Unappreciated Cheer Coach

Well you have a choice, you can continue as you have.

You could quit doing the extras.

Or you could start making a list of things parents can do to make things better.

I learned a lot as PTA President.
1. is that a lot of people make assumptions about things, that are so totally off the wall it is amazing. They should write fiction. These people assume you will do the extras for free.

2. People want something for nothing, but would never be willing to do the work themselves for nothing. Can you imagine any of these parents putting in this much work for no pay for YOUR children?

3. The complainers can step up or step out. These parents either think this program is worth the money for their girls to participate or they do not.

I had a dad who complained that our school website was "just awful." I told him I agreed, but it was the PTA that ran it and we needed a volunteer, so "he was now granted that privilege, since he seemed to be passionate about it and had lots of really good ideas". - Never saw him again..

I had a mom that said she felt like it was the same moms that were always the homeroom parents. So I made her in charge of deciding who would be the homeroom "Parents" for the next year. But to remember these people needed to be people that were really going to do the jobs and she would be working closely with the teachers. It was a nightmare. she put in all sorts of parents and more than half, did not get the jobs, done and so guess who were the parents that ended up stepping in?

Yep, the same moms and dads you always saw in charge of everything.. This mom says she "now understood why the other parents were always in charge.. They got the jobs done and could be depended on. "

And so, if the parents want a nicer gym, put them in charge of figuring out how to make that happen. Have them give you a plan and then assign them to work on this.

They want less expensive uniforms, give them the websites and have them go for it. It will be on them.

If the girls are not shining their best? In reality, that is up to you to decide if you are willing to hold extra practice or not. If you do not charge, then they will not offer to pay. But remind them the girls will probably not place as well and give them the paperwork showing them how many hours the girls have missed. Then let the parents decide if they want to pay for your extra hours or not.

You can be a victim and put upon, only if you allow it.

You are a professional. Professionals are paid for their time. Otherwise you are just a volunteer.. And volunteers do not do it for the money, they do it from their hearts and never expect recognition.

I know this is hard to change the way you have worked this, but you do not sound happy with this situation.

I was a competitive cheerleader for many years, both in school and through competitive cheer squads.

If you aren't being paid to choreograph routines or mix music, then who is supposed to do it? Why are these girls competing in competitions when the basic resources aren't there? It sounds like you are going above and beyond what the squad is designed for. It sounds like this is a fun, little game squad, not a competition squad and you are doing the free extras. You need to either charge by the hour and for things that they need extra help on, or you lay down the law.. if the girls miss practice or need tumbling help, they can get a private coach on the side or miss practice. Perhaps you are taking it too far and need to tone down what the goal of the group is. It is not a gym or competitive team, the parents and overseers of the program need to understand this... and so do you. If they want to continue with the competitions and additional practices, or parties, then they need to pay and/or fundraise for them, so this is something that needs to also be addressed with your boss.

Perhaps a budget meeting with the parents are in order. Since it is a new year, this is a good time to go over the rules and team meeting. A simple, the teams resources cover: uniforms, 2 practices a week and one game a week. I have added a competitions and additional routines for the girls fun, but know that is not in the teams budget or what this team technically is supposed to do, so we will have to cut those additional extras. The parents are complaining over things they are getting for free. They need a reality check.

It sounds like you feel taken advantage and sadly they can not take advantage of you without your permission. By continuing to do all of the extras without pay you are giving them the permission to take advantage of you.

While you may want to fault the parents they are probably not aware of all the extra effort you put in for no pay or appreciation. If they are up on cheer they probably know the great deal they are receiving and who can fault them for wanting a great deal?

Your boss is your real problem and you need to have a heart to heart with him/her. They either need to pay you for your extra work (and pass the cost along to the parents) or you need to part ways. Yes it would be sad but for your own sanity this is something you need to do. Either that or you need to continue to accept things as status quo.

I think you have "burn out". And all the complaining...well...you are doing it too. "I am happy to do all this and not get paid much"...then you complain about the "tiny pay"...then all the free hours you put in....but LOVE these girls. You didn't get any gifts...why is that an issue....do you have to have a pat on the back. If you are doing it for the girls you love...why do you want thanks from the parents. Complain....complain...sounds like time to give it up!

Sorry you are dealing with unappreciative parents. I am a dance teacher and have coached competive groups where I put in insane amount of hours of unpaid work for traveling with them, extra weekly rehearsals, costuming, choreography, etc. I think parents are clueless how much time you put into the job besides the couple hours you are with their girls. In the dance industry, I've typically heard that anything over 15 classes per week is considered full time due to the fact that you put in just as much time (if not more) at home prepping for your classes. I think it would help you have a better attitude if you were getting better pay. If your park district will not increase your hourly pay, perhaps consider renting space or a comission spit with a facility and taking your girls independent of the district. Even if you did a 50/50 split with a facility you would each get $78/2 hour practice. Think of facilities that might have open space with tall ceilings: roller rinks, church halls, town halls, gyms, etc. Your pay is way too low and that alone can make you feel unappreciated. I'll tell you as a dance teacher (not studio owner) my pay scale ranges from $30/hour (when paid an hourly range) to $100/hour (when paid per child ~ I pay my gym $1/kid and I keep $5/kid and my classes cap at 20 students). I'm telling you this not to make you feel bad but to help you get some leverage or some motivation to seek better pay. Coaching is a ton of work and you deserve more money!!

can i say "Thank you".....you are doing so much for these girls & they appreciate you. As long as you are not getting flack from the kids then press on with all you are doing. Don't forget, a lot of all these *extras* are for your daughter. You are being an amazing role model for your daughter and all these girls. Forget about the moms.

My response is on a different track. Although, it's unfortunate that your hard work goes unappreciated by the parents, its probable that these girls are learning the same unappreciative manners. That's really the sad point. The parents are not teaching their girls to appreciative what is done for them and consequently raising selfish kids. I know you're doing it for the girls but at the same time think of your sanity and what lesson you're helping them learn (or not).

you know, I read both of the other responses....& they are right: you are complaining & looking for appreciation.

Yes, a simple "thank you" would be nice....& it should have been verbalized at some point. But...have you ever asked yourself "why" it wasn't? I would bet $$ on the fact that since you're complaining about the parents....I bet they're complaining about your attitude, too. Hence, no "thanks" & only complaints.

Respect & appreciation is a two-way street. Have you ever just handed out candy or treats to one & all? Have you ever offered a cookie tray during the holiday season? How about a simple bonfire gathering for the families?

Instead of adding up the extra time/$ you spend on these girls & bemoaning how you're not paid nor appreciated, the same amount of time could have been spent planning something fun to create harmony & community within your group! I agree....you've reached burn-out. :)

EDIT: after your SWH....Apologies to you. You are geared toward building community spirit & harmony. So now it goes back to having lame parents. Shame on them. I like the other moms suggestions, especially the budget meeting. Just lay it all out...what your budget covers & what you've been paying for. Is it possible for the team to have fundraisers? Would that be helpful/beneficial? & with each & every "cost" - involve those parents with the research/cost! :)

I have never been involved w/Cheer, however I have 2 daughters who have gone through Preschool and are both in public school so I have done the whole class mom thing which can be quite time consuming and expensive as well and trust me, that too can be annoying w/the parents who are just too busy to realize all that you do and you don't get a thank you from anyone but the children. But it is the children that we are doing it for. That all came to me last year when there was a huge disagreement w/my youngest daughter's total control-freak class mom about a project another mother and I did w/the class and at that point I decided that anything I did was going to be on strictly on a volunteer basis. I no longer wish to be class mom because quite honestly the woman can be a bit too caddy for me, going on about this and that. The money you drop is insane and you don't ever feel that the parents give a rat's a$$ about your efforts. And unfortunately, most of them don't. Just be happy that you are doing what you do for these girls. You are making a difference in their lives. My oldest daughter is almost 14 and I have know a majority of her friends since they were in the 1st grade, chances are I know more about these kids then their parents ever will. That tells you something. You are a great person to be taking the time to do these things for the girls, and even if you didn't do anything w/them as far as money goes, you are still there forthem. I now spend one day a week at a church day care volunteering and you know what, I love it. I get paid in hugs and I love you Miss Gerri's!!!! It is the best feeling in the world.

I am a cheer coach and have been for 9 years and the commissioner of our program. I do both sideline (football) and competitive season's. Which total around 9 months out of the year. I'm a volunteer. The biggest lesson I have learned is to DELEGATE!! If a parent complains to me or has a suggestion I say great would you be in charge of that? I've gotten assistant coaches, food coordinators, fundraiser coordinators,bow makers, ect. Another important lesson is to put everything in writing at the beginning of the season! Guidelines, rules what's expected from parents, ect. Have both cheerleaders and parents sign it! Give them a written copy and keep something saying they have signed it. Man this saves me ( and my other coaches) a ton of headaches! If the team votes for an extra practice and mom gets upset I simply say it was in the contract you signed...problem solved. I try to focus on the parents who do appreciate all the work...I know it can take one parent making a negative comment to bring out the frustration. I'm also known to tell people if you don't like how we (I) run the program you are more than welcome to go somewhere else. I don't try to please the complainers...either the kids or parents. One bad kid or parent can make for a very tense squad and season. It can also ruin a squad for the following year. I think the budget idea is a good one. Call a parent meeting tell them your overwhelmed and start delegating! Good luck Coach!

If your cheer team is smaller than what these kids would get in a big gym setting, you could always tell parents (starting maybe next fall or whenever your cheer season gets started?) that you are introducing a new thing: A parent volunteer system. Have sign-ups for whatever you need help doing --making bows or headpieces, being the parent in charge of coordinating the pizza party (and collecting small donations from participating families for the pizza), chaperoning the girls with you at an event, whatever. It sounds like your parents will need some pushing to sign up and get involved; they've let you do everything for a long time. So you may even lose some families over this if you really pursue it. And some will never, ever "get" why a paid coach needs any volunteer help from parents who are doing the paying.

Both the dance schools my daughter has attended cost us plenty, which we are very happy to pay; both also require a LOT of parent volunteering, and our current studio requires parents to volunteer a certain amount of time each year if their children are part of the performing group. I am absolutely fine with that because I know that despite what we pay for the classes etc., it doesn't cover all the needs of costuming, sets, theatre rental, etc., nor does it cover the parties that make studio life fun and welcoming for our dancers. It sounds like your parents have gotten used to your doing all those things that make both the squad itself and the social life around the squad possible and pleasant. They assume that what they pay you truly covers it all.

Also, I would add that you might revisit the post about reconsidering your focus with your cheerleaders. If they are a small group and not in a huge program with a ton of infrastructure and backing behind it, but you want them to go on to larger competitions (not sure if that's accurate, sorry if it isn't) then you might rethink the focus. The other person who posted put it better!

I wanted to tell you that you are not alone...so not alone. I run a home daycare...take kids early, let them stay late if parent needs me, spend my own money on crafts and fun parties, and have had all of my families for a long time...no one is new. Now, some of my parents were EXTREMEly generous at Christmas...and while it wasn't gifts I wanted so much as a "thank you for all you do." I had some not do anything...not a card, not a thank you, nothing. And I am NOT the person that expects lots of gifts and unnecessary spending of money, especially when I know how tight money is for parents, but I did give a few free days to every family this past year, on top of all the other stuf I did and bought for my kids. It hurt my feelings to not be acknowledged in some way at the holidays. Especially when I made sure we made crafts for their parents for Christmas (really cool keepsake crafts) and I bought small gifts for each child, and I sent home a plate of cookies for each family. O well...I had to remind myself that I did these things because I wanted to, because the kids loved doing it and I know that the parents do appreciate me.

You can't let it bother you (even though I know how much it does hurt.) Keep doing what you do because you are good at it, you enjoy it and the girls need you! Happy Holidays to you!!

Hi C.,

I am not a cheer parent, but would like to give you a heartfelt--Thank you!!! For everything you are doing for those girls! I am sure it is making a huge positive impact on them. One way of looking at it is to think of yourself giving the girls a gift every time you see them--that your giving back to your community, shaping girls into young women etc. Another thing you can do is send the parents a breakdown of costs and fees and tell them that unfortunately, you are going to have to start charging for these extra practices, and a bit more for your hourly rate--you need to be able to live too! Tell them you have been doing free lessons for so long, but it just can't continue. If they want their girls to suceed, they will find a way to pay the money you need/deserve and will respect you more as a professional. They have had a free ride for too long and its time to put it in perspective of how good they have gotten it with you vs other cheer schools and what they need to do to keep you!!! A happy coach trickles down to a happy cheer team. Best wishes and let us know what happens!

M

My oldest loves to cheer. This is why, and exactly why, she only cheers for her public high school. We struggle paycheck to paycheck. We can barely afford the HS squad.

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. Please know that maybe some of the parents cannot afford extra. My daughter has to put babysitting money towards the fees. It is not easy.

You are looking for appreciation from the parents and that just doesn't seem like it will happen. You need to find your "thank you" from the girls themselves. Know that you are helping them to be better and pat yourself on the back. Yes, it is discouraging....