We have lived in our neighborhood for almost 3 years now. My son has been friends with our neighbor since we moved in. A few weeks ago, the neighbor brought some of his other friends home from school and for some reason they started picking on my son, calling him names, throwing things at him and throwing rocks, sticks, shoes, etc.. at our house. My son said he had no clue why all of a sudden the neighbor boy started being mean to him. I tried to let things go and let my son try to handle this on his own, as they are 13 years old, but when the throwing of rocks, weights, etc started I stepped in. The frustrating part is I talked to the neighbor boy's parents and they are doing nothing about it. They could care less that their son is treating mine like this and could care less that they were throwing things at him and at our glass door that goes into the basement. I am not sure what to do. It seems like the neighbor boy's intentions are to do whatever he can to make my son's life hell.... The prior weeks before this started, my son and him went to football games together, hung out all summer, went to the mall together, went to the county fair together etc..... The bullying is worse when his friends are around. The neighbor tries to act tough around his friends, but it still persists when they are not around, just not as bad. It is very frustrating to see my son go through this, but even more frustrating that the parents don't care. I would appreciate anyones help. Thank you!
document it, if any damage is done approach the parents and tell them that they are responsible and if it escalates get the police involved. I would call them if a certain individual was throwing stuff at my house, thats my house. Especially if its at the glass.
Is it only when said friends are over?
I saw this dynamic with my son and his best friend when a new boy moved into the neighborhood. The new kid was trouble with a capital "T", and much more "fun" than my son who was not a boundary pusher. He wanted no part in doing things to get in trouble and what's worse is that his best friend's mom kind of believed that my son was part of the problem because that's what the other boys told her.
My son removed himself from the situation. Completely. It's not like he didn't have other friends. Funny this is, the FATHER came to my house a couple of months later and said that things had really changed since my son hadn't been around. Their son and the other boy had been in trouble for stealing, lying, vandalism......All things that had never happened before.
All I had to say was, "Well, one thing we know for sure is that my son was not involved in any of it".
My son was hurt, of course, that his friend ditched him. But, he ditched him for a jerk who got him in trouble. And, my son was not interested any longer in being the "good" influence. He had moved on.
I really believe my son got picked on because he didn't want to be a partner in crime, so to speak. Some boys, this age, don't want to go down in flames alone and my son turned out to be stronger than the little idiots who got themselves in big trouble. And...they had no one to turn on to try to get out of it except each other, which they both did.
I would document everything thrown, by video, if necessary, because if they break something, their parents can pay for it. You don't have to go hog-wild or get obsessive, but I'm a brat. I would go out and say, "You want to throw things at my house? Smile! You're on camera! You break something at my house...you're going to pay for it".
It's my experience that boys who act like that are full of false bravado. Especially at this age. Some of them act more like cavemen.
It doesn't excuse anything, of course, but I want you to know that my son wasn't really phased in the end by any of it. It was hard at the time, but he never had any desire to mend the relationship he'd once had with his friend.
He's a senior in high school now, has millions of good friends and is well on track for a career in law enforcement. They boys that gave him a bad time are still coddled by their parents and not on track for being successful.
It's not even about having the last laugh. It's about focusing on your own goals and moving forward. Not all parents will instill that, but as long as you do, your son will be fine.
Best wishes.
The boys parents may not be willing to do something about it-but I'm sure the police will-they may be willing to send someone to talk to them before another incident occurs. It's so sad-it's just another example of how peers can talk someone into doing something wrong-that they otherwise would never have dreamed of doing on their own. Thirteen seems to be this mystical age where all your hard work and efforts just go up in a puff of smoke. All the best! I hope it works out.
Well, I am definitely seeing the term "bully" used correctly here! The neighbor is a bully and he get the "pack" mentality when his friends are around. He picks on your son because he feels like he can. I would suggest some martial arts classes for your son. The first time your son stands up and calls this jerk out IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS, this problem will be solved. Won't matter what happens after he calls him out, just the standing of his ground will be sufficient. Your son may get hurt; they may fight; who knows how the other boy will react, but win or lose that fight, your son will no longer be an "easy target."
As for the throwing rocks and things at your glass door, call the police. Bet the parents start to care when they have to explain it to law enforcement.
Sorry this is happening to your son. He must feel awful!
Since the parents are so uncommitted to dealing with their son's behavior or the other boys involved I would suggest if this is happening while you are home to call the police. There are charges against defacing another's property. In the mean time and between time your son is going to have to learn how to defend himself. He will perhaps need his other friends to step in or learn how to handle this in more effective ways.
I was bullied as a teen and it was at school, high school to be precise. It took me three years to come to my breaking point and it really wasn't pretty but I was effective. After my response no one picked with me any longer.
Now you are probably curious about my response. I picked the biggest and the loudest of the group that would pick on me and beat her @ss up one side of the basement of the school and down the other. This happened after school hours but the bulling did stop. No I did not get into any trouble because she would look pretty stupid to her group if they told that it was me that beat her up like that. My response to the other girls that would try to say anything or do something to me after that was if you want what she got just see me after school at this time at this place and we could settle it then.
I hate fighting but I tend to fight for the weak but not so much for myself which is why I let it go on unchallenged for 3 years. Yes I was miserable but I learned so much about myself and my own inner strength.
I just suggest you get your son prepared because it could come down to him being able to defend himself. He needs to be able to at least be prepared to do just that. How can you help him with that or get him a body guard or the coolest what ever is out right now to make him draw those others into his circle.
There are ways and then there are ways to deal with this you need to determine which way is the best way for you and your son. He probably needs many various ways to try.
We have a neighbor who has played with my dd for 3 years also, but when other kids are with them, she gets mean...says mean things and will throw a blow up ball at my dd's head (these are 9yo girls, but same thing going on). She'll also tell my dd that she likes another girl better than her etc.
My best advice is to have your son stay far away from the neighbor. It is sad that he will lose this friendship, but obviously this boy isn't much of a friend. My only other suggestion is to have both you and your husband go over an talk with them. Perhaps you should ask if their son can be present also.
Be very nice and address each issue that has come up. Let him know how your property was damaged or how it could have been damaged and how rocks could take an eye out too.
I hate to say it, but sometimes when the man gets involved, they know it's serious. Sadly, women don't get much respect....they get labeled as an overprotective mom.
Have your son invite others over and if the neighbor is playing with other kids, stay far away.
With my dd, I only have her play with the neighbor one on one. She gets mean with other kids over. It's like she gains power when others are around.
I would video tape it & put those kids on blast... Maybe the neighbor parents don't care BUT maybe the "friends" parents will care!!
Call the police. Everytime these kids get out of line and bully or throw things at your son call the police. The police will get sick of dealing with these kids and then CPS is called in and the parents and kids have to deal with counseling ect and thing will get better.
The police may also get sick of dealing with them and start arresting parents along with the kids.
I went through this and it took about 3 yrs but then things settled down. But it was more than bullying, it was noise and curfew violations ect. I learned to not do or say anything to the kid or the parents, let the police handle it. The more you call the more often they have to come and the sooner they get sick of always having to deal with this kid and the sooner the real help arrives or they get arrested.
