doesn't have to struggle with the life/death debate and a family gets the baby they've always wanted.

M.

7 moms found this helpful

With all due respect, it is not your decision to make. I would just listen, talk about all the options and help her get information she may want. Just be there for her and try to support her as she tries to make this decision. No matter what she chooses, it will be life changing. ((hugs))

7 moms found this helpful

Tell her that children are blessings and BRING blessings. Tell her that God has a master plan and that with his help she can raise this child. Abortion is wrong and unethical, explain to her what exactly happens. There's so many options out there, if she absolutely does not want to keep the child tell her to put him/her up for adoption because there is alot of loving couples who cannot have families and would love a baby of their own. I will be praying for your friend. God Bless.

7 moms found this helpful

If she really doesn't want the baby, try to lean her towards adoption instead of abortion.

7 moms found this helpful

It is a life....If your friend does not want the child, many people would welcome the new life. She may have had a dream of the three of them becoming a family. Since that ship has sailed, your friend needs to take care of herself and the child that is growing inside. If she choses the life inside, please ask her to consider the most precious gift that she has had thus far.

Make sure your friend has all the help she needs. Another poster was correct in saying: "in the end it is her choice". To me, her condition I hope she chooses the life she is carrying and if she truly does not want the child, there are good families who are ready, responsible and willing to give a baby the right to live.

Please keep us posted....Blessings.

6 moms found this helpful

I agree that she needs to speak with a counselor. I don't agree that you should stear her away from a choice she has the legal right to make. I don't think abortion is the answer to any situation, but I don't have the right to push my opinion on anyone. I have known people who have had abortions, used adoption and have kept the baby...in all cases I was her friend and confidant...nothing more nothing less.

She needs a friend and a true friend listens and doesn't talk.

6 moms found this helpful

Encouraging her to have the baby is the best solution. There are so many people who would love to have a baby and can't and would do anything to be able to adopt. My cousin went through wanting a baby and not being able to. She started looking into private adoption and someone found her website and contacted her. They are now the proudest parents of a little girl. It was their miracle. I am so happy they get to experience parenthood even if she is not their flesh and blood she will be loved as if she was!!

5 moms found this helpful

It is her choice. All you can do is support her in whatever she chooses to do.

5 moms found this helpful

what a sad situation. it's so sad to me that this guy wasn't smart enough to figure out that "not ready to be a father = use protection". at least he's gone now.

i am 99.9% pro life however i don't think it's anyone else's business, either. i'm wierd like that. i may have my opinions but in the end it's her life and all you really can do is support her through this. do you have kids? it might help her to be around yours (although bad experiences with kids may be what led to her feeling that she doesn't want to do this, so tread carefully there). other than that i would say zip it and give her a hug now and then.

so sad. there's no easy way for her to get through this. i sure wish she wouldn't get an abortion. i don't believe anyone would by "choice", if they knew what a wonderful blessing motherhood is. of course it's hard, it always is, but it's ALWAYS worth it. good luck, you have a difficult role in this.

5 moms found this helpful

Please tell her to seek advice from a counselor, clergyperson or other trusted person about all of her options. Does she believe in God? Tell her to pray on it. If she doesn't believe in God, tell her to pray anyway. He will give her signs that will lead to the correct decision for her. Urge her to seek advice about adoption if she absolutely does not want to keep the baby. Abortion is NOT the answer. It is just another bad decision and she will feel awful physically and emotionally afterward. Especially if she was happy when she first found out she was pregnant. I fear she would intensely regret her decision if she chose abortion. It may be the hardest decision of her life, but like others have said there are SO many people out there that would love a child that are unable to conceive. If she chose to put the child up for adoption, she would be doing such a wonderful, selfless act for the child and the adoptive family. Good luck and I commend you for helping your friend in this tough situation.
A.

5 moms found this helpful

Oh, that's a tough one. I once had a friend that was going to have an abortion, and I tried to talk her out of it, but it didn't work. I only found out about it the night before, and she'd already had it scheduled.

How determined does she seem? I'd try to gently encourage her to consider adoption. There are so many good people out there who'd love to adopt her baby! She could even look into open adoption if she wants to be able to get updates on her baby and be able to send Birthday presents and things. She can also choose the parents herself and meet them. Who knows, she might get half way into the pregnancy and decide she wants to keep it. Even if she doesn't, adoption is a difficult, but loving choice :)

5 moms found this helpful

If she's asking you for advice, tell her you have never been in that situation. There are any number of choices she can make, from having the baby and adopting it out (there are many infertile couples who would be grateful to raise her child), to aborting the baby as early as possible. Her decision will depend on many things, from her health and general circumstances to her beliefs about abortion, but she's ultimately the one who will have to choose.

There are counseling services available. If you or she were to google "abortion counseling, Atlanta" everything from medical abortion to Christian pro-life services will come up. It's a starting point.

5 moms found this helpful

I had an anplanned/wanted pregnancy. I was about to go and abort the baby, but I just couldn't do it, I was sitting outside the clinic bawling my eyes out. I took that as a sign that it was something I really didn't want to do, but felt like I had to because of pressure from a member of my family, telling my parents about the baby, and how it would change my life.
Instead I decided I planned on placing my baby for adoption. So for 9 months I had it all planned out that I would place my son with an amazing couple that I had picked out. When It finally came time to sign the papers, I then couldn't do it too. I had seen my baby, smelled, and held him. It was an amazing thing. I couldn't give this amazing couple my son. So I then took him home instead. I've had my doubts since then, but those were momentary flashes. Every single day I look at my son smiling at me and wanting to be in my arms, and I just melt from his love. I am so glad I didn't do either, but you friend has choices. She needs to be aware of what they are. Does she really know what happens during an abortion? How long she will bleed for afterwards? In Ut you have to go to a informational meeting 24 hours before you actually do the abortion and it tells you all the side effects, how long you will bleed, the different ways to abort.
What I would i'd do if I were you, is ask how she really feels. If she was excited about it a few days ago, she must surely be feeling the pangs of heartbreak. It's not an easy thing to think about after you abort the baby. It's a painful memory knowing you just killed something. It hurts me so badly thinking that I NEARLY aborted my son. Let alone if I actually went through it. If you need, show her all of our replies and then let her make and EDUCATED descesion and not a emotional one. Then if she continues with the abortion, you will need to be by her side. She'll need a friend.

Oh and let her know that single motherhood isn't bad at all. I'm one, and I love it. As much as I would love to be married, I love being able to raise my son with out daddy drama. My ex left me in the dust too, he came back a month ago after he realized what he left behind. He's now proving to us that he is a good dad.

4 moms found this helpful

Tell her she has about a month to really do some soul searching. Being single thru pregnancy, child birth and child rearing is a very hard situation - but for some like myself it was well worth it. By 4 months along, the chemical form of abortion is no longer available and the surgical abortion is much more harsh on the body and mind...

If she is 25 or under without any college under her belt - she may seriously want to consider abortion or adoption.

If she considers keeping the baby... she needs to file for child support as soon as the baby is born, so I hope she knows his full name, address, employment company and social security. If not the social security, she may want to file earlier per her state's rules.

4 moms found this helpful

reading your question wasn't hard on me but reading the answers were. let her know that abortion is wrong....she would be killing a baby who didn't ask to be there. tell her to get some counseling and tell her to really look into an adoption. so many people would love to have a baby and can't...please don't let her harm herself or the baby by having an abortion!!!

4 moms found this helpful

I would just try to stress the toll abortion may take on here and encourage her not to do anything rash while she is so hurt by this guy. I have a friend who was in a similar situation. Her boyfriend got someone else pregnant while she was pregnant and she was so hurt and mad that she went out and had an abortion. The thing was she wasn't mad at the baby, just the guy and she made herself and the baby pay for his wrong doing. To this day she regrets it and has emotional issues around that decision. Now she has three kids and she still beats herself up about it bc she did it out of anger at that guy. If your friend wanted the baby to begin with, chances are deep inside she still does and she will be torn up if she aborts. I would just tell her as a friend that doing something permanent in an emotional moment is a bad decision and that I didn't want to see her regretting something later that she could never change and mostly I would pray for her and let her know that I would be there for her and her child. I wish your friend the best and I hope she doesn't go through with it, I hate to see the aftershocks in a situation like this and it is so unfair to the child. Good luck....

4 moms found this helpful

Encourage her to look into all of her options. It's her choice.

Sometimes blessings come in the most unexpected ways, at the most unexpected times. So sad that women can have their lives and decisions affected by scumbags like that...

3 moms found this helpful

She should speak to a counselor before making any decisions that will affect the rest of her life. Whatever her decision, it will change her life in some way and she deserves to be prepared for that by making an informed decision.

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You should encourage her to get some counseling. Do not tell her what to do. Or what your opinion is. She may or may not get back with the guy. She may or may not have an abortion. It really doesn't matter what you say it will be the wrong thing. Just be supportive of her and suggest that she go for some counseling of some sort. I thing putting the baby up for adoption is better than abortion but that is just my opinion I don't know her at all. But a counselor may suggest options she herself has not thought of.

3 moms found this helpful

Suggest that if she does not want to keep the baby that she put him or her up for adoption. There are so many couples out there that want babies that can't have them to throw away a life because it's inconvenient is horrible and should never be done.
Look up abortion and show her exactly what it is.
If someone isn't ready for a baby they shouldn't be having sex.

3 moms found this helpful

I have had friends who kept their child. I also have a friend who placed her son for adoption. I think that she's in a lot of emotional turmoil and needs to step back and think about everything because whatever decision she makes will have a big impact on her life. If she was only happy because she thought it would keep him around, then that's a different issue than the life of this child.

(My cousin is adopted and he has no anger toward his birth family. We feel lucky to have this funny, caring young man in our family. Not every adoptee is angry about it. And my friend who placed her son? She says for many reasons it was the right thing and now another couple has the chance to be a family. Her son is 10. I'm not saying it's an easy choice, but it can be a good choice.)

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You're a good friend. Your friend is probably angry, sad, afraid and confused - who wouldn't be? I understand that she may not want to be a MOTHER right now but there is someone who does. I personally have a friend who is looking to adopt a baby. She actually owns and runs a wonderful preschool/daycare center and any baby would be lucky to have her as a mother and her husband is wonderful. Please, please tell your friend that there are so many people who would love to raise her baby. Planned Parenthood is an organization that is primarly run on $$ they receive for performing abortions. They will most likely try to talk her into having one. They are not neutral and will not present all sides of the issue because they don't make any money when someone chooses something other than abortion. Get your friend some counseling somewhere else if she needs some. good luck and let us know what happens.

2 moms found this helpful

It is a sad situation to find yourself pregnant and the father wants nothing to do with you. You are all alone and wonder what to do as your friend is feeling right now. Yes there are a lot of hormones and chemicals flowing throughout her body and changes are going on. But here is the clencher, she is the one who must decide what she wants/needs/feels she must do.

All of the people on here that say don't have an abortion have never been put into that situation and the ones when asked what would you do before the situation occurs will/would/could change their thoughts. When your back is up against the wall and you have to figure out a way to deal with what has happened you may well choose to have an abortion, you may choose to place for adoption open/closed and you may choose to keep the child. No one knows until it happens to them what the answer will be.

The mother must also know her strenghts and weaknesses and what her education or income skill set is for having and raising a child. And again not every woman is "cut" out to be a mother. That's another story for another day and another soapbox.

Be the friend who listens and keeps your personal thoughts to yourself. Hold her hand, give her a hug and take her out to a lunch. But just be there as a sounding board so that she can figure out what she needs to do and don't judge her for her decision. She is beating herself up pretty good without any help. As that saying goes, "I can do bad all by myself," so she doesn't need any more stress.

My thoughts, prayers and love go to both of you.

The other S.

PS The father has made is comments known. I sure as hell would not have him on my future Christmas card lists. In fact I would find a way to leave the area if possible so that his path would not cross mine. Life is what you make out of it.

2 moms found this helpful

It's not really advice but more food for thought. Tell her everything happens for a reason and that maybe the 'reason' God blessed her with a child was so that she could bless SOMEONE ELSE with that child.

I do not agree with abortion and I cannot support someone who makes that decision. That's just me. But in the end, it's to each their own. I saw a bumper sticker the other day and without trying to start a debate with all the great momma's out there, it said, "It's funny how all the people that are for abortion were born." So true.

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I still struggle with this question. Here is what my head says:Get educated on adoption. Get educated on abortion. Get educated on raising a family. Then make the decision. You can't make this decision for your friend, but you can make sure she is educated all the way around and that she has the ability to make an educated choice. It is her decision that only she can make, but she needs to be able to live with that decision the rest of her life.
Here is what my heart says: I have had 4 miscarriages and I feel that every baby is a blessing and that there is someone out there that could give that baby a wonderful life if she feels that she is not capable of it. Three of my cousins are adopted and I can't imagine my life without them, adoption is not bad. It doesn't have to be that the parent(s) didn't want them, but that they needed to give them a better chance than they were able to. To me adoption can be show of love of others and abortion is a show of love of self. There is exceptions to both of these as I don't think things are always black and white. No matter what your friend does you need to just be her friend and support her decision and don't push her one way or the other.

2 moms found this helpful

Support her decision and help her find an unbiased counselor, which will more than llikely not be someone from the church or a crisis pregnancy center. It's easy to say just have the baby and put it up for adoption, but how is she supposed to get through the 9 months until the baby is born if she doesn't want to have the baby. Abortion is sometimes the answer. It's her decision and even if you did have an unwanted pregnancy, it wouldn't be her exact experience so you still might not be able to relate. What is right for one person may not be right for someone else. She needs to make the decision that is best for her life with the love and support of her family and friends.

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D.,

Your friend should speak to a counselor-- pregnancy counseling center to talk about what she wants. Just because the guy dumped her, doesn't mean she can't have the baby or that he won't have to pay child support. If he didn't want a child, he should have worn a rubber!As her friend, you will be most helpful to her if you listen---if she wants your advice, she will let you know.

M

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You should just offer her your shoulder and your support no matter what she chooses. That's a choice that can ONLY be made by her, and trying to influence her one way or the other is wrong and could ultimately lead to her really resenting you -or worse. Let her know you're there for her no matter what.

2 moms found this helpful

I would suggest to your freind to wait out the pregnancy and look at it as an experience to bring a god given gift to the world, once the baby gets here if she still has strong feelings against the baby or raising a child at this point in her life - ask her to provide someone else the beautiful gift of a child through adoption.
I was a teen parent at 16-17 years of age, caught up in the moment and the fear that went along with finding out I was pregnant at that stage of my life and even with the support of the babies daddy I had thoughts of abortion. I realized much later that the thoughts had been out of fear rather than neccesity or any other reasons.
I agree things happen for a reason, and no matter what your friend decides this will make her the person she will become no matter the choice...another way is to ask herself what she thinks of others in the same situation.. what advice would she give someone in her shoes? Maybe she isn't thinking coherently right now and can't give an honest answer... But as her freind make sure she knows you support and love her no matter what decision she makes and that you will stand by her as a freind whether you agree or not with the decision she does make. That is a true friend...
M. (by the way I ended up having twins at age 17, married, and divorced a year and a half later...but wouldn't swap anything for the two grown 29 year olds now! and two granddaughters to boot!)

1 mom found this helpful

I am so sorry to hear about the situation your friend is in. That is why God set up the best way to have children. Get married and then have children. Otherwise there is so much pain involved emotionally. My brother and his girlfriend got pregnant at 17 years old. They obviously had no business being parents. We would have done whatever we could to help but the baby's mother chose to give her up for adoption. We were SO happy with that decision because that precious baby is now being raised by 2 loving parents who truly want her and have the ability to give her everything she needs. We look so forward to meeting her in the future when she is of age to be found or to go looking for her biological parents. I pray that your friend chooses adoption because that would most likely be in the best interest of everyone and then maybe she could find a great guy to be her husband in the future with which she could have babies and have a really happy life! :)