To Stay Home or Not to Stay Home...

I put my sons in a great private school when they were 18 months and almost 6 months. They were the same way for almost 3 weeks. No b'fast, dramatically crying when I dropped them off, didn't take naps at school. But, one day, it just stopped. They love their teachers, they love their friends, they learn so much and are treated with respect. Their world was turned upside down and I think no human deals with change well. =) My kids were on a schedule each day with me before going to school and when that changed, I think it messed with their established security and safety. Once they realized that this is the new routine and once they decided that they were safe and loved at school, they were great. They still fuss every once in a while when I drop them off but never any tears. Hope this helps. Good luck.

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I have not personally had to do this, but at 20 months, the seperation anxiety is running high! She probably just needs some time to adjust. Talk to the teacher/caregiver and see if she is getting better throughout the day. If she's in a big day care center with lots of other kids and commotion, and she is not used to all that, it may be difficult for her to adjust. Maybe she would be better off in a home environment that has fewer children? All things to consider.

I know its hard to leave her knowing she is unhappy, but I would try to hang in there a few more weeks and see if she is adjusting better. Maybe she is on a differnt eating schedule than the center and needs to re-adj to that as well. I would absolutely talk to them and see if they can offer any suggestions...surely this can't be the first time they have had a child cry at drop off! :)

Hang in there...I hope it gets better for you both!!

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My daughter did the same thing - starving when I picked her up and throwing tantrums. Switched to part-time and everything works great. If it hadn't, I would have quit and figured something else out. Good luck!

I have been a SAHM for almost 13 years. My children are almost 13, almost 10 and 5 1/2. I have loved every second of being home with my children. I have loved and cherished every milestone. He will be 13 soon. We only have 5 more years of him at home, and I don't want to miss a minute of it. There will be plenty of time for me to work when the youngest is off to college.

Do you think you might one day wish you had spent more time with your daughter? Time is one thing you can never get back.

I have never heard a SAH-mom say she regrets staying home with her children.

What do YOU want to do? If you can stay home and have the desire to do so I would stay home.

Before I got pregnant, we made the decision that I would stay home. It was that important to us to have mom home. I wanted to be the one with her when she took her first step and be with her with the other milestones. My daughter is 13 now and I still need to be home. As a growing teen, the really need mom and dad for support.

Someone else mentioned this and it is so true...we only have her for 5 more years before she is gone to college and on her own. I treasure my time with her and that she wants to spend time with me. Our morning routine is she sets her clock to get up at 6, comes and crawls in bed with me/us (hubby is on the road a lot) and we have morning chill time to cuddle, nap and start our day. The time has flown by and we have made some wonderful memeories together.

Susan

Hi B.,

The biggest question is whether or not you truly need the income. What I can tell you is this: You will always be able to go back to work.....But, your daughter will only be little once.

I know it seems like forever before they start kindergarten, but I can tell you from experience that I was shocked at how fast the time seemed to fly. When my oldest started kindergarten, I couldn't believe that my time with her at home was actually over!!

So, it really goes back to the income factor (or sanity factor, if staying at home drove you crazy!). If you don't need the income, why not enjoy the short time you will have with your little one?

Hello B.,

I too stayed at home with my children until my youngest was 4. Then I started a new job that I absolutely love. Problem is my kids had a hard time adjusting to the daycare environment. I would leave the daycare in tears because they were in tears. Needless to say, they eventually adjusted and I still work at the same place and recently got a promotion. I think as a mom we should make choices that make mommy happy, we deserve it! Also, being a working mom doesn't mean that we NEVER spend quality time with our children. We tend to make quality time. Also, kids eventually do go to school and working gives us something to do during that time all while making a little extra money. Good luck with whatever you decide!

I got laid off from my job when my daughter was 4 months old. It was a blessing in disguise because I was able to stay home with her until she was 22 months old and I loved it. I had to go back to work though, and I too got a wonderful opportunity so I took it. I don't want to discourage you, but it took my daughter about 2-3 weeks to get out of the 'crying every time I dropped her off' phase. And what's worse is that it didn't stop there. Every time she would move up to a new class until she was 4 years old in pre-school, she went through the same thing. It was kinda funny because we knew whenever she was about to transition to the next class up, I would have to be the one to drop her off because my husband just could not stand to leave her crying like that. It did get better each time though and she has wonderful memories of her time in daycare and preschool now. It's very hard, but in my experience, the separation anxiety stopped after 2 or 3 weeks.

Good luck with your new job and waiting it out. :-)

Hi B.! It's tough to know what to do with your kiddos when you want to go back to work. I loved my job as a medical professional so I was able to go back part time after my first son was born. He didn't love daycare but he's 5 now and still have some separation issues. that is just part of his personality. I do think that having in home daycare makes it easier as does working part time (as opposed to full time). I'd give it a few more weeks and see if she adjusts or maybe think of hiring a caregiver or looking into in home childcare. I have a 4 month old boy now and my employer fixed up a room in the office to use as a nursery and said that if I worked 14-15 hours a week, he'd be happy. I'm fortunate to have such a great boss because I know that they don't come along often. Good luck!

Simply put, if you can stay home nnd WANT TO... go and get your daughter. If not, she'll get over the transition at some point soon.
It's a tricky situation for sure, but if being back at work is causing you angst and you WANT and can afford to stay home... run, don't walk, and get your baby.

Can you afford to stay home? If you can, then I would do it. My DH & I made the decision because his mom stayed home, & I was a latch-key kid who got into trouble because my parents weren't around much.

It's such a personal decision, but we did it also because I didn't want my son to have to go to daycare like I did. Good luck!

Hi B.,
Every morning when I would drop my child off at preschool she would scream as I walked out the room & I could hear her down the hall, it was torture!!!! Eventually the crying got less and less and after 2 months she finally stopped crying. I know it's hard for you to hear her cry, but you have to remember she's used to being around you 24/7. I think you should give it some more time, she'll come around. Besides it's good for you that you have a job you love & it's good for your daughter than she's around kids her own age to play with and to learn & grow. Hope this helps.

I went back to work when my first daughter was 5 months old and was later suprised to find out that I was already pregnant with no. 2 when I did go back to work. I did work for eight months however before I had my second child. I loved her caregiver but I missed out on a lot of things because I was at work. We had convinced ourselves that we needed the money and I had convinced myself that I would go crazy staying at home. Neither of those turned out to be true. I went back for a week after our second child was born and then I knew that I had to be at home so I quit. Now I have a really small home business that I started to fulfill my creative outlet. I only do my projects when the girls are asleep and I love it. I also really enjoy the support I get from the other stay at home moms. I can't even stand to think what all I would have missed out on if I would have stayed at work.

My 13 month old started at a new daycare about a month ago and it wasn't until last week that she didn't cry when we dropped her off. It took her a while to build up a comfort level with her caregivers and with the space. She seems like she's happy to go there now. It is still hard on me because I miss my little girl during the day; but I know she is having fun and learning. If I were to stay home now I think it would be more for me than for her. Anyway, if you think it's the right daycare for her, give it a bit more time. Otherwise try someplace else. All the best, this is such a tough thing to figure out.

A book to consider:

http://www.amazon.com/Stupid-Things-Parents-Mess-Their/dp...

I didn't stay at home but my mother in law took care of my girl up until she was two, then she had to leave out of town to take care of her grandmother. That left us with having to put my daughter in daycare. She cried every morning when we dropped her off and i don't mean just a cry, i mean holding on to my leg and not wanting to let go. This broke my heart and I cried every morning too. It took her about a good month to get used to it, kids get adjusted to things really well, and I think once she knew she had to go there everyday she got was ok with it. It got to the point where she would hug and kiss me and she would go sit down and eat her breakfast and say bye to me. Since your daughter was used to you being there with her and never been in a daycare it will be tough on her, but she will adjust and be fine.

you need to give her more time. when my son transitioned from in home to preschool (2 years old), it took us about 2.5 months to get him to stop crying at drop offs. Try talking it up in a positive way on your way there, let her take in a lovey, a picture of you, something special. Talk to her teachers and get other suggestions. Make sure she is getting enough attention when you leave to help her through this.

Try dropping her off earlier so she's one of the first ones there so she can get more attention from the teachers and see the other little kids come in and get dropped off without crying.

Try bringing a special breakfast item or chocolate milk.

it takes time, but it'll get better. Now I'm having a hard time getting my son to LEAVE pre-school!!! :)

I too was a SAHM, and am now working. I went back to work when my son was 8 mos. old. The transition was not as hard, because he was still so young. I think what your daughter is going through is separation anxiety. My son went through that around that same age. He is still going through it right now and he just turned 2. I think at that age they are very clingy and don't want you to leave their side. It got to the point where I couldn't go to the bathroom in our own house, with dad and brother around, without my son still freakin out like I was leaving him forever. I know what you are going through, I'm so glad I started him when I did. I was a mess when I first went back to work. I couldn't imagine having to have him react to me being gone, I would feel so guilty. It still is hard to this day, when he starts screaming and crying sometimes when I drop him off. I just hand him off and basically run, otherwise I'm a mess and so is he. (Plus I'm pregnant with #2, so my emotions are really bad) Having said that, your daughter will be just fine. It sounds like you are enjoying your work, which is good. I wouldn't throw in the towel just yet. Give her some more time, she will adjust. She's testing you right now to see how much she can wrap you around her little fingers. It's amazing how someone so small can have so much impact on us.
Good luck with everything. Know that with time it will get better.