Feeling That I Made a Mistake That I Got Pregnant.

I am pretty shocked by your seemingly cavalier attitude about aborting your child. It's not like you dyed your hair an odd color and are now having regrets because you get funny looks from people at the grocery store. You have a human being growing inside of you! Who the heck cares if you have 3 kids and most people you know have 2 or less? Why did other people get to determine how many kids was acceptable for you? I didn't enjoy either of my pregnancies, and I was disappointed when we found out that we were having a 2nd boy, but how dare I ever punish the baby because he was not what I was HOPING to have? I am sorry, I have never been this rude or blunt to other mamas on this message board, even when they propose the idea of abortion, because most of the other mothers have much more problematic circumstances when they are considering an abortion--like severe marital, health, or financial problems--not just because they don't think that they'll enjoy the baby.

PLEASE do not have an abortion! If you no longer wish to raise a baby, contact an adoption agency, as I can assure you that there are thousands of couples around the US who would love to give your baby a home!

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You have to do what is right for you. Go to your local planned parenthood and talk with one of their counselors, they are experienced with these very types of questions and can help you weigh the pros and cons of what ever you choose. You already know that you have a wonderful Hubby and Mother who are there to support you through what ever you choose. I wish I could tell you that this or that is the right answer, but I do not know what is the right one for you. I am sorry you have had to be subjected to some of these judgmental responses, they have no right, it is your body, your choice, and only you will have to live with the outcome, whether it is dealing with the abortion or raising another child.

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Sweetheart, you sound so overwhelmed and depressed. My heart goes out to you. I have never had an abortion, but considering how many families are out there trying to conceive, I would seriously consider putting the child up for adoption if you feel you can't handle another child.

Just to understand more, and you can reply to me directly if you wish, why do you feel that you will be inferior with 3 kids? Why is the thought of having another boy so traumatic for you?

I would speak to your OB/Gyn about depression because you sound very overwhelmed. They can hopefully help you find a therapist to deal with what's going on in your heart and mind, and possibly get you in touch with an adoption agency that can help you deal with your special circumstances of having older siblings.

Abortion is a huge, life changing decision - I don't think anyone benefits. Adoption is a huge, life changing decision, but it is a giving of love that will change lives forever in a beautiful way. Hold on, get help, and take care.

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K.,
I'm sorry so many have pushed their christian & antiabortion views without even knowing you. I am both a christian and believe in pro choice.

With that said... I had very heavy depression with my son. I wondered what was wrong with me. I finally talked to my Dr and asked for a test of my hormone & vitamin levels. I wasn't registering any vit D! It has made a huge difference in my life without drugs or counsiling. It sounds like you have a great support system, use it to talk openly.

Mindy

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Inferior for having 3 kids? How's that?
If you have an abortion, and you DON'T feel good about it, you can't go back.
If you have the baby and decide to keep it or give it up for adoption, and don't feel good about it. There are still options.

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When I was 28 I found out I was pregnant for the first time. I was not happy. I had so many other health concerns going on at the same time that had not yet been diagnosed. I went through my whole pregnancy down and not even excited. After my pregnancy I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue syndrome, depression, anxiety and PTSD. Even though I am in pain 24/7 and always tired my son is my everything!!!! He is the reason I am still here. I may not be able to have any more kids so I am so happy GOD blessed me with my son when he did.

If you really can't care for this child, please consider adoption. There are soooo many parents that can't have kids that would love yours. I may have to consider adoption in the future.

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I am concerned about you. You sound very overwhelmed. I do really encourage you to speak with a professional that can help you be at peace with whatever decision you make.

There are many options and whatever you decide you will always carry with you. Nobody else can judge or push you. You must follow your heart.

When we are overwhelmed it is hard to find the energy to have a clear mind and vision. You need to seek assistance with this. Please start in the morning finding a professional that can help you find your energy and clarity.

I am sending you strength and peace.

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I want to share my story. I was an unplanned pregancy for my parents, I was 5 years younger that my sisters who were twins and 9 years younger than my brother. My parents were dirt poor and already had 3 children to take care of. They chose to keep me and we have a great family.

Fast forward 20 years. I had a child at 21 and she was concieved through a forced encounter. Everyone said that in my case, abortion was ok. I chose to carry her to term and gave her to a loving couple who were unable to have children. It wasn't easy but I am at peace because I gave the gift of life not only to her but to her parents.

Fast forward 10 years, I am married and have been blessed with 1 child, a son, who is the light of our lives. For 2 years we have been trying to get pregnant. What I wouldn't give for the gift of another little life even if it was another boy.

I told you all of this because you do have options. Abortion isn't your only option. This child could bring joy to your family forever. Adoption is an amazing gift and you as the biological parent can survive it and be at peace with your choice. Most women are never at peace after abortion.

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Please really think about it. This decision will affect the rest of your life. I have friends and relatives who have had abotions, which it haunts them now. They are depressed and feel guilty. Each year they wonder about the child. and what he/she would be doing now. Abortion seems like the easy way out, but believe me, it's not.

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Funny how all those who consider abortion or are pro-abortion, HAVE ALREADY BEEN BORN!!!!

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Please please before considering abortion consider giving it up for adoption. So many families want a baby so badly. You can explain to your children that you had the baby so that another family can be happy and have a child. I am saying prayers for you and your situation.

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Maby you should seek the advice of an adoption agency. There are so many people wanting a baby to love. I am an adoptive mother of 2 beautiful boys. I also have 2 daughters from birth.

You sound a bit depressed. Maby talking with your doctor about the feelings you are having may help, there are a lot of medicatons to help depression.

Please consider giving the little precious life inside you the chance to live!

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Ugh... I hear you. My first (and only so far) pregnancy was HORRIBLE. It seemed there was not a smell in existence that didn't make me physically sick. I was also depressed out of my mind 90% of the time. My hormones were a MESS.

But I have to tell you - I have the most amazing daughter and every single time we go out or are around other people, everyone oozes all over her because she is so amazingly well-behaved and sweet. She turns 2 in May. All I have ever had to do is put her in time out - I've never hit her as a way of discipline.

We were actually counseled by the hospital to abort her when I was pregnant, because I had a 13x greater chance of her having Down's Syndrome. She had a thickness in the back of the neck. We chose to not abort.

Honestly? I've never been so happy that I didn't do something in my life. She's WICKED smart. I mean, this girl's language skills are through the roof and she seems to have a book in her hands ALL the time.... and she is a social butterfly and sweet as can be.

So... all this to say that a horrible pregnancy is in no way a sign that your experience with this child will end up hellish as well. Obviously that doesn't mean your child will end up being an angel, it just means that a hard pregnancy in no way means you'll have a difficult child.

Keep in mind that your hormones ARE crazy right now. When my hubby and I first conceived, I didn't want to be pregnant. Thing is, up until that point, I had been wanting a child for a decade, and couldn't wait to have a baby, and just the week before, was complaining about how I would have to wait because of our financial state. So when your hormones are all over the place, you can hate being pregnant even if you TRIED to have the baby (as in my case).

Have you considered adoption? That way when your pregnancy is over, maybe you can make a more informed decision that you know isn't being hijacked by your hormones. I know that you're worried about being able to handle another child.... perhaps someone else who is desperate to adopt would want them?

I would highly recommend hitting a Birthright. They do not at all preach Christianity (unlike the Pregnancy Resource Centers) and they don't earn money from and encourage abortions (like Planned Parenthood). They have all kinds of resources to make your pregnancy and child-rearing experience easier. Or if you choose adoption, they have a lot of adoption resources as well. They have so many resources, they pulled out a big huge binder when I was there.

So... since it sounds like most of your fears are for after the pregnancy, I would highly recommend adoption. I would also highly recommend surrounding yourself with other mommies to support you in day-to-day life. It helps so much. And see if you can gently talk to your husband or mom about helping out more... it sounds like you might be feeling burnt out, and some help could certainly help with that. Perhaps one night a week, or a block of time on a Saturday when you can be alone and have some "mommy time"?

Alright... that's all I've got. I sincerely hope it helps.... I don't want you to make a decision with all these heightened hormones and then regret the decision of an abortion for the rest of your life.

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Dear K., I have been through the same thing you are experiencing, and trust me, it is very difficult. I have a beautiful 2 year old, and I have had an abortion as well, so I know both sides of the coin. It is important that you consider many things before doing something as drastic as abortion. You have to think what is best for YOU first ( I know it sounds selfish, but the better you feel with yourself, the better you are with others) If you are 100% completely sure you don't want another baby, then, think about abortion, but before you do, consider very carefully all the blessings and good things babies do bring to the table, if hardships outweigh the good then, in my very humble opinion, abortion is an option, having said that remember that abortion is a difficult thing to come to terms with. Most importantly talk to your husband, someone you trust completely or a professional about it, it is a difficult decision, but it is not one you need to make alone. I wish you the very best, I dont judge you and support your decision whatever it is. Good Luck.

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i am not sure any of us on here can help you, it sounds like you might need to talk to a professional. it is understandable to have some of these feelings but to me it sounds like you're having a LOT of very STRONG feelings of negativity about this baby, and that's not healthy for you or the baby. can you look at your children now and feel the love you have for them? can you imagine not loving another one? even if it is another boy? life is never what we plan for it. but it does sound like you are beyond dealing with this on your own. maybe you can talk to a pastor, or a counsellor. hang in there darlin. i don't know anyone who ever said "i wish i had had one less." you can get through this to the happiness.

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You made the decision to get pregnant, whether directly, or indirectly by not using protection. Please don't think of abortion as birth control. You created this tiny, innocent life. It was your decision. Don't end a life because you think you might have changed your mind. Look into adoption, or have faith that you'll love this child (boy or girl) as much as your other children.

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You could think about adoption?

Also, you may be depressed or just extremely overwhelmed, I suggest talking to a professional about this.

Good luck!

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How far along are you?
try and seek some counseling...
have you talked to your Hubby/the Dad?
I am not here to judge...
Do you think you are also depressed?
If so, see your Doctor... it could be the hormones.
Was this a planned pregnancy or not?

Think... and get counseling....
take care,
Susan

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It sounds like this decision is weighing very heavily on you. I think you should talk this out with your husband or your mom as they both seem to be supportive of you and have your best interest at heart. I think you should take the imput of this internet group with a grain of salt. We all come from different backgrounds and experiences and therefore have our own moral and ethical guidelines by which we live our lives. If you really feel that abortion is right for your family, don't let other people's ethicsburden you with guilt. If keeping this child or keeping the pregnancy and looking into adoption are the best options for your family, follow you heart on that one too. Remember that this is your body and your family that have to live with the decision, not some random women in an internet group. Only you will know what is best, so spend some time reflecting - journal it out, talk it out with someone who knows you well and loves you, pray about it if you are religious, meditate if you are into that - reflect on this in the way that is most effective from you and then make the choice that is best for you and your family. Only you know the answer here.

Best of wishes!!!!!!!!!!!

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You need to do what is right for you. As someone below you asked, Is this a Christian site? I have no idea and hadn't thought about that, but I can see you getting some pretty interesting responses. No one can tell you to get an abortion or not, but if you are miserable and the thought of 3 children is difficult to fathom, it is absolutely fine, and possibly a good idea for you to get an abortion, especially since you have the support of your family. Abortion is legal, safe, and every woman's right in this country. Some women and men (!) try to say you will regret it for the rest of your life, well, I know many women, educated and professional, who have never thought twice about or regretted their decision to get an abortion. Having children takes an enormous toll, especially on mothers. What it takes out of us, how it changes our lives completely, and how we give up so much of ourselves. Having children should not mean giving up yourself completely, like so many women have done for centuries. If you feel like you are done having your family, then you you should move forward with confidence and pride knowing you are doing the right thing for yourself as a woman.

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Hi K.,
I had a very similar situtation when I found out I was pregnant with a 3rd child too. My children are much closer in age (my middle child was 5 months old when I found out I was pregnant, my oldest was 4 years), and I was freaking out with the overwhelming thought of having more kids than I thought I could handle. All my life I knew I wanted 2 children, and no more. So, I too toyed with the thought of an abortion for many personal reasons (financial, marital, etc.), but I will tell you that I'm absolutely relieved I didn't choose to abort. And, really, three kids is not bad. I think you'll actually be surprised how easy it is to fit this sweet lil' thing into your life, especially that you have older children to help (and only one in diapers...phew)! And the age gap isn't bad either, 6 & 8 years is pretty healthy in my personal opinion. Your kids will be old enough to understand and it would be really neat for your kids to have the chance to experience your pregnancy with you...and a new baby in the house. I would recommend talking to a counselor or other mom's with 3+ kids so you can make a clear and strong decision. You are not wrong for thinking about an abortion, but, you need to feel strongly about making that choice or you will regret it. (FYI...I'm only speaking from experience on the abortion thing...I had an abortion when I was 17 years old from failed birth control methods and had many counseling sessions before and after that decision.)
Good luck and I hope that things go well for you and your family...

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It sounds like to me hon, you need to talk with a counselor about your fears and indecision. It could be depression and talking to your doctor might help diagnose the situation. As for an abortion, it is your body and what you do with it is up to you. Just from having friends that have gone through it, it's a VERY hard decision to make, but it's a decision that only you can make. Have you thought about carrying the pregnancy through and possibly giving the child up for adoption? Just a thought. :D Hon, if I could give ya a hug, I would. I hope you feel better soon.

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Ok... Turn off your phones, the TV, radio, anything that makes any kind of noise or is distracting, for about an hour. Now, just sit there and watch your two boys do whatever it is they are doing. Sit quietly, don't talk to anyone, just watch them. Think about how much you love them, all the joy they have brought you. Think only happy thoughts for right now. Now, I want you to think...what if you were scared, unhappy, etc, when you pregnant w/ your boys and decided to have an abortion. Think how much of this joy you just sat and watched for an hour, you would be missing out on. The same is true with this new baby. Try to imagine the happiness you will miss out on if you choose to end his/her life. He/she deserves a chance to be happy.

Once we become pregnant, we are no longer responsible for just our bodies, but a new life. It is no longer our body to do what we want to with it. You are in my prayers and thoughts!!

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My advice is to picture yourself 3 or 4
years from now. ifyou choose to abort I can almost guarantee that you will regret it.there is not a day that's goes by where I don't think about my mistake of getting an abortion. You will love that baby. He/she deserves a chance.

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My kids were 10 years apart and although I didn't plan it that way, I wouldn't have changed a thing. It worked out perfectly for us. My new baby brought so much energy and fun to our home.

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During my second pregnancy I felt the same way about being pregnant. I choose to get pregnant and then I was sad about it. The good news is that it did not last the entire pregnancy. As my son started to move around, I started to feel excited and happy. I believe that it is all hormones. I believe that it will pass. However, if you choose to get an abortion, depression from that may not pass. Look up the statistics of depression with abortion. Once you have that baby in your arms whether it be a boy or a girl, you will never regret it.
Meanwhile, find someone that you can talk to about your feelings. Maybe even find a therapist for awhile so that you do not become to sad.

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I have 3 children. I NEVER thought of abortion regardless of my circumstances. I have 2 girls ages 16 and 9, and my son who is 2. My children are all spaced out 6-7 years apart. By the time i had another, one was in school. Now, when i found out i was pregnant with my son i was going through some issues in my marriage and emotional issues of my own because of it. I filed for a divorce when i was 3 months along. So i was very depressed, sad, hurt etc..etc.. Many feelings running through my mind. I did not have a very happy pregnancy although i was EXTREMELY excited about having another child (whether it was a boy or girl). As long as my child was healthy, is all i cared about. Ecspecially since i was going through so much at the time. I had an ultrasound and found out he was a boy, but even if they would have told me he was going to be a girl, i still would have been excited but of course a little disappointed as i did want a boy!! But GOD gives you what you are suppose to have. Your children are CHOSEN for you for a reason. I would say that you need to see a professional. You could be having these feelings due to stress in your relationship with the father (if there is a relationship or not). Your hormones, fear of the unknown, nervous about how you are going to handle 3 instead of 2. It could be a number of things. But thinking about aborting a child that you created "just because" is the most selfish thing. I dont want to put you down or criticize but say you need to seek some professional help. Good luck

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Dearest K.,
I feel so horrible for you that you are having such a hard time. You have already recieved a ton of great advice on here. I'm probably repeating alot of what's been said, but I feel I need to say it anyway. 1) your hormones are raging right now, and like one poster said, you may indeed be lacking in vitamins or something. Talk to your OB/GYN. They can run tests and if that is inconclusive, then they can refer you to counseling. 2) I want to gently remind you that you made a descision to become pregnant, so if you decide to not keep this baby, PLEASE PLEASE consider adoption over aborting. I shudder to think of the regret you will feel if you do that. Ending this baby's life is forever. There is not turning back. Giving him or her up for adoption to a loving home is a gift to everyone involved. My mother had an abortion when she was younger and always, always regretted it. Pretty much every woman I have known that had one regretted it tremendously. I do firmly believe that is it a woman's right to choose, but more often then not, I hope they choose life.
Please get yourself checked for vitamin deficencies, get counseling if needed and if you still feel it's not right to keep the baby, please find a loving home for him or her.
Best wishes to you and your family, and you were right to reach out here. I hope we have all helped you.
Blessings,
A.

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Only you can decide what is best, but I would strongly consider your husbands true feelings before you go ahead with an abortion...i'm sure you're going to catch alot of s**t for even mentioning the "A" word, but the fact is, it is an option or you wouldn't have asked us what we think. Sit back and imagine that you REALLY aborted this baby...do you feel relieved, or sick to your stomach? I would also advise that whether you go through with this pregnancy or not, you take measures (ie-have your tubes tied) to make sure it NEVER happens again. IMO, abortion is an option but it is NOT birth control!

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You may be experiancing some pregnancy depression. I was really depressed for about the first half of my current pregnancy, #4. I questioned whether or not we made the right chioce getting pregnant again and we wanted another. The 2nd half has been alot better!!
Hang in there. As a mother you already know that as soon as you see that little baby you love it more than anything!!
K.

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There are other options to abortion. If you don't think you can handle another child, consider adoption. Things can always change between now and when you have the baby, but an abortion is so final. You can't undo it. And the scars it leaves are permanent, too.

If you are a Christian, I would encourage you to go to http://www.reviveourhearts.com and search for the topic of abortion. There are stories of those who have done it--even those who believed it was fine, and how it affected them. Even if you're not a Christian, you still might learn something.

I am sure you won't regret having the baby, in the long run. But if you abort, you will always regret it. That baby's heart has started beating (most have by the time we realize we're pg), and abortion stops that heartbeat. You don't want to have that on your conscience!

And if you're a Christian, pray really hard that it's a girl. :)

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Wow - what a difficult place for you to be in right now. My heart goes out to you and for your courage to post your question here. As so many others have said it may or may not be gestational depression that may or may not go away. I do think that talking to a professional first to help sort out what is really going on - true feelings vs hormones/depression is an excellent idea. However, once that is done know that the decision is yours to make and once that decision is made - which ever way you decide to go - will be the right decision for you. Indecision is the hardest place to be. Try to get out of your head and all the "what if's" associated with both decisions. Listen to your heart and gut. If you decide to abort does not mean you will regret it and/or have depression about it for years to come. I had an abortion many years ago (before children) and have never regretted that decision. Sure I think about what child might have been but never regret the decision. It was not the right time to have a child and it would have been a difficult life for both me and the child - so was right for me at the time. So, talk to a professional, dig deep down into your gut and make the decision that is right for you and your family and that child. Good luck.
T.

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An abortion wouldn't solve the problem. You would still miss the baby you could have had.
Chalk it up to hormones or the fear that life is about to change, but I am sure you will come to love your child. 6 & 8 yrs is a large span and things will be different with this child. Accept the unique situation and unique child God has given you.
I'm glad you've talked to some family and feel you have their support. continue to talk but maybe you need to talk with someone outside the situation...dr, therapist, pastor. Also think of the good things of having another child (boy or girl), not just the work it will be.

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Dear K., you sound so overwhelmed and depressed. Since you are considering abortion I am assuming you are in your 1st trimester. Maybe you are not feeling good physically and it is manifesting itself as not wanting another baby. It also sounds like originally it was planned not an "accident". So at some point you were happy about possibly being pregnant. Maybe finances are tight or something is making you rethink your decision. If you knew the baby would be a girl, would you abort? seems to me you might feel out numbered and that your boys being boys have just exhausted you.They have the tendency to do that(lol). I say take a moment, breathe, talk to a professional just to get all your feelings out on the table. It is great that you have a supportive husband and mom but you have to make the decision for yourself, no one can do it for you.

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I truly believe that having an abortion would be a decision that you would regret for the rest of your life. If you feel overwhelmed and sad, I would go to my doctor as soon as possible and discuss the possibility that you may be suffering from depression. Pregnancy can be extremely tough, and there are medications that are safe during pregnancy, and your doctor can recommend a therapist as well. It is nice that your mom and husband are supportive, but they are not trained to help you make what may be the biggest choice of your life. You need someone to help you through this emotional time.

Remember, you CHOSE to get pregnant. I am not saying to make you feel guilty, but to remind you that you are in control, this is not something that "just happened" to you. If you truly do not think that you can live with another boy, or even another child, then I would recommend that you consider adoption. There are thousands of couples all over the nation that would love a baby, and knowing that you are giving another family joy may help you to stay positive during your pregnancy. As an adopted child myself, I am so grateful every day that my birth mother chose to give me a chance rather than to abort me. I think of my mom and dad, my husband and my four children, and I can't imagine what life would be like if we didn't have each other.

I know you are sad right now, but look into the eyes of your two children and ask yourself what you would do if you hadn't had them. I really believe that you need to think of other choices besides abortion. I don't know that as a mother you could ever forgive yourself. I think it sounds like a quick and easy way out right now, but you would pay a price forever. Good luck and please call your doctor right away. You really need some professional help with this really tough matter

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god doesnt make mistakes but i think you will really regret it if you abort. god never gives you more than you can handle. mine were 19 yrs apart it will be ok to have an age spread. most pregnant girls go through a depression its called hormones. if you dont want it at least adopt it. there are lots of people who cannot have kids and would be overjoyed to have one. like I said there are no mistakes. just gods perfect timing. the timing may be for someone who desperately wants and needs a baby to adopt this one.

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Just wanted to throw this in there... the pregnancy (good, bad, so-so) is not an indication of what your life with the baby will be like. BOTH of my pregnancies were so miserable that I spent the pregnancies hoping the days would speed by. Women who enjoyed their pregnancies made me sick! I didn't enjoy any of it... I was completely miserable. 24 hr a day, 9 1/2 months of nausea. I swelled. I gained weight. I tasted caffeine in anything I consumed that contained the tiniest bit (even chocolate of all things! ) I couldn't sleep. I had NO sex drive (too nauseous ALL the time). Restless leg- so sitting around was no option either.
But... I didn't get pregnant so I could BE pregnant. I got pregnant for the BABY. And at the end of the 9/10 months.. that's what we got.. a new member of our family. When we were ready for #2, I fully expected to be miserable all over again.. though I hoped and prayed that it would be different the 2nd time around. It wasn't. Was worse. But again... it was over when the baby was born. It is such a short time.. even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. I didn't enjoy any aspect of either of my pregnancies, eXCEPT for the knowledge that our home would be blessed with a little baby because of what I was enduring. THAT ALONE, made all the misery worth EVERY SINGLE second.
Try not to focus on how you are feeling right at this moment. So much of it is aggravated by hormones anyway. I always worried that I would "blame the baby" for how much misery I felt... but I never did. It just made me love them all that much more when they finally arrived!

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I agree with the previous posters that you may be depressed. I never suffered from post partum depression with either of my two kids, but I did suffer from mild depression while I was pregnant. The feelings you are having may be partially due to depression caused by your pregnancy. Hopefully, they will pass soon. Or you might want to see about getting therapy or taking antidepressant medication.

You don't say if you are married or in a relationship with the baby's father. You should probably discuss your feelings with him. Adoption is a great way to go if you don't feel that you can raise this child. If you decide to keep this child, keep in mind that your older children will be fully capable of helping with chores and they will probably be thrilled to have another sibling. Good luck to you. Hopefully, you have supportive family and friends to turn to for help.

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K.--
I was in a very similar situation. My older two children were 10 and 7, got remarried and got pregnant (planned). Very shortly thereafter, my husband got laid off and we started having all kinds of financial and marriage trouble. I was just not sure that bringing a baby into it was what I wanted. I spent most of my time crying. Then I found out it was a boy (I REALLY wanted a girl). But now he is the light of my life-- and I LOVE the age gap between them. It is sooo much easier-- the older kids love him and help care for him. And as my daughter is getting closer and closer to puberty, I'm appreciating my boys more and more! :-)
I hope you are able to really talk this over-- maybe with a counselor. It sounds like you are very depressed-- and I know how sad and lonely a place that is. Have you considered trying medication? There have been times in my life that anti-depressants have been a miracle!
You are in my thoughts!
Take care!

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I understand your feeling overwhelmed by this. We found out we were pregnant with our 3rd and it was totally unplanned and we are completely overwhelmed. Hopefully you will be able to find peace in the decision. Everyone tells me they wish they had one more and in some way that helps me think that we got pregnant for a reason. You are probably going to get blasted on here for talking about abortion. I will avoid that topic. If you are concerned about your child being close with their siblings- my younger brother is 8 years younger than me, and 13 years younger than my brother and we are all pretty close. Family is family and we love one another!

We have had a hard time staying pregnant and that leads to very different emotions in pregnancy- more fear of loss than the excitement of life! Today I had my doctor's appointment and heard the heartbeat at 10 weeks. It was an exciting moment but I am still overwhelmed. Hopefully, you come to appreciate the gift of life that has been given to you. I think of all the joy my little brother(the oops baby) brought to our family and I can't imagine life without him! Just imagine the joy and new dynamic your little one will bring to your world!

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I know you got so many opinions, but could help posting here anyway. From your writing, you seem depressed & this is probably from the hormones. Only you & those that know you will know if it is the hormones, but I would not make any life changing decisions that are not reversible until you know for sure. If after the birth, you don't feel better about your situation and you are sure you do not wish to parent your third child, you can opt for adoption. My daughter is adopted. I tried for 11 years. She is the light of my life. Ours is closed, meaning that the birth mom doesn't know our last name or where we live & vice versa, but we can send letters & pictures through the adoption agency & when my daughter is 18 then she will have access to her birth parent's information as that is what they chose. I know several people who have chosen abortion, only one stood firm that it was the best decision, the others regretted it & two required counceling afterwards.. It is a very personal decision and only you can decide. Before adoption was an option, my mom tried to abort me in different ways, with no success. We have always had a strained relationship as I feel that abortion was truly want she wanted and while I'm glad I'm here, I dislike feeling as though I was the cause of her unhappiness all those years. My childhood sucked and I truly wished she had of chosen adoption. Best of luck in your decision and sorry this isn't what you had hoped or wanted.

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You only mentioned aborting or keeping a baby you don't want have you thought about going baby up to a family that can't have kids and would desperately do anything to have that little boy you are thinking of discarding. You would be giving the greatest gift ever and the other family pays for your medical bills and fees. If u decide to go the route of abortion I would recommended going to an abortion survivors support group so you can learn first hand from people who have lived through abortions and had severe life changing regret years later.

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Have you considered that you may have gestational depression? You should talk with your OB/midwife and a good therapist -- even if you don't have depression -- to help sort out your fears.

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I've never been to therapy and I'm not one to recommend it to people, but this seems like a situation tailor-made for a session or two with a therapist. It sounds like you have a lot of emotions and thoughts swirling around in your head. I think talking it out with a person who has no emotional involvement in the situation might help you sort out what you really want to do. Since there is no going back on this decision, you need to be absolutely sure it's the right one.

Before you do anything rash, please do a little investiagation. If you feel this is a mistake, you may also feel it was a huge mistake afterwards. I have not gone through an abortion, but from what I understand, it damages a woman physcologically. Please find somes facts on how it can affect you. Maybe your doctor can have you talk to someone who had an abortion and how they coped with the feelings and if they even recovered that experience. Perhaps you can consider the other "A" word, adoption. Adoptions are so hard in this country only becuase the court system allows both parents an extensive amount of time to decide they do not want their offspring. If you and your partner decide you can't support a 3rd child (on all levels), then let someone experience the joy of partenthood.

As many have said, please consider talking to a counselor or your OB about this. They can help you. I talked to my OB about this when I was pregnant with my 3rd child as I was scared out of my mind with having a 3rd child.

I had 1 year old twins when I found I was pregnant again. I thought I would feel ecstatic about it considering we did IVF for the twins and this pregnancy was natural, but I wasn't. I was scared out of my mind and overwhelmed. I didn't know how we were going to do with a third child and especially ones so close in age. I cried for a long time about it. However, as the pregnancy progressed, I began to warm up to the idea and started to believe everything would be o.k. And when my son was born, I was so happy. Yes, it was hard. It is still hard with 3 under 3, but I wouldn't trade my son for anything. I couldn't imagine this world without him.

While I feel for you that you're aware you're not sure if you want a third child, it's hard for me to read that you know you won't like it if it's a third boy. Abortion is an instant fix but having that child, especially if it's a boy, could be a life of unhappiness for the child if you're already feeling that you're not wanting it. Hard decision. Need to do what's best for you.

It sounds like you're depressed. Your worries don't sound rational at all, especially the feeling of inferiority. You ought to talk to your doctor. Certainly you should not make a life-altering decision like abortion when you are so plainly under the influence of negative feelings.

Lots of people have three or more kids, kids that are widely spaced, or three boys. Your situation is completely normal. There's a family in my church with four boys. Those boys are a handful, but they're delightful too. My own brother and sister (yes, twins) are eight years younger than I am. He's the long awaited boy, and she's the third girl. My parents are in their fifties now, seeing the twins off to college, and we have a wonderful family.

Remember that pregnancy only lasts nine months, and when its done, you can forget all about every negative feeling you had. My pregnancy with my daughter was physically miserable, but once she was here, I forgot all about it. Your feelings right now are a product of your hormones. You have no idea how you will feel about this baby when he or she comes. Youngest children are often a mother's favorite.

Please do not consider abortion anymore. If, once this baby gets here, you honestly feel that you can't raise him or her with love, then arrange for an adoption, but give the baby a chance to get you to love him or her. Whether or not this child is what you hope for, this child is a wonderful bundle of joy and potential that will make someone very happy, but if you abort this baby, no one will ever get that chance. God can provide the love you're looking for. He did it for me when I was suffering from post-partum depression. If you adopt out this baby, you'll have the comfort of knowing that somewhere your baby is happy. If you abort this baby, there's only going to be a void where the baby could have been. There's no comfort in a void, at least not until you acknowledge that it could have been filled with a life and ask God to forgive.

Please, talk to your doctor, talk to a counselor (I would recommend finding a Christian one because I have the most confidence in their understanding of life), and give the baby a chance. If adoption sounds like an option you'd like to consider, adoption agencies are on the first pages of the yellow pages, and they don't charge the biological parents of the baby anything. The adopting parents pay all the fees.

I am going to pass your story on to some friends of mine who will join me in praying that your spirits lift and that things get easier for you and that God will show you a way out of this difficult situation.

God will help you soon. Love and prayer,
J.

Updated

An answer from a friend who went through something similar:

Please, don't dwell on how you are feeling now. Have faith that this little guy (girl or boy) is God's sweet creation, and instead think of the love you felt for the others as you held them in your arms after birth. YOU WILL FEEL THE SAME WAY, AND BE SO ETERNALLY GRATEFUL, AFTER THIS BABY IS BORN.
Everything you worried about in your letter was the same for me. I have SEVEN girls, the last was born 8 years after the others, I worried about having so many kids, I was drowning after the first two and worried about having yet another, I never felt good during my pregnancies, I thought "what a disaster" becoming pregnant the last time. My parish priest encouraged me and talked about what joy this last baby would bring into our family.

Believe me, he was right, and the same will be for you. This baby will be such a source of happiness for you and the others in your family, you will be so grateful for this wonderful gift God gave to all of you. You will shake your head remembering that you thought he/she was "a mistake". Believe me, it all happened to me, and its true.

Hang in there, Kiddo, and you will be so very grateful that you did!

And another friend:
My first wife who died young (44 yrs. old) was a nurse who worked for a doctor here in Bremerton. She often told me of working with patients who came to the office and asked about abortions. This was before Roe vs Wade decision.
A couple of the cases involved those who were concerned because “they already had too many children.” She told them that she was the mother of 3 boys all within 3 years of age. She told them she considered them a blessing and if more were to come she would accept them. As to the difference in age, i.e., 6 to 8 years, between the new baby, this could be a blessing in disguise. The older boys will have somebody to look after and help Mom. By the way, the t here boys all went on to earn doctorates in their chosen field and they did it with minimum assistance from Dad.

This lady needs to talk with somebody outside her family who understands the hidden after effects of abortions. It would be most beneficial if the person were a lay person.

Bob

And a third from another perspective:
I am 11 & 12 years younger than my two sisters. I love them very much and they have been great strength to me after the loss of our mother years ago. Having children spaced apart is a wonderful way for you to enjoy and understand the stages children go through even more, plus it's wonderful for older kids to have a baby brother or sister to help take care of - makes them feel very responsible and important!

Also, I have had two miscarriages, and I always wonder about the people they would have been had they been born... How awful it would be to have that sense and know that you were the one who decided their existence wasn't acceptable!

Some days will be hard, whether you have this baby or not, but please don't put yourself or your 'outside the womb' children through the anguish of knowing that a member of the family is missing. That's just how life is and no one escapes from difficult times. Don't think that killing someone else (your baby) will somehow make it easier. I'm begging you if that is what will work --- please give this baby life!!!

I don't think that feeling sad and depressed necessarily indicates you were wrong to become pregnant. It does indicate that you are currently feeling overwhelmed and uncertain which is the case with a lot of prospective parents when facing the birth of any child be it their first or their third. I recommend that you find someone to discuss this with outside of your immediate family. A doctor, counselor or someone else of trust (like a minister/rabbi/imam/priestess/priest) would be a good choice. The Web probably isn't the best place to ask such a weighty question because you are likely to get very intense responses from others which won't necessarily help you make your decision. Personally I tend to look at the worst case scenario. So what happens to your life when you have this third child and it is a boy? What happens if you do not decide to continue with this pregnancy? What happens if you do and you give the child up for adoption? Which of these is the least painful to live with? Rest assured that any decision that you make will be the right one for your family.

This misery is not necessarily how you will feel after the baby is born. Please just talk to your OB about this. It is YOUR decision, but you need to be SURE before you do it. I have known 3 people who have had abortions, and all of them regret it, and some are still not at peace with their decision years later. I do not wish that misery on you (it may be worse than what you are feeling now.)

Just consider all of your options first. Did you feel this way with your other kiddos? If so, this may pass. Either way, I am glad you have support at home, but it does sound like you need to talk to someone 'outside' your situation. It is okay to need help with this and it is your responsibility to you and your family to get it. You can't take care of yourself and others unless you have some peace in your heart and mind. Call your OB's office today as a start. I wish you and your family all the best!

Hi, K.,
You've got a lot on your plate and I admire you for your courage in expressing your fears, feelings, thoughts. While the time being pregnant and the fears it may bring you are not fun, what is worse would be to deny this little one the chance at life. If you feel overwhelmed, consider adoption. Consider a positive of giving life and raising your child, or giving life and finding a family for your child. But don't consider such a negative as getting rid of your little one's life.
My husband and I are working on adopting and admire the guts it takes to make a good decision. I just want you to know that everyone is wanted by someone. I send out my thoughts and prayers to you.

Listen if your feeling like having another boy is a problem then maybe you shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place. Having children, no matter what the sex, is a beautiful thing. You probably shouldn't be a mother or married. Get some help from a psychiatrist immediately because you have some issues that cannot be resolved on here. I may be having my first child, but no matter whether it's a girl or a boy I will love it because I created it. It is my child and I am grateful that I am pregnant.

I'm sorry you feel this way.

Age differences only matter in your mind, if you let it bother you it will. I have two children, boys, 15 years apart. One is 8 months and the other 15 & 1/2, it concerned me while I was pregnant but now I know that was not necessary.

It seems to me you may have your hormones so out of place that you are suffering from depression. Talk to your ob/gyn about these feelings. Explore that possibility before taking the route you are considering.

Consider adoption if you truly can not bare the possibility of it being another boy. Or think there is no way you can love this child. So many couples out there want to e families but can not conceive. I'm sure you would have no trouble finding a home and family for your baby.

I'll try not to get preachy on this one:
Abortion, is an emotional issue that will remain with you forever. You can not erase the fact that you terminated a pregnancy, (a fetus). You may rationalize it now but in the end you are the one who will remember the pain and have the psychological issues to deal with. In my case (20 years later) and I think it bothers me more now than it ever did in the past. You get wise with age and I know for certain that from the time of conception that is a baby, a life. Research pre-mature births and how those tiny, precious lives can live. My first son was a very tiny 3 lbs and very early. That experience sitting in the neo-natal unit daily taught me that those little ones are alive in us.