What Would You Do? Better Finances or Cheerleading?

My daughter did cheerleading for a couple of years and it was through the town which I think is a less expensive way to do competition cheer. It's still a huge commitment but all the costs are up front so what you pay in the beginning, shoes, uniform, participation fee is known up front and then that's it. There shouldn't be any added costs as you go along unless that was spelled out in the beginning. If she is on a competition team through a gym, that's probably another story - more expensive. See if there is one through your town. I know the school team is not the same unless they have a competition option.
That said, I was also a coach for a couple of years and yes, once the routine is set up, it is vital to the entire squad to have all girls at practice. For instance, if she is a base, and they are part of a stunt group of 4 girls, if one girl isn't there, all 4 can't practice. If she is part of a stunt that involves 12 girls for a pyramid, without her, all 12 can't practice that part. I do believe that if you make the commitment up front, you should stick to it but things happen and if there are continual added costs for the year, you need to tell the coach you're sorry but you just can't afford it. If he can help you out with the expense this year, then be grateful he is willing to do that. Be honest with him about the expense. If the real reason is that you don't want to drive her around to these things anymore, then don't sign her up for it the next year but don't penalize the team because you changed your mind. I don't that's teaching your daughter that she should stick with commitments.
And lastly, if it's really about the finances, you can't put your family in hock over cheerleading but I question why there are new expenses being added as the year goes on. Good luck and let us know how you do.

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i think you know the answer to your question.... don't allow yourself to be manipulated by your daughter or any other adult. financial decisions need to be made between your husband and yourself, and honestly, you don't owe the coach or anyone else an explanation. the fact that your daughter doesn't appreciate it makes it that much easier. tell her to come up with some fundraising ideas if she wants to participate next year. good for you for being responsible with your finances!

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Personally- this is just my opinion- I think spending that amount of money on cheerleading is sort of obscene. I mean, I know your daughter likes it and is good at it- but is this going to be her life? Is she planning on being a lifetime competitive cheerleader? Are you betting on her getting a college scholarship from it? What exactly will be the payoff, emotionally, financially and practically for your daughter and your family for this?

If she is already cheering through her school, have her do that! It sounds to me like the coach is pulling your leg- a cheer squad that is taking in that amount of money will have try-outs for top positions on the squad and any number of backups in case someone gets hurt. What if your daughter sustained a serious injury (god forbid!)?? Your poor daughter would be hurt, you would be on the hook for who knows what medical bills- and the coach would just appoint another kid to take her place. So who could really be in a 'grave position' here??

I'm not trying to be harsh, but you just sound like in YOUR heart, you've made a decision. You don't want to disappoint your daughter, I understand that. But- she is 13, she can cheer at school. When she turns 16 if she wants to join a cheer team like this again, she can get a job and earn her own extra money to pay for it.

I think the coach and your daughter are pushing you into doing something you cannot afford and don't really want to do. People suggesting that you have garage sales or ask relatives for money are sort of missing the big picture IMO. I mean, I can see that those things might keep the cheering going- but is that REALLY the best thing for the family as a whole? It just does not sound like it to me.

Be the parent- use common sense and just say no.Your daughter will have to understand that you just can't afford it right now and she can always do it again later. This is a lesson kids need to learn sooner or later. The family as a whole needs to come before one person's personal enjoyment sometimes. Good luck!

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Wow. Who knew?
My kids are both involved in sports at age 11 and 14. This cheerleading sounds like travel soccer or any other travel sport that involves termendous resources & sacrifice, both in time and money.
We also have to make decision about the time & money that various sports involve. While I am sure that cheerleading is a great sport for your daughter is does seem to be sucking the life out of your family in terms of time & treasure. And a you say, you're dragging your younger ones to all of the competitions. It's not any different than the other travel sports.
I think that since it's mid-season and she is part of a team you've already committed yourself for this season. How much longer is the season? I've always taught my mids that being a part of a team is a committment for the season - that's been since kindergarten. However, I would certainly express this to the coach. Be open and vulnerable. Tell him the economy has really hit you hard. (he doesn't need to know or agree with your Dave Ramsey class - most people think you're nuts trying to get yourself out of debt - it's the American way. My husband and I have made a real effort to do the same after reading one of Dave Ramsey's books.) Explain that you feel an obligation to the team to finish it out but the money and time has become a huge issue and is there any way we can work outu a payment plan, etc. I've heard anecdotal stories that coaches get a percentage of the uniforms and their hotel & travel is frequently comped due to the groups booking, etc. See if he's willing to come part of the way to help you finish out the season. Perhaps if you offer to make travel arrangments, or phone calls, put together schedules, or other administravie functions he'll be more willing to be flexible.
Next seaon is a whole different story. Assuming your child is in middle school there should be a cheerleading squad at school. While it may not be as competitive and robust, it will still be cheerleading and she may be able to develop more in that environment as a leader, choreographer, etc. It will be different and will be adjustment for her, her first week may seem like a disaster! But these are learning experiences that turn out to be vital life lessons. Who doesn't need to learn to adjust expectations or deal with changes in life situations? I expect that your daughter will not be thrilled and may really push back on this. But you are a family of 5 and the needs of the entire family have to be balanced. I suspect that when all is said and done she'll find that the school team is fun and she can funnel her competitive spirit in to something else.
Our job as parents is not to provide for every activity that our child wants - but to provide those acitivities that we can afford and that work well for the whole family.
One final thing to think about - two weeks ago while we were at my 11 yr old son's football game (which costs about $250 a year) I observed a mom with her 4 yr old son. She was scolding him for behaving like a 4 yr old who didn't want to sit on the bleachers, etc. (She didn't have snacks or coloring books or small games to occupy this boy.) Then I heard her tell another mom that they had jsut come directly from another game of another child. So by 2:30 this 4 yr old had already spent 4 hours either in the car, waiting at the field or sitting in the bleachers at one of his older siblings's games. ???? This was only at half time. Is this how a 4 yr old should spend a gorgeous fall day? Shouldn't he be running around the yard with other kids from the nieghborhood? Let's not sacrifice normal activities of our younger kids for the percieved needs of the older kids. It sneaks up on us and we don't even realize what we're doing!
Best of luck with this tricky situation. As if finances and raising teenagers isn't tough enough - but when they cross paths - yikes!

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I'm floored at the expenses you've listed... and I'm sure they're not all.

Off the top of my head, since your daughter loves this activity, is there a possible way you can continue just through this season (whatever the season is)? The end of a season would be a better time to quit. If you decide to think about this, then ask the coach for a conference and pick his brains about what "working with you" means; frankly, it may mean borrowing somehow and going into more debt, which would not be acceptable.

He may be manipulating you, or he may just be frustrated because he's losing a team member he had counted on. The latter reason is legitimate for people who deal with teams. No doubt he does care about his team. But I don't know. You do - you know what sort of person he is.

If there's no way you can afford continuing to do this, you have to quit, of course. How does your daughter feel about this? Does she understand the absolute need for cutting back on expenses as a family? I'm sure this is not the only cut in your program! If you do figure out a way that she can continue longer, is there a way she can help with the expense of it, even if it's just a few dollars a month? That's not going to help you all any financially, but it would be good for her to learn how to contribute to her own activities.

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I was a competitive gymnast for years and yes it was expensive too. I loved it and did appreciate all the driving to practices, 5 days a week, meals in the car most of the time, weekend travel during season. Our team had to pay rent to the gym since otherwise classes could have been in there and they made a lot more money for the gym. As a club we also paid for coaches to travel, each girl had to buy her own competitive leo and warm up leo,etc. Each girl had to fund raise or pay x amount each quarter.

Does the team do any kind of fundraiser? I'm sure many of the parents would love to have part of the money burden lifted. We did car washes, sold banners to local businesses that hung in the gym, wrapping paper sales (which actually made a lot of money), etc. Maybe the girls could do some kind of demo, donate profits to a cause and also use some to support the team. Sometimes local sports teams will let you run the concession stands as a fundraiser too.

If you really can't afford it is one thing, but I would talk to your daughter more about it. It sounds like she really enjoys it and it gives her something that she can do and with two tiny babies she may feel special that she has her own thing. At 13 she may not show her appreciation, but it is probably there. You may at least want to let her finish out the season since cheering really is a team sport. If she does need to stop, is there a local or school team she could cheer for? I think I would spend some time really talking to your daughter and see if there is an alternative that she can do, but at the same time if it is the middle of season and you can afford the rest of the season I would let her finish it out. Can she do any baby or pet sitting locally to help towards expenses? She may also have other areas she is willing to cut back on to help, new clothes, etc. Also talk to the coach more and see what can be done about the money.

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I think that you need to talk to your daughter and explain what is going on. How expensive it is, and what you are trying to do as a family. 13 is plenty old enough to understand about finances. Maybe she can take some inexpensive dance classes (if she is appreciative of all you have spent already). If the coach is willing to give a scholarship (and she is appreciative), you can let her continue if you want. I am also doing the money makeover, and would not be able to justify this expense when you can pay off debt.

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I was a cheerleader, and would have been heartbroken if my parents made me quit! Before cutting her off altogether, let her know you're having a tough time and see if she genuinely wants to continue. Maybe she can help with some fundraising ideas. I've also been a coach and understand that side, you knew the expenses and waited until you had a bill to say something. And it really does affect a team, all their routines are designed for a certain amount of people and when you lose one you have to rework everything! It's not like losing a basketball or football player, when there's other people available for their position! Our kids are never unnecessary investments, and cheerleading teaches some very valuable life skills about teamwork, perseverance, determination, and doing your best.

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If your daughter were in Ballet, would this be a different conversation or would it be the same? What I am asking is does she LOVE this activity? Is she learning responsibility? If she has a passion, do try to think of options, but if there are no options, you have to make the grown up decision and explain to her, you all really cannot afford this any longer. There are many times, when we just could not afford something, so we had to pass it up. But we made sure to never be in debt. That was the priority.

In our family when our daughter wanted or was interested in a huge activity, she would request that it be her gift for Christmas, Birthday,, everything.. And she meant it..

So what we would do is put it out there to the Grandparents Aunts and Uncles..
Daughter would like to attend Art classes this summer and they are going to be $$$$.
She is requesting instead of Birthday Gifts and Christmas gifts that you donate to her Art class fund..

Then it was up to them to give her money or not.. Then at these occasions Bday and Christmas, , SHE would remind them them she already had her art classes and did not need any more gifts.. The Grandparents land Aunts and Uncles loved being included in her activities.. She would send them updates, of course give them art, invite them to the Art shows.. She did this on different occasions and each time it worked out fine for her..

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Hi B., You really need to stop and think about this. To pull her out now would be very drastic. She is learning comitment and team work and is excelling at something she is dedicated to. Why not make her pay for most of it. I know a $1000 is a huge amount for a 13 yearold, but really it is less then $25 a week, if she saves all year. For birthdays and Christmas I would give her cash that she can use towards cheer. I am not one who lives beyond my means and can understand where you are coming from, but to have her participate for 6years and then decide it is too expensive is a little extreme. As far as the driving see if she can carpool with other families. She may decide that she doesn't want to do it if she needs to help pay, or she may surprise you and show just how much she loves it. Cheer is good exercise and the fact that she has kept with it for so long should count. :)

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If your daughter is already on her school cheer squad, she's already getting to participate in the sport she loves. Personally, to add the whole competitive team on top of it with all of that outrageous expense seems ridiculous to me. If I thought for an instant my daughter wasn't passionate about it, no way. It sounds like a dance school my BIL and SIL got into once for their preschooler that they all had to have the same 20.00 matching department store blush, are you kidding me? Since you already signed her up for the year, (and I do presume you knew these kinds of costs would be involved) I would let her finish out the season, and make it work any way you can. Have your daughter make some sacrifices too. Let the coach know your family will honor your commitment to the season, but at great financial difficulty, so any assistance he can offer would be greatly appreciated. And then look really, really hard to see if it makes sense financially to sign her up again next year.

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I think that competitve cheer is a racket-sorry but I do. I think that all of these places that do this have found an easy way to make money and to capitalize on every little girls and mom's dream of being a cheerleader. What happened to the old fashioned high-school cheerleader that cheers at games?

If she can make the money herself through babysitting then let her do it. Or if she is so good that she may qualify for a scholarship, then do it. If neither-then make her quit or join the free high school squad.

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You are lucky that your school squad is so inexpensive. I wrote a post about cheerleading. My daughter just started jv cheerleading. I had no idea how expensive it really is!

If she is on the school squad and wind ensemble, i would say you can quit the other squad. She may enjoy the other two more and not be overwhelmed. (i think you thinking she is not interested may be her overscheduled)

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It sounds like you have a few different issues going on.
1. the money - if you really can't afford it, she needs to leave the team.
2. the coach - don't let him make you feel guilty for quitting. You need to think about what's best for your family financially. If he really wants to work with you on the price, come up with a number you CAN afford, and tell him if he can't come up with the rest, then you are very sorry but that's the end.
3. Your daughter's appreciation - talk to her. How important is it to her? She is old enough to understand what you can and can't afford and why you feel that this is an unnecessary expense, especially if she seems to be just going through the motions. Maybe she's burned out but feels guilty quitting because of how much you have invested.

All that said, your daughter is old enough to start babysitting or working as a mother's helper, so if it's really important to her, she can start earning some money to pay for part of the costs, on top of what you as a family are able to contribute. You might be able to work that into what the you're asking for from the coach so you don't need to ask for quite as much.

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do everything you can to keep her in all these activities...it saved me as young girl....i was involved in everything..my parents made HUGE sacrifices to do so....do it...cut cable cut anything else frivolous..this is not frivolous...sorry, but she deserves this, she loves this...find a way to make it work....you can do it...you can do it!!! she needs stimulation....so many young people don't have it, so they turn to drugs, or boyfriends, or pregnancy....she sounds like an awesome girl from an awesome family....carry on....I totally think you can make it work for her!!! wow, just read the responses.....PLEASE KEEP HER IN IT IF YOU CAN! wow....

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I think it is absolutely unnecessary and think the coach is only thinking of how HE will look. Your financial status takes priority. Your daughter will just have to find other, cheaper ways to express herself. We had to take our daughter out of gymnastics (she LOVED it) and horse-back riding (she LOVED it and won many trophies). She was upset at first, but understands now (we, with our kids, are also on the Dave Ramsey plan). She still isn't very happy about it, but she has become somewhat creative in asking from family and friends for money, instead of presents to use for her interests. And believe it or not, I think she is learning a very valuable financial lesson NOW that most people don't learn until they are adults and dig themselves a hole. It will hurt a lot, but not near as much as it would later when the sacrifices are bigger and longer. It sure is hard to take that away from your child.......I know from first hand experience. But, I have seen the end result and don't regret our decisions.

Before you pull her out, though, I would talk to the coach and tell him what you can afford (if anything) and give HIM an ultimatum. It's this or we quit. See what he can offer you.

Geez, we sell cheer-leading uniforms in the store I work in and the most expensive one is about $60.00. The cheer bows are around $15-$20 each but are pretty special. I think the costs you are describing is outrageous. I would have a serious talk with your daughter though and let her have some input into the decision, she will have hard feelings about it otherwise. She is 13 years old and old enough to babysit, old enough to walk dogs, deliver newspapers, any number of little jobs to help support this sport if she really wants to keep it up. Why can't she ride with other moms, or you guys get together and make the travel plans your selves, it seems to me that when our competitive team at the gym or the dance group travels to competitions they always go for economical route.

But the bottom line is, the coach is out of line, especially in this economy, lifestyles are changing every day, what if your husband lost his job and you were going to lose your house. The coach has to adjust.

Your instincts are just right! He is a money grubber, and you can't afford this. You've given your daughter the benefit of training when she needed it and launched her into school cheerleading. What your daughter needs most is parents who are debt free and capable of helping her with college in a few years...not to mention the needs of the 2 babies in the back seat!
Pull the plug on this.

How about a garage sale? But make sure your daughter contributes! Have her put in some of her own things to sell and make the money. Also, when we do garages sales, we do a bake sale with it. We buy brownie mix when it is on sale, and then sell each brownie for around 25-50 cents. If you put a big sign out front saying all proceeds are going to her cheerleading, you would probably do really well. The coach seems mean if you ask me. He doesn't seem to understand the situation. I would talk to him, see if he can work with you on the payments and then talk to other moms about carpooling so that would relieve some of your stress.

We're currently taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, and with that, we've learned to make a monthly budget, outlining every expense. Given that your daughter has been in cheer for so long, you have a very good idea of where your budget should be set. If it's not going to work, all you need to say is, "It's not in the budget."

I agree with some of the other moms - school cheer is fine. It keeps her involved in something that she loves, is much cheaper, and combined with Wind Ensemble, she's plenty busy for her age.

Don't let anybody else (be it the moms on here, or your daughter's coach) tell you and your husband how you should spend your money, or what you can afford. When she gets older and your finances are different, you can always revisit. Until then - is it in the budget?

I don't think you should be paying the coach's fees, he's getting a free vacation out of the deal (I think I'd be unhappy if I lost some of my all expense vacation paid for by the team). If this is a school sport, where is the school funding? Has the team thought of fundraisers to do to get money for some of the expense? I have found very few children appreciate the expense, time, and commitment the parents go through in order for the child to be involved in extra-curricular activities, most children expect it and think they deserve it. Best to you in your decision.

If you are in dire debt and you absolutely cannot pay for cheerleading anymore, that sucks but it's something your daughter is going to have to deal with. If it's just a matter of you want to pay the debt faster but you can actually still afford to pay for cheerleading and not go into default on your loans, you're going to have to weigh what cheerleading means to your daughter vs your financial situation. If she's done it for 6 years, she could very well be heartbroken if she doesn't continue. Talk to her about the situation and see how badly she really wants it -- is she willing to help out in any way she can? Babysit for a little extra cash? Etc? And def. talk to the coach to see how an arrangement could be made (don't take out loans tho -- i'm thinking more of a scholarship situation). This is a tough one b/c cheerleading does give a lot of good life skills (teamwork, dedicaiton, hard work, etc.) and it'll look great on her college application. Best of luck.

What about making the switch from the competition team to the school team? If she is that talented she shouldn't have a problem making the team and the expenses should be significantly less. There will still be expenses, but I'm sure they're minimal comparitively. I also agree you need to sit down with her and let her know your concerns. I would hate to see her pulled out completely, but you do have to get your finances in order otherwise things anywhere from groceries to college could be in compromise. Also talk to the coach after you have both settled down and see what he really means by "work with you". I have a feeling that he'll probably put you on a payment plan which is helpful, but in the end, it's still the same amount of money.

As a family you stick together. I believe if the family goal is to reduce debt to improve quality of life for everyone, then that goal is a group goal with sacrifices all around. Undoubtedly everyone in your family is being asked to pull their weight to achieve this goal. Your oldest child is facing reduced, altered or no cheer participation. What are you, your husband and your other children giving up? Besides if the goal was being driven by other circumstances which were beyond your control (a major illness, a job loss with a reduced salary, a disabling injury which forced one spouse to be unable to work long term, etc.), how would that alter your view of the situation? Beyond that your family is spending large amounts for one family member to pursue an activity which she may or may not be appreciative of, which benefits only her and which has subjective long term good (professional cheer?). How do those facts on their own make any sense? If she’s good at cheer and motivated to stay active in cheer, then she needs demonstrate that and start participating financially. If the finances just don’t work out for that particular activity, then keep in mind there are numerous, cheaper alternative activities. As for cheer providing life lessons that is an assessment your family will have to weigh. Frankly either way I wouldn’t allow my family’s greater good to be blackmailed by a cheer coach or a child. You and your husband need to assess what’s in the best interests of your family and stick to the path.