Trying to Decide. . .work or "Stay at Home Mom"

Hi. I have two young sons (2 1/2 and 6 months) and when I was pregnant with my first son I was having the same issues. I tried to have my first son for over 5 years so I did not want to leave him. So I decided to stay at home and work, I now own my own home daycare, run at my home, I make my own hours and rates. I love it and it works for me. My boys get the interaction they need with other children and I get to stay home with them while stil making an income. I have done some research to see if I could go back to work,( somedays the kids drive me crazy) but now with two young sons, I can not afford too, It would actualy cost me more to go to work then I would make working, the cost off two kids in daycare, gas, clothes and everything else. well I hope this helps, and good luck with your decision.

A., I know how you feel. I was a work-a-holic before my son was born. But I've chosen to stay at home at least until he is three years old because I don't believe in putting a child in daycare at such a young age and because I don't want to miss any of his "firsts". There are alternative routes you can take if you decide to stay at home. There are jobs out there where you can work from home. You may have to take an online course to become certified to do the job, but I'm sure in the end it would be worth it. Who knows, maybe you'll get a job working from home permenantly! Check it out! :)

I stayed at home with my daughter for the first year. It was wonderful. Of course money was tight (single mom), but I still managed to do it. I think that is the best time to be with them. After that, I went back to work full time and she went into daycare. I was luck and the first one that she went to, I knew the owner. It not only lets her develop who she is, it gives you a break too! My daughter is now 6 and there have been a few other times when I've had to be out of work. Thankfully they coincide with summer vacations so there is plenty to do outside.

Hi A., I too am 35, with two children however. I worked from age 15 until my son was born in 2001. I need to go back to work now and I am finding it difficult to return. I am running for a city elected position but in order to buy a house a 2nd fulltime job is needed. I am a fulltime student (online schooling - I love it) I love that I chose to stay home and watch my son grow up but I was not home with my daughter and she is well adapted. Daycare is great for socialization. Maybe you could return to work only a couple days a week or only half-days. This would afford you that time needed with your child, your independance, and some extra spending or savings for a house.

Something I noticed is that it is great to have a house but if your child is not old enough to run and play in the yard it is ok to wait a little bit.

By the way, thanks, now I know I am not alone. Have a great day. L. P.

Hi A.--

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Good Luck

J.

I went back to work when my son was 10 weeks old and had a very hard time at first. I've been back to work almost 3 months now and it is a lot easier. It is nice to be able to be around other adults and I cherish the time I do spend with my son. In the perfect world, we would all be able to stay home with our babies. I took a couple of days off after Christmas to spend with my little guy and I put him on the floor in his gym to play while I warmed a bottle and came back in and he rolled to his stomach. I was home with him and still missed seeing the first time he rolled to his stomach! While I am upset I missed this "first" it was nice to see that even if you are home you still may miss things. That was one of the hardest things about going back to work was imagining missing his "first this and first that" but my husband made me look at things from a good perspective ... whether he does his "first" while we are not there it still will be the "first" time that we see it when he does it with us around.

Personally, I think working and buying a house should be important. I could have stayed home but things would have been very tight but we chose to have me work so that we can give our boy anything that he wants. Good luck with your decision.

A.,

Do both! :-) I stayed at home for a year, went back to work part-time, then full-time and it was terrible. I have two little boys and it really bothered me that they were spending as much time away from me as they were spending with me. I convinced my husband to let me try a home-based business and I LOVE it! Now I have an opportunity to earn a good income, and be at home with my kids. It's been a win-win situation for me. What's also great about it is that I get to introduce people to products that are safer for their families, cheaper than what they are already buying and am changing lives, one person at a time. It's a great feeling and I get paid for it...from home! :-) No order-taking, no deliveries, no billing/collections, 100% satisfaction guaranteed!

R.

I am a stay at home mom also and I go to school part time. Our family does have to go without luxuries too sometimes, but to me it's worth it to watch my children grow and learn. They are only children once, as you said the first 3 years are the most crucial and I know they are safe with me. I plan to go to work when my youngest is in preschool, I'll know she is ready to take on the world a little bit without me! It's up to each individual, not everyone would do the same. You decide what is most important to your family and what the right decision is. I hope that helps.

A. -
I went back to work when my son was 4 months old. I am a middle school teacher so I get out at 2:30 and can spend the afternoon with him. I love the woman who takes care of him, she's my mom's best friend, and he is there with 2 other children who happen to be family members. I think it is a great fit for both of us, he gets to be around other children and I get to be around other adults.
You may miss "his first" something, but there will be "your first" together!

K.

I am a SAHM and although I certainly have my struggles, I wouldn't change it for anything. Both my mother and my husband's mother were SAHM's also, and it has built an awesome foundation in us. We are confident, secure, have good relationships with our parents as well as with other people, and have good self-esteem. Parents to children are kind of like that tool on the shelf that you only pull down when you need them... it is really important for parents to be available for their children when that time comes. Being that your son is going to be your only child, I see all the more reason to purely enjoy this wonderful blessing in your life. You will have plenty of time when he is older, perhaps during school hours or after he is grown, to go back to work. When you think of all the benefits for your child and for yourself, there are no regrets in staying home with your children.

Whatever decision you make, whether you go back to work or stay at home, is be assured in your decision, but most of all enjoy yourself. Don't stress too much about "the other side of the fence"; whether you should be working or whether you should be at home. You can always stop what you are doing and go another route. Do what works best for your family and what is most beneficial for your relationship with each other. I wish you the best in your decision process!! God bless!

A. I have four children and if i could of stayed home I would of cause guess what you do miss out on alot and you will never get those memories back...If you feel like you need to work for extra money do it when your husband is at home something part time that way you know the baby is ok and your not spending money.... Hope I helped..
P.

Hi A. I know exactly what your going through after i had my first i stayed home until my second child was 6 months old.. i went back to work for about 3 years and now i have a 8 month old and am planning on going back to work this month.I have yet to have left my son with anyone other then my husband and am kinda nervous about going back to work but its all in what is best for you and your baby and your family.. If you Can survive finacially without going back to work then take your time and decide if you really want to or not If your struggling makeing ends meet one one income maybe just a part time job will help.... But try and give your self enough time to really decide whats right for you... maybe youll decide to go back to work and its not working for you you can always go back to staying home and try again later... its your life to do with what you please do whats right for you and your little one...Gl and congrats on the little one

Hi A., I went to work when my daughter was 3 months old, it was the best thing for me and my daughter, i was able to be around other adults that had children and knew what i was going through, and my daughter got to bond with other family members, i never missed her first anythings, i was always around when she decided to walk or eat solid foods. if u want to go to work start back part time and see how that works for u. either decision is fine i think. i never regreted my decision. good luck with ur decision

Well, let me first ask, Can you handle being home? lol Just kidding. I am a stay at home mom of a girl age 9 and a boy age 5. I had to fight to do this, when I was pressured to get a job, the whole "home" went to heck! lol House was a mess, I worked 3rd shift on weekends so it was hard to get back into a being awake 1st shift on weekdays. No one wanted me working. Including myself. I got done after 7 mos. I think being home with your children is very challenging also, but worth it. My kids were a little on the shy side, for they weren't around a bunch of other kids everyday. The way I look at it, was I post poned the bad behaviors they learn from other children until they went to school. It's true, that's when they start coming home acting up. I personally am going to try to stay home with my kids AS LONG AS I CAN. Look at the kids in America today! The precious most sensetive ages are NOT just up until they start school. What about the teen years? This was where all my trouble began. What about all of the teens that come home from school everyday to an empty house? And the Parent's that find there child has done something aweful and they don't dicipline their child because they feel TOO GUILTY cause they haven't seen their child much all week. My mom stayed home until her youngest (me) was out of the house, & she doesn't regret it. I'm not saying all moms that work do these things, but there is a good portion of them that do. Don't get me wrong some moms CANNOT handle being home & would rather be working, they need their social life, independence etc., and it probably is good that they work lol. To me my kids are the MOST important thing in my life, and this is where I feel I am truly doing the right thing. I want to know everything that is going on in their life. Well, sorry if I came off sounding judgemental, I have had both friends that work, & friends that stay home. I don't criticize their decision.

A.,
I am in the same struggle- my daughter is now 7 m.o. and has been coming to work with me part time since she was 4 mo. (The other part she goes to care.) In a couple of years, when your child is older, do you want to look back and say "I'm so glad I worked" or "I'm so glad I took the time to spend with him while he was young."? My issue is hubby isn't supportive of me staying home full time...but I'm working on him! I say if you can, stay home, build a support network of other moms and families in your area. You can always go back to work later if it doesn't work for you. Another thought- if you're working, you're not only accruing child care costs but also other costs- travel, clothes, meals out, etc. Think heavily about the true cost of going back to work.

I work from home PT and love it!! It actually makes me a better mom to have something of my own to do each day. There are many companies out there that are looking for that kind of arrangement. As far as daycare, I used to feel guilty about that too but found that the socialization your kids get from being around other kids a few hours per day are very helpful to their growth and development. Make sure you know why you want to go back to work though. As far as missing his first, I don't think a few hours per day will rob you of those moments. You will not miss any of that. Just my opinion as a working mom who took 6 weeks off from work after the birth of each child but have always worked from home and had kids with a Nanny or in daycare. Full time mommyhood is just not for me and I am okay admitting that...at least to you :-).

HI A., MY NAME IS BEV, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME SAYING SO BUT HAVEN'T YOU ALREADY DECEIDED?

iF YOUR HUSBAND GAVE A GREEN LIGHT AND YOU CAN MAKE IT WHAT IS THE PROBLEM, I AM A STAY AT HOME MOM AND IT HAS IT'S UP AND DOWNS BUT THEY ARE MOSTLY UP, I AM JUST STARTING PLANS TO GO BACK IN SEPTEMBER 5 YEARS GOES BY FAST I COULDN'T HAVE EVEN IMAGINED WHAT I COULD HAVE MISSED, BESIDES YOU HAVE OPTIONS WORK FROM HOME PART TIME, OR OUTSIDE THE HOME PART TIME , I CONSIDER PEOPLE LIKE US LUCKY WE HAVE HUSBANDS THAT GIVE US THE CHOICE I SAY NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO YOU SHOULD CONSIDER YOURSELF BLESSED , I HOPE I HELPED IN SOME WAY AND DIDN'T COME OFF PREACHY GOOD LUCK.