Trying to Wean Almost 3 Year Old!!!!

I weaned my son at 21 months and he did not want to stop either. Someone suggested that I put bandaids on my nipples at the times he was used to nursing and explain to him that my nipples are soar and hurt when I nurse him so I need bandaids to protect them. He was very sympathetic and even when he was tired and was falling asleep or waking up and wanting the reassurance of breastfeeding, he would see and feel the bandaids and remember. We transitioned to cuddling instead so he didn't feel abandoned and he was fine with that alone within a couple days. I wore the bandaids for about a week and then didn't need them anymore. Good luck!

J.

Dear T.,
I too had a son who I nursed and loved it. My husband and I agreed that 18 months was the right time to ween. However, I got sick and had to go into the hospital for an operation when he was 15 months. I had to have medication prior to the surgery that would have harmed my baby if I caved and nursed him. There was no turning back.
This is going to sound harsh, but you may just have to go cold turkey. Sure, I felt guilt over listening to him cry for the boobie, but I would have felt a heck of a lot worse if I had damaged him by giving in. And, knowing I had the procedure coming up, it gave me time for him (and Dad)to be a little used to it before I would be in the hospital for 5 days.
Keep in mind, my son was only 15 months. He didn't like it, didn't understand, but he adjusted just fine. He was not traumatized or anything.
Your son is having dental issues so you have to do what you have to do. He really will be okay. And he'll still love you, I promise.

Just stop. It IS that simple. He will cry , throw fits, etc. It will be much harder on you than him.

Cerebral palsy has nothing to do with this. You have nursed him so long for you - not for him. Please drop the guilt. It wasn't your fault he was born with CP. My son, who is now 27 yrs. old, was born with CP as well. He just finished 5 years in the military( a tour of duty in Iraq and ANG Afghanistan) and is returning to college to finish his degree. He was NEVER babied and he is a better man for it.

I know this sounds harsh but I do speak the truth.

If you want to be in contact for a private conversation, please respond in the private sector. I would love to be there to assist you.

God bless you and your child,
B.

You probably just need to stretch each of the nursing sessions out until you finally stretch them out to none. It will take time, but you can't just stop cold turkey. That would probably be a bit confusing and traumatic for him.

Good luck!

I wouldn't be so concerned about the fact that you're still nursing your almost 3 yr old but more so about the amount of times you nurse him. I'm sure you know that at his age, he really should not need to nurse at night as what he eats during the day should fill him up. So, maybe that should be your first step...wean the night nursing by making sure he is eating proper amounts during the day & that his tummy is full when he goes to bed. Try a little snack of carbs before bed like cereal or a small muffin. Based on the day time nursing, it sounds like your boobs & nursing have become his security blanket. So, when he wants to nurse during the day, offer him something to drink in a sippy first along w/a cuddle. Take him shopping & let him pick out a new sippy that's just for cuddle times. Maybe also try to find him security item of sorts for him to self-soothe like a blanket or a stuffed animal that he picks out. A bigger concern for the night nursing is the cavities you say he has which are probably cuz he nurses so much & the milk is just sitting there on his teeth. This is not good for his teeth & even tho they are baby teeth, they still need to be taken care so that there aren't any worse problems down the road w/his gums & permanent teeth. Try to explain, as best you can for his age, the cause & effect the night nursing is having on his teeth. If he understands that all the nursing is hurting his teeth & he doesn't want owies on his teeth, he may stop somewhat on his own. But the key to all of this, is if you want to waen him then you have to make the effort & be consistent. Best of luck!

Mu little girl will be 3 in 2 days and I also see no end in sight for nursing. I nurse at bedtime and then am in her bed during the night although I try to refrain from nursing until after 4am - she seems to wake up less if she does not fall asleep on the brest at 1-2am.

She also needed teeth filled, but I was told it was not due to cavities, but rather due to the fact that the enamel on her teeth did not form properly. My dentist said not to worry about breastfeeding still - very comforting as I know not many dentists will say that.

So I guess I have no real advice other than only stop if you feel you need to, and not because of his age or society beliefs. There are many societies where it is normal for kids to be breastfed to 5 or 6 years old.

I stopped day feeding by talking about it with my little one and limiting the times of the day she could have it (nap time & if she hurt herself) then we moved onto saying that during the day she does not need it and can drink milk or water, but can get cuddles whenever she wants (and some days it is alot). Although she normally does not ask for it during the day occasionally she will ask for it becasue she is tired or sad, but mostly we are able to distract her with a game or something else instead.

I also started wearing clothes which made accessing the breast difficult to impossible (dresses, normal bras etc) and told her that Mommy could not get to them right now and would she like something else (milk or water) and she can have a feed later.

It did not take long to drop the day feeding, however there is a huge attachment to the night feed and like you when the time comes I am wondering how it will be done. However, I am in no rush to force it before she is ready.

Good Luck! :)
K.

As long as you keep giving in, the pattern won't change. He can't nurse if you close the store! You need to develop new methods of going to sleep and teaching him to put himself back to sleep. At 3 he should not be allowed to nurse or eat anything in the middle of the night after brushing his teeth. I would pick ONE time in the day to nurse while you both adjust and stick to it, and tell him ahead of time when the last time will be because he is a big boy now, (Pick a date, like Nov 1 or something.) His will is only stronger than yours because you are giving in. Once he sees you mean it, he will adjust just fine. He might cry at sleeptime at first, but don't give in. Try a music tape, a "lovey" stuffed animal. He is old enough that you can tell him what the plan is. Try to be very matter of fact about it--if he gets you upset, you'll likely give in. Can Dad put him to bed at night instead for awhile? My sister in law had the same problem...her son ended up in the hospital after appendicitis and couldn't nurse...guess what? He was suddenly weaned because neither of them had a choice and he adjusted beautifully. Use the dental work he needs and his age as the reason--tell him the Dr is telling you there's no choice. You can do it!!! Good luck!

Hi Trish, that is his comfort zone. I would start taking care of the cavities a.s.a.p. and forget about putting something on your breasts for him to reject them. He can ignore it, fix it or get deeply hurt if he ever sees you applying something on. You don't want to traumatize him, you just want him to stop before you have to send "one in the lunch box" LOL. Here is what worked for me: I bought a large box of BandAids and waited. Next time he hurt himself, I immediately placed 2 big crossed BandAids on the wound and made a hughe deal out of his booboo. Then I placed BandAids on myself as well. Now... he could relate his pain with mine and he checked for a couple of weeks but would not attempt to nurse while I was wearing my booboos. It would help to cuddle him while he is drinking from the straw or the zippiecup, remember that part of the "comfort zone" is the warmth and the attention. GOOD LUCK!!! Vali.

I wish you the best with this process, it is a process, especially when it comes to weaning a toddler. I can recommend that you check out the book "The Nursing Mother's Guide to Weaning" by Kathleen Huggins - it is the only book I found that really addressed the issues of weaning older babies/toddlers when I was wrestling with this issue. The nursing to sleep issues are tough and take lots of fortitude on your part... I did end up following some of the Richard Ferber advice on that one. Best of luck!

Hi T.,

Why do you feel you HAVE to wean him? In other countries they let the child decide when he/she is weaned. They continue to get benefits from your milk and unless you are just tired of it then I wouldn't worry about weaning. Besides, if he has a condition he may need the comfort that he gets from you more than the nutrition. Especially after a painful procedure. My son is 3 1/2 and still nurses at night just before bedtime. We have skipped a few nights here and there but it is always his choice. There is nothing wrong or dirty about it and I have decided that he will stop when he is ready. We have to grow up in this old world so fast! I feel that if it brings a child comfort as well as health benefits it hurts no one and may produce a very secure person in the end because he knows beyond doubt that you love him. Just something to think about. Good luck with whatever you decide. When we stopped daytime nursing I just cut out slowly over about a week and a half and he was fine with it.

I'm in the process of weaning my 2 year old. We basically use substitution. If my husband reads her the nightly books, she doesn't miss nursing. In the mornings, we just get her up and involved in eating breakfast. If she comes in to cuddle me- it is futile to resist nursing. The day time nursing is usually avoided by offering her a cup of milk with a straw. You might try colored milk (using food coloring). 3 year-olds certainly fall for substitution if it is exciting enough.

3 is old enough to respond to incentives. My son weaned by 18 mos on his own, but we had some sleep weaning to do :) We trained my son to sleep in his own bed (he was waking and coming into ours) by telling him he got 5 books each night, if he required one of us to sleep with him or climbed into our bed, he'd only get 2 books the following night. This book incentive has worked so well we started using it to get him to behave. He's a whiz at math under 10 these days, as if he did something especially remarkable, he could earn books, and if he was naughty, he'd lose books. We also motivated our son to potty train at night by offering a toy for his first peepee free night, then a toy for going the weekend, and a toy for going a full week... He quickly collected all the teenage mutant ninja turtles! Not sure what will work with your weaning, but you might try incentives...

Hi T.,
After my son turned 3, I would just let him nurse for 5 minutes and then (I know this sounds weird), I would let him "hold it". hahahah
One day I finally just decided to be firm and only let him hold it, then the next day I let him hold it for 5 minutes on one side and 5 minutes on the other side, each night, I would taper down, like only 5 minutes period. Then one night, I told him, that because he is a big boy, he now gets to hug nurse instead of hold it (hug me). He cried alot, but was able to adjust within a couple of nights. This was a MIRACLE because I was trying to wean for a year already. I think he was old enough to do it. Now he is 4 and he hasn't nursed since I weaned him! Good luck!!!!
Ps, I still lie down with him until he is asleep and then leave. He wakes up usually one time a night and i go in and lie down for like 5 seconds and he is asleep again. I know that its not proper to do that, but hey man, it's soooo much better than nursing all night!!!!
P.S. He has never had any cavities and he nursed all night until 3! So, I don't think it has to do with night nursing....