Two Year Old with Potty Training Issues

i am having a problem with my 3 yrold she will be 4 in Sept of 2008 i am about just jump off a bridge i need help.

Hi,
When I potty trained my twins, I read the book "Mommy! I have to go Potty!"

http://www.amazon.com/Mommy-Have-Go-Potty-Training/dp/096...?
ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1196820916&sr=8-1

It was really helpful and described multiple approaches to potty training. It's an easy read and well worth it!

Ignore the entire issue! You love her and that is what is important now. A 21/2 yr old cannot voice what is troubling them, so they act out. She needs lots of love right now, and when she is ready again, she will be fine.

A.,

Has there been a significant change in your life lately?? My little boy was completely trained and we moved to North Carolina. After the move we went through several months of "accidents". The biggest thing is to try and be patient, if you get frustrated or angry with her it might make the situation worse, as she will try to show her independence by not doing what you want. It must be extremely frustrating, but patience is the best in these situation. I would try pull ups at night to see if that helps at all.

Good luck!

I agree w/ a lot of these suggestions...ease up, relax. My 11 yr old trained at 3 1/2...he is fine now! ;) My 9 yr old she trained at 18 months...yah!! My 2 1/2 yr old well he is taking his time about it. My mom was stressing me out about it but I told her to back off (nicely) and I am allowing him to let me know when he is ready. He is smart and I know he will let me know. We talk about it and I have sat him on his potty everyday...but he still is not ready to give up the diaper. We are not going to stress out. Find out if it is a physical thing or an attention thing...if it is none of those just be patient mommy and try again in about six months. You are not a failure just take a deep breath and pray about it too. Prayer always helps me!! :) Yes God can help w/ the potty thing too! :) Good luck to both of you!

Sandie H.

STOP THE POTTY TRAINING NOW! Put her back into diapers and let her start again when she is ready. To try to train before the age of three is really not good. You can cause serious issues for her in the future even as an adult for forcing the potty training too soon. She is obviously not aware that her bladder is full. When children are ready they start to recognize that. Sometimes it takes them until they are four years old to get it. It is no big deal. No child goes to school peeing their pants. You should read "How to Parent" by Dr. Fizhugh Dodson. It is a wonderful book and very helpful.

Dear A.- I have owned and operated a 5 star child care center for over 20 years and rest assured I have never sent a child to kindergarten that was not potty trained- so relax. I know how frustrating this can be but one of the best things you can do is remove the tension and potential power struggle by giving the accidents no attention. To avoid ruining carpets, bedding and uphostery have your daughter wear rubber pants over her panties. When she has an accident make her change her clothes by herself.(no matter how long it takes her) When time will not allow for her to change herself or if you are out of the home have her wear pull ups and she can change the wet pull-up when you get home. You can make potty training a bit more fun by putting blue food coloring in the bowl and showing her how it turns green when we go in the potty. Understand all this advise is given with the assumption that your daughter is typically developing with no diagnosed special needs, and that you have ruled out possible urinary complications/ infections with her physician. Hope some of this is helpful - A. B

I have read that the average age for a girl to potty train is 36 months, and the average time for a boy slightly longer. I have a son who is 30 months and still in diapers. We pee pee in the potty a few times each day, but I am just taking it slow and not stressing about it at all. Children are so unique and individual. What worked for someone else's child may not work for ours. It doesn't sound like anything about your daughter's behavior is abnormal. Personally, I would just put her back in diapers and don't worry about it for awhile.

Hello A.! Have you checked with tour doctor? My daughter had similar problems at that age and it turned out she was having a problem with her kidneys. Maybe you should get her checked. I hope you get your problem solved. I also hope you and your daughter have a Merry Christmas!!!
Good Luck
M. C

You need to back off! This is becoming a power struggle and the only way to end it is to let her do it on her own time. Children will be potty trained when they are ready and two and a half is very young to expect her to be completely trained. You will have a lot less frustrations and she will be happier (as will you) if you just relax and put a pull up on for the time being. Positive reinforcement will help - constant reminders and being upset with her will not. I went through this with my oldest a couple of years ago and it got to where she was holding it in. She ended up with urinary reflux and constant kidney infections. I backed off and just took care of her and didn't worry about the potty. Then one day, it was literally like someone flipped a switch -- she wanted to wear underwear and we never looked back.

Have you had her tested for a UTI? Also, there is aprocedure they can do to enlarge her bladder - not real familiar with it but I have heard of it - maybe she has a medical issue though . . .

A., My daughter was a tough one to toilet train also. Here is a website that helped me quite a bit. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t106600.asp Once you begin to look at toilet training differently, you will not feel so stressed about it and neither will your child.

Also, I would suggest three things: One don't use baby language to discuss toilet training. Encourage her that using that using the toilet is part of growing up.

Second, skip the pull-ups. I found them to be a waste of time. Kids treat them like diapers. Once I was sure that my daughter understood that her vagina was for urination and the toilet is where the urine goes and she should tell me when she needs to use it, I started her right away on "big girl" underwear. We went to the store together and she picked them out. I told her ok, that's it. No more diapers. If you have to use the toilet, you have to tell me or else your bottom will be wet. She said ok and it was fine from there. We had a few night-time accidents but that was all.

Three, you could try the reward method. Put a board with the days of the week. Every time she uses the toilet put a sticker on the board. At the end of a week, she gets a special treat (not candy or junk food). Whatever things she likes to do would be a good treat. A trip to the library, a movie night with mom, a coloring book and crayons, etc.

Best wishes!! I'm sure your daughter will be successful soon. It takes time so don't let anyone make you feel like you have to rush or you're a bad mom 'cause that is nonsense.

BTW, Angela B gave some great advice too.

A. my son is four and he just got potty trained both pee and poop. The poop came a lot later than peeing. I spoke to the doctor as I was really concerned about this and he has been trained since about early spring this year. I was told that kids will do it when they are ready not anyone else. I did try to help a little by offerind a quater every time he went potty and so did my family every time. He was excited to use his money when he wanted to on what he wanted!

Have you considered that some of this might be sensory issues? Also, remember that she is only 2 1/2. My oldest didn't fully train until he was 4 1/2 (due to sensory issues) and my daughter trained on her 3rd birthday. Just decided on her own that she was now big enough. Also, this time of year can be tough on kids with all the holidays and this can cause a regression.

Steph - mom to 3, almost 4 kids

I had very similar issues when potty training my daughter at that age. She would make such progress and then the slightest change to our routine and she would go back to wetting her pants and in the bed. I too saw it as a battle and thought surely it would drive me to madness. So I changed my tactics. When she would have an accident, I'd either wait until she noticed it or would ask questions to help her notice ("oh are your pants wet?", "did you need to go to the bathroom?"). We also set up a potty chart. All it took was a piece of construction paper that she could put a sticker onto whenever she made it to the potty. That would encourage her to go and when she did, I'd heap on the praise. I found once the potty chart was in place she was fully trained within 2 weeks. Hallelujah!

I have a few ideas you could check out. have you had her checked for urinary tract infection? Does she go to daycare or to a sitter's? If so, has anything changed there, or does she seem to have any anxieties about going there or being left with anyone in particular. Sometimes my son would seem to regress to previous younger behaviors when he was stressed by a change in environment, careproviders, tension in home, new family member ie;sibling, etc. Have YOU changed anything in YOUR life that she would pick up on stress, unhappiness, tension, or maybe she doesn't have as much "Mommy time"?

When she is ready, she'll just stop peeing in her pants. My daughter turned three in Oct and still has to sleep in a pullup. She just can't hold it all night and doesn't know to get up until it's too late. I had HUGE issues with pooping and she still poops in her pull up (at night when I can do nothing about it) She will poop in the potty sometimes, but it's always on HER terms. I pushed alot in the beginning, but I think that makes it worse for both of you! Just back off a little and keep reminding her and it will click when SHE is ready. Trust me. I know it's hard; I'm right there with you. But I've been told and keep telling myself; it will happen!! Good luck!

I agree with some of the comments, she's young. I think alot of us rush it because we feel like we need to keep up with the Jones's or want our kids to fit our idea of ideal timing on developmental achievements.

Rest assured, she will not be peeing in her pants when she's 18. It will happen. Just relax, and she likely will relax too. Often (with my own children 9 and 2) when we obsess as grownups about something, our kids become passive-resistave without even meaning too. Maybe she's just not ready yet. Talk to your pediatrician, get an average window of timing on when 'most' kids accomplish this HUGE milestone. I bet you'll find that you're not alone. Most kids are ready between 2-4. That's a large window of opportunity, and I think it's so large of a window simply because kids just need to do things in their own time. It's part of their sense of self, growing up, and realizing their bigger kids!

Good luck! I trust everything will work out just fine!! My oldest wasn't fully potty trained until a few weeks before his 4th birthday, and what made it happen seemed to be us realizing we can't MAKE him we can only provide the opportunities to him. He did it in his own time.

I have not read the other replies yet.
First, have her checked for a possible UTI. Ruling out health issues,she may not be ready for the potty. Her body will know when she is. Potty learning should not be a fight. Good luck!

be patient with her I don't know to many adults that go around wetting themselves somehow we are learn
Offer the potty give her a book to read and try to remind every hour to go let her see that you use the bathroom and she can be a big girl like her mommy. try a sticker chart and let her put the sticker on it. be consistant in your approach. Does she wear pullups if so you may want to try big girl panties. this may help her know she wetting herself. every child trains a different way and at a differemt age. Hang in there I hope this help.

She is only 2 1/2 years old which is young for potty traininig for some kids... but if she was fully potty trained before it sounds like there are some other things going on. It could be a regression in her behavior due to a change in her environment. But if you know she has gone through no changes it may be an attention seeking behavior (no matter how much attention she gets otherwise). Don't make a big deal out of it. I used to be a preschool teacher and two of the girls in there were potty trained and one day they both started wetting their pants again. After battling with them for weeks we finally made a rule between teachers that when they did it we would ignore it and change their clothes when they asked (or when we couldn't stand the smell anymore) and we wouldn't make a big deal out of it. BUT, if their pants were wet anytime during the day they weren't allowed to participate in a very special activity at the end of the day (which we would find something really cool that they liked to do and do it with the other kids). Rewarding the good behavior rather than punishing the bad behavior seemed to work better. They soon stopped. These girls were 4 years old soon to be 5 years old. If something like that doesn't work you might consider taking her to the doctor and having her examined for an overactive bladder. I hope you find something that works for you soon! It is aggravating!

You have to figure out what the issue is.... I have 2 children (a boy who is 4 and a girl who is 2.5) and they each had their own potty "issues" but they resolved with time.

My son had the worst issues with potty training. He potty trained at 2.5 and by age 3 he was day trained, but not at night. He had lots of accidents (urine) until after his 4th birthday-- I thought maybe it was for attention or he was too busy and would forget.... he would wet 4-5 times in ONE day and he was 3.5 years old and then other days he was completely dry with no problems. Sometimes he would look down to see he was wet (as though he couldn't feel it) I finally took him to a pediatric urologist to make sure he didn't have a small bladder or something because he could literally pee every 20 minutes (a lot too). They told me it was a maturation issue and it would resolve itself. So, I started having him pee in the potty before we switched activities when we are home and he drinks a little less when he is at school. At first he was resistant to going when I asked him, but after awhile he really enjoyed the praising he got for staying clean and dry all day. After about 6 months, he really has no problems with it and feels better about himself-- he still pees often but I guess that is just his body. I TOTALLY agree with having him change himself-- my son goes upstairs and takes off the wet, puts on the new, and washes his hands. I pretend like it's no big deal and that helped to diffuse it.

My daughter is another story... she potty trained herself at 18 months in about an hour. She was fine until we put her in daycare about a month ago and then she regressed and started to have a few accidents. The daycare put her in diaper all day and I was FURIOUS-- I told them that she can have as many accidents as it takes but to NOT put a diaper on her because she won't wear her panties again. So, I took 8 pairs of clothing in for her and within a few days, she was not having accidents anymore. However, my daughter has very sensitive skin and she hates to be wet-- so that motivates her to stay dry.

So, I guess what I am saying is.... you have to figure out what is behind the accidents and try some things to see what works. I was angry with my son because at first I thought he was wetting on purpose but then I realized he probably just has a small bladder right now and can't manage drinking a lot with reminders. It was hard for me to look at the fact that I was blaming him for wetting as if it were a behavioral problem when I don't think it was--it's not a medical issue either, just growth and development.

Well, that's enough.

M.

My daughter actually potty trained a little early and we did it without much of a fight. I just bribed her. We bought one of those cheap gumball machines and filled it with M & M's. Every time she went on the potty she got a dime, then she got to stick it into the machine, turned the knob and get her candy. It was more of the ritual of it than the actual candy. Once she was going pretty regularly on the potty I switched the M & M's to trail mix (pick out the raisins). I also planned for a week of messes around the house by letting her run around in just her panties. Good Luck!

Hey A.! Sorry-this is kinda long!
I went through this with my daughter, she will be three in Jan. and now she is completely trained. If she was doing well before with the potty training, then there is no reason she shouldn't be able to now. I somewhat disagree with what some people say, because if she wasn't ready, then she wouldn't have done well before, it just doesn't make any logical sense, but it depends on what is happening. If she is just not wanting to go potty, b/c she thinks she can be playing or something(this is what my daughter was doing) then you should not give in! Just go back to making her stop and go to the potty about every 20-30 minutes. Then she will see that it doesn't matter if she wants to have a power struggle, she has to go potty no matter what. I know a lot of people, including experts say that you shouldn't have negative punishments, but we put her in timeout when she would have an accident. Again, this was because she was being stubborn and not wanting to go, when she knew she should. If you think it's another reason, then you can always go back to pull-ups. I just want to give you some alternatives, b/c most of the responses seem to be set the other way. Another way we helped her, was to buy some panties that had ponies and other things she likes on them, and then she didn't want to go back to a pull-up, and every time she had an accident we told her she had to wear a pull-up again. The timeout was just a chance for her to think about what happened, and remember that she has to stop to use the potty. Also, find something that motivates her, with my daughter it was stickers, and use it as a positive reward. Every child is different, and it may take awhile to find what works for her. I just really feel that people underestimate children, and they shouldn't be given the easy way out when they are capable of doing something, if you want them to learn to live up to their fullest potential. A way to avoid them holding it too long, again, just make her go every 20 min. or so, and tell her she will sit on the potty until she can go. Most kids won't want to miss out on playing, etc. Also, make sure she knows that you're not angry, but that this is just how things are. We would say that everyone has to go potty, that mommy and daddy have to go potty, and even grandma has to go! :) Just let her know that if she has an accident, there will be certain consequences, whatever you decide they may be, timeout, no panties, or, if you would rather, you can just tell her that she will not be able to get her reward. I hope this helps, and just keep in mind that children thrive on limits, then when they can do what they are supposed to, they have higher self-confidence b/c they are fulfilling their potential! And use your best judgment, b/c mommies should trust their instincts.

Take it easy...don't force the issue. She'll be trained when SHE is ready, not sooner. I learned this with my boys (they were 3 1/2 and 3 years and 11 months when they were finally trained)Don't let other people stress you into potty training before she is truly ready.

Hey A.,

I am sure that you are frustrated! I would bet about anything this is partly a control stage she is going through. I have heard about so many kids who are fully trained going through a stage where they completely revert back, especially if they are trained sooner than they were developmentally ready to be. Apparently, it has to do with them wanting to control their little world, and feeling like this is one way to do it.

I would completely stop pushing at all for a couple of months, even move back to pull ups if need be. After about 2 months, start her back with a scheduled training routine. I think the more you push and fight with her at this stage, the more she is going to not train.

The AVERAGE age for children to potty train completely is 28 months. Many kids go over this age and are still not fully trained. And something like 15% of 5 year olds still wet the bed more than 3 nights per week.

For potty training to be completely successful there has to be 2 things in place. The nerve that works with the bladder and bowel has to be fully mature and the child must want to train. Especially, with the night wetting, I'm wanting to bet the nerves that control the peeing are taking longer to mature than some other children.

Sometimes time is the best remedy. We as moms get a little antsy with our kids sometimes, but what they might need is something different. The best of luck and I bet as soon as this stage is over, she'll be perfect in potty training!!

I would put her back in Diapers and tell her that Mommy doesnt pee her pants and only big girls get to wear panties! Make her a Chart and hang it on the wall beside the potty and let her pick out the stickers she get to put on there when she does use the potty and when you get so many stickers in a row tell her there will be a prize. That usually works!!

she's way too young to be this stressed out about it. if you've been doing this for nine months, you started way too early. back off, let her use diapers, and let her tell you when she's ready. follow your heart, and not anyone else's advice. you know your child, and know what is best for her..go with that part of you that 'feels bad for her' when she pees her pants, and let her decide when she's ready. she's still very much a baby. you'll be surprised how much more peaceful your home will be if you let this go entirely.